JOSH WOKE THE next morning, knowing that if he were a rooster, he’d be crowing at the top of lungs, hardly the attitude of a twenty-first-century man. Tara had joined him at the hot spring pool, turning into a temptress, bewitching him as she pulled off her clothes and lay on the tarp he’d spread in hopes she would come.
They’d made love not once but twice in the brilliant moonlight. Afterward, they’d gone into the warm water, swimming and playing as if they were children instead of adults who’d enjoyed all the pleasures of their sexuality.
Later, Tara had dressed and returned to bed, barely acknowledging him as she departed.
Why did she act that way? He was certain she didn’t take sex casually, but he was equally certain he didn’t know what was going on in her head.
He kept returning to the thought of what it would be like to share a life with her. But if he couldn’t figure out why she was so remote after making love, he certainly couldn’t fathom how she’d feel about marriage.
Except he did know. She’d made her feelings perfectly clear when he’d stupidly declared he wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship. Who would have guessed he’d come to regret his adamant declaration?
He was finally getting a clue. Love and home and family were important, and it had taken a woman who’d grown up without any of those things to remind him of that.
* * *
CARL ABSENTLY SCRATCHED his ribs. The cut was starting to itch like crazy. It was a normal part of healing, and he could try getting something at the drugstore to help. Stopping by the clinic was also a possibility, but he didn’t want to risk running into Lauren.
Eileen, the day manager and emergency dispatcher, grinned when she saw him come through the door.
“Welcome back, boss,” she said. “Got a release from the doc?”
“None of your business. I’m just here to visit and see if the station is still in one piece.”
“We considered moving to Vegas so we could play the slot machines when things got slow, but decided it would lengthen response time too much.”
Chuckling, Carl grabbed the mail from his inbox and went through it. There were more get-well cards, dozens of which had already been delivered to his apartment by Noah Mercer.
Noah had been coming by each day, and Carl shook his head as he thought about the deputy’s worried face. Finally Noah had confessed that he felt responsible for the way things had gone down out at the Roadhouse.
“I should have been faster dealing with that guy,” he’d said. “Then you wouldn’t have been fighting two of them.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Carl had assured him. “We had three guys to handle, and you took down the biggest one. You’re a great deputy, and I’m glad to have you on the force.”
It appeared to be the right thing to say; Noah had calmed down and been less stressed on his next visit.
Over the next few hours, Carl dealt with his mail and talked with his deputies.
At noon he sat back and considered whether to go down to the café for lunch. Before being injured, he’d gone regularly on the days he knew that Lauren was working, in the hopes of running into her. Now he’d lost track of her schedule.
Lauren’s revelations troubled him.
Conflict sometimes did end relationships. He’d known that since he was a kid. His mother had been anguished by the danger his father faced as a cop and it had finally torn them apart.
But from what Lauren had said, her parents had fought over everything, and sometimes over nothing. As a child who’d finally gotten what any foster kid would want—a family—it must have been terrifying to feel it could all be snatched away again. It sounded as if her new parents hadn’t trusted each other enough to argue and still know that they’d both be there when it was done.
Conflict was inevitable in any relationship. But he didn’t believe Lauren lacked courage; she just needed to trust him enough to know that he wasn’t going anywhere. Ironically, she’d also done the very thing she’d warned him against...deciding for him that he wouldn’t be able to deal with her issues.
Everything was in a damned tangle. Lauren obviously didn’t realize his feelings were serious, but she was right that he’d always pulled back whenever a woman expressed concern about his career. It was a pattern set well before they’d ever met. He’d tried to protect people instead of giving them the right to choose for themselves.
Maybe it was time to try a different approach.
* * *
THERE IN THE DARK, it was so quiet that Tara could hear Josh’s breathing a few feet away.
For the past week he had been slowly edging his sleeping bag closer to hers, though she wasn’t sure what to do about it.
A slash of light shot across the gap between the trees, and she sighed. The wonder of shooting stars never seemed to go away. Despite knowing they were simply little bits of rock burning up in Earth’s atmosphere, she still wanted to make a wish and see if it came true.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Josh whispered.
“Incredible.”
