CHAPTER 7
Successfully Making Life Changes
Your actions are dictated by your values. And what are values? They are the moral and ethical precepts that we value because we consider them as being paramount to our lives. Our values predict our relationships, our methods of interaction, the way we treat our children, our relationship with food and the attitude we have towards exercise. Yet, most people never actually consciously choose their values. Despite being so fundamental to our very being, the majority of us inherit our values from our parents, picking them up by symbiosis. Even worse, many people simply take on the predominant values of the society in which they live. That is not only weak, it is downright dangerous. The values of western society have been eroded. Today, the basic premise is:
“If it feels right and will give you pleasure, do it.
Just go with your heart.”
That sort of thinking is a recipe for disaster. The figurative heart, the seat of emotion, is treacherous. That’s because it operates independently of intellect. Rather than relying on the prevailing winds of societal impulse or on your own treacherous heart, it is vital that you examine and formulate your own set of personal values. Doing so will provide the ingredients that will allow you to make permanent and positive changes in your life.
Values Identification
The first step in developing your foundational values is to uncover your present values. To do this, you’ve got to look back at your childhood. Here are some questions to guide you:
What values did your parents think were important?
What values did they pass on to you?
What things brought praise during your childhood - was it sporting achievements, academic results or was it doing your best regardless of where you ended up?
Did your parents place an emphasis on impressing others and putting on a false front or were they always themselves?
Take a look at your life now and see what it reveals about your values.
Consider these questions:
What does your choice of occupation say about your values?
What values influenced where you live right now?
What subjects do you mostly talk about?
What types of activities do you mostly engage in? Who with?
What do you spend your money on?
The answers to both of these sets of questions should now allow you to answer this question:
Are my current values the same as the ones I grew up with?
Most people who are living unfulfilled lives tend not to question the values with which they grew up. They simply continue the cycle. It may be destructive but at least it’s comfortable. As a result, we live in a society that puts an inordinate amount of time and energy into the superficial, the trivial and the inconsequential. No wonder so many people are dissatisfied with their lives.
Values Overhaul
What values will make you happy? To answer this question, you have to be able to disconnect from the prevailing values of the society you live in. Society places inordinate value on making money, having a successful career and having a so-called good time. Forget all of that and dig deep inside and discover what things you are really passionate about. Ask yourself these questions:
What legacy do you want to leave when you are gone?
How do you want people to talk about you when you’re not there - in terms of what you do or who you are?
What famous people do you look to as valuable role models?
Take your time to ponder these questions. You will begin to formulate your own independent set of values. Once you do, write them down. Now look at the values by which you have been living up until now. Do they align? Probably not.
You now need to make a decision. Are you going to slip back into the well known, the comfortable, the easy values which you are used to or are you going to stand up for the real you, discard those values that are at odds with your true values and, in the process, start making real, lasting, positive changes in your life?
Assuming that your choice is to be true to yourself and opt for positive values that will enhance your inner being, you now need to start putting things in place to solidify your new set of values. Here are 4 ways to do just that: