Sage nudged me for the fourth time since we arrived at the parking lot for school. “What?”
“Do you see him?”
“No! Because I’m not looking for him. Will you drop it already?”
“You aren’t the least bit curious about whether or not he passed? Didn’t you say something about your precious little reputation in tutoring would depend on his results too?”
“I don’t even care about that anymore. And I really am trying to concentrate on this rehearsal we have for tomorrow. Yanno the moment we walk across the stage and everything changes?”
Sage snorted. “Everything changes? That’s a bit much don’t you think? It’s a ceremony, it isn’t the start to college, which will actually change everything.” She tugged my arm, stopping our walk into the front doors. “Why are you avoiding him so intently? You’re not even a little tempted to see him and find out how he’s doing? See if he’s upset about the breakup too?”
“Sage,” I said as I pushed away her hand and scrunched my nose to release the pressure from her persistence. “I don’t even know if he’s here. He hasn’t called or texted me since that day.”
“Neither have you.”
“And it seems silly to do it now. What would I say? What good would it do? We still want different things for our future. I couldn’t ask him to come with me to see Andrea after everything that happened, then ghost him again afterward. It wouldn’t be right. Honestly, I can’t believe we fake dated to begin with. You never should have encouraged it.”
“Oh no. Don’t blame this on me. You finally did something that was out of Marley’s little plan and it was so good for you. Look at all you pushed yourself to do in the past three weeks that you would have never done!”
“Yeah, and that’s great, yay for new experiences, but honestly, if I could go back and avoid feeling like this, I would.”
She glared at me. “You would not. You can’t honestly tell me that you’d rather not have had your first kiss and all those moments with him, just so you couldn’t feel hurt from how it ended.”
“At least before I could live in my ignorance and bliss and pretend that I was happy. Maybe not even pretend. I was happy because I was satisfied with who I was and what I had. Now I know that kisses can feel amazing and how a guy’s arm around you can make your heart flutter.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but that doesn’t happen every time. That tells me your connection was important.”
I groaned. “Why? Why are you saying that? We broke up. I don’t see it changing, so please just stop.”
She rolled her eyes and strode away.
Sage didn’t give up very easily or walk away when she was being challenged, so she was either regrouping or completely fed up with me.
Which was fine. If she was fed up, then she could stop nagging me.
She got farther and farther from me as she headed to her homeroom to get in the proper order. We all had to sit in alphabetical order, so she was nowhere near me having a last name of Marshall. Wyatt would be even closer, but he still would hopefully be a fair distance away.
I had hoped that Shaw would be far enough away from Wix, but when we lined up in the hallway, he was close enough to see.
My stomach flopped.
It was unfair how quickly my body could betray me. Just the sight of him in the hallway cracked at my determination. My thoughts slipped to the park and how happy we were before it all crumbled.
Why did I crave his presence so much?
He didn’t look my way. He didn’t even search the hallway. At least if he was in rehearsal it meant he had passed his final with Mr. Andrews. He would graduate. The thought that even with all he had going on in his life, he could walk across the stage made me smile. But it was short lived.
My thoughts oscillated between the good moments and our argument.
Thankfully our practice was shorter than I had expected. We lined up in alphabetical order, processed into the gymnasium where chairs were already set up, then processed back outside. That was it. No big speeches, just a reminder that we had to be there by ten a.m. with our cap and gown.
I walked to my Honda Fit, where Sage’s presence shortly joined me.
“Did you see him?”
I nodded.
“Did you talk to him?”
“Nope. And before you ask, he didn’t talk to me or even look around for me either. I just need to face it that when I said goodbye, that was it.”
She rolled her eyes and stomped toward her lime green VW bug. “You’re being ridiculous.” Then she gave me the peace sign and got in.
She didn’t even wait for me to respond or look back my way again. Well, I would just follow her anyway.
I hopped in my car and made sure to get behind her in line.
She peered into her rearview mirror and sped up, but I stayed with her. She wove around cars as she entered town, but I was only a second or two behind her as I parked at her dad’s bookstore.
She slammed her door as she got out. “What are you doing?” she shouted.
“Following you. What is your deal?”
“You!” She poked me in the chest. “You have a chance to be with someone who likes you and yet you are wasting the opportunity because you’re too stubborn to talk about it.”
“I’m not being stubborn. I don’t even know if he would want to talk to me at this point. What if he didn’t even acknowledge me?”
“Then you’ll have to deal with that, but it is stupid not to try. And honestly is such a waste.”
I crossed my arms. “What do you expect me to do Sage? I can’t make him talk to me. It is probably just too late. I need to understand that and so do you.”
Sage’s nose twitched as she listened to what I said, before her expression soured. “It’s only too late if you don’t even try. You could text and see if he answers or wave to him at graduation. Those are all choices you could make, but if you make none, then yeah, there’s a good chance it’s too late.” She sighed and rested her hands on her hips. “Marley, I love you, but you can be too much sometimes. It’s up to you to decide what to do. It’s your life, but I don’t want to see you waste it because you’re scared. You’ve been more adventurous lately and you needed that. Don’t forget that just because the person who brought it out in you, might not be around anymore. But I have to start my shift. Talk later?”
I nodded and watched as she jogged toward the backdoor of Marshall’s Books. Once again, I had nowhere to be.
Instead of going back to my car right away, I moseyed down main street and found a bench to sit. The day was warm and perfect for June. The humidity wasn’t unbearable yet. In a few short weeks it would be suffocating to sit on the bench in the middle of the day, but today it was still clinging to spring time.
The streets were mostly vacant. A few older couples strolled along the sidewalks here and there, but no one else my age was anywhere I could see. I sighed then pulled out my phone.
His contact card taunted me. If I texted him and he still didn’t want anything to do with me, then I would have to own that.
My fingers hovered over the letters.
Wyatt, I’m so…
So what? So sorry? Did he deserve the conversation over a text message?
Wyatt, I shouldn’t have expected you to tell me. Your family is your business. I was just scared that if you could keep that, what else would you keep from me …
I exited out of the message and shoved the phone back in my pocket. This was getting me nowhere. Pushing off the edge of the bench, I stood and trudged back to my car. Tomorrow was graduation. One more day and the meeting with Andrea and I could forget about it all. Sage and I had plans for the summer when she wasn’t working anyway, why did that have to change? I would focus on that and forget about the whole arrangement.