We don’t have time to sit and enjoy the feeling of a full belly. We have to get going.
Out in the yard, Kas slips the bridle over Yogi’s head. We fill the saddlebags with tinned food, clothes and a couple of knives. Then I boost Willow onto Yogi’s back and she grabs a handful of his mane.
Rowdy’s excited by all the preparations. He’s still favouring one of his back legs but seems happy enough to walk.
By the time we are ready to go, the moon is already high. It’s almost full and I’m worried it might give too much light, but clouds begin to move in off the ocean.
‘We have to cross the river,’ I say.
‘Okay,’ Kas says. ‘Let’s go.’
‘How’s the leg?’
‘All right,’ she says, but I see that she’s still limping heavily.
‘I thought you were going to ride.’
‘Yogi’s got enough to carry. I’ll be fine.’
We retrace our steps from the morning until we veer off to find the spot where the river has been piped under the old tip road. There’s a wide verge on the side that’s well concealed by the taller trees and we take the chance on following it, moving in and out of the shadows. It leads us to the intersection with the coast road, where they built the barriers when the town was quarantined. Anything burnable is long gone, but the big orange barriers are still there.
We need to follow the road for a couple of ks towards Pinchgut Junction. Then we’ll turn east along the coast road leading to the top of Ray’s valley.
The road is more overgrown here so we have to walk Yogi out on the last remaining strip of bitumen. His clip-clopping echoes through the bush. Rowdy lopes along on three legs next to Kas. He almost looks his old self again after a couple of good feeds.
Kas leads Yogi and I watch her silhouette: even with the limp, I love the way her body moves. Her shoulders look wider from behind and she seems to taper down to her hips. Her legs are bare below her shorts and the muscles of her calves are bunched and tight. I’m feeling things that a couple of weeks ago I thought I’d never get to feel—the need to be with a girl, to have her touch me, to kiss me.
The more time I spend with Kas, the more I notice the differences between her and Rose. She’s less defensive and, even with the danger that threatens almost everywhere, she’s fun to be around. From what I can make out, Rose copped the worst of what went on in Longley and she probably has every right to be less trusting. But Kas is more open, maybe more innocent. More like me, I guess.
We are still about an hour from Ray’s place when Kas slows for me to catch her up.
‘You know at the meeting in the valley?’ she says. ‘When you first saw me?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What’d Harry mean when he said you’d nearly killed Ramage?’
I tell her about the night at the hayshed. About the wire and cutting Ramage’s hand.
‘Why his hand?’
‘Because that’s where Rose was cut. She never said who did it, but I guessed it was Ramage.’
‘Her left hand?’
‘Yeah. Why?’
Kas takes my fingers and runs them over the back of her left hand. There’s something hard under the skin.
‘What’s that?’ I ask.
‘It’s an implant. All Sileys have them. So we could be tracked—back when there was the technology to do it.’
‘So I think she might have cut it out herself.’
‘But why? They can’t track you now.’
‘But they can still identify us,’ Kas says. ‘Rose always hated it, was always picking at it. It meant you were someone else’s property, bought and sold like an animal. Do you know what that feels like?’
She stops. The moonlight is behind her and it makes a halo of her hair.
‘What’s wrong with people in this country, Finn? Even before the virus it was so beautiful here; you had everything. But you were so cruel.’
I don’t have an answer to that. We walk on in silence. There’s a word on the tip of my tongue but I find it hard to let out. It’s like admitting she’s right, like saying we are—we always were—cruel.
‘Sorry,’ I say at last into the night.
Kas reaches for my hand. ‘It’s not your fault. It’s never the kids’ fault.’
The moon has almost set by the time we make it to the top of Ray’s valley. To avoid getting swiped by the low branches, Willow slides down from Yogi and walks.
Finally, the trees start to thin and we come to the fence that marks the beginning of Ray’s place. I know exactly where the trip-wire is so we go along to a break in the fence past the closed gate. We still can’t see Ray’s house from here, but as we drop down into the valley I pick out the silhouette of his roof and chimney against the night sky. There’s no light and no smell of smoke.
When we get within fifty metres of the house, I whistle long and low. Ray’s probably asleep. I whistle again and wait, then I hear the creak of a screen door.
‘That you, young Finn?’
‘Yep, it’s me.’
A shadow comes out to meet us and I recognise Ray’s bow-legged walk. Rowdy is already rubbing his nose against Ray’s leg and Ray is scratching him under the chin.
‘Jesus, Finn, I’m not runnin’ a bloody guesthouse,’ Ray says when he sees Kas, Willow and Yogi, but there’s a chuckle in his voice. He draws me into a big bear hug.
By the time we get to the porch he’s lit a small kero lamp.
‘Who might these ladies be, then?’
I introduce Kas and Willow. Ray brings the lamp closer to Kas’s face and nods.
‘You must be Rose’s sister.’
