This chapter presents findings from a research project conducted by the Afghanistan Research and Evaluation Unit on Family Dynamics and Family Violence in Afghanistan.1 Data for this study, which are purely qualitative in nature, were collected in both rural and urban areas of four provinces of Afghanistan: Bamiyan, Herat, Kabul, and Nangarhar in 2006 and 2007. The findings presented here relate to one aspect of this study: how decisions are made about marriages and how marriage is practiced. The research has been concerned with both actual events and respondents’ opinions on how marriage should be and is practiced in their communities.2
The chapter focuses on five themes that emerged from the data: first, the manner in which individual’s opinions and desires frequently run counter to the demands of cultural norms; second, diversity in how marriages are decided; third, the notions of force and choice in relation to marriage decisions; fourth, aspects of marriage practices that can act as precursors to violence in the marriage; and fifth, the amount of awareness found across the communities as to the negative consequences of particular marriage practices.
I understand your question and now I am going to make it all clear
for you. In the past people didn’t ask their children, but in the future
I will ask my children about their lives. As I said before it is not our
custom to ask them, but we hope it will change in the future. We now
let our sons and daughters go to school to become intelligent and
through this knowledge our children will make their own decisions in
the future. You know I am very hopeful that our people will change
their ideas. I wish that my children seek education; after that we will
let them plan their own futures, we will guide them but this is my
wish. I am not sure that we can adopt it, because right now in our
society it is not our custom. I am not literate, but I know if our
people seek education, I am sure, their minds will change. Look, my
husband is educated, just he is under the pressure of his culture—so
let’s see what happens—but we are very hopeful for the future and I
hope my children have successful lives.
The divergence between perceived cultural norms and individual desires is clearly explained by this woman in her early thirties, who lives in Jalalabad, Nangarhar, when speaking about the role children should play in decisions regarding their marriages. She struggles to negotiate between her understandings of the demands of cultural norms and her own desires for her children’s futures. Indeed, many respondents, both male and female, and from different socioeconomic groups, explained how their own opinions differed from what they saw as the cultural norms of their communities.
This discrepancy between personal opinions and cultural norms can be seen both as an indicator that cultural norms are in flux and as a particularly important space for change. It is evident that there is desire and readiness for change in the communities where the research was conducted. Actual change is also in process and is evidenced, for example, by those families aiming to involve their younger children, more than they did their older children, in decisions about their marriages.
As with many aspects of social change, it is difficult to identify exactly what has brought about this discrepancy. It is likely that a combination of inter-linked factors came together at particular points in time. War, and more specifically migration, was identified by respondents as an impetus for change in opinions and practice. External migration exposed people to new ways of being and new ideas, which have been brought back to Afghanistan as people have returned.3 It is possible to surmise that the past few years—at least in the areas where the data was collected—have been the first time in a generation that people have felt relatively settled and in a position to think about a future for themselves and their families.4 These two factors then combine exposure to different ways of being and relative stability, to create an opportunity for change.5
The importance of looking in detail at the decision-making processes leading up to a marriage was highlighted by the examples respondents gave of how “mistakes” led to conflict, including physical violence between a couple. Marriage decisions are influenced by a multiplicity of factors both internal to the family and originating externally. Factors internal to the family include the structure of and the gender and generational dynamics of individual households and families, as well as the individual characteristics and life histories of family members. External factors include gender and generational dynamics in a given community; the current political, economic, and social situation; as well as more specific things, such as when a proposal comes.6
A vast array of family dynamics and household structures were found across the research sites. Correspondingly, a substantial variance in the levels and forms of different family members’ participation in and influence on decision making about marriages was found. It is, therefore, argued that although social rules apply and provide an overall context in which families operate, the way in which they function is complex and adaptable to different circumstances.
The role and influence of women in family decision-making processes tend to be more complicated and variable than men’s. Men often have more overt roles, whereas women must use more covert methods to influence decisions. Despite this, men and women of different ages expressed the belief that women in the family should play a role in decision-making processes about their children’s marriages. However, this does not mean that all women are in a position to substantially influence marriage decisions. Instead, particular women in particular families play a role, whereas others are excluded.
The amount of influence a woman has changes throughout the course of her own and the wider family’s life. A woman who at an earlier stage in her life may have found it difficult to influence decisions usually gains more authority as she becomes older. This is particularly the case if she is an elderly widow and is then perhaps the eldest person in the household.
