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I stood in the mirror, facing the messiest version of myself. My hair was dry and so brittle. The bags under my eyes were so deep, I’d say I hadn’t slept in days, months even. I couldn’t believe that I had let myself fall so low. How pitiful. Most people would say my life wasn’t hard at all, but I begged to differ. I was alone. I always had been. But then, I met Jacob, and he lit up my whole world. He was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me until he wasn’t. I picked at the necklace on my neck, initials J.R., for Jacob and me. I wished I didn’t have to let him go or to be alone in my misery, but I had no choice.
I must do this. Let’s get it over with. Just as long as it’s before the festival starts.
I dressed in my green T-shirt with ripped jeans and threw on some good tennis shoes. It wasn’t a lot, but it was better than before. I left the house and headed towards Jacob for our meeting.
The sun was so bright outside. It hurt my eyes, but the heat on my skin was so refreshing. It was everything I needed. I needed to get out of my head and enjoy what I could instead of focusing on all the negative. Maybe today will go better than I think.
But then, just as I went down the trail, there it was.
My dad and I were the best of friends. We did everything together, including taking walks down the trail in Kurleigh. It had been a slight rain that morning, but the day was nice, and so were the apples on the bush in the woods.
I went to pick one of the apples when suddenly, I was alarmed by the loud screeching of my father. I look to the right of me to see my dad trying to fight off a huge wolf. It seemed like time had slowed down and I was going to be stuck in that same position for the rest of my life.
But then, barely, my dad called out to me. “Rue, Run.”
And I did what any kid my age would do. I followed my father’s orders, and I ran. I took one last look behind me before running off, though, and there was my father bleeding out, head sagging, as the wolf dragged him off into the cold woods. That was the last time I would ever see my father alive, or whole, I should say.
This can’t be happening.
I watched as the wolf lay down, right in the middle of the trail. What am I supposed to do? I have to get by, but I’m not strong enough to fight this thing on my own. I’m not strong at all.
I moved through the woods, enough so that he wouldn’t see me, but I saw him and could still get by. “You have got to pull yourself together Rue,” I whispered to myself. “Come on, you can do this.”
Being there, in the woods, everything was the same. The bush was still there. The pavement on the trail was still plastered with dirt. Huge sticks were lying around all over the woods. My dad may as well have been there, too. I wish he were. Actually, there was a blemish from his blood shed right on top of the pavement with all the dirt.
I quietly found the biggest stick I could and inched towards the front of the woods. I was centered on the wolf. Just like the day of the attack. But this time, I was the predator. I reached for my chest and grabbed my necklace, holding it tight. Then I lightly touched the scar on the side of my face with my numb fingertips.
I let out the most angered scream, releasing every pain and every ugly part of me this wolf created ten years ago. I raised the stick above my head and ran straight towards the devil. He was completely thrown off by my presence. Thank God. He rose and turned his head around at just the perfect time for me to make contact and bash him straight across the jaw.
He hit the ground hard, but I didn’t stop. I hit him again and again. I started to feel better, but then I saw this thing that ruined my entire life. I saw this thing, an animal, that ruined my entire state of being, run away. If only he had that day, too.
I had some time to calm down, and I was just a few steps from the very end of the trail. But then, it hit me. Wait, what time is it? I reached for my phone in my back pocket, but it wasn’t there. Just great. I must’ve dropped my phone earlier on the trail. Or maybe in the woods?
It wasn’t as simple as turning back around because I had to meet up with Jacob before the festival started. It was already day and the fog cleared up hours ago, so it must’ve been later than 3 pm by then. The festival was supposed to start at 6 pm. I turned around to face the long trail behind me and every step I’d already taken. It was a short debate on whether I should turn around and go to look for it because I simply didn’t have the time.
“Just forget it,” I said to myself, turning back. “I’ll go back and try to find it later, but right now I need a phone.”
I continued to walk the remaining end of the trail. The minute I reached the end, the first place that I made eye contact with was Carol’s Diner. I walked the little distance to the diner, and I entered through the see-through doors. The same little chime went off just as usual, so no one looked up to notice me. I walked up to the counter to face Carol, an older rounded lady with ash gray hair.
“Hi, Carol,” I said.
“Wow,” said Carol. “Look what the cats have dragged in.”
“Look, Carol, I know it’s been a long time. But can I please use your phone?”
“I mean, I don’t know,” said Carol. “You hurt my feelings, Rue. You were my girl for years. Like my own daughter. You’d come in here with Ben and get the same thing every time.”
Chicken and Waffles with a vanilla milkshake to wash it down.
“Chicken and Waffles were your dad’s favorite. It became even more of a favorite once you two could enjoy it together,” said Carol.
“Yes, Carol, you’re right. But I’d rather not talk about my dad right now. Can I please just use your phone?
“Rue, you’ve got some nerve, coming in here demanding things,” said Carol. “You know, your dad died, and you didn’t even think to let me know yourself?”
“Carol, please,” I said. “I’m not having the best day.”
“No, Rue. You guys were like my family, and I had to find out from people gossiping in the town. It hurt me to my core.”
I huffed a big cloud of air. My shoulders were growing tense and becoming too heavy. I scratched at my head, completely thrown off by Carol. I tried to keep my composure and be as respectful as I could. Because it was true. Carol was like our family, and I may have been wrong for not seeing her all those years, but what did she expect? If anyone should’ve been hurt, it was me, right?
“Are you hearing me Rue?” asked Carol.
“Yes. Yes, I hear you,” I shouted. “But I can assure you that my dad dying hurt me much more than anyone in Kurleigh. Including you, Carol. I didn’t just lose a father, but I lost my best friend. He was the one person in this town who believed in me and loved me unconditionally. Even when I left him to die. Literally on this very day.”
