Chapter 9
Ever feel like you’re swimming against the tide—and the tide is winning? You may feel swept away at home by all the clutter your kids create: clothing and shoes, toys and books, computer games, CDs, DVDs, magazines, stuffed animals. The list seems endless. It seems that as the kids grow, the type of clutter may change, from rattles to skateboards, but the amount never lessens. The rising pile may even seem to grow along with them. Until now, anyway.
Now is when you transform this tsunami into calm waters. You can free yourself and your family from drowning in clutter, but not the way you usually do—by doing all of the work yourself, only to have your children immediately re-create their piles of junk on your freshly cleared tables and floors. No, this time the clutter can be eliminated with the assistance of your offspring, who, you will be glad to discover, are not really genetically programmed to create messes in your home. And you also will have the help of some useful feng shui tips, not to mention a few new storage containers. Soon, not only will you turn the tide, but you will even be riding the wave.
Ever notice how kids’ rooms in TV shows and movies or kids’ picture books are always nice and neat, with plenty of shelves and everything nicely organized? The beds are always made, the floors are always cleared, and the rooms look like the kids have never really lived in them. That’s because they haven’t. However, your kids, in real life, are living in their rooms—the operative word being “their.” You have to be careful not to let your ideas of how a room should look overshadow the fact that the room belongs to your child and should be an expression of his or her personality.
This does not preclude having a neat or well-organized room, but it does mean that it should be up toyour child as to what that organization will be. This is, after all, your child’s space—the place where he or she goes to spend time, reflect, study, play, and visit with friends. Of all the places in the world, this one is the most reflective of his or her personality. It is your child’s sanctuary, much as your bedroom most likely is for you now and was when you were a child yourself.
A child’s bedroom is the external reflection of who he or she is internally. To impose your order on your child’s room is to send the message that your child does not have choices, even about his or her own space, and that when he or she does make choices, those choices are somehow “wrong.”
Working together, you can find a solution that will please you both, bring some order to the chaos, and also give your child self-confidence in making decisions about his or her environment. If your child is allowed to take ownership of his or her bedroom, that room is much more likely to be maintained than it will be if your child is merely told how you want things to be.
The kind of clutter that should be of real concern with regard to achieving good energy flow is not the transientclutter that shows up or is removed day to day but the items that tend to stay put, gathering dust, for weeks or months. It’s good to have a plan of attack for how to organize all the little things that can build up in a child’s room.
One mom who enlists the aid of her children in cleaning their rooms always starts with their books. Often, enough time passes between thorough cleanings that your child will have outgrown a few or several of his or her books. Kids love the idea that 1) they are a “big” boy or girl and now have outgrown a particular book, and 2) they can share this book they have enjoyed with other children by giving it away to a school, library, or charity. Allowing children to decide whether to donate their books teaches them compassion, while also clearing some space.
If your child is reluctant to let that book go, even if you think he or she truly has outgrown it, don’t push too hard. Just have your child put it on the bedroom or playroom bookshelf and try again another day. The decision rests with your child, and, after all, there is nothing wrong with hanging on to an old friend.
You can encourage your child by explaining that this donation makes some room for a new book or two, too. Or, you can plan more frequent visits to the library with your child, where he or she has a wide selection—and where the books eventually will return, freeing your child’s space for improved energy flow.
Books are a good place to begin, too, because there are obvious, easy ways of organizing them—alphabetically by title or author, topic, size and color, and so forth.
Clothes are next. They have to be tried on, and therefore they are more time-consuming than books, but they are easily organized: They either fit or they don’t; they either need cleaning or repair or they don’t; and they either belong folded in a drawer or hung on hangers in the closet. Or—sometimes—they need to be folded and placed in a box for the next child in line or to be donated to charity, with clear labeling on the box as to the type and size of clothing inside.