Kas can’t contain herself. ‘Is she here?’
‘Come inside,’ he says quietly.
We follow the lantern light along the hallway to the kitchen. I notice the door to one of the bedrooms is closed.
Ray hangs the lamp above the table and we sit down. Willow climbs into my lap, her eyes wide now as she takes in this new place. Ray winks at her.
‘Where is she?’ Kas asks.
‘She’s sleeping.’ Ray points his chin towards the closed door.
Kas jumps to her feet, but Ray takes her by the arm.
‘Let her sleep, girl. She’s okay, but I have to tell you what’s happened.’ He leans his elbows on the table and sighs long and deep. The way the shadows fall across his face makes him look older than I remember.
‘She arrived here three or four days ago,’ he begins. ‘In pretty bad shape. Her clothes torn, cuts all over her, and disorientated. She was feverish, too, stumbling and making no sense at all. She’s crook, Finn, too crook for me to look after. I’ve been feeding her, but I don’t have a lotta food to spare. I got her to eat some soup today, but she’s just skin and bone. When she’s awake she holds her belly the whole time, stroking it and talking to the baby.’ Ray takes a deep breath. ‘It don’t look good. I reckon the baby isn’t far off coming.’
‘But she thought she was only six months pregnant,’ I say.
‘She’s probably more than six months,’ Kas says, and then, ‘Don’t ask me how I know.’
Ray goes on. ‘You were right about that cut on her hand, Finn. I reckon that’s where the fever has come from. The infection’s spread.’
‘I’ve got to see her,’ Kas says, moving towards the door.
Ray glances at me and I nod.
‘Just be real quiet,’ he says. ‘Sleep’s the best thing for her now.’
Kas quietly opens the door off the kitchen. She starts to move through, then reaches her hand back for me.
The first thing I notice, while my eyes adjust to the dark, is the sound of Rose’s breathing. It’s not regular. She inhales and seems to hold her breath for ages before letting it out. Then she breathes short and sharp, like she’s panting.
Kas kneels down next to the bed and puts her forehead on Rose’s arm. I slip away from her grip and sit on a chair on the other side of the bed.
We stay here like this for ages. I can see Rose more clearly now from the bit of light coming through the partly opened door. She looks so small, like she’s shrunk. But I can see the bulge the baby makes under the bedsheets.
Eventually Rose stirs and opens her eyes. With her right hand she reaches out and touches Kas’s face. Then she turns to me and sits her other, injured, hand gently in mine.
‘You found her,’ she says. ‘You found her.’
Her voice is so weak I can hardly hear her. Kas is crying, wiping the tears away with her sleeve.
‘I think she found me,’ I say.
Rose turns to Kas, pulls her in close and kisses her on the cheek. Then she takes her sister’s hand and places it on her belly.
‘Feel,’ she says.
Kas leans in and a smile creases her lips. ‘It’s moving,’ she says.
‘We’re going to be okay, aren’t we, Finn?’ Rose says.
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘Before you know it, you’ll be better. You’ll have the baby and we’ll all move back to my place. We’ll swim every day and hunt and fish and…’
‘Rowdy,’ Rose says suddenly. ‘Did you find him?’
‘He’s here. He was waiting for us at home. He was hungry, but he’s okay now.’
‘He saved me,’ she says. ‘He caught me—the Wilder that stayed behind after you left—but Rowdy saved me. He attacked him.’
I want to ask about the Wilder I found dead in the paddock, the one with the arrow in his leg and the knife in his chest, but Rose’s eyes are closing again and she’s drifting off. She still hangs onto us, but eventually her grip loosens and we slide her hands under the sheet. Kas leans over and kisses her on the forehead. Then she kisses her belly.
Back in the kitchen, Willow has fallen asleep at the table. Kas picks her up and Ray takes them to the old couch in the lounge room.
I know we are still in danger, but everything always feels more solid, more secure, when Ray’s around. It’s like I can offload some of the responsibility, just for a few hours.
Ray’s standing in the doorway, looking at me.
‘Tough day?’ he asks.
‘You won’t believe what’s been happening.’
‘Maybe in the morning, eh?’ he says. ‘I’m buggered, son. Not as young as I used to be. I’m going to get some shut-eye. You should too. I reckon we’re all going to need our strength soon. Rose’s baby is closer to coming than we thought.’
‘She’s not strong enough, Ray.’
‘She’s strong enough all right. You don’t know her like I do.’
It’s Kas. She’s standing behind Ray in the dark.
‘She’s the toughest person I know.’
‘I hope you’re right,’ Ray says.
He touches her arm as he walks past her and disappears into his room. He comes back with some blankets.
‘You’ll have to kip out on the floor, you two,’ he says. ‘Sorry, but all the beds are taken.’
‘Thanks, Ray,’ I say, as he dissolves into the dark once more.
