Minnie’s morning wear:
Pink babygrow (M&S)
Striped cashmere cardie (Brora)
Large beige blob (old banana)
Total est. cost: £95
‘Waaaaah!’
The trill of her mobile woke Annie from a deep sleep. Groggily, she raised her head and looked around the room, trying to locate the phone.
The bedroom looked so different. There was no cot, no babies… and down there on the floor was still the tumble of French lingerie which had been appreciated to the full, had been peeled off in a serious hurry last night. It may have been a romantic night, but it had still been an interrupted night. The babies, in their new room, had slept fitfully. Annie pushed back the duvet and got out of bed. Spotting the phone on the floor, she picked it up to answer and saw two things: it was 8.20 a.m. and it was Tamsin calling.
‘Hi,’ Annie answered, stifling a yawn.
‘Oh, I’m not too early, am I?’ Tamsin asked.
‘Not usually, but this morning, it’s strangely quiet,’ Annie replied. ‘They were up so many times in the night they’re probably sleeping it off.’ As she talked, she headed out of the bedroom and towards the tiny room next door where the twins had been installed. ‘So, what’s up?’ she asked.
‘I’ve just got into the office to find an angry letter on my desk from some camping company. Do you know anything about this?’
‘Oh, good grief! Yes, they got in touch on the way to France and I’ve completely forgotten about it!’ In a rush Annie remembered about the camping company, their phone call and her promise to sort something out. Then there was the fact that she had… er… forgotten.
‘What does it say?’ Annie asked.
‘In a nutshell: they’ve been trying to get their things back and unless you return their stuff to them, in its original condition, or feature it on the show, they’re going to take legal action. As publicly as possible. Do you know anything about this?’ Tamsin asked.
Annie could hear voices coming from the other side of the twins’ bedroom door. She pushed it open gently and was surprised to see Owen sitting on the floor as he read Max a story. Minnie was still asleep.
Sweet. Annie couldn’t help thinking to herself. But she closed the door again because she had to concentrate on this horrible problem.
‘Annie? Do you know what these people are talking about or is this some kind of mix-up?’ Tamsin asked.
With a sigh of regret, Annie replied: ‘No, I know… well, I know something about it, but I’m sorry, I went to Paris, and I forgot.’
‘Oh dear,’ was Tamsin’s response.
When Annie had tidied up the bedroom on her return, the two thick sleeping bags on the bed had caught her attention. She hadn’t seen them before, and they were so new that they still had labels attached to their zips… that’s when the penny had dropped.
The camping company that had delivered equipment to her home address had obviously been acting on Owen’s orders. She took the phone downstairs, so she couldn’t be overheard.
‘I think it could have been my son who ordered the camping gear,’ she told Tamsin. ‘I’ve not spoken to him yet. Gorgeous bags and jackets… probably worth a fortune.’
It was Tamsin’s turn to sigh now: ‘OK,’ she said, ‘well, these things happen. Why don’t I just phone the company, tell them it’s all been a mistake, we’ll return the stuff to them in perfect condition and ordeal over.’
Perfect condition? Baby snot, pizza juice… general goo… Well, the sleeping bags had looked OK, but then she’d not exactly checked for baby snot with a magnifying glass, had she?
‘Look, Owen’s up, he’s just next door. Why don’t I go and ask him about it, then I’ll call you straight back?’ Annie suggested.
As soon as she’d hung up the call, she headed back to the twins’ new room. ‘Owen?’ she asked, pushing open the door. ‘All the stuff you got from Everest Camping?’
Owen looked up at her with an expression of guilty surprise on his face.
‘It has to go back. Today,’ Annie went on. ‘In perfect condition. And then we’ll have to have a talk about how out of order you were.’
Owen, still with Max in his lap, began with an: ‘Errr…’ This was followed by: ‘How do you know about it?’
‘Well, Owen,’ Annie said with more than a hint of exasperation, ‘when camping companies hand over hundreds of pounds’ worth of equipment for free, they usually like to know when it’s going to be featured on the programme. They take an interest, you could say.’