Next is basically everything else—toys, drawings, projects, and miscellaneous possessions. These are the things that will require the most creativity, time, and effort to organize. But when you do this with your child, acting as a team, make a game of it and think creatively, you actually can have some fun organizing. The result is more likely to be a creative arrangement that not only reflects your child’s personality but also, if done right, will inspire your child to maintain it. Approach this task with a sense of adventure and fun, if your child is young, or with a stylish, creative flair, if your child is older. You should choose containers and bookcases together. Also consider a new throw rug or two; an inexpensive chair or beanbag seat; and a small, inexpensive magazine rack, end table, or nightstand to help organize while making the room look better.
Avoid under-the-bed storage; this prevents the free flow of chi, which could disrupt sleep. If redecorating, also avoid installing mirrors that can be seen from the bed, because reflections also inhibit chi and, therefore, sleep. And, again, be certain that neither the foot or the head of the bed is facing the door.
Generally, it’s recommended that you have more storage containers and space than items in your child’s room. This certainly makes it easier to put everything away, because then you don’t have to sort through all of it each day. Shelves, of course, allow kids to see what they have, while containers allow for putting away oddly sized toys or toys with lots of pieces. Play mats for small children or sheets, blankets, or tablecloths for older ones are also good because when they are done, kids can fold up the mat or blanket and put everything away.
Roll-up mats can be purchased for jigsaw puzzles. The puzzles can be rolled inside the mat at the end of the day and unrolled the next when the child is ready, without disturbing the pieces that already have been put together or misplacing the loose pieces.
Naturally, boxes and baskets are good for cleanup as well as for taking toys from one room to another. Kids enjoy decorating their containers, which is an excellent way to enlist their participation in organizing their belongings. Allow them to draw on the boxes and other containers, and maybe even add stickers, glue on pictures from magazines, or make other creative and colorful additions. They will then be more likely to want to use these personalized containers.
When searching for containers, remember that the younger the child, the more likely the need for low shelves and containers that can be stacked on the floor-but not too high. If you are considering toy boxes, make sure they are safe, and that they have safety hinges that prevent the lids from slamming down on little fingers. You also want to avoid lids that latch or are so heavy they can’t be lifted or opened easily by your child if he or she should climb inside the toy box. Antique toy boxes may be pretty, but they are not appropriate for your child if they do not meet these safety requirements.
Whatever storage containers you purchase or make, they, like the clutter they are designed to hold, should be put away neatly and, ideally, organized in such a way that, if they are not transparent, your child still knows what they hold. Like the boxes of hand-me-down clothing, labeling is a good idea. Keeping art supplies in one container, blocks in another, and dolls and doll accessories in yet another is a very good way to help your child keep track of his or her things. It also makes playtime less frustrating—more time for play, less time spent searching for favorite items. Also, having everything in one box makes it easier to transport that game or type of toy and its accessories to one of their friends’ houses.
Some blocks, games, and other toys come in sturdy containers that will last as long, if not longer, than the toys themselves. Some blocks also come in dual-purpose containers—the containers serve as platforms for the blocks while the child plays with them and then stores the blocks when they are through. Great idea!
Containers, it should be noted, are only useful when they are used! Encourage your child to play with only one toy or type of toy at a time, and to put that away before taking out the next toy. Set a time of at least a half hour before bedtime for your child to put away toys and other items so that they are not left out until the next morning or beyond. You can make a game of it for your child, such as setting a timer and playing “beat the clock.” This works best with children who are old enough to clean up after themselves, so that you won’t become too involved in the process yourself. Otherwise, you may find that your child will not get into the habit of picking up his or her things unless you are there to help each time. Or for a larger cleanup project, especially with younger children, offer to take “before” and “after” pictures, or let your child do so.
Be creative, but be consistent, and whenever possible, let your child take the lead. If you give your child an allowance, nightly cleanup might be part of what is expected in order for him or her to collect. But whatever your approach, be sure to praise a job well done!
It’s a good idea to have attractive toy boxes or containers in other rooms of the house where you allow your children to play, including family rooms and sun-rooms. Clutter can accumulate in all kinds of places, and that includes the bathroom. Having a mesh bag that hangs over the bathtub spigot or shower head will help keep the bath toys in one place, as well as allow them to dry in between baths.
