He took us to a small kid’s playground tucked into the town of West End. I didn’t even know it had existed, let alone understand how he did.
We walked in each other’s arms toward the playground, still deserted from everyone being in school.
The clouds moved hastily across the horizon. “Do you think we have to worry about rain?”
Wyatt smiled. “Nope.” He let go of me and took a few steps ahead. “Race you,” he shouted then tore off toward the swings.
“That’s no fair! You had a head start.”
He laughed but didn’t stop.
My legs would never catch up to him at that point, so I continued to walk toward the equipment, the same as before.
He turned and scrunched his brows when he saw my pace. “You do know what a race means right?”
“Of course. But you cheated so I didn’t participate.”
He shook his head. “Don’t go reverting to your goodie-two shoes rules.”
I crossed my arms. “What’s wrong with rules?”
“Nothing.” He moved closer and wrapped his arms around me.
Just as I settled into his embrace, he poked my side.
“Hey!”
“It’s just boring.” Then he stuck his tongue out.
I glared. “You just wait. I’ll remember that.”
He chuckled. “I’m counting on it.”
The purple swings looked beat up, but at least the chains were sturdy. I didn’t have to worry that they would drop me at least. I grabbed the closest one to me, while Wyatt took one a few swings over.
Was his house close to here? Did he come here as a kid?
It may not be as new as it used to be, but I could imagine it shiny and new once. It had teeter totters, although those were more than dangerous. I didn’t even think they should be on playgrounds anymore. And then in the middle of the tire chips was a large rectangular jungle gym, fitted with a steering wheel and tic tac toe. At the base of the steps on both sides were the speakers to communicate.
“So why here? All the freedom in the world after our dates and you chose the playground. How come?”
Wyatt’s face contorted. “Do you not like it?”
“N-no. That’s not what I meant. I like to swing just like anyone but was curious. You never do things just haphazardly.”
He raised a brow. “Are you sure about that? Mr. Andrews would disagree with you. Or at least would have disagreed before.”
“I’m positive. Despite my initial assessments of you, you are purposeful.”
“It’s close to my house and my mom used to bring me here all the time as a kid.” He shifted his gray beanie. “It didn’t always look so worn down. I would come every afternoon after school and then on weekends we would walk here to play. We didn’t have a yard, so the park was my way of getting out.”
“That sounds so nice.”
Once again, his expression twisted, then relaxed. “So, any update from Andrea?”
I groaned. “No. She won’t waste her time texting me. I told her you were coming and she just sent back a smiley face emoji. We will just have to wait after graduation and see how it goes.”
“How it goes is just fine. We are actually together now, so who cares if it was ever fake?”
“True. But I just don’t like her being so critical. I don’t want her to taint it somehow.”
“Then don’t give her the option to. We don’t really have to go. We could spend time together, just us.”
I shook my head. “No. I have to get it over with. Otherwise, I’ll never hear the end of it and I can do this one thing this time, and then we can forget about her.”
He smiled. “I like that idea.”
“So … I wanted to ask you something. Well, something else.”
“Shoot.”
“Well, since we’re … official. Would you …”Pull it together, Marley. “Would you want to come to my graduation party? It’s not until the middle of June, but thought maybe … Well, if you want.”
“I’d love to.”
“You would?”
“Of course.”
My chest instantly felt lighter. I didn’t know if he would think it was lame or didn’t want to meet my parents, but I was glad he agreed.
Something large and wet hit my hand as it rested on the swing. I looked up in the sky to see the clouds had darkened while we swung. “Did you feel that?”
“Feel what?”
And then more drops fell.
“That!” I shouted as I tried to cover my head with my arms. But it was pointless, because the more I covered, the harder the rain came.
Wyatt and I fled toward his truck, but I was soaked by the time I reached his door. Everything stuck to me as it vacuumed sealed to my body.
I hopped in, but tried to stand, albeit somewhat cramped to avoid sitting on his truck seats.
“Marley, you can’t hurt the seats, just sit.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
Reluctantly, I sat. I tried to pry my shorts from my thighs, but it was no use. Any space I managed, it sucked it back to my leg with force. My hair hung down over my face as the curls were tamed only by the onslaught of water. When they dried it would frizz out and expand. I groaned as I combed my fingers through my hair.
Wyatt without warning busted out laughing.
“What is so funny?”
“We look ridiculous. How about we get a change of clothes and then maybe get food?”
“A change of clothes? Where?”
He jerked his chin toward a row of houses in the distance but said nothing more.