Women’s influence in decision making can also increase over the course of a family’s life cycle as the men in the family come to realize they need the advice of their wives. Several examples were found in which men made decisions about their daughters’ marriages that they later regretted. In response to this, they had either handed the entire responsibility of decision making about marriage to their wives or had become more inclusive in how they made such decisions. In some cases, women themselves demanded a greater role in response to their husbands’ regrettable decisions.
Under other family circumstances and household structures, women who are younger can be influential. For instance, Bas Bibi,7 from the capital city Kabul, was at the time of her marriage the only married woman in her in-law’s household. As such—although she reported her father-in-law taking the ultimate responsibility for who his children would marry—her father-in-law relied on Bas Bibi to visit the families of potential spouses and discuss the possibility of engagement with the women in these families. This process inevitably gave her considerable ability to shape the outcome. This is typical of the way in which women influence decisions in families where the male head of household is perceived to be the ultimate decision maker, the person who makes the decision. How the decision is made, the process undertaken to make a decision about a marriage, provides women with substantial opportunity to influence the final outcome.
It was found that women who have particularly domineering and/or violent husbands can be excluded from this role in the decision-making processes. For example, Zeba, who lives in a relatively wealthy family in Bamiyan City, was prevented by her husband from socializing in the community. Her adult son explained how this led her to be excluded from playing a role in selecting potential spouses for her children.
In the same way that individual family circumstances and a woman’s position in the family can increase her level of input into marriage decisions, so too can it limit it. The role for older women in the decision-making processes can be at the expense of younger women and particularly the mothers of the children whose marriages are being decided on; a mother-in-law’s counsel may be taken instead of a mother’s.
The amount of influence men have in decision-making processes about children’s marriages also varies from family to family. The overall greater degree of power and influence men have in Afghan society usually places them in a less-constrained position in the family than women. Despite this, not all men, any more than all women, have equal levels of influence within families. While fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and brothers may all have substantial influence, the different levels of influence they have are determined by individual relationships between family members and family structure at the time a marriage is being decided on.
On occasion, fathers, like mothers, may be excluded from or have less influence than other older men in the family over decisions about their children’s marriages. For instance, Saghar, who lives in urban Kabul, reported that her father- and mother-in-law decided on her eldest daughter’s marriage, excluding both her and her husband from making the decision. In other families, it is clear how uncles, most usually older uncles, can have considerable influence over decisions about their nieces’ and nephews’ marriages. This is particularly the case where grandparents are elderly or have died and left neither a woman nor a man of an older generation in the household. This was found to be true even when brothers had separated their households from one another.
Male siblings can also have substantial influence regarding their brothers’ and sisters’ marriages. This is particularly the case where fathers have died and elder brothers move to playing a key decision-making role in the family, often alongside their widowed mothers. For some this may mean that brothers make decisions against their sisters’ wishes. In other cases, brothers can be advocates for their sisters’ well-being. Examples were found of brothers attempting to prevent the marriages of their sisters to men either they were not happy with or their sisters were not happy with.
A lot of attention is given to the notion of forced marriage in Afghanistan. However, less attention is given to understanding what constitutes a forced marriage and what causes forced marriage.
The archetypal presentation of a forced marriage and the image the expression “forced marriage” conjures in many imaginations is of a young girl being married against her will, usually to a much older man. It is usually used to refer to marriages seen as abusive and/or illegal.8 If a girl had no say in her marriage, did not want to get married, or was married to a particular man but in the end the marriage is relatively nonviolent—described as happy by the couple who also may be close in age—it is rare that this is highlighted in the literature as a forced marriage. (Indeed a number of respondents describe their marriages as forced but added that they are now happy.) Is forced marriage only seen as a problem if the marriage is violent, the wife is abused, or the man considerably older than the woman? Likewise, is it only girls who are forced into marriages against their will? Further, whole families may be forced to marry a child against their wishes. It can also be argued that cultural norms force individuals to marry their children in a manner that is contrary to their personal desires. These different forms of forced marriage were recognized and expressed by respondents, both male and female, from the different provinces.
