5.30 AM
First Squawk. Olive groans, but rolls out of bed without complaining.
5.45 AM
Semaphore practice. Olive spells out ‘R-E-S-UE-R’.
‘Hang on,’ she says. ‘I don’t think that was right.’ She tries again. ‘R-O-S-T-E-R.’ She smiles. ‘I think I’m starting to get it,’ she says.
I have forgiven her for not helping me yesterday. It is not her fault if she does not see the bigger picture.
Egg O’Clock. After a pleasant scratch in the garden, I wander over to my new nest behind the compost heap – only to find that yesterday’s egg has disappeared!
I haven’t seen Jubilee Crystal Simpson anywhere near the back garden, so it must have been a rat.
Quickly, I make a new nest in the long grass beside the garage, and settle down to think about yesterday’s investigation. I must remember to tell Olive about Jubilee Crystal Simpson’s missing accent. It is a clue. An important one.
7.40 AM
Olive is in the kitchen cooking an interesting-looking white thing with a round yellow blob in the middle in a frying pan. I’m about to ask her if she saw the rat that took my egg, when she looks up and says, ‘Thanks, Clara.’
She thanked me yesterday morning, and now she is thanking me again. Is this some strange human ritual that I didn’t know about?
8.30 AM
While Olive is out of the room, her phone buzzes. I approach it cautiously. Is there an insect trapped inside? A bee? (Bees are crunchy.) A wasp? (Wasps are nearly as nasty as rats.)
I tap the edge of the phone with my beak. ‘Hello?’ I say.
It buzzes again. It does not sound like a wasp.
I look at the screen – and there is a message. Someone inside the phone is sending messages to Olive!
The message says, ‘u r ugly an stupid everywun hates u’.
The person inside the phone cannot spell. I wonder if it is a very small duck. Ducks are dreadfully bad at spelling.
The only way to find out is to ask. ‘ARE YOU A DUCK?’ I write.
Another buzz. Maybe it’s a duck and a bee.
‘u r mad,’ says the message.
‘I AM NOT A DUCK, YOU ARE. HOW DID YOU GET IN THE PHONE? ARE YOU VERY SMALL? OR DID YOU GET SQUASHED LIKE MY COUSIN FLOSS?’
‘u r mad’
‘IT IS NOT GOOD MANNERS TO SAY THE SAME THING TWICE. BUT A DUCK WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND GOOD MANNERS.’
The phone buzzes again, just as Olive comes into the room.
‘u r stupid’
Olive gasps. ‘Has she sent another message? You didn’t answer it, did you? I never answer her messages, it just encourages her.’
Olive snatches up the phone and reads the conversation. She puts her hand over her mouth. She smiles. ‘Oh,’ she says. ‘That’s really funny.’
I do not understand what is so funny about my conversation with the duck.
‘WHO WAS IT?’ I write.
‘Jubilee Crystal Simpson,’ says Olive, pulling a face.
I stare at her. The master criminal is inside Olive’s phone?
‘HOW DID SHE GET IN?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘HOW DID SHE GET IN THE PHONE? AND HOW DO WE GET HER OUT?’
Olive bites her lip. ‘She’s not in the phone, Clara. She’s sending me a message from her phone. I can’t prove it’s her, but I know it is. She’s been doing it for weeks. I try to ignore it, but it’s pretty horrible.
Her face brightens. ‘But I never thought of writing nonsense back to her. That was a really good idea.’
I have no idea what she is talking about. Who is writing nonsense?