Night had fallen by the time Desire pulled into her driveway, and just as she’d predicted, Chad was sitting on her swing porch waiting for her. As soon as her headlights hit him, he jumped up, sprang down the steps, and was knocking on her window even before she could turn off her engine. With a heavy sigh, she rolled down the window.
“Desire, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. I thought something had happened to you.”
“As you can see, I’m perfectly well.” As he stood there, his hands on his hips, a scowl on his face as if he were chastising a teenager who’d broken curfew, and acting as if she was the one who was at fault, Desire longed to have this particular talk over.
She wished she’d confronted Chad when she’d caught him with his pants down, but she’d been too scared. She’d always been scared of conflict. She’d run from them as a child, and avoided them as an adult.
As she observed Chad’s domineering stance, memories of Victoria cowering on the sofa while their father reprimanded her flashed across Desire’s mind. She shivered at the alarming realization that her fear of conflict had arisen from her father and half sister’s volatile relationship. Several times, Desire had seen her father cry after a heated argument with Victoria. She’d never told him, but she’d vowed in her little heart never to make her Daddy cry.
She’d been a good girl long before she’d even realized it. She’d spent her life trying to please her father because she didn’t want to make him cry. She’d agreed to marry one brother and had given up on the other for him.
She should have fought for Chase instead of running away. She’d wanted to forgive him, be with him, but she didn’t want to defy her father. She’d been a coward and allowed her father to control her. Chase was so right when he’d said that it wasn’t her job to make her father happy. It was the other way around. Her father had never asked her how she felt about Chase, even though he’d had proof that Chase loved her, that there was an explanation behind the incident at the country club. He hadn’t given Chase a chance. He hadn’t given her a chance. He hadn’t given them a chance. Instead, he’d destroyed Chase’s letter before she had a chance to read it, never told her about it, and thus consequently destroyed her life as well. Well, almost.
Desire swiped at her tears and then picked up her tote from the front seat. She glanced at two other totes filled with work that was now four hours overdue, but decided to leave them in her car since she knew she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on any work tonight.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Have I done something to upset you?”
Don’t call me baby. I’m not crying over you. She pushed her window button and once it was up, she turned off her car.
Chad opened her door and reached out a hand to help her out.
“Don’t touch me. Stand back.”
“Desire, what’s the matter with you?” He stared at her as if she had two heads. “You didn’t show up for our lunch with the reporter. You ignored my calls and disappeared for hours, and now you’re acting like—”
“Like what, Chad? What am I acting like?” she asked, as she closed and locked her car.
“Like you hate me.”
Desire set her tote on the hood of her car and glanced at her dark house, then over at Azura’s. Chase’s bedroom light was on and his motorcycle was parked in the driveway behind Chad’s car. He’d gotten home before her. They’d decided that they shouldn’t arrive at the same time, and since he was late for dinner with his mother, Desire had taken the long way home along the road by the Mannis River.
She glanced at her house again, wanting to escape inside it, without Chad. Again, she wished she’d confronted him in his office. If she had it would have been over and she and Chase probably would still be in their secret hideaway, making love. Her body ached for his touch.
“Desire, where is this attitude coming from? The last time we spoke, everything was fine. You were going to meet me at the restaurant. We were going to make our engagement public. But now, a few hours later, it seems as if everything we talked about, everything we planned is unraveling.”
“I saw you, Chad. I saw you in your office with John. I saw the two of you. Together.” She couldn’t keep it in any longer.
His face flushed with humiliation in the dim lights from the lamppost as silence loomed between them. Finally, he found his voice, deflated though it was. “Desire, it’s not what it looked like.”
“It’s not what it looked like? Then what was it, Chad? I think you’re both a little too old to play doctor, don’t you? Just admit that you’re gay.”
“I’m not gay. I’m not!” he repeated on a defiant shrug as if he needed to convince himself.
“What you were doing seemed very gay to me. You asked me to marry you and three days later, you’re having sex with a man. These plans you just mentioned, what were they? To marry me and pretend to love me while you carried on behind my back?”
“No. I called John and asked him to meet me at my office. I wanted to tell him before we met with the reporter. I didn’t want him to find out that way. But when I saw him—”
“The truth slapped you in the face,” she said, when he broke off in midsentence and averted his gaze. “Is he the reason for the three-day wait to announce our engagement?”
He nodded “It was goodbye. I was saying goodbye to John.”
