The crunch came towards the end of January. Diana phoned Trevor during the afternoon and found him in a foul mood about some imagined slight by the colleague he seemed so jealous of. On the phone he sounded petulant, like a sibling vying for his parents’ favour. As she hung up, she allowed herself to think, Sometimes I don’t even like him any more. She used to admire his great wide-ranging intellect but when it came to women – when it came to her – he was blind, deaf and dumb. How could he not realise that his behaviour was driving her away?
Over dinner with Ernesto that night, a subconscious devil-may-care attitude took hold and she let him refill her wine glass two or three times – she lost count. It loosened her, made her more daring. When he pulled up outside her pensione later, she reached across to initiate the kissing, and was surprised when he held back.
‘It’s cold tonight, little one,’ he said. ‘Too cold to sit in a car.’
She didn’t hesitate. ‘Let’s go upstairs then.’
In her head, she remembered him suggesting they could lie on the bed and kiss and that he would leave when she asked him to. That’s what she was imagining would happen as they climbed the stairs, and that’s certainly how it began. He kissed her mouth thoroughly, with tender, lingering kisses, then rolled her onto her front and stroked her, with a long firm movement from her bottom right up to the top of her head. Next he turned her on her back and began to stroke more and she craned her neck upwards, gasping for his kisses. It must have been at least an hour before he started slowly taking her clothes off, and another half hour as he caressed her naked body, and then at last he made love to her and it was a complete revelation. She had never known, never remotely guessed, that it was possible for her to react in that way. The sensations were unfamiliar and totally overpowering.
Afterwards, she lay in his arms in a haze of sensuality and sheer astonishment. Trevor had been her only other lover and sex had never been anything like this. He must be unaware that it was possible to please a woman in this way. How did Ernesto know? She didn’t want to think about that. He had fallen asleep and she examined his face in the moonlight, mentally rewriting her entire future. Who was this amazing man? Could he possibly turn out to be the person with whom she would spend the rest of her life?
When Diana opened her eyes the following morning, Ernesto was breathing gently by her side. She was overcome with lust, remembering the delicious sensations of the night before, but then she thought of Trevor and knew that she had done something momentous from which there could be no turning back. Before this, he’d been the only man she’d ever slept with; now he would never be that again. She felt a lurch of anxiety. He would be devastated if he found out.
‘Buongiorno, bellissima,’ Ernesto murmured. He pulled her close for a hug that soon turned into more irresistible love-making, so that she had to rush to get ready and had no time for breakfast before the studio car arrived.
‘Be careful the padrona doesn’t see you,’ she cautioned on the way down the stairs. ‘She might be cross that I have an overnight guest.’
‘Film companies often use Pensione Splendid. You’ll find the padrona is used to people staying in each other’s rooms.’
‘I don’t want anyone at the studio to know about this,’ she told him. ‘It wouldn’t be fair on Trevor.’
‘I understand,’ he smiled, touching her cheek. ‘But can I see you tonight?’
‘Yes, oh yes please,’ she breathed, and they both laughed at her eagerness. A final thought occurred to her and she moved close to whisper in his ear. ‘You’ll make sure I don’t get in the family way, won’t you? I can’t risk that.’
He laughed at her shyness. ‘Didn’t you see those rubbers in the bin? Calm down, Diana. I will look after you. I’m not some fly-by-night monster who will let you come to any harm.’
‘I know you’re not,’ she blushed. ‘Thank you.’
He hung back inside the doorway as she got into the studio car so the driver wouldn’t see them together.
I suppose this is what love feels like, she thought. I could have gone through my entire life without experiencing this feeling. It would have been a life unlived.
It was wrong to sleep with another man while still married – of course it was – but it was far too late to back out now.
During the course of the morning, she got no work done at all. Her heart was beating fast as she pondered all the options in front of her. She had never contemplated divorce before but now it seemed possible, maybe even desirable. Surely there could be no going back after her night of passion? Trevor took her for granted, whereas Ernesto seemed to cherish everything about her. She tried to compose the words she would use when she told Trevor she had a lover, but she couldn’t bear to imagine the hurt on his face.
At last she decided there was no need to think about it for now. She would phone Trevor from work every few days, just to make contact, and the rest of the time she would shut him out of her head while she saw how things developed with Ernesto. Already he was talking about the future: sights he wanted to show her when spring came, places they should eat, parks where they could walk. He assumed they were an item, and so did she.
The guilt always surfaced when she saw Eddie Fisher on the lot, though. His appearance pricked her conscience.
‘What do you think of this glorious weather!’ he called in passing, and Diana felt embarrassed as she agreed it was wonderful. Should she tell him that she had seen his wife in intimate conversation with her co-star? No, of course she shouldn’t.
Only a few days later, while having lunch with Helen, she heard some assistant cameramen cracking a lewd joke in Italian about Burton and Taylor ‘making the beast with two backs’. She glanced at Helen to see if she had understood, but found her lost in thought.
‘You’re still not eating,’ Diana chided. ‘You don’t want to lose any more weight or you’ll get knocked off your feet when the wind blows.’ It was something her father used to say to her when she was a picky eater as a child.
Helen was startled. ‘I was miles away,’ she said, shaking herself. ‘I’m not hungry today. I’ll just have a Coke.’
‘Do you think it’s true what they’re saying about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton?’ Diana asked. ‘You know how people exaggerate round here.’
Helen wrinkled her nose. ‘It’s true alright. I’ve seen them loads of times. They’re always sneaking off together. She was in makeup one day when he popped his head round the door and asked if she fancied a cocktail in his trailer and she was off like a shot. She came back forty-five minutes later with her makeup so messed up they had to take it all off and start from scratch. Mr Mankiewicz kept sending messengers up from the sound stage to ask what was keeping her.’
‘It must be strange being famous. She’s being watched the entire time so they can’t keep anything secret.’
‘Eddie and Sybil are bound to have read the news reports by now. Imagine what it’s like for them. How humiliating to have the world knowing that you’re being cheated on! I don’t know how you could do that to someone you’re supposed to love.’
Helen spoke so vehemently that Diana was surprised. She looked at her closely. She was very pale, her blue eyes seeming huge in her pretty birdlike face. Under the table her foot was tapping. ‘Are you OK?’ Diana asked.
Helen shook her shoulders. ‘You know me. I’m just cross that everyone else has a boyfriend except me. Liz and Richard have a spouse and a lover each!’ She laughed, unconvincingly. ‘I suppose I won’t be so bothered when I find someone myself.’
‘Any new candidates?’ Diana asked, then lost concentration as Helen launched into a long list of men she liked on the set and what this one had said to her, and why she preferred another. It all seemed so childish. But even still, Diana was surprised that Helen hadn’t found a boyfriend yet. She was extremely pretty, with great fashion sense; she was a fantastic dancer and went out every night; and there was a naïve honesty about her that was endearing. Possibly she was too honest and gave too much away about herself. Maybe that’s what put men off. That, and the fact that she drank too much.
Diana resolved to tell Ernesto that she wanted to spend an evening with Helen some time soon. She felt protective towards her. Maybe she would be able to help her in some small way.