I didn’t need a mirror to know that my cheeks were fiery red. I could simply feel the heat that emerged from them like steam from a pot. Plus, my hands started to shake. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. But I also couldn’t deal with Carol right then, not when I needed her. I brought myself back together and softened my voice.
“Please, Carol,” I said. “I’m sorry I betrayed you, and I promise to come and visit from now on. Look, I’ll even order something now if it makes things better. Just please, let me use your phone.”
“Fine, Rue,” said Carol. “But this isn’t over.”
Carol walked towards the back to get her phone. She came back in just a few minutes, and she handed the phone to me.
“Here,” said Carol. “Now go sit at what used to be your usual spot and I’ll bring the food to you. I’m sure you need this more than you think.”
I walked away from the front counter and towards a little corner booth on the far left of the counter. I noticed the booth had a new picture of a monarch butterfly on the wall. And then there was the old one of a black cat. That was one of the reasons my dad and I sat here all the time. We loved the idea of eating with the cat. I’m sure we would’ve enjoyed the butterfly, too. I took a hard swallow before I slid into the booth. This is some Black Cat Day.
Just like in the woods, there was this sense of familiarity that spread all over my body. The cushion of the booth was still sunken in, but not too much. The soft jazz that played throughout the diner was not too loud but still could be heard enough for taste buds to dance. And there was only one last thing to set the mood. Soon enough, Carol came, as promised, with my food. My chicken and waffles with a vanilla milkshake to wash it down. This is too much. It’s all too much.
“Here you go, Rue,” said Carol. “You enjoy.”
Is she being serious right now? Could she not understand that I won’t ever enjoy this again?
“Thanks, Carol,” I said. “And I’m sorry.”
“No worries, Rue. All is forgiven. I understand what you were saying. I’m sorry that you had to go through all those years alone. But not too much fret about this, did you make your phone call?”
“No, I’m about to now. I’ll bring the phone when I’m done,” I said, forcing a smile.
After Carol left me, all there was at the table was me, the phone, and the plate of chicken and waffles. I looked at the time on the phone and it read 4:00 pm. One hour before the festival started. Okay, let’s get this over with. I pushed away the plate and dialed the phone number to Jacob’s phone, three rings sprung in my ear before he answered.
“Hello?” said Jacob. “Who is this?”
This is going to be so much harder than I thought. Is this really what I want?
“Hi, Jacob. It’s me, Rue,” I said. “It’s a long story, but I’m here at Carol’s Diner. Any chance you can meet here in the next 30 minutes? I was kind of hoping that I didn’t have to come to the festival since...you know.”
“Yeah, I get it, but please don’t hate me when I tell you this.”
I sat up straight in my seat and closed my eyes, bracing myself for the hard blow. “What is it?”
“I won’t be able to meet with you there, Rue. I’ve been doing some community service so today that includes helping with the set-up for the festival. I hope that you can understand.”
No, you idiot, I can’t understand. But why can’t you understand, either? My dad died on this same day 10 years ago. I don’t want to be around anything that surrounds this town’s freak cat day. Can’t anything just go the way that I want today?
“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll try to meet within the hour.”
“Folks will start rolling in as soon as five o’clock. You should be on your way now if you want to avoid the rush.”
I hung up the phone before Jacob could utter any other word. Black Cat Day continued its reign of being the worst day of the entire year, especially for me. I can’t do this.
I went to the restroom to try and clear my head. To pull some strength some way somehow. I stood in the mirror once more that day and still, I saw the same sad girl. The fatherless girl, looking for someone to love her. The needy girl, looking for someone to save her. The cowardly girl, looking for someone to give her the easy way out. Just like my dad gave to me ten years ago. Look where that has gotten me. This must end.
I splashed some water on my face, fixed up my hair a bit, and went back outside to the front counter to face Carol.
“So, I didn’t really finish the food, and honestly I will come back,” I said. “But first, can you please take me to the festival?”
Carol looked at me with the blankest expression on her face. “No, Rue, I can’t take you to the festival...but I can give you my keys to borrow.”
I could feel a glow inside me that I hadn’t felt in such a long time. Maybe it’s the same one my dad saw when he chose to sacrifice himself for me.
Carol reached into her pocket and handed me the keys, smiling. “You drive safe, Rue.”
“I will,” I said. “Thank you so much, Carol.”
I walked outside the restaurant and looked around the parking lot full of small cars. Just great. Carol didn’t say which one was hers. Luckily, she had one of those cars that would beep when you pressed the unlock button. I pressed it repeatedly as I walked through the parking lot, following the sound. Eventually, I made it to Carol’s little green car. Here we go.
I got inside the car, full of butterfly seat patterns, and pulled out of the parking lot immediately. There was nothing that would stop me from doing this. I had to do something for myself, finally. Something that proved I wasn’t the weak little girl who always needed something.
Once I got to the festival, it was just a small crowd of people forming so I could easily get to the admissions gate. I darted through the crowd of people like a mad woman, but I didn’t care what they thought. I was on a mission. I got a little lost before I felt a tug on my arm. I thought it was security before I looked behind to see Jacob. His eyes were a warm brown color. His skin had that natural glow that every girl wished they had. Don’t do it, Rue. Do what you came here to do, and leave.
“Hi, Rue,” said Jacob. “What was it you wanted to meet about?”
I looked Jacob in his eyes as I removed the J.R. initialed necklace. This is it. There’s no turning back.
“Rue, what are you doing?” he asked.
Before I could answer, I was thrown off by the sight of the monarch butterfly. Even though it was my first time seeing it earlier at the diner, it had stuck with me already. And this one was live, and in person.
“We need to talk,” I said.