A standard definition for forced marriage is marriage in which “one or both of the partners do not give free or valid consent to the marriage”9 or “a family [determines] who a daughter should marry without her consent.”10 However, it is important to recognize that a person can be unwilling to marry but still give consent for a variety of reasons. In a social order where obedience to elders and particularly parents is deeply entrenched, it is very difficult for a child, male or female, to object to such a decision. Consent may only be sought from a girl or boy once their respective families have already agreed to the engagement, leaving them no real option but to agree. Likewise, although children in the family may consent to a marriage, they may not have enough knowledge about what marriage means, their future spouse or in-laws, or the arrangements for the marriage in order for this to be considered informed consent. However, young people do express the desire for their parents to make the decision and so, even though their consent may be tokenistic and ill-informed, they may still be willing to be married.
Individuals may feel emotional or social pressure to marry at a time that or to a person who is not in accord with their own desires or wishes. For instance, little pressure may be exerted by parents or other family members but children may still not want to upset them by refusing a proposal that their parents deem to be good.
A major factor impeding children’s ability to give informed consent is that many are far too young when their marriages are decided for them to have a meaningful role in the decision-making process. Although not impossible, as a number of cases from the research demonstrate, it is extremely difficult to break an engagement. Although many parents said their children should consent to their marriages, their behavior did not conform to this. Examples were found of parents who gave this opinion but had decided on their children’s marriages when they were still babies. As such, it is not the age at which children are married that necessarily bears the most influence on their ability to be part of the decision-making process, but the age at which their marriages are decided on.
Older children may influence decisions about their own marriages in ways other than verbal consent or overt participation. Indeed, watching how a child reacts to suggestions of marriage partners or that a marriage will happen is potentially more influential than the often superficial verbal consent. Mothers and fathers both reported to the research team that they examined the faces of their children, girls and boys, to see if they were happy at the suggestion of a marriage partner. Likewise, some fathers, knowing that their daughters would feel compelled to agree to any suggestion they made of an engagement, would ask another woman in the family to see if the girl were really happy with it.
The way in which women are sent to ask girls in the family about who they would like to marry, or the manner in which mothers may simply watch for their daughters’ unspoken reactions to proposals, allows people, when they so desire, to take their daughters’ opinions into consideration without crossing perceived cultural norms not to consult with daughters about their marriages. While boys may have more room to protest a suggested marriage, tactics of looking for unspoken reactions are also used by some families, particularly when they think their sons or brothers might be too shy to voice their preferences.
Much has been written about the effects of forcing girls into marriages against their wills, but there is little information about the effects of boys being forced into marriages. Throughout the research it was common for men to describe their marriages as forced. Examples were found of men who felt they had been forced into their marriages taking out their anger and frustration on their wives. A link has been identified between men’s violence against their wives and their feelings that they were forced into the marriage to begin with. Similarly, being forced into a first marriage leads some men to want to take a second wife. Many don’t necessarily object to the woman who was selected for them but are averse to the timing of the marriage. Several younger men explained that they had wanted to continue their educations or apprenticeships but their families had insisted they get married. Cases were also found in which a family’s fears that their sons would engage in sexually or romantically deviant behavior led them to marry their sons to girls the boys did not want or at a time when the sons did not want to get married. In two families studied, marriages were arranged for sons who were having a relationship with a girl the family felt was not suitable and so it was arranged for the boy to marry someone else. In both these cases the men became abusive and neglectful of their wives. Further, these boys’ family members identified the way in which they were married as the cause of the current levels of violence in the marriage.
It is important to note that the levels of influence family members have over marriage decisions were found to be determined primarily by household structure and individual’s personal histories and characteristics rather than by gross demographic factors such as education levels; economic position; place of residence, whether urban or rural; and ethnicity.
Not only are children pressured to agree to marriages by their immediate family members, but also examples were found where families as a whole were pressured to marry their children at times and in manners that were against their better judgement.
Gender and generational dynamics play a strong role in determining who in a family can impose a proposal on another member of the family. With first-cousin marriages being prevalent, parents may feel it is rude or disrespectful to refuse a proposal coming from members of their own families. Older brothers in particular can put pressure on younger sisters to marry their children to their children’s cousins.
Times of war and insecurity were also identified as creating situations wherein parents felt pressure to marry their children quickly and in ways that did not correspond to their ideals. A man from rural Bamiyan explained how he had to marry his daughters in haste to “protect their honor”:
We were migrating; we were going to Yakowlang [in northwestern Bamiyan Province], when we received a message from Ahmad’s sister to give the girls in marriage; the girls were old enough and something might have happened to them. . . . We exchanged them in Yakowlang and did the nekah [acceptance agreement]. We did their wedding party in their old and dirty clothes while migrating.
