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SIMMEL CAME FOR THE baby shortly after that. Having been completely loyal to Lavious after Aeveron’s death, he was in the capital city, and nothing escaped him. It did not take him long to discover Sevylia’s death and that the baby that had been born was mine.
I was standing on Sevylia’s old balcony, which had long-since been fixed from the fire so many months ago. It felt like ages since Sevylia and I had last stood on it together.
“I will not stop searching for her until you keep your oath, Aidan. The Ettki will not stop either. That brand binds you to your word, and if not kept, you and your child will be hunted forever.”
“Take her,” I said, not moving my gaze to look at him.
“What?”
“I said, ‘take her.’”
He did not reply for a long while. “I expected you to fight me. The child is your last link to the woman you loved.”
I looked at him then, and I could see in his eyes that the assassin he once knew was gone—replaced by someone more shattered and emptier than I had been before.
“I want nothing to do with it. Just take it and get out.” I waited a moment until Simmel disappeared off the balcony.
Radon stood at the balcony doors. “Aidan?”
I spoke without realizing what I was saying. The words just spilled out of me, like a wave of something I had not been able to say until that moment. “If I had not sinned with Sevylia...she wouldn’t have died in childbirth. I have already killed two of the three men responsible for her death. You know I will not kill myself. That would be too quick of a way to end things. My punishment must be far worse.”
“You do not have to give away your daughter to punish yourself this way.”
I interrupted him. “Do not. I deserve that and much more. But it—I will not raise a child I never wanted; not a living, breathing, reminder of who I lost... who I loved. A reminder that I lost her because of my own actions.”
“Are you sure that this is what you wish? That is a decision you will not be able to take back,” Radon said.
“I am not sure of anything. But I cannot—I am not a father. I am a killer. You were there, watching those last few moments as I killed Lavious, I know you were. You heard what he said, and you saw the same thing he saw. I will not take that child, cursing it with a man such as me.”
“Could you really give her to the Ettki? Condemn her to live and suffer as you did?”
I swallowed hard. “No one can protect her from them and if I hadn’t given her to them, they would hunt her down for the rest of her life.”
Radon remained silent, as did I. It could have minutes or hours before I spoke again, I wasn’t sure.
“There’s only one way to make up for all that I have done. I will go with you, Radon.”
He nodded and looked at me with pity and sorrow.
In order to do this, I would never let in emotion. It was as I had been before Sevylia—let the task itself be enough to fuel me, to keep me going. No love, no anger, just a numbness that encased all the grief and guilt and hid it. This would be just another task for me. No distractions, no attachments. Go with Radon. Train. Find anyone if needed. Destroy the darkness, no matter the cost. Try to make up for all the innocent lives I had tortured and killed, destroyed and ruined.
I knew I never could, but I still had to try.