Here’s something else to consider: Often, our kids have too many things altogether, either because we buy them, or well-intentioned friends and relatives do so. If you’re not willing to give away some of these toys, especially any duplicates, then consider storing them in an attic or basement and occasionally bringing them down, emptying the boxes, and refilling them with other toys and putting these aside. In this way, you will cut down on clutter and you also will keep your children interested and entertained by toys they either did not remember having or just haven’t seen for a while. Toys coming down from the attic will be seen almost like presents, and it’s less expensive to rotate than to add or replace. Make the switch when your child is not around, however. You may find that he or she never wants to part with any item, meaning that this is not the right time for cleanup teamwork!
Sometimes, we get so caught up in what to put in certain room spaces and how to place those items that we overlook what may be an even better option—what not to put in those spaces! Part of the problem of too much clutter may be too many pieces of furniture. Not only can every available surface attract still more clutter, thus increasing the problem exponentially, but not having some space in which to spread out can make it difficult for kids to create their own play areas. Having space encourages more physical activity and creativity—a place to build a chair-and-blanket fort, for example, or a place to build and leave up for a few days your creations of blocks or cushions. In short, they need a place to imagine. This could be a corner of your family room, den, or basement, or in your child’s bedroom. Wherever you allow it, this is a space in which less truly can be more in terms of becoming a welcome platform from which to launch all kinds of creative play.
Floor coverings for this area may be appropriate and, depending on their design, even enhance imaginative play. Also helpful are cushions or pillows, giving kids a soft landing spot as well as elements with which to create interesting games. And these can be stacked neatly when the kids are done for the day.
If they have a means of creating hiding places, like small forts, or are allowed the use of sleeping tents, then you even may find that clutter is contained within those places. Kids love being in enclosed places and are likely to stock them with some of their favorite books and toys. That way, these items will be where your kids can find them, yet hidden away inside their “caves” and “camps,” rather than scattered about the living room for all to see—and trip over.
Don’t forget about wall space, especially where your child plays. A bulletin board or two can be wrapped in colorful fabric to complement the colors in the room, and your child’s latest masterpieces can be displayed there, or even their calendars of school activities and awards. Better to have a changing exhibition of creations, posters, and information than heaps of papers everywhere. In this way, not only will the room look tidier, but your child’s creativity will also be nurtured.
Remember that you can follow the bagua while setting up your child’s room and/or play space, and even while organizing the clutter—papers and books in the knowledge corner, for example; coin collections and toy banks in the prosperity corner.
When your children are too young to help you clean up, but old enough to make a mess, you must remain diligent about clearing the clutter and washing and cleaning their playthings—whether those are truly toys or kitchen implements with which they enjoy playing.
Even more important, perhaps, is keeping older children’s clutter separate from your baby’s or toddler’s. Older children’s toys have smaller parts than do baby toys, and these are a choking hazard for younger children. Older children often are quite helpful if trained from the time that the younger sibling begins to crawl. They will help pick up their own toys if they can be motivated, such as by the reminder that not only will their baby brother or sister stay safe, but their toys will also remain safely theirs. They should be encouraged to keep their own things in their own rooms, preferably with the doors closed to younger siblings, especially when big brother or big sister is not in the room. Older siblings should also be urged to keep their toys on shelves too high for their younger siblings to reach, or in drawers and boxes that are kept closed and would be difficult for their little brother or sister to open.
You can make a game of cleanup with the older sibling by getting down on your hands and knees with the child to crawl through each room in which they have been playing to see whether either of you discovers any small toy or piece that the younger sibling might accidentally come across. This is the same process that is recommended for checking to be sure that all electrical outlets are covered and no tablecloths hang so low that crawling babies can injure themselves.
From the time that your child can walk, bend, and pick up objects, you can begin training your child to help clean up his or her mess each day. Use a lightweight basket, laundry hamper, or large bag, and go through the various rooms in which your child has played, soliciting his or her help in gathering up items and placing them in the container. The more enjoyable you make this—conversing, singing a song together, or turning the process into a treasure hunt—the easier and quicker the process will be. You also could enlist your young child’s help in cleaning up other clutter in the house, giving him or her a greater sense of belonging in the family, and wanting to make a more pleasant space for everyone. Young children love helping and feeling needed and useful.