In rural Herat, a father explained how, when his family members were internally displaced, the commander of the area where they stayed decided who the girls in the village would marry and when. To avoid the commander deciding for his daughter, he hurriedly married her to her cousin.
It was not only the marriages of daughters that were organized due to the exigencies of war and displacement. In Bamiyan Province, a number of families reported that they had married their sons in an effort to stop them from going to fight. It is not being argued here that married men did not fight during the different wars in Afghanistan; instead, marrying sons was reported to the research team as a strategy families used in attempts to stop their sons from going to fight.
With so many different factors influencing the levels of choice and force both families and those being married have in decisions about their marriages, it is argued that marriages in the Afghan context are better understood as operating along a range from force to choice. Some marriages may have larger elements of choice than force, and some may have more elements of force. Some marriages fall at one extreme of this range with both spouses either choosing each other and the timing of their marriage or being in full support of the partner and timing chosen by their parents or other family members. Some marriages fall at the other end of the range and correspond to the stereotypical presentation of a forced marriage, as described above. However, many marriages fall at different places along the range and comprise elements of both force and choice.
Badal, the practice of exchanging women between families in marriage, is recognized by all the different groups researched as a practice that perpetuates a cycle of violence and abuse toward the women who have been exchanged in marriage.11 Some also recognized it as un-Islamic.
Case studies of exchange marriages revealed that many are, indeed, a precursor to abuse and violence, with violence toward or mistreatment of one woman married through an exchange marriage being met by violence or mistreatment of the woman she was exchanged for. Some men explained that their powerlessness to help a sister being abused by their own wife’s brother—the husband of the sister—led them to be violent to their own wives. It was apparent that men’s violence toward their wives can simply be an act of revenge on their wives’ natal family for mistreatment of their sisters. Families may also hold a newly married wife as ransom for better treatment for the woman from their own family, for instance, not allowing a new wife to visit her family until their sister/daughter is allowed to visit them. Violence toward a daughter-in-law because her husband’s sister is being abused by her own in-laws is so normal that women themselves may use this as a threat in an attempt to protect themselves, as did this young woman in rural Nangarhar: “You know at that time I cried a lot because my whole body was in pain. I said to my mother-in-law, ‘Do you feel good now! Look, he beat me, and I will tell my mother to beat your daughter because your son beat me.’ ” Despite people’s awareness of the detrimental consequences of exchange marriage, it continues to be one of the most common practices used by the communities researched. This contradiction in opinion and behavior can be explained by a combination of factors. First, people perceive themselves as lacking options: paying a bride price or conducting an exchange marriage is seen as the only means through which to conduct marriages. Indeed the most frequent reason given for marrying sons by exchanging daughters is to avoid paying a bride price. It should be noted however, that not only the poorest families use exchange marriages. Second, although parents recognize that their daughters might suffer very badly if they are married through an exchange, ensuring sons are married can take priority over concern for daughters.
People are also generally aware of the negative impacts of the practice of bride price, despite its widespread use. Respondents to the research pointed to the detrimental consequences of bride price, including how it may motivate families to make decisions about their daughters’ marriages, with economic concerns of the whole family overriding the well-being of their daughter; the economic consequence for the bridegroom and his family; and the treatment of a woman by her in-laws when she is first married due to their feelings about the amount they had to pay for her.
For some, taking a bride price is acceptable if it is a small amount and is primarily used to buy things for the girl getting married to take with her to her in-laws’ home. However, in reality, it is far more common to hear that families use the bride price to meet basic needs or for wealthier families to invest in assets. It is clear that collecting a bride price is a key livelihood survival strategy for some. Some families reported seeking a bride price to cushion economic shocks to the family. One young girl was reportedly married to a much older man in order to pay for her father’s medical treatment. Although her family members were reluctant to do this, they saw no alternative. Another girl was married in order to pay for the treatment of her brother’s drug problem.
Likewise, the livelihoods of boys’ families are equally affected by having to raise a bride price. Examples were found of families’ productive assets being sold to marry a son or brother. Many men travel abroad to Pakistan or Iran to work for a number of years to raise their own bride price.