“Right now it seems as if the mountain is singing.”
Tara knew what he meant but didn’t want to say so.
“That sounds fanciful,” she said instead.
“I find myself getting more and more imaginative up here, as if anything is possible.”
“It’s a nice way to think.”
“But you don’t agree.”
Tara turned on her side toward him. “People say anything is possible, but that means that bad things are possible, too.”
“Don’t tell me you’re a pessimist.”
“I think I’m more of a realist.”
“But some things have gone right for you, haven’t they?” he asked.
“I’m not complaining. I’ve found my sister, traveled and done okay in my career.”
“We’ve also found sapphires. The potential for good things is endless.”
“Perhaps.”
He shifted to face her, as well. “Is it just your childhood that makes you skeptical, or something else?”
Tara pressed her lips together; there was no reason not to reveal more about her life, except she wasn’t used to sharing.
“Obviously it’s up to me to break the revelations logjam,” Josh murmured, “so I’ll admit to sneaking off to Spain and running with the bulls one year. My girlfriend thought it was the perfect way to prove how much I loved her.”
“Yikes.”
“Afterward I told my folks I busted my shoulder playing football with my friends. I also realized that if Celine had really loved me, she would never have demanded something so reckless.”
“Too bad you didn’t figure it out before busting your shoulder.”
“How about you?” he asked. “What’s one of the skeletons in your closet?”
“Pierre Montrose,” she said reluctantly.
“Tell me more about him.”
She wasn’t obligated to say anything, but the night felt surreal, as if it really was confession time. “What would you like to hear?” she asked lightly. “He thought he was a great lover who deserved a girlfriend who was both a nun and a call girl.”
“He sounds about as mature as Celine.”
“I wasn’t in love, any more than you were,” she acknowledged.
“Have you ever been in love?”
“I went last. It isn’t my turn for another confession.”
“Yeah, but I went first. Isn’t it fair for you to fess up before I go again?”
Part of her wanted to know what Josh might confess next, but it also seemed dangerous. The more she understood him, the more her heart got involved.
“Who said life is fair?” she countered.
“Come on, truth or dare,” he urged.
“That’s a fool’s game.”
“Not the way I play. We could have fun.”
Tara could imagine the dare he’d use, and it would be fun, but she wasn’t prepared to answer any more questions.
“What do you say?” he whispered.
“Go soak your head.”
“Soaking something sounds like a fine idea.”
“Do you ever quit?” she asked in exasperation.
He chuckled. “Rarely.”
Suddenly, Walt’s voice intruded. “If you kids are going to keep talking, then stop being rude and speak up so I can understand you.”
A sputter of laughter burst from Tara’s throat.
“Sorry, Grandpa,” Josh called. “We thought you were asleep.”
“I would be if you let me have some peace and quiet.”
Tara snuggled down into her sleeping bag, unable to turn her gaze away from Josh. Firelight gleamed in his blue eyes, still fixed on her. Slowly she grew sleepier, and everything circled into a blur.
When she woke up, dawn was unfolding in glorious colors and she tried to convince herself that everything was as it should be.
* * *
LAUREN WAS FIXING DINNER when she heard a knock on her door. She peeked through the curtain and saw Carl, dressed in full uniform.
Her stomach flip-flopped—one of the doctors at the clinic must have given him a medical release.
She didn’t want to talk to him, but he didn’t look like a man who intended to go away easily.
Blast. She might as well face whatever was necessary rather than wait. Anticipation was usually worse than reality.
She opened the door and fixed a casual smile on her face.
“Hi, Carl. I see you’re back at work. How is it going?”
“Everything is fine and I feel great. May I come in?”
“Uh, sure.”
He walked into the apartment and pulled off his shoulder holster. Her eyes widened when he removed his service revolver and checked the safety before placing it on the coffee table.
“I want to know if you think you could get used to seeing me come home armed this way every night,” he announced calmly. “Because I’ll always come home to you, no matter what arguments we might have. And if a bullet ever stops my heart, my spirit will still come home to you, because I love you more than anything else in this world.”
He stopped and gazed at her. Trembling, she opened her mouth but couldn’t get any words out. A declaration of undying devotion was the last thing she’d expected.