“That was some goodbye.” Desire leaned against her car as the laughter erupted from her throat. She should have known. She should have seen it. All the signs were there in plain sight. Chad and John, a science teacher at a local parochial school, were always together. They went to the movies together, vacationed together, attended the ballet and symphony together, dined together, and even double-dated until last fall when John married Teresa, another science teacher from a neighboring town.
As she thought about it now, Desire recalled how quiet and distant Chad had been at John and Teresa’s wedding. He was the gloomiest best man she’d ever seen, and she’d seen a lot of them. At the time, she’d thought it was due to the fact that John wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with his buddy, which was quite understandable, since they’d been friends since high school. It wasn’t unusual for a man to have a male best friend, just as it wasn’t unusual for women. Never in a million years would Desire have guessed that John and Chad were in the closet.
Was she now supposed to suspect that all men who spent too much time together had something to hide? How many of them were married, engaged, or dating members of the opposite sex? How many wives, fiancées, and lovers knew what their partners were doing? How many accepted it because they were too ashamed or scared of the embarrassment, the pain, if the truth came to light? What about those who hadn’t a clue, those like herself who’d happened on the truth by chance? If she hadn’t made the decision to end it with Chad, come clean with the reason she’d agreed to marry him, she would still be in the dark. “Has John been cheating on his wife with you all this time?” she asked, her heart heavy with the pain she knew was headed in poor Teresa’s direction.
A momentary look of discomfort crossed Chad’s face. “We broke it off after he got married, but then we—”
“But then you couldn’t stay away from each other. How long have the two of you been lovers? Is he the only man you’ve ever been with?” she asked, wondering if John was the boy Chase had found Chad with all those years ago. If he were, they were both masters of deceit.
“I um—”
Desire pushed off the car. “You know what, on second thought, I don’t want to know. I don’t care.”
“I’m sorry, Desire.”
“What are you sorry about? That I caught you with your pants down? That I found out that you’re a lying, cheating bastard?”
“I told you it’s over.”
“It might be over between you and John, but it’s not over for you. You’re gay. You’re in the closet, and in denial.”
His face turned a bright red. “I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. I like women, too.”
“That’s what you keep telling yourself. You date women to hide your true sexual orientation. This is the twenty-first century, Chad. You don’t need to stay in the closet.”
“It may be the twenty-first century, but there are a lot of folks walking around with eighteenth-century ideology when it comes to people like me. Even my mother.”
“Azura is not like that. She’s not a bigot. She judges people by the contents of their hearts, not by their color, or creed, or sexual orientation. You should know your mother better than that, Chad. She’s the only person who stood by my family when everyone else deserted us. I understand that she might have a hard time accepting it because of her faith, but she’s not going to disown you. You are her son. Like any good mother, she wants you to be happy. Have you ever been in love with any of the women you’ve dated?” she asked, watching him closely.
“No.”
“Do you love John?”
He nodded. “You can’t tell anyone. He teaches at a religious institution and he would lose his job if his employers found out. He would lose his family, too. Teresa would leave him and take their son with her.”
“Don’t you think she deserves to know? If it were me, I would want to hang my husband by the balls for lying to me and cheating on me.” Dear God, it could have been me. If Chase hadn’t come home last night, Desire would have had no reason to break it off with Chad. She would not have gone to his office and caught him in the act.
Desire had never put much faith in fate. Why should she when the lady seemed to have been working against her for years, starting with the night at the country club, Chase’s disappearance, Victoria, her father’s heart attack, his fight against cancer, and then her having to give up her dreams of leaving home and attending a prestigious college?
The tides had finally turned in her favor last year when the billionaire brides had approached her about taking over the planning of their wedding. She’d been understandably reluctant at first. She hadn’t been looking forward to a confrontation with Bryce Fontaine and his friends, whom she’d been certain were in mutual agreement with his opinions of her family.
But in the end, it seemed that her planning that wedding was a part of some grand design Lady Fate had cooked up for the Summers and Fontaine families. It was Chad who had encouraged her to take the job. Now, she understood why. He’d seen an opportunity to use her to his benefit and grabbed it without blinking an eye.
But then again, Lady Fate had stepped in on her behalf by bringing Chase home at the precise moment, and then sending her to Chad’s office. And where had she ended up? Right in Chase’s arms where she’d known she always belonged. Chase had made her feel like that breathless girl of eighteen again.
If being separated from Chase had taught her anything, it was that they were meant to be. If theirs wasn’t true love, it would not have lasted all these years, and they would not have been able to pick up where they’d left off so easily. So yeah, she now believed in fate.
