10.00 AM
Still waiting.
3.00 PM
Still waiting.
6.00 PM
Olive and I watch Episode 21 of Amelia X, Girl Detective. Three-quarters of the way through the episode, Amelia and Jock are waiting too. And they are growing impatient.
‘This is taking too long,’ says Amelia, ‘and we’re not getting any closer to the villain, Jock. I think it’s time we set the cat among the pigeons.’
I watch the next bit carefully, waiting for the cat. But it does not appear.
‘WHERE IS THE CAT?’ I ask Olive.
‘What cat?’
‘THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO BE SET AMONG THE PIGEONS. WHERE IS IT?’
She laughs. ‘It’s not a real cat, Clara. It’s just another way of saying you’re going to stir up trouble. Amelia sent an anonymous letter to Colonel Brawn, warning him that his crooked scheme had been discovered. She was hoping he’d get worried and make the mistake that would bring him down at last. And it worked.’
That is interesting.
That is very interesting.
8.30 PM
Olive is in the bathroom cleaning her teeth when her phone buzzes. Aha! It is not a bee. It is not a wasp. It is Jubilee Crystal Simpson being nasty again.
‘yor dad is an idiot and u r worse everywun hates u’
It is time to set the cat among the chooks.
(Yes, I know that Amelia X said, ‘set the cat among the pigeons’. But what’s the point of that? Pigeons would be scared of the cat. They would fly away, or get eaten. They are almost as useless as ducks. But chooks would fix their eyes on that cat and march towards it. And the cat would find itself in big trouble.)
I choose my words carefully. ‘JUBILEE CRYSTAL SIMPSON,’ I write. ‘I KNOW ABOUT THE SHEEP.’
I wait for a reply. There is none.