Drawing her close, Carl dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. “I just need you to trust me,” he whispered, “because I have faith that you’ll stick with me through everything, as well. Besides, turnabout is fair play. You said I shouldn’t make decisions for someone else, so you shouldn’t make them for me. Can we discuss this?”
Carl was staring down at her with a burning hope that she couldn’t disappoint.
She nodded, but still pulled away and dropped onto the couch. He sat nearby in an easy chair.
“Darling, everyone is affected by what they learn in childhood,” he said urgently. “Some of it is good, some isn’t. Sometimes we let go of the bad things, while others keep coming back. You learned conflict can sometimes end love. I learned that a dangerous job can tear people apart, so maybe I’ve been too quick to assume a woman can’t deal with it.”
“Well...that’s what it sounded like, but it wasn’t any of my business to say something.”
“I invited you to make it your business.”
With a smile, he lifted her hand from where it rested on the arm of the couch and kissed her fingers.
“My folks got divorced when I was a kid,” he continued. “They eventually got back together, but only after Dad retired. They got married right out of high school and thought they knew what they wanted, but then my father decided to become a cop. He didn’t talk to Mom about it, just announced that he was going to the police academy. It terrified her.”
Lauren knew it must have been awful for his mother to suddenly have her husband change the direction of their lives. Obviously she’d stayed in the marriage for a while, but it must have seemed unfair that he’d made the choice for them both.
“For years Mom would go to the library and read criminology books or find articles about police officers hurt or killed in the line of duty,” Carl murmured. “Then she’d warn Dad to be careful about one situation or another. It was ghoulish.”
“It sounds like a coping mechanism.”
“I suppose.” A puzzled expression filled Carl’s face. “Strangely, it was my father who left. He insisted that Mom didn’t ask him to go, but I never believed him.”
“Are you sure?” Lauren asked. “Maybe he couldn’t deal with the pain he was putting her through. It’s hard doing that to someone you love.”
Carl stared at her, and Lauren wondered if this was a possibility he’d never considered.
It had certainly made her think. Bitter, stupid, petty arguments were hurtful. Would her adoptive parents have argued that way if they’d loved each other the way she loved Carl? Would they have said such horrid, hateful things?
“I never thought of it that way,” he admitted. But you may be right. Dad could have been the one who decided he couldn’t take it any longer.”
“Did they ever seriously discuss the danger or get counseling?” Lauren asked.
Carl frowned. “Not that I know of, but that might have been part of the problem. I talked to Dad this week. He told me he’d chosen a different life for them as a couple and always felt guilty because he didn’t even ask how she felt about it. He didn’t want to hear how hard it was for her, so when she tried to warn him about something, he just felt worse.”
Lauren nodded, trying to decide whether she could face the dangers of Carl’s work. Being a sheriff in Schuyler wasn’t nearly as dangerous as being a big-city police officer, but obviously there were hazards. A knife wound, a gunshot, an accident from a high-speed chase... Any number of possibilities could become realities. She could lose her husband without warning, and her children could lose their father.
On the other hand, if she turned him away now, she’d lose him anyway.
“What are you thinking?” Carl asked.
“Just that there may be worse things than knowing the person you love is doing a dangerous job. Not that it’s something I’d enjoy. No one would.”
“No, but as you’ve said, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t care enough to be concerned.”
“Right,” she agreed slowly. “And I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t freak out about it sometimes.”
He chuckled and began to look more hopeful. Still, his career wasn’t their only problem, as Lauren knew too well.
“Wh-what about the rest of it?” she asked. “Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who isn’t so afraid of everything?”
“Only idiots don’t get scared. It’s what you do with it that counts. But I would want you to trust me enough to argue with me. Do you think you could ever do that?”
Lauren caught her breath. Trust. That was the thing she needed, to trust that he’d never push her away or leave. To trust that he’d never get petty and pull the tricks her parents had pulled on each other...to trust that he’d keep on loving her, no matter what. To know there was a line that neither of them would ever cross, because you didn’t do that to someone you loved.
“I believe in you,” he added. “More than I can say.”