Paying a bride price, particularly when demands are relatively high, or when it increases over the period of the engagement, can make the boy’s family feel bitter and angry toward the girl. Jamila, who was married to pay for the treatment of her brother’s drug problem, explained how her husband directed his anger toward her as a response to her father having demanded a high bride price. A group of older men during a focus group explained how a girl is intricately linked to the bride price that her family demands for her by telling of a woman whose in-laws called her “Afs 60,000,” the amount of her bride price. The bride price also contributes to in-laws believing that they own the woman and have ultimate rights over her.
With the negative impacts of bride price widely recognized, it is important to ask why the practice continues. One reason is that there is an expectation that, regardless, a newly married girl will face problems and be abused and constantly pressured. Despite the fact that the bride price may be recognized as a contributing factor to the ill treatment of daughters-in-law and that for boys’ families it can present a huge economic burden, taking a stand against it is difficult for individual families to do and still be able to marry their sons without wider community agreement.
As with exchange marriage and bride price, polygamy is also recognized by respondents to the research as a common and highly problematic practice. At the least it is seen as a difficult family dynamic to manage, usually associated with destructive family relationships and violence. A woman in Jalalabad also referred to it as un-Islamic:
I do not agree with having a second wife, because their husbands can’t give them their rights. . . . Of course they will make arguments at home, so it is better to have only one wife. You know, Allah said that you have a right to marry again if you can make a balance between them [your wives]; otherwise it is better to have only one. Of course, it is really difficult to make a balance between them, so Islam also prefers one wife.
However, most people disapprove of the practice because of its potential to create conflict in the family, particularly between different co-wives. It should be noted that although most of the case study data confirmed this, there are exceptions whereby co-wives provide a source of support to one another, particularly by resisting a husband’s violence.
Despite the general view that polygamous marriages can be fraught with difficulties, they are extremely common. Three reasons were identified as to why a man would take a second, third, or fourth wife. First, if a man and his current wife or wives have no children or only daughters, it was said that he should marry again. For many people, a woman not having sons is seen as a suitable reason for a man to marry again, but a number of female respondents said that the sex of a child was of Allah’s making and therefore it was not wholly acceptable to marry again if a woman had no sons. There was also some—though limited—recognition voiced by women that infertility might be caused by the man in the relationship, although this was not usually discussed or recognized by men. There was one exception where a concerned man investigated his own fertility status before marrying a second time. He and his first wife were reluctant for him to marry again but saw it as an unavoidable necessity. Indeed, his first wife took the primary role in choosing the second wife. Other examples were found of first wives insisting their husbands marry again because they had no children. The need to have children is so essential that a woman is prepared to share her husband.
Second, a man might be obliged to marry the widow of a male family member. In virtually all examples of this, the women had become widows as a result of war. In common with marrying another wife for reasons of infertility, marrying a widowed woman in the family is seen as an unavoidable necessity for both the men and women involved. It was reported to be shameful for a widow to marry outside her husband’s family. For many widows there is little choice, as they are likely to lose custody of their children to their in-law’s family if they do not marry again within their in-laws’ family. Men also felt they had little choice but to marry a dead brother’s widow. Not all widows who marry their brothers-in-law are marrying a man who already has a wife. Neither do all these men take another wife after marrying their sisters-in-law.
Finally, a small number of cases were found where a man took a second wife or wanted to take a second wife because he or his family were dissatisfied with the first. Examples of this were found when men felt they had been forced into their first marriage.
Contrary to common perceptions, respondents did not cite a man’s wealth as a reason for polygamy. Instead, wealth was reported by only a few men and women as potentially enabling a man to treat his wives more equally and reduce conflict, as he would be able to provide separate living spaces for them. However, others noted that wealth does not necessarily guarantee equality in the treatment of wives and therefore cannot be used to justify polygamous marriages.
Gender, generation, status, and household structure all affect how much influence individuals within the family have over marriage decisions. There is a great deal of diversity and complexity in the ways individuals agree to marriage and in their motivations for accepting a particular suggestion of marriage. Most attempts to describe marriages in Afghanistan as forced tend toward oversimplification. Marriages are better conceptualized as operating along a range from force to choice. At one end is a stereotypical presentation of forced marriage and at the other end are marriages in which both spouses choose each other or are happy and willing to give sufficiently informed consent. Not only do women suffer from prevailing gender norms but so too do men. Although the terrible suffering of women who are the victims of their husbands’ violence is not to be forgotten, it is important to recognize that men too are compelled to marry against their wishes, ending up in bad marriages, depressed, and frustrated.