‘Errr…’
Max put up his arms to show that he wanted to be with Mummy now and Minnie’s eyes opened at the exact same moment as her mouth: ‘Waaaaah,’ she called out.
Annie loaded herself up with the two babies, then she looked Owen straight in the face. ‘Well? You do still have all the stuff, don’t you? I saw the sleeping bags in the bedroom. What else did you get?’
‘Ermmm… well… we have used some of it. To keep us warm, you know, because it’s been so cold.’
‘I think the bags might be OK; at least you’ve left the labels on them.’
‘Yeah, but I might have sold the stove.’
‘Sold it?’
‘Mmmm. On eBay.’
‘What on earth did you do that for?’
‘I didn’t think we needed it.’
‘Well, no, but it belongs to someone else.’
‘I didn’t think about that. And I’ve used the hiking boots… and so has Milo. He’s used his,’ Owen blurted out.
‘You gave some boots to Milo? Well… that was very generous.’
‘And a jacket,’ Owen confided. ‘Oh, good grief!’
Owen hung his head and looked very sorry, which was why Annie didn’t have the heart to feel annoyed for longer than a few moments.
‘Owen,’ she sighed, ‘please don’t do this again. Is there anything else I should know about that you’ve ordered in my name?’
Owen was quiet for a moment; he had to think. After some hesitation, he decided it would probably be best to be honest: ‘I might have asked a guitar company for a look at a sample product or two.’
‘Owen!’ Annie exclaimed, ‘It’s a fashion show! And if I want any help from you with ordering sample products, I will ask!’
‘But I’m sure it’s not too late to cancel,’ Owen said quickly, ‘nothing’s due to arrive till next week. Then I just need to make sure that Milo hasn’t—’
‘OWEN!’ Annie exclaimed, much more loudly this time.
* * *
‘Tamsin?’ Annie had woken Ed, handed over babies, cross-examined first Owen and then Milo and was now back on the phone.
‘OK, here’s the thing,’ Annie began. ‘I think I’ve had a good idea. You know my joke about hill-walking in heels?’
‘Uh oh.’ Tamsin sounded wary.
‘Lots of viewers have been in touch about that, haven’t they? Daring me?’
‘Lots? Yes, I think you could say 600 plus viewers is quite a lot.’
‘Well, what if I did do a hill-walk in heels? We could do it for charity, and we’d be able to feature—’
‘—Some of the Everest equipment your son no longer has in perfect condition?’ Tamsin ended the question herself, understanding the situation perfectly.
‘You’ve got to admit it’s an idea.’
‘It doesn’t sound like an easy idea… maybe you should just pay Everest for the equipment?’ Tamsin suggested.
‘Yeah, well, but they’re still not going to be happy with me though, are they? They’re always going to think I ordered those things for myself with no intention of paying or putting them on the show.’
‘But, Annie, you will actually have to wear high heels, carry a handbag and go up a pretty serious hill.’
‘Yeah!’ Annie said, not sure what all the fuss was about.
‘Well, if you think it’s going to be too easy… why not persuade Svetlana to come with you? Maybe you can both carry handbags, wear dresses and coats and look… what were your words again? Look just as if you’re “off to lunch at The Store”.’ Tamsin was definitely warming to the theme now.
‘Deal,’ Annie said, sure Svetlana would come just to show off her Perfect Dress.
‘Uh oh!’ Ed had come into the room and caught the tail end of her conversation. ‘What have you agreed to now?’ he asked anxiously. ‘Please tell me you’re not flying to New York for fashion fortnight or maybe to Alaska for Inuit clothes week? What have you just said you’ll do?’
‘Oh, it’s just the hill-walking-in-heels thing,’ Annie replied casually. ‘I’ve said I’ll hill-walk in high heels, carrying a handbag. It’s no big deal. I’m sure it will be fine.’
Ed, who had been camping every summer since he was three, who led the school’s Snowdonia hill-walking expedition every year, who really knew just what hill walking and tenting out in the open was all about, turned to her with his mouth wide open in astonishment.