Something inside me feels like it’s broken and needs fixing. But then I’ve always been a little broken and I’m not sure how to fix it. Makes me all kinds of jittery.
Like Johnny.
Cynnie’s been here a few days now and the reaction to her hasn’t improved, so it’s probably just that. And the fact I can’t sneak away to follow Nik, because something might happen to her when I’m not here. There hasn’t been another direct threat, but they all watch her like she might zap out an unknown type of tech and destroy the entire base in one shot. It’s not like Cynnie’s not strong enough to take care of herself, because she certainly has the knowhow, but she’s not used to this world or this lifestyle. And she sure as hell doesn’t know who to trust. Besides, I feel almost responsible for her. Yup, that’s it.
But damn, I should be out there chasing Nik down, securing the keys.
I drop my head and link my fingers behind my neck. It’s such a waste of time sitting by this scanner, waiting for nothing to happen, when I could be out there deciphering Nik’s plan, beating him to the keys and keeping him away from Mae.
“What’s wrong?” Cynnie asks.
I snatch my blade off the cement floor and lay my ankle across my knee, then pick the stones out of my boots with the blade’s tip. “Nothing.”
“Yes, there is. You just don’t want to talk about it. I can tell.”
This chick is as bad as Lilly. I lift my eyes to meet hers, deliberately narrowing them. “It’s Spinner.” I tip my head toward him. “Can’t stand the clatter every time he drops that damn knife.”
“What? He never drops—”
As if on cue, Spinner lets the knife fall from his fingers. I can’t stop the tug at the corner of my mouth. That’ll shut her up, hopefully.
I still haven’t managed to find a few minutes alone to ask her why she’s here and find out what’s going on inside. Finding a little privacy is impossible. As we settle into silence, I watch her from the corner of my eye. The swelling on her face isn’t as bad as it was, but the bruising around her eye and on her cheek is now in full bloom; a deep blue with yellow edges. My brother’s a monster.
The last half hour drags and it’s near impossible to stay still. It’s like something got under my skin and made me all fidgety. Harris is on a break from active duty until his arm’s healed, so when he strolls over smiling, I jump to my feet, eager to get away from another pointless shift. I shake my head as I take in today’s shirt; the stick figure on the right holding a straight line and the one on the left missing the parallel line down its center. The words ‘I got your back’ printed underneath.
“You guys hungry?” he asks. “I thought we might get out for a bit.”
“Mm, I don’t think—”
“Yes,” Cynnie says, “that would be awesome.”
Great. The last thing I feel like doing is tramping into town and not talking, again, because we have company. She and I need to be alone. She rolls back on her heels, an eager smile spread across her face. “Come on, Jax. You need this.”
How the hell does she know what I need? What I need is to ditch this stupid farce so I can continue on with why I came here. I raise an eyebrow at her. “Maybe I’m not the one who needs this.”
She’s almost right, I probably need it, but maybe she needs it more. After all the tension of the past few days, actually being able to relax for a couple of hours might be good for her.
Harris chuckles. “Right then, I guess we’re going.”
Cynnie shoots me a wide smile and crosses the warehouse floor with Harris. She looks the part now she’s out of the black uniform and dressed in a pair of jeans that Harris scrounged up from who knows where. Maybe it won’t be so bad and some decent food in my gut will be welcome. Never thought I’d miss Martha’s cooking, but the stuff they have here is like army rations, or worse, camping food. Harris reaches the boarded-up window first and pulls it back, making Cynnie gasp. Guess she hasn’t seen anyone come or go yet.
“Cool.” The word whooshes out like she thinks this is the best concept in the world. You’d think it would be boring after having Collective tech at your fingertips your whole life.
We climb through and, as I come out the other side, a security spotlight shining on the parking lot shows up my ride exactly where I left it. Probably should take it for a spin to turn over the engine.
“I’ll ride,” I say. “Hop on the back, Cynnie, and we’ll meet Harris there.”
Harris fingers the bandage on his arm. “Uh, I thought we might walk along the wharf. Grab a burger or something.”
“Sounds awesome,” Cynnie says, before I have a chance to reply. “Some fresh air is just what we need. Clear our heads, right, Jax?”
She tosses a fake smile my way, a sure sign she’s making fun of me, but I won’t bite.
“Whatever you say.”
We pick up a steady pace across the abandoned lot. Harris cuts through a hole cut in the wire fence like he’s snuck through it a million times before, then folds it back while first Cynnie then I climb through. Although it’s completely dark, the area around the warehouse and the buildings next to it are lit up with huge spotlights like this is an obvious place for criminal activity. Not that we see another soul as we make our way between the security fences and down to the wharf. It’s not a place I’ve ever been before. I guess the ocean doesn’t call to me like the woods do. I inhale a deep breath of briny air and my lungs open. This actually feels pretty freeing.