“And I believe in you,” she choked out through the emotions clogging her throat. “I love you so much.”
He leaned over and pulled her into his arms. It would take time and patience, but surely they could make a life together.
* * *
JOSH WAS THOROUGHLY enjoying himself. Never in his life could he have imagined getting along with Grandpa so well. Jokes and laughter filled the air as they dug deeper into the alluvial deposit. The creek they were working on had once been a larger river, so the possibilities were intriguing. Still, it didn’t mean they’d find any more sapphires than they already had.
But it really didn’t matter. The gems that counted were the renewed life in his grandfather’s smile and the mysterious secrets in Tara’s vibrant eyes.
Nevertheless, two days after they’d found the first sapphires, more began appearing. While none of them were experts, some of the stones appeared to be good quality, and many were a brilliant cornflower blue. Josh held a large one up to the light, comparing it to the wide Montana sky. It was almost as if a piece of that sky had crystallized and fallen to earth.
The following days were equally fruitful, especially now that they’d figured out what to look for and how to best use the sieves for washing the rocks.
And every night, he went to the pool. Tara sometimes joined him there, sometimes not. But she never discussed it, or acted as if anything had happened between them.
“The food is getting low,” Tara announced, eleven days after she’d found the first sapphire.
Jake knew the only reason it had held up so long was because he’d brought some back with him after his last trip down to handle the ranch payroll. He’d considered bringing more, but it was easier to do the return trip in a day without leading a pack horse.
“Dang it,” Walt grumbled.
“I could fetch more supplies, Grandpa, but we can’t stay up here the entire summer,” Josh told him. “There are a few things that have to be done on the ranch.”
“You made Clyde Hawes the foreman, didn’t you?” Walt demanded.
“Sure,” Josh agreed, hiding a smile at how agreeable Grandpa now found the decision to put someone else in charge. “But it’s still a new arrangement, and other things weren’t planned for ahead of time.”
“You have your phone.”
“That isn’t the same as being there. Tell you what, we can come back in the autumn.”
“Yeah, well...” Walt glanced at Tara, who was bending over the fire. Josh suddenly understood. They could return later...but Tara wouldn’t be with them. Her absence would leave a gaping hole.
“How much longer can we stay?” Josh asked.
Tara assessed the remaining food. “Two days, with breakfast on the third, but just a handful of trail mix on the way down.”
“I don’t mind,” Walt said quickly.
“Me, either,” Tara agreed, and Josh nodded, though he knew it wasn’t smart to push things.
Like his grandfather, he wished they had weeks left, but he had a feeling time wouldn’t make a difference to something that mattered more than sapphires. They needed to return to their lives...and make some decisions.
So after their final breakfast, they packed up camp before going to cover the area they’d been digging through.
Then they mounted their horses and made their way off the mountain.
* * *
A SINKING SENSATION hit Tara as they rode into the Boxing N’s large barn. It was back to real life. Of course, it was always a downer when returning from a holiday. She enjoyed her real life, but adventures were hard to beat.
Andrew Whitlan met them.
“Hey, boss,” he called. “Hi, Tara, Mr. Nelson. How was the camping trip?”
“Terrific,” Josh answered. Unable to tell the ranch hands the real reason for their absence, he’d told them his grandfather had wanted time away to think about things, and that he’d decided to do the same. With Clyde in charge, it had apparently sounded reasonable to them.
“Is everything in good shape here?” he asked.
“You bet.”
While Josh chatted with Andrew and some of the hands who’d ridden in when they spotted them coming, Tara unsaddled her horse, groomed the gelding and put him into a stall. “Good, Ringo,” she murmured, giving him a last rub on the nose.
She expected to help with the pack horses, but one of the cowhands stopped her, saying, “We’re taking care of them, miss.”
“Thanks.”
Josh had gone to talk with Clyde, so she turned to Walt. “I’d better get back to my apartment and check in with Lauren.”
“It’s been a good trip, kid.”
Smiling determinedly, she nodded. “The best. I’ll see you in a day or two. I still need to finish organizing those historical records.”