Her heart hammered foolishly at the memories of spending time with him today. Her lips still tingled from his kisses, her skin from his touch.
“You hate me,” Chad said in a doleful voice.
Desire took a deep breath. She didn’t hate Chad. How could she when she had had her own selfish reasons to marry him? The only difference between them was that she would have remained true to their vows. Would you have, now that Chase is back?
Desire slammed the lid on the critical voice. “Out of all the women you’ve dated, why did you ask me to marry you, Chad? You’re obviously not physically attracted to me since you’ve never made a pass at me in all the years we’ve been friends. Actually, the first time you ever showed interest in me was right after Michelle LaCrosse and her friends approached me about planning their wedding. When I initially turned her down because of the war going on between my family and the Fontaines, you encouraged me to take the job. Why?” Chase had already explained Chad’s agenda to her, but she wanted to hear it from him, see if he could be honest about anything.
“I thought it was a good business move. And it was. Weddings by Desire exploded after that. Now, you’re thinking about expanding.”
“And…” she prompted when he grew silent, pushed his hands into his pockets, and drooped his shoulders like a beaten dog. She’d never seen him at a loss for words like this. Then maybe, he’d never been caught red-handed before. “Just say it, Chad. Get it all out.”
“Okay. Yes, you were making some serious contacts in the entertainment, political, and business world. I met some important politicians in Washington at Senator Wilson’s daughter’s wedding last November, and I overheard the First Lady tell you that she’ll be in touch when her children are ready to settle down. My long-term goal is to be a federal judge. These are connections I could never make on my own, Desire. I saw an opportunity to align myself with the most important people in the country and I took it.”
“So I was just a means to an end?”
“Not entirely. I like you. I like your family.” He shrugged. “I thought we’d make a dynamic couple.”
“And how long do you think it would have lasted when you’re in love with someone else? That speech you gave me about not being controlled by love and romance was just an act. I went along because it was an act for me too. I was using you, Chad. I’m in love with someone else, too. I’ve always been in love with him.”
“Who is it? One of your former lovers?”
Telling him about her and Chase would just add insult to injury and open up the gateway to a whole other topic of conversation. She didn’t have the energy. “I’m not at liberty to say, yet.”
“Why, is he married? See, we’re not so different.”
Desire balked at his rude suggestion. “I’m not you, Chadwick Hunter. I’m not a cheater. If we’d gone through with the marriage, God forbid, I would have honored our vows.”
“Then why did you accept my proposal when you just admitted to being in love with someone else, someone who is obviously unavailable to you?”
“Because of my father. His cancer is back. He might only have a year or so left. I wanted to make him happy, give him at least one grandchild before he dies.”
“Oh, Desire. I’m so sorry. We can still give him what he wants. I told you I was saying goodbye to John.”
In spite of the heaviness talking about her father brought to her heart, Desire uttered a skittish laugh. “Are you out of your freaking mind? I saw you making love with another man. You’re gay. You think I would let you touch me after that? No! Not even for my father.”
“There are other ways to make babies, Desire. Artificial insemination for one. I know couples who’ve gone down that route, as I’m sure you do. One of the billionaires from the wedding—Erik LaCrosse—was a test tube baby. He turned out fine.”
Desire stared at him open mouthed. The Chad she knew had finally arrived. The attorney was arguing his case, presenting evidence to try to sway the jury. And it was now time for Desire to close this case.
“It’s been a long day, Chad. I’m really tired and hungry. I just want to go inside, eat something, take a hot bath, and relax.” She picked up her bag from the hood of her car and began walking toward her porch.
“Can we at least talk about it?” Chad asked, following behind her. “I can go pick up some takeout while you shower, and then we can discuss our options while we eat.”
“Look, Chad,” Desire said, standing on the bottom step, “neither one of us is perfect. We both decided to enter this marriage for our own self-serving reasons. There is no need for us to hash this out any further. There’s nothing to talk about. Let’s just be grateful that we never made our engagement public. At least that way we have saved face.”
He dropped his head for a second. “Can we at least remain friends? I value your friendship, Desire. You were the first friend I ever had in this world. I’m sorry that I disappointed you.”
Desire finally felt something. Sadness. “I don’t know, Chad. You’re a liar and a cheat of the worst kind. What you and John are doing to Teresa is dishonorable. You both need to fix it. In the meantime, I need space and time from you.” She hurried up the steps and jammed her key into the lock.