The three of us perfected the art of not talking, so while we walk along the wharfside, that’s exactly what we do. This broken feeling inside me is kind of like homesickness, but not for a place. It’s for a person. I’ve been gone for over a week now and it feels like a year.
As the wharf curls around we come to a section that’s less deserted. Neon lights advertise the takeout shops standing in a row along the grassed foreshore. Harris points to a dingy one at the far end of the row, its front windows more grime than glass. “These guys make the best burgers in town.”
Cynnie and I exchange a doubting look, but he’s already moving inside.
“I’m game if you are,” I say.
She grimaces.
Twenty minutes later the three of us are sitting on the grass, fingers spread around humungous burgers. Mine tastes pretty damn good too.
Harris rests his on his knee. “So, I heard a rumor that you two hooked up.”
Cynnie laughs. “Hardly. I’m friends with his girlfriend.” She jabs me in the side with her elbow. “Right, Jax?”
Harris’s jaw drops in mock outrage. “You have a girlfriend and you never told me.”
Cynnie giggles. “Oh yeah, he sure does.”
I look from one to the other, images of Mae flooding my mind. Her beautiful face, the way those freckles sit across her nose, and the stubborn set of her jaw. An ache pounds my heart and I need to change the subject before they see the emotion that’s surely plastered on my face right now.
“Wait a second . . .” He points a French fry between us. “You know his girlfriend? You guys knew each other before we saved your ass the other day?”
“We met when I was a prisoner.” Just a white lie.
“With Anamae,” Cynnie says. “I take it you don’t know her.”
Harris looks at me for so long I can’t stand the weight of his judgment anymore and glance away. “No. I don’t.”
It’s time to shut her up. “I’m the cavalry remember, I’m just here to help out.” I cut a look to Cynnie she can’t mistake: drop it. I can’t talk about Mae right now. Hell, I can’t even think about her and the last thing I need the people here knowing about is my family tree.
We fall into silence again. The sound of the water lapping against the rock wall is like a constant beating against my mind. Mae, Mae, Mae.
I’m not sure how long we sit there. The passage of the moon across the night sky and the gentle snoring coming from Harris laid out flat on his back means it has likely been over an hour.
Cynnie’s the first to move, tickling Harris right in that tender spot under his exposed armpit. He jerks upright, looking around wild-eyed. She coughs out a laugh while Harris swivels around as if he’s looking for danger. It’s so damn funny that I laugh too.
He swats Cynnie’s arm and joins in. With another hoot, she jumps to her feet and darts down the wharf. Harris takes off after her while I watch them both become silhouettes in the moonlit darkness far ahead. They’re both crazy. Cynnie’s giggling carries on the wind despite the distance. I shove my hands in my pockets, following at a more reasonable pace while I try not to think about where I’m not, who I’m not with.
Hell, I even miss Will.
Finally, I reach them just before the turn leading up to our warehouse, both sitting on the pier with their legs dangling over the edge. And, stuff this, but Cynnie and Harris seem to be getting on well. She’s armed with her usual weapon of choice—that lightning shooting knife—and she’s safe out here with him. It must be at least midnight now which means Frank will have taken over scanner duty. That’s it, I’m going.
“I’ve had enough fresh air. You guys enjoy the salty goodness and I’ll catch you inside later.” I snag Cynnie’s attention with a wink, then walk away, leaving them sitting under the moonlight as I return inside.
Frank’s taken up his usual spot snoozing by the scanner. Going to the computer, I set the coordinates for home and brace myself as I fall through the darkness. It’s short, but still makes me feel like puking. Doesn’t matter how many times I port, it never gets any better. My feet slam into the hard floor and my stomach tingles. Theras only knows who’ll be here.
I sweep a look around the port room.
And she’s not here.
My gut clenches, the nerves stilling. It’s probably for the best anyway. I didn’t really expect her to be here at this time of the night; A-crew should be on duty and by the looks of it they’re here.
“Jax,” Sam says, his voice cool, “where have you been?”
“I needed to get away.” Everyone in the room hears my words, words better kept to myself.
He purses his lips as if this comes as no surprise. Then he looks to Hannah and her friend—I still can’t remember that chick’s name. “Are you back?” he hedges.
Twisting my mouth to the side, I shake my head. The girls stare like I’m some sort of freak show. A telcom would be good, one that was wired into Sam and no one else. I’ve got to talk to Marcus about that idea already.
“Mae?” he says, leaving the question hanging on the air.
Am I so transparent? I never thought I wore my heart on my sleeve, not openly.
“How is she?” My voice cracks on the last word. It’s near impossible to keep it free of inflection. I want to ask if she’s coping okay, if she’s missing me, if she’s keeping safe. If she’s with Will now or waiting for me.
“She’s fine. Up to something, but I . . . ah . . .” He glances at the two girls again. Hell, can’t they just disappear for two minutes?
I gulp. The silence has stretched on for too long.
“Make sure he looks after her.”
I port out.