Did that mean we were driving to his house? Would his parents be home? Did I even want to be alone in his house with him? What did I even know about them other than a few details of his past with his mom?
The rain continued to pour from the clouds, not letting up once on the short drive to the neighborhood behind the park. And the closer we got, the more my stomach swirled.
He parked in front of a squat yellow house. He hadn’t been kidding about the amount of yard space. The sidewalk looked to be a short six steps to the front door. It was a single story home, and two windows with black shutters. The shutters had seen better days and while the yard appeared to have been trimmed, the grass was still higher than the rest of the neighbors.
Wyatt shifted uncomfortably in the driver’s seat. I didn’t know if it was from his wet clothes or being at his house, either way I could understand how he felt.
He turned the key and shut off the truck. “I think I have an umbrella in the back somewhere.”
I giggled, despite my nervousness. “What for? We are already soaked.”
“True. Okay. On three we sprint to the front door.”
I nodded and waited until he hit three before I launched the door open, closed it quickly, and ran toward the door. The small overhang provided a little reprieve from the downpour as he unlocked the door.
He pushed it open and we moved into a small hallway, which had several doors branching off. At the back of the hallway, it looked like maybe a kitchen, but we didn’t stay in the light-gray painted hallway long enough to be sure. Wyatt took the first door on the left and opened into a dark-blue bedroom. A dark gray bedspread rested over the bed in the corner and a simple desk sat under a window on the opposite side. A guitar stand and guitar case leaned against a side door, which I assumed was a closet.
Wyatt pulled his soaked beanie from his head, revealing his hair beneath.
My stomach flipped. I couldn’t remember when I had really seen him without a beanie on his head. His hair was longer than I had thought. He looked so good, I couldn’t help but stare.
He must have felt my stare because he made eye contact with me in that moment.
The air sizzled. Could he feel the spark too? Or was I the only one? For all I knew, it could have been a fantastical hallucination brought on by my inexperience.
That was until he took the three steps toward me and our lips met with such fury that it stole my breath.
His hands were wrapped around me, then in my hair, as my hands roamed over his back. His muscles from carrying his instrument and band gear, ever present underneath the soft cotton of his shirt.
His lips were soft, like pillows or clouds. Which made no sense. How did he keep them so soft? Did he use Chapstick all the time? Or was it naturally that way?
Really, Marley? You’re kissing the hot musician who is your boyfriend and you only care about his lip routine?
Our bodies stuck together.
Literally, from all the rain soaked materials. When we finally stopped kissing, my breaths were heavy and his eyes were glassy. At least I wasn’t the only one who reacted to our kisses.
“I have been wanting to do that all day,” he said.
“You have?”
He nodded as his thumb rubbed over my bottom lip. “You’re too cute not to want to kiss you all day.”
I coughed or attempted to clear my throat and ignore the butterflies that felt like they just went on a Merry-Go-Round.
But it didn’t work. His expression had me glued and it didn’t hurt that I had never been told that by a guy before. It was unusual territory for me.
“Then maybe … you should have done just that.”
His brow arched before he chuckled. “I think that was the most adventurous thing you’ve said yet.”
“Well, you just wait. I’m a fast learner.”
“That’s for sure.”
Our gazes stayed locked as he gently rubbed his fingers over my bare arm.
Goosebumps erupted all over my body and I shivered.
“Crap. Are you cold?” Wyatt took a step or two toward his closet and the heat from his body was immediately missed.
I crossed my arms, attempting to hold in the heat as he looked for something.
He brought over a pair of baggy athletic joggers and a graphic T-shirt. “You can change into these. It should help a little bit.”
I nodded and bit the bottom of my lip. I may have really enjoyed kissing him, but I certainly didn’t want to change in front of him. Not yet. I knew I wasn’t ready for that.
His eyes twinkled with mischief, before he turned me around toward his bedroom door and then into the hallway. “The bathroom is through that door. I’ll change in here while you change over there. Okay?”
I nodded after lifting onto my tiptoes to reach his cheek. Then I walked the few steps to the bathroom. The walls were a light green, almost mint and minimal decorations except for one or two fake plants.
My clothes clung to my body. At least I wasn’t in jeans or this outfit change would have been nearly impossible. Eventually I was able to shimmy out of my shorts and shirt and tried to dry my legs with toilet paper before I pulled the joggers and graphic T on. My hair was unsalvageable. The frizz had already begun to set in and poof out. So, I took the scrunchie off my wrist and made a messy bun, with many pieces exploding out to join my flyaways.
