As all children of this age love to role-play the first step would be to take him to the bathroom as much as possible. He should be encouraged to sit on his potty, but do not remove his nappy just yet. Allowing him to watch you as you demonstrate and describe what you are doing, will go a long way to teaching your child in advance what will eventually be expected of him. The important thing at this stage is that he learns to sit still on the potty, while you explain what you are doing using clear simple language and actions. The following example illustrates the main points you want to get across to your child.
Case history
Jessica
aged 22 months
Elizabeth had followed the routines in The Contented Little Baby Book since her daughter Jessica was six days old. She had been a model baby sleeping through from 7pm to 7am with just a 10pm feed from eight weeks then right through from 7pm to 7am at four months. She also slept a good one and a half to two hours every lunchtime, until she was 22 months. Then one day when Elizabeth went in to wake Jessica up after her nap she was confronted with Jessica sitting completely naked in the cot covered from head to toe in poo. Elizabeth had such a shock at the unexpected sight that she let out a huge scream of horror. Jessica unaware that she was doing anything wrong, obviously got a fright by her mother’s reaction and immediately burst into tears. Elizabeth picked the very messy Jessica up and tried to comfort her saying that Mummy would soon get all the smelly horrible poo cleaned up.
After she was cleaned up Jessica returned to being her normal happy cheerful self and the rest of the day followed as normal. However, that night when Elizabeth tried to settle Jessica in her cot she became hysterical and would not be put down. It took nearly two hours to get her off to sleep; she then woke up three times that night and had to be settled back to sleep each time. The following day at lunchtime Jessica totally refused to go in her cot, screaming each time her mother attempted to put her in it. That night followed the same pattern as the night before with Jessica screaming each time her mother took her near the cot. The following day Elizabeth took Jessica to the doctor convinced that she must have been coming down with an illness. Jessica was checked over thoroughly by the doctor and given a clean bill of health. The same pattern took place that night as on the previous two nights and it was the following day that Elizabeth rang me desperate for advice on what could be causing the sudden change in Jessica’s sleeping.
On listening to Elizabeth’s story I was convinced that the cause of the problem was linked to the day that Jessica woke up mid-way through her nap and took off her nappy. Elizabeth confirmed what I had suspected that Jessica had never ever seen her own poo. When her nappy was changed it was quickly folded up and put straight into the nappy bin, without any reference to its contents.
The first day that Jessica took off her nappy and discovered her poo she, like most children, was naturally curious about what she saw. However, I suspected it was her mother’s reaction that left Jessica feeling very bad. And because the incident and her mother’s shocked response happened when Jessica was in her cot, I believed it had created a bad sleep association.
While I am not suggesting that parents make a big deal when changing a toddler’s nappy I always advise that they should occasionally let the toddler see the poo in the nappy. Saying something like, ‘Lets get this poo all wrapped up before we put it in the bin’. Never, ever should it be called smelly or yucky. I have seen many toddlers come to have a real problem passing their poos because their parents have unintentionally made them feel bad about their natural bodily functions. For many children who have never seen a poo it can become a real problem when potty training if they think they are doing something nasty.
I advised that Elizabeth should continue to sit by the cot in the evening to settle Jessica, but that she should let Jessica see the contents of her nappy when she had done a poo. She should also take Jessica to the loo when she went herself and point out that Mummy also does poos.
Within a week Jessica was getting less and less fretful about going to bed, but still woke up briefly for reassurance once or twice a night. She was also very relaxed about her poos and was actually happy to do them in the potty. I told Elizabeth to continue reassuring Jessica for another week, then if we felt that she was still totally relaxed about doing her poos, we would do two or three nights of sleep training to get her back to sleeping 7pm to 7am.
Some child-care experts believe that the reason some toddlers and children have a fear of their poos and will hold back on doing them, is because they feel they are losing a part of themselves. They advise that it is better if the child doesn’t see the poo being discarded. My own personal belief is that children of around one year of age should be made aware of what is in their nappy, and that parents adopting a relaxed attitude at such a young age is better than the child discovering his natural bodily functions the way Jessica did.