Once inside, she dropped to the floor and let the tears flow. Apart from Chase and Lisa, Chad had been the only other true friend she ever had. He’d stayed true when everyone else had deserted her. She knew what it felt like to hide your true nature from the rest of the world. She’d been doing it for twelve long years. For Chad, it was even longer. Like her, he’d been afraid to let anyone know about the conflict raging inside him, afraid of being judged.
Desire ached at the thought of not having Chad in her life. He was family, even more so now that she and Chase had been reunited. You didn’t abandon family, no matter what.
Desire shot to her feet and opened the door. Chad was sitting on her swing porch, his head in his hands. She rushed to his side and when she saw the tears streaming down his face, she threw her arms about him.
“Yes, Chad. We can be friends. We’ll always be friends.”
He dropped his head on her shoulder and wept, clinging to her in the dark as night swirled about them.
* * *
“Good, huh?”
Chase nodded as he swallowed the last delicious mouthful of his dessert. “It’s the best peach cobbler this side of the Mississippi.” He smiled at his mother seated across the table from him. She’d obviously spent most of the day in the kitchen preparing one of his favorite meals: rosemary roasted chicken, red skin potato salad with dill, sautéed garlic spinach, and a grilled peach cobbler for dessert.
“It’s good to see you haven’t lost your appetite. Up for thirds?” She reached for the serving spoon in the baking dish that now held only half the pie.
He raised his hand in protest. “As scrumptious as everything was, Mom, my stomach would burst open if I sent another morsel its way,” he said, sitting back in his chair. “Makes me realize how much I missed home, missed you. It was nice catching up on Evergreen gossip and all the changes happening around here. And about you and Chad and life without me,” he added, realizing that his absence had caused hardship for his mother and his little brother—not financially, since he’d been sending money back home every month to help with expenses—but emotionally.
Maybe Chad would have been out of the closet by now if Chase had been home to guide and support him. As annoying as Chad had been as a kid, he’d always looked up to his big brother. Even though he was only six years older than Chad, Chase always felt like the father figure Chad needed. Azura had named Chase ‘man of the house’ when she’d placed an infant Chad in his arms. He’d thought he was honoring that title when he’d left home to protect his family.
“Why did you leave, Chase? You broke my heart, you know.”
Chase glanced at his mother’s hands clasping and unclasping on the tablemat. Here was the moment he’d been dreading. During dinner, he and his mother had talked about everything except his sudden disappearance, and now his just-as-sudden reappearance.
“Why were you hiding out down on Carver Farm all these years? And why Iowa?” Her voice raised an octave.
Chase pushed his bowl to the side and laid his arms across the table. “I was born there, Mom. I thought I had some roots there, but I found nothing. You moved there when you were pregnant with me, and then you left for New Hampshire when I was three. I chose Iowa because it was the only other home I knew, and I didn’t want you to know what I was doing.”
“What do you mean? What were you doing?”
“I was looking for answers, Mom. Arizona answers.”
Her hands flew to her chest as she straightened up and stared at him. “What kind of answers were you looking for?”
“Answers about my father. My original birth certificate listed him as Unknown. When I asked about him, you told me you didn’t know who he was. It’s not easy for a child not to know the identity of his father. Then after Chadwick died, you replaced Unknown with a name. When I asked about the change, you said it was because he was dead. I was puzzled, but I was a child, and it wasn’t my place to question you. He isn’t dead. He’s alive, Mom.”
His mother’s lips tightened and she dropped her hands on the table. Her voice shook. “I’m sorry for lying to you, and for the confusion I caused you, but if you wanted to know about him, why didn’t you just ask me? He never knew you existed. My aunt sent me away before anyone knew I was pregnant. She didn’t want his family making any claims on you, and that’s why he was Unknown.
“But after Chadwick died, I thought you should at least have a name if anything should happen to me. I told you he was dead to protect you. But I guess you don’t need protection from him anymore. You’re a man now. Nonetheless, he’s an evil psychopath. He has no conscience, no empathy,” she added, swinging her head from side to side. “He would take great delight in cutting your throat in front of me and laughing while you bleed to death. He’s been up for parole a few times over the years. It’s only a matter of time before the courts grant his release.”
Chase reached across the table and covered her trembling hands. “You don’t need to be afraid of him anymore, Mom. He’s in jail for the rest of his miserable life. I made sure of it.”
“How?”