Holding back unexpected emotion, Tara hurried to her car. She’d expected to find a thick coat of dust on the paint, but someone must have washed it. After loading everything into the trunk, she got in and drove toward Schuyler.
Already the weeks she’d spent on the mountain seemed like a glowing dream.
On the passenger seat was a pouch of raw sapphires. She hadn’t wanted to accept the gift, but Josh and Walt had insisted. The two men seemed to be getting along well. The entire ride to the ranch, they’d amicably debated the merits of using the sapphires for commercial purposes or saving them as a private family treasure trove.
Hopefully, they’d keep making progress on their relationship now that they were home. It concerned her because the Boxing N was an emotional trigger for them both.
Dropping by the grocery store first, Tara bought vegetables, something she’d been craving; freeze-dried stew had some nutrients and they’d supplemented with dried fruits, but that was no replacement for fresh, crisp veggies.
At the apartment she started a load of laundry before dialing her sister’s number. She got voice mail.
“Hi, Lauren,” she said. “It’s Tara. I’m back from the mountains and everything is fine. I’ll talk with you tomorrow. Right now I’m looking forward to crawling into a real bed.”
She prepared a large salad, but it didn’t taste as good as she’d expected—maybe it lacked the savor of mountain air. Her shower was equally disappointing, though she’d expected to revel in having modern plumbing again. Of course, a fiberglass shower stall couldn’t compare to a hot spring pool out in the wild, but at least it was easier to wash her hair.
Trying to push away the memories, Tara finally sat down with a biography of Mary, Queen of Scots, that she’d picked up at a library sale. While it wasn’t the most uplifting reading material, she hoped it would help her stop wishing for the impossible.
* * *
JOSH WENT INTO Schuyler to shop and get a pizza to share with his grandfather.
They ate in the kitchen, and memories of Grandma Evelyn crowded in. It was obviously worse for Walt, but the tension eased when they opened the old mason jar from the window over the sink. Sure enough, sapphires had been in plain view all the time.
Yet knocking around in the back of Josh’s head was the memory of seeing Tara’s car driving away. Why hadn’t she waited to say goodbye? He’d only been gone a few minutes.
It shouldn’t surprise him. She was great at leaving; he didn’t know if she’d ever be good at staying.
Later he and his grandfather sat on the porch, watching the sun drop low on the western horizon.
Josh hated to spoil the companionable moment, but he finally leaned forward. “Grandpa, I’ve been thinking. Let’s split responsibilities on the Boxing N. Your first love has always been horses. Why don’t you take over the horse-breeding program and leave the cattle ranching to me? That way we won’t step on each other’s toes.”
Walt scratched his jaw. “I suppose you still want to buy bull semen from Texas.”
“I want to get into producing organic beef. It takes a while to be certified, but I can build the herd until then. Upgrading our other cattle is a good idea, too, and the best way is through artificial insemination.”
“That isn’t how we’ve always done things.”
“I know, but the business is changing, Grandpa. Property owned by a family for generations is being sold or turned into dude ranches. I don’t want that happening to the Boxing N, which is one reason I want to tap into the organic market. A lot of our acreage won’t support as many cattle, but organic beef commands high prices, which should make up for that.”
Josh could tell he’d scored a point. The Boxing N hadn’t turned a profit for several years—mostly because the way Grandpa did things was stubbornly out-of-date. They both knew it, but it wasn’t necessary to be hurtful. Walter Nelson had worked hard and done his best.
“My pop used to say, ‘The view is nice, but it isn’t real sustaining,’” Walt said slowly. “I still don’t understand this organic thing, though.”
“Does it matter, if we get more money?”
Walt chuckled. “Nope. You know...there’s room in the foaling barn for more mares.”
“That’s right.”
As they continued discussing how to work things out, Josh saw relief on his grandfather’s face.
“How does Tara fit into all of this?” Walt asked abruptly.
A humorless laugh escaped Josh. He shouldn’t be surprised. Grandpa was too smart not to have realized something was going on. He’d probably even guessed before leaving on his sapphire quest.
“I’m not sure,” Josh admitted. “Tara enjoys cities and travel and living in new places. She doesn’t put down roots, so I doubt she’d consider staying in Schuyler, even if her sister is here.”