The lamplight is fading in the kitchen. Kas is just a shadow against the wall.
‘I’m too wired to sleep,’ I say.
‘Me too. Let’s sit outside for a bit.’
When she takes my hand I feel like electricity is zinging through me. I don’t know how a girl can do this—make me feel so strong and helpless at the same time.
She sits on the second step of the porch and I sit behind her. She snuggles back into me and I put my arms around her. Her hands rest on mine, our fingers lacing together. We sit like this for so long I start to wonder if she has fallen asleep.
‘Tell me about the sea, Finn,’ she murmurs.
‘What’d you mean?’
‘This morning, at the rock pools. I saw the way you were with it.’
‘When I wasn’t perving at you, you mean?’
‘Ha.’ She nudges me and falls quiet again.
‘It’s hard to explain,’ I say, searching for the words. ‘I grew up with it. Dad taught me to surf when I was about eight. It probably sounds strange, but for me it’s always been about being in that great big ocean, feeling it move under me, understanding how powerful it is, how I’m just a cork bobbing in the hugeness of it.’
Kas turns her head to look at me, resting her chin on my arm.
‘It’s stupid,’ I say, ‘but I used to dream I’d grown gills and I could stay underwater for as long I wanted.’
‘It’s not stupid at all. But I want to know—what’s it like to ride a wave.’
‘I guess it’s what it must be like to ride a horse at full gallop,’ I say. ‘You’re just moving with the energy of something so much bigger and stronger than you, something that could crush you if it wanted to, but for those few seconds you’re sharing the energy.’
Kas nods. ‘I know that feeling. I used to have a horse no one else could ride. Stan called him Brutus, but I had my own name for him. River. We just connected somehow, he knew I was never going to hurt him and I believed he’d never hurt me either.’
Ray’s back porch looks down the valley to the woodshed and the bush beyond it. The wind has dropped right away and the moon has long since set. The clouds have cleared too and the night sky is speckled with stars.
Kas leans back into me, lifts my hand and brushes my fingers against her face. I know she’s tracing her birthmark with my fingertips.
‘You know, back there in the logging coup? Yesterday?’ she says.
‘Yeah.’
‘You said I was—’
‘—beautiful.’
‘No one’s ever told me that. No one. Not even Stan and Beth. They always said it was such a shame that I was born this way. But…’
‘It’s the way I am. It’s me.’
She’s holding the palm of my hand against her face now, over her birthmark.
‘I meant it,’ I say. ‘You’re beautiful. I’ve never known a girl like you.’
‘Yeah, well, there’s not that many girls to choose from anymore.’
‘It’s not just that. You’re fierce and strong and you fight when you have to. And you’re a bit scary. I saw what you did to Tusker!’
‘So,’ she says, turning around and facing me, ‘do you want to fight me or…?’
Her lips are against mine again and she’s pressing her whole body into me. Her arms are looped around my neck and her tongue is pushing into my mouth. I take her face in my hands and hold her there, thinking I never want her to stop doing just what she’s doing right now. She pulls her head back and looks straight at me, then she brushes her lips against mine again and again. Even in the dark, I see her smile.
‘You’re a good kisser,’ she says softly. ‘I bet you had plenty of girlfriends.’
‘I’ve only ever kissed two girls. And I wouldn’t call them girlfriends. I was only thirteen. What about you?’
Her silence tells me I shouldn’t have brought it up.
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s okay.’ She sighs. ‘The thing is, I wasn’t allowed off the farm unless I was with Stan or Beth, and most of the time I wouldn’t go into town even if they asked me. There was a boy from the next property, Charlie Gunn, who used to come over to help Stan with the crutching, but he was much more interested in Rose than me. I was just the kid sister who hung around. But one afternoon he came over when Rose was in town with Stan. Charlie and I were sorting fleeces in the woolshed and he kissed me. He told me I would be as pretty as Rose if I didn’t have my birthmark.’
Kas gets to her feet and pulls me up by the hand.
‘Let’s get the blankets,’ she says. ‘We can sleep out here on the porch.’
We tiptoe around the kitchen. It still smells of the kero lamp. Kas looks in on Rose. I pick up the blankets and we both head back out onto the porch.
‘She’s still sleeping,’ Kas says.
We spread two blankets one on top of the other to lie on, and pull the third over us. It’s not exactly warm, but Kas snuggles in next to me. Her hair has a musky smell and I can feel her breath on my skin. She turns her head up and kisses me, not on the lips but on the side of my face.
‘I feel safe with you,’ she says.
She pushes in closer and her body moulds to mine. Her breathing gets slower and deeper. I relax and try to sleep too, but the events of the day keep flashing through my head. I keep coming back to being here with Kas, her body so close and warm, Rose asleep inside, Ray and Willow and Rowdy, all of us together now, like a family. And that feeling somehow keeps the thought of danger at bay.