My reflection wasn’t as put together as I would normally hope for, but Wyatt had already seen me and kissed me, so it couldn’t have been that bad. I listened for any sign that Wyatt was done changing too, but the house was quiet. Somewhat even unsettlingly quiet.
I found a plastic bag under the sink and wrapped my sopping wet clothes inside. I knocked lightly on Wyatt’s door.
“Come in,” he called.
He stood by his bed, adjusting his shoelaces. His beanie was a dark red one and he wore dark-gray khaki shorts and a loose turquoise T-shirt. His wet clothes were nowhere around. “Does it fit okay?”
“It works, thank you.”
He nodded and watched as I stood near him. “We could watch a movie while we wait for the rain, if you wanted?”
I was in his clothes and now we would watch a movie in his house? It felt unreal.
“Oka—”
The front door slammed and loud bangs emanated from the hallway.
Wyatt’s eyes widened and his expression contorted, reminding me so much of those days when his mood was off.
Was this noise the cause of those interactions?
“Wyatt!” someone shouted.
“In my room, Dad.”
My eyes widened and met his gaze, only to see him cringe before the door pushed all the way open. He mouthed I’m sorry.
“Wyatt … what you doing home, boy?” he slurred.
“It’s the last day of finals. We got out early.”
“Oh—” His dad froze when he finally noticed me in the room. His eyes were unconcentrated, his step jerky and sluggish.
Was he drunk in the afternoon on a random Wednesday?
His dad whistled. “Who is this pretty lady?”
Wyatt pushed to stand before me and in between his dad and me. He placed a tense hand on my arm. “We’re just leaving.”
“What’s your hurry? You’re never home. Why don’t you stay?”
“We’ll be fine.”
His dad didn’t move from the front of the doorway. My stomach clenched. All the good feelings were gone and instead were replaced with anxiety about what was happening between them.
They clearly didn’t get along, or at least on Wyatt’s side. The negative feelings oozed from him.
“We’re leaving, Dad. I will see you later.”
His dad gazed at Wyatt’s expression, albeit he wobbled on his feet. His dad was still taller than Wyatt by a few inches. If he really wanted to, drunk or not, could probably keep Wyatt from leaving.
Was this what he was hiding? And where was his mom? Did she let it happen? Was this what happened to him? His father was a drunk?
Their standoff lasted only another minute, before his dad stepped aside and hobbled down the hallway. He looked away as he waved us away, dismissing us from his presence.
Wyatt said nothing, communicating only through cold and standoffish body language. He grabbed a bag from his closet and stuffed it with several pieces of clothing before he strapped it over his shoulder and then grabbed his guitar case too.
“It should be done raining.”
He walked from his room and out the front door.
I had no plans to stay there any longer than I had to. After one final look, I followed him out and closed the door.
Wyatt had already started his truck and was sitting in the driver’s seat. His expression was hard to read, but he wasn’t carefree anymore like when he kissed me.
This was definitely related to his rougher moods.
The passenger door closed and the radio was silent, the only sounds coming from the engine. He reversed the truck and left the neighborhood.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He glanced in my direction but didn’t answer.
Of course he wasn’t okay, Marley. Jeez.
“I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
Silence.
We drove around, not talking. I tried a few times to say something or do something, but nothing I asked garnered a response.
And in that silence my feelings festered. I had spent time with him almost daily for three and a half weeks and I knew nothing about his family. I knew nothing about his mom or his dad, about that little house by the park.
How could we be so vulnerable with each other and him not actually tell me anything?
But that was it. As I replayed our conversations, he wasn’t being vulnerable. He avoided every chance there was to tell me about his dad. He didn’t elaborate when I asked him why they didn’t hike. He didn’t even tell me a big secret at karaoke.
I had been vulnerable.
How stupid could I have been? We agreed to date and I didn’t know anything real about him. How could a relationship start like that and last?
He parked in the lot at West End Bakery and stared out his driver window. “I’m sorry about my dad. I didn’t think he would have been there. If I would have known …”
He would have what? Not brought me? Would he have just continued to keep it from me? I needed to know.
“What happened junior year?”
Wyatt’s shoulders slumped, but he wouldn’t look at me. “What do you know?”
“That something changed in junior year.”
He sighed, still staring out his driver’s side window. A minute passed in silence before he started. “We were happy. The three of us went hiking and spent weekends together, like I imagine you did with your parents. My mom was diagnosed with cancer at the end of sophomore year. She was strong. She planned to fight it and we believed her.”
Oh no.
“By the end of the summer, she was on a ventilator and was in the hospital. I went to the first day of school and by nine a.m. I was called to the counselor’s office. I just knew. She had died while I was at school.” He readjusted his beanie. “My dad tried to put on a big show that he was fine, but I could hear him crying at night. He didn’t bounce back. He lost his job. He drank all the time. And as you can see, that hasn’t changed.”
That was why he left the hospital. We delivered to the cancer ward. It must have reminded him of his mom.
“But why not just tell me that?”
He scoffed. “Was I supposed to say, ‘Hey, Marley. My dad’s a drunk. My mom’s dead. Your life is perfect, yet you worry too much about what others think of you, especially your cousin?’ I don’t think so. You were my tutor.”
My eyes widened. “A tutor you didn’t even need. Mrs. Wasko let it slip today that you had top grades in good classes. So why even go along with it? You pulled yourself out of your hole. You didn’t need me to help you with a thesis. Which was obvious with the papers you sent me.”
“It’s not as simple as saying I just flipped a switch and magically fixed everything. Do you really think I would fail everything just so I could be rescued later? I didn’t know you’d come along, Marley. I was drowning. My dad couldn’t maintain a job with his drinking. I had lost one parent and suddenly had to be the responsible one for my only other parent alive. I had to help with bills. I used the money from gigs and other odds and ends to pay things so we didn’t end up on the street.”
“Okay, so I structured something, big whoop. You still knew that you once upon a time were academically oriented. You had to know that didn’t disappear.”
“Yeah, I was smart. But you know what happens when you miss classes because you fell asleep from being up all night stressing? You stop hearing or caring what they say.”
“So why not say that? I asked you to tell me something today most people didn’t know and you said your tonsils were taken out. None of this seemed relevant to you? You didn’t even want to trust your girlfriend with what you were going through?”
“It’s not about … No, you know what. Why should I have to explain? I’m telling you right now. It happened and I explained, but that isn’t good enough for you.” He shook his head. “This. This reaction is why I don’t tell people.”
He thought I was being ridiculous? Was I not allowed to process what he told me? Was I not allowed to feel upset that he kept such a big secret from me? I may not have had other boyfriends, but weren’t they supposed to be honest with each other if a relationship was to work?
His lie of omission tainted everything. And if he could keep something so important to himself and not mention it, then what else could he have lied about?
I crossed my arms. “I think you should take me home.”
He finally looked at me and studied my expression before he put the truck back into gear. He drove the ten minutes to my house in silence and then parked in the driveway.
My anger bubbled to the surface. So maybe it didn’t make sense at first to tell me, but when I had put myself out there, he could have attempted the same even a little bit. But to hide it and then turn it around on me wasn’t fair. I had been honest about my situation.
He never had been.
I was a silly, foolish girl. How could I think I knew someone enough to be their girlfriend after three weeks? I should have been smart enough to know that when something seemed too good to be true, it usually was.
Like he said that first day, he didn’t want to be someone’s bucket list before college. What if I had been his? A little goody-two-shoes, could I get her out of her shell?
Well, the joke was on me, but I wouldn’t let him hurt me again.
“I’ll wash your clothes and make sure to get them back to you. Thank you for doing our arrangement, but I think we were kidding ourselves. We clearly don’t mean enough to each other to be honest about our lives.” I opened his truck door and hopped down, then grabbed my bag of soaked clothes and watched him one more time. “I’m glad you will graduate. You’ve always deserved that. And I hope your band does well on Sunday, but I can’t do this. I can’t be someone’s girlfriend when they can’t even be vulnerable with me.”
His gaze snapped to mine. “Be vulnerable? What do you call this conversation, Marley? How is this not the most vulnerable someone can be?”
“It’s after he walked through. Tell me something. If he hadn’t come in today. If we had stayed and watched a movie and kissed more, would you have told me? Would I have known about your parents?”
He stared but said nothing.
“I thought so. You only told me because you had no choice. That isn’t real vulnerability. I admitted I hadn’t kissed anyone. I told you my greatest fear. No, my vulnerabilities aren’t as serious as yours, but I was honest and I disclosed them to you. How can I trust that what you’ve said to me is even real?”
The skin at the corner of his eyes crinkled. “You’ll never trust what’s real unless you believe you’re worth it. And that’s not something I can fix.”
Believe I was worth it? What was he even talking about? That had nothing to do with this.
“Goodbye, Wyatt.”
I ran to the front door as the first tear slid down my cheek. I should never have trusted him. I leaned against the front door and listened as his truck pulled out of the driveway and then disappeared.
How did a day go from so happy to an utter failure?