Walt’s eyes narrowed. “Does that have to end things between you?”
Josh stared, confused for an instant. Then understanding crept in...why should Tara be the one to give up her lifestyle? What about compromise? He’d been thinking about whether she’d be willing to settle down in Schuyler, but that wasn’t the only choice.
* * *
TARA WOKE LATE the next morning, a surprise because she’d been rising at sunrise for weeks. Unfortunately she hadn’t gotten to sleep for hours last night; the bed had been too soft, the sounds of the town too loud and a feeling akin to claustrophobia had kept her restless.
It was just a case of getting used to civilization again, she decided. After all, her first weeks in Schuyler had been a shock after living in Paris, and adjusting to Melbourne after her trip to the outback had taken time, as well.
She dressed and walked over to her sister’s apartment. Lauren must have seen her coming from the window, because she threw open the door and rushed out for a hug before Tara could knock.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Lauren exclaimed. “And I have incredible news. Carl Stanfield and I are engaged!” Her nose wrinkled. “Go ahead and say, ‘I told you so.’”
“Okay, I told you so. But it’s also wonderful. Congratulations,” Tara said, despite the hollow sensation in her midriff. “I want to take you both out to dinner to celebrate.”
“Carl is attending a law enforcement seminar in Rapid City right now, but we can go when he gets back.”
* * *
FOUR EVENINGS LATER Tara watched her sister and her fiancé together, determined not to envy their happiness. They practically glowed, and there was a subtle, unspoken communication between them that said more than anything they could have told her aloud.
Lauren falling in love and getting married would change things. They’d likely have a family soon, so there probably wouldn’t be any trips abroad to visit her twin.
That’s okay, Tara thought determinedly. Her sister deserved to be happy.
She returned to her small apartment after saying good-night and sank onto the couch. Honestly, there wasn’t any reason to feel lonely. She’d found a sister and soon she’d have a very nice brother-in-law. Everything was the way it should be... Lauren was the kind of woman who got married and had children, same as her friend Emily.
It turned out that Walt had gotten back barely in time for the big event; Emily had gone into labor two days after their return from Smaug’s Mountain. Tara had hoped to spend an extra day at the Boxing N office with Walt practicing email and Skype, but instead he’d been at the hospital to greet his new great-grandson.
She sighed and glanced around her living room. It was rather dull—decent furniture, but with no distinctive character. Other than buying flowers, she rarely personalized the places she lived. The exception was a digital-photo frame that rotated through photos of her travels, sitting on the divider by the kitchen. She’d plugged it back in that morning, and the photographs on the memory card were from Great Britain.
The British Isles were beautiful, green and rich with ancient history. Yet as Tara watched one scene dissolve into another, she felt even more alone. There weren’t any people she knew in the photographs, just strangers who’d seemed interesting—a fish seller in Liverpool, a child staring up in awe at a Buckingham Palace guard, that sort of thing. The slide show could have been scanned from a magazine or culled from the internet.
Tara raised her chin. The photos meant something to her because she’d seen those places and taken them. Ultimately, pictures were the only belongings she cared very much about.
Determinedly she took her camera out of her duffel bag. She copied the memory card to her computer and began going through the recent images. There were lovely shots of Montana countryside, a number of Lauren, and a great many of Walt and Josh. This would be a very different set of pictures to put in the digital frame.
Yet she hesitated. She wasn’t ready to have photos of Josh in her apartment, so she carefully backed them up on a portable hard drive. It was something she usually did, but there was no denying she was taking special care this time.
In the living room was a small knickknack shelf. On it she arranged the sapphires from her pouch. She wasn’t sure what to do with them. Perhaps they could be a wedding gift for Lauren and Carl. She could sell them, but she didn’t need the money. And keeping the gems would be a painful reminder of Walt...and Josh.
No, she wasn’t going to think about it that way. Walt would continue to be a friend, and his grandson would be a pleasant memory. After all, few women had the opportunity to swim by moonlight in a mountain hot spring pool and enjoy the company of a very proficient lover.
But now it was time to go back to her normal life and think about what came next.