Chapter 4: On the Farm

 

For three days Jenny stayed near the cabin, doing minimal chores and caring for William. She wanted to be there if Mac returned. Her mind spun with questions, but she only had the baby to talk to.

“What will I do if Mac comes back?” she asked her son as she nursed him. “What will I do if he doesn’t?” She didn’t know which fate she feared most—talking to Mac about why he’d kissed her or being alone on the claim without him.

She slept each night with her face nestled against Mac’s pillow.

On Monday, three days after Mac’s departure, Jenny’s friend Esther Abercrombie arrived with her baby brother Jonah. “I thought you’d be in church yesterday,” Esther said, hefting herself awkwardly out of her wagon. “First day without rain in three weeks.” Esther arched her back, stomach extended in the late stages of pregnancy. “I can’t stay long, but I had to get out of our cabin this morning while the weather’s good. Daniel’s clearing fields with his pa. Says it’s about time to plant.”

“William’s teething,” Jenny said. “I stayed home.”

“No tea brewing?” Esther asked when she entered the cabin behind Jenny. “I thought Captain McDougall liked tea for breakfast.”

“Mac’s gone. I’ll make some coffee.”

“Where to?” Esther put Jonah down to crawl on the board floor.

“Back East.”

Esther’s eyes widened. “Back East? Why?”

“To see his family.”

“Whatever will you do?”

“Tanner and Hatty will be back tomorrow. They’ve been working on Mrs. Purcell’s house in town. I’ll be all right.” If she told Esther she’d be all right, then she would be.

“But you’ll be alone for what—two years?” Esther said. “By the time he reaches Boston, then returns here? What if he left you with child?”

Jenny felt herself blush. “Oh, no—I can’t be. Not . . . not with William still so young.”

“Never can tell,” Esther said. “Pa left Ma to go through her confinements when he was in the Army, so I suppose you’d manage. I surely hope I don’t have another soon after this one. A newborn and Jonah will be enough for a bit.”

“How much longer do you have—a month?” Jenny asked.

“Probably a little longer. First babies are usually late.”

“You let me know when you want Hatty Tanner to come stay with you. And if you want me to keep Jonah then.”

“Won’t you need Hatty without Mac here?”

“I’ll be all right,” Jenny said again, as much to convince herself as Esther.

Jenny was worn out after Esther’s visit. Caring for William and the farm animals was tiring enough, without having to keep a smile on her face when she felt so miserable. She went to bed as soon as she’d nursed William after supper.

Sometime in the dark night, she woke up startled. A noise from the barnyard had awakened her. She hadn’t identified the sound in her sleep, but something prowled outside. Poulette whinnied in fear—that sound she recognized.

A chicken squawked, then came a throaty yowl. A mountain lion. Her spine prickled as she recognized the fearsome scream she’d heard during the wagon train days the year before. This cat sounded right outside her door.

Jenny wanted to hide her head under the pillow, but Poulette neighed again. She had to protect her beloved mare and the other animals. She crept out of bed, thrust bare feet into her shoes, and took the loaded shotgun down from above the cabin door.

Making as much noise as she could, Jenny opened the door and yelled, “Get away, panther.”

Another feline scream sounded in the yard, filling her with terror, though she saw nothing. She raised the gun and shot in the direction of the howling lion.

One more caterwaul, from farther off in the woods. Then silence.

She was afraid to go to the barn, and Poulette didn’t neigh again, so Jenny went back into the cabin and latched the door. She sat shivering in her rocking chair until dawn, shotgun reloaded and in her hands.

But the animal did not return.

In the morning Jenny went to the barn to do the chores, rushing across the yard with her shotgun raised. Large cat tracks were stamped in the mud in front of the barn door. Poulette was restless, but there was no sign of the panther other than the paw prints.

She kept the shotgun beside her in the cabin all day.

The Tanners—Clarence, Hatty, and their son Otis—returned to the farm that afternoon. By the time they drove up in their wagon, Jenny could almost smile.

The Tanners had been in the wagon train with Mac and Jenny, but could not buy land in Oregon because they were Negroes. They lived on Mac’s property in a one-room shanty, smaller even than the cabin Mac built for Jenny. In exchange for their lodging, Tanner cleared fields for crops, and Hatty helped Jenny with housework and with William.

“What for Captain McDougall’s gone?” Tanner asked when Jenny told them Mac had left. “He ain’t got no call to leave. Not without tellin’ us.”

Hatty simply shook her head.

“You know he planned to go back to Boston this spring,” Jenny said, though she agreed with Tanner. “That’s why he wanted you on our claim. To help me.”

Tanner pursed his lips. “It ain’t right, him leavin’ you.”

“A panther was prowling around last night,” Jenny said. She showed Tanner the tracks.

“You done good, Miz Jenny. No harm done. But you keep a gun with you when you’s outside.”

That night Jenny wrote:

 

Tuesday, March 7th—A panther tried to attack the farm last night, causing me a fright. I expected Mac to go. Why does it feel so wrong?

The following Sunday was a fine spring day, the sky bright after a cleansing rain two days earlier. Jenny took William into Oregon City for church. She couldn’t continue to hide on her farm, or her friends would think she and Mac had parted on bad terms.

Mrs. Tuller bustled over to Jenny after the service, her doctor husband in tow. “Esther tells me Captain McDougall is gone,” Mrs. Tuller said. The Tullers were the only people in the wagon company who knew Mac and Jenny had not been married.

“Yes.” Jenny clutched William closer and hid her face in his blanket.

“You should have married him when he asked last fall,” Doc Tuller said.

“I didn’t want to marry him.” Jenny sighed. “And he didn’t want to marry me either. Not really. You made him ask. It wasn’t right for either of us.”

Marriage might have solved Jenny’s trouble and given William a name. But it would have tied Mac down when he planned to go home to Boston. Jenny didn’t want to interfere with his future.

Besides, she didn’t think she would ever marry. Her stomach clenched every time she remembered the brutes raping her in Missouri. William was the result of that violation, and she cherished her son. But she wondered if she could ever stand to have a man touch her.