The majority of people in the communities where this research was conducted are aware of the negative consequences of not including children in decisions about their marriages, as well as the problems wrought by the practice of exchange marriage, giving and taking a bride price, and polygamy. Similarly, individual’s opinions and desires were often found to be in conflict with cultural norms and practices. Individuals present their personal opinions as more constructive and progressive than the culture norms and practices they often feel compelled to comply with.
These findings all point to important spaces for positive change in the way that marriages are practiced in Afghanistan. The diversity and complexity found in decision- making processes show that cultural norms are not fixed but open to change. The awareness communities have about the negative consequences of certain marriage practices and the stark differences between many individual’s opinions and cultural norms also point to a desire for change.
1. The author wishes to acknowledge the research teams in the different provinces: in Bamiyan—Ali Hassan Fahimi, Sakina Sakhi, Mohammad Hassan Wafaey, and Zara Nezami; in Herat—Asila Sharif Sadiqi, Homa Salehyar, Faqrullah Niksad, and Azizullah Royesh; in Kabul—Sakhi Frozish, Leena Waheedi, Yama Qasimyar, and Saghar Wafa; and in Nangarhar—Hanifa Gulmiran, Abdul Jalil Nooristani, Abdul Manon Sadiqi, and Parwana Wafa for their dedication, attention to detail, and resilience, under what were often difficult conditions and when researching such a sensitive subject area.
AREU publications from this study are D.J. Smith, Love, Fear and Discipline: Everyday Violence toward Children in Afghan Families (Kabul: Afghanistan Research and Evaluation Unit, 2008); D. J. Smith, Decisions, Desires and Diversity: Marriage Practices in Afghanistan (Kabul: Afghanistan Research and Evaluation Unit, 2009); D. J. Smith, Challenging Myths and Finding Spaces for Change: Family Dynamics and Family Violence in Afghanistan (Afghanistan Research and Evaluation Unit, 2009).
2. For further details of the methodology used for this research see Smith, Decisions, Desires and Diversity.
3. AREU’s research on second-generation Afghans in neighboring countries and their experiences of return explores further the differences between life in Pakistan and Iran and life in Afghanistan; see Mamiko Saito, “Searching for my Homeland: Dilemmas Between Borders—Experiences of Young Afghans Returning “Home” from Pakistan and Iran” (AREU, July 2009), http://www.areu.org.af/index.php?option=com_search&Itemid=112&searchword=Mamiko+Saito&searchdata=author&submit=Search&searchphrase=all&ordering=relevence.
4. It is recognized that in some of the research sites, since the data was collected in 2006–2007, security has rapidly declined, particularly in Nangarhar Province.
5. See Smith, Love, Fear and Discipline, for a fuller discussion on changing attitudes, specifically in relation to violence toward children in the family.
6. The term “children” is used here to describe their position in the family and does not imply that those being written about are necessarily under the age of eighteen.
7. All names have been changed.
8. For examples, see the stories provided after a brief discussion on forced and child marriages in Amnesty International. In these examples there are either extreme age differences between the couples, thirty-six years in one case, or the husbands are described as becoming particularly violent. “Afghanistan: Women Still Under Attack—A Systematic Failure to Protect” (Stop Violence Against Women, Amnesty International, 29 May 2005), http://www.amnesty.org/en/library/asset/ASA11/007/2005/en/21078ed1-d4e7-11dd-8a23-d58a49c0d652/asa110072005en.pdf.
9. “Forced and Child Marriage,” Stop Violence Against Women, http://www.stopvaw.org/forced_and_child_marriage.html. Similarly the UN “Convention on Consent to Marriage, Minimum Age for Marriage and Registration of Marriages” states that “no marriage shall be legally entered into without the full and free consent of both parties” (http://www2.ohchr.org/english/law/convention.htm).
10. “Women’s Rights Unit,” Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission, http://www.aihrc.org.af/womenrights.htm. Note in this definition, it is only a daughter who is referred to.
11. In the vast majority of cases, it is two daughters of roughly the same age who are exchanged with each other as wives for their brothers. However, examples were also found of fathers exchanging their own daughters in order to get new wives for themselves and of girls being exchanged who are of considerably different ages.