Remember that very young children not only like to put things into containers, but also like to take them out! You may want to keep your eye on that part of the process and allow a little extra time while cleaning up. Also, watch out for their wanting to “clean up” items that belong on surfaces, like knickknacks, throw pillows, or doorstops.
The main point is that everyone in the family recognizes the importance of cleanup each day, and that it can be done with your children’s assistance from the time that they are very young. Also important is to recognize that cleanup can be made fun and used as another opportunity to educate, play, help, and bond with one another. Our relationships with our children don’t always have to be complicated and conflicted. Like ensuring the flow of chi in our rooms, we can make life simpler and more enjoyable with our kids, creating a greater flow of chi between us all, as well.
One question to ask yourself is this: What kind of example are you setting for your children with your own clutter? Often, we clean up our living rooms and dining rooms, in case we have company, if not merely for our own satisfaction. But what about our own personal spaces that guests don’t usually see—our bedrooms, bathrooms, and home offices? Are there papers and books piled everywhere and closets overflowing with clothes, shoes, and odds and ends? Are there old magazines next to the bed or piled on the nightstand, along with assorted odds and ends that we never use?
Kids follow our lead, and if we are disorganized and allow the clutter to build up, they will feel no compunction about doing the same—and will feel justified in pointing out to us the double standard when reprimanded for their own messes.
Take advantage of the opportunity, with your younger children especially, to make it a game: “Mom (or Dad) will clean the bedroom while you clean yours. Let’s see who does the best job!” Or, “Let’s see who finishes first.” Maybe you could pull out your old clothes, books, and objects and box them up for donation to a charity at the same time as your child is filling a box with his or her items for that purpose. Maybe you could ask your child to decorate a special container to hold your favorite items, too, or you each could decorate containers together. There is nothing like a family art project to bond parents and children, especially when the art objects will have a practical purpose and will serve as daily, visible reminders of the lovely time the two of you spent together.
You might find it helpful to create a checklist that both you and your kids can use in daily cleanup. Perhaps, with younger or elementary-school-aged children, you could develop a rewards system associated with this checklist—say, for every five forms filled out each week, representing at least five days of complete cleanup, they will receive five quarters, or an extra half hour of playtime before bed one evening, or some other not-too-expensive or time-consuming motivator that will ensure consistency. That is the key word. Without consistency, the situation could devolve to the point where clutter is overwhelming by the end of the week and seems too much for either the child or the parent to tackle.
What points should be on this checklist? That depends on your priorities in your home, but some examples might be:
Put away homework papers
Put away books
Clear out dirty laundry and hang up/put away clean clothes, including jackets
Pick up toys from the floor and other surfaces where they don’t belong
Throw away candy and gum wrappers and other trash
Put away bath toys and hang up bath towels
Clear dishes off the table and put away any food items from making snacks or school lunches
Put away crayons, coloring books, markers, clay, paint, and all other similar items
Put caps on and put away personal hygiene items, including toothbrushes, hairbrushes and ponytail holders, soap, shampoo, and deodorant
Wipe up any messes from any of the above so that there are no sticky surfaces
It’s probably a good idea to keep this checklist fairly brief so that the items can be completed and checked off in a reasonable amount of time each day. Too long a list will discourage anyone, especially a small child, and as long as the list has the basics that will keep the living space reasonably clear on a daily basis, that should suffice. Any other items can be saved for the weekend or as a special incentive to earn a little extra allowance or an additional privilege or two for the week.
Having a checklist not only will help everyone keep your home free of clutter, but it also provides some structure and expectations of responsibility that are important for growing children. And if you have your own quick cleanup checklist, as well, you will stay in step with your kids and make them feel that rather than a double standard, these are good rules for everyone to live by. Perhaps such a list will put your child on a lifelong path to a more orderly household—and isn’t that what your ultimate goal should be?