FIVE

I wake before nine but stay in bed. Nothing will seem out of the ordinary until after ten. But then ten approaches and I still haven’t heard anything from her. I call her mobile but it goes straight to voicemail.

‘Damn it, Sierra. Where are you?’ I say under my breath.

I sit on the side of my bed. Maybe her phone went flat and she sent an email or a DM from his phone. I grab my tablet and check everything. There’s nothing. Only now I start to understand why Riley’s never forgiven her.

I try calling her phone again. Nothing.

I’ll go for a jog and hope that she’ll have snuck inside by the time I get back. Mum is in the backyard reading the paper.

‘Good morning, sleepyhead.’ She smiles.

‘Hey, Mum,’ I say. She knows nothing. She would have woken me if she did.

‘You going jogging?’

‘Yep. I really, really want to keep going with it this time.’

‘Well, if you really, really want to do it, then you will! I’ll have some fruit salad ready for you when you get back.’

‘Thanks, Mum.’

I jog down the street and around the corner, but my anger is taking up all my attention. I slow to a walk, pull my phone out and call Riley.

‘Hey.’

‘Hi, Riles.’

‘Did she show?’

‘No … I don’t know what to do.’

‘Nothing! If Rachel calls, just tell her the truth.’

‘Yeah, but that still gets me into heaps of trouble. Mum’ll kill me.’

‘Play dumb then. Say you have no idea where she is. At no stage was she ever staying at your place. You know nothing.’

‘Hmm.’ I think it over.

Riley starts on her ‘I told you so’ speech and I tune out.

By the time I hang up, I’m no closer to knowing what I’m meant to do, and when I try to jog again, it’s as if my legs don’t want to run. I normally jog around Templestowe and marvel at the size of the houses, but today I’m too distracted to notice them. I slow to a walk again. I have to decide what I’m going to do when I get home: come clean and tell Mum everything, or act dumb and do what Riley said. If I come clean, I’m dead. Mum will probably take away my internet access, like Rachel did to Sierra …

I think about what I would have done had it been me Jacob wanted to meet. I would have gone, but I wouldn’t have stayed the night, especially if it meant getting Sierra into trouble. She hasn’t considered me at all. She doesn’t care about me, just like she didn’t care about Riley the time she did the same thing to her. Screw it. I’m going to act dumb. She can deal with her own mess.

I try to picture the scene. Mum will get a call from Rachel. ‘No,’ Mum will say, ‘she’s not here, I haven’t seen her.’ Mum will come and find me. ‘Do you know where Sierra is?’ Now that is the moment I need to be cool. That split second of ‘Crap, it’s going down.’ That’s when I might falter. I’ll have to practise – my innocent expression, my tone of voice, exactly what I’m going to say.

I don’t think I can do it.

Right now, I hate Sierra Carson-Mills.

Mum’s in the kitchen when I return. A huge bowl of fruit salad sits on the bench in front of her. She scoops it into two bowls.

‘Let’s eat outside.’

I follow her to the patio.

‘What was Sierra doing this weekend?’ she asks as she’s walking and I’m following behind.

I wasn’t ready for this. ‘Not sure. But Rachel’s at some fundraiser all weekend so I guess she had something planned for her – Sierra’s still meant to be supervised all the time.’

When I sit down, I start eating and keep my eyes low. That was my point of no return. It’s lucky that I’m hot and red from jogging – it hides the burning flush that just crept into my cheeks.

‘Oh yeah, I forgot. That’d be why she didn’t answer when I called.’

My chest tightens at the thought of Mum ringing Rachel. Nothing good is going to come of this. Dread settles in the pit of my stomach.

The doorbell chimes. I just about spit my food onto the table.

‘I’ll get it,’ I say, and sprint inside. I open the door.

‘Oh, hi, Callum.’ My voice falls flat.

He laughs.

‘You sure know how to make someone feel welcome.’

‘Sorry.’ I lower my voice. ‘I was hoping you were Sierra.’

‘She hasn’t shown up yet?’ A frown creases between his eyes.

I shake my head. ‘What are you up to?’

‘I’m heading down to the bike shop to get some new grips,’ he says. ‘I thought you might like to walk with me.’

Was he especially hoping to see Sierra?

‘Sure. I’ll come. I’m just having some fruit salad. You want some?’

‘Ah, you’ve twisted my arm.’

We walk out to the patio where Mum is.

‘It’s Callum and his beautiful teeth,’ I say.

‘Let me see,’ Mum says. ‘My word, your orthodontist has done an outstanding job.’

Callum beams. I look him up and down. He’s fit. His skin is clear; his messy straight hair looks wicked. Again, I notice a whole new confidence about him. He stands taller, somehow.

‘We’re going to walk down to the bike shop. Callum’s picking up some handlebar grips,’ I explain.

A smile plays on Mum’s lips. ‘That’s nice,’ she says. But the ‘nice’ is loaded with speculation.

I look at her with a raised eyebrow. She smiles back with pursed lips. She thinks Callum has a crush on me. She’s been saying it for a while now. I haven’t told her that he supposedly kissed Sierra.

I dive into the shower to rinse off, then choose a short, paisley-print Roxy dress, slip on my Havvies and tie my hair back. When we get out the front and start walking, Callum turns to me suddenly.

‘What if this Jacob guy’s a nut case and Sierra’s in trouble?’

I laugh. ‘He’s not, trust me.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because I spoke to him, too. I’ve even seen a picture of him,’ I say.

‘Yeah, but how do you know it’s actually him?’

‘But she called Friday night, remember? She said she’d already made out with him and wanted to spend the night. She was obviously happy with him. Don’t worry about it. She’ll turn up sometime today.’

‘What if he’s a rapist or serial killer?’ Callum laughs when he says it, though from his voice I can tell that part of him is kind of being serious.

‘Last time I heard, rape is when there’s no consent … and if he were a killer, wouldn’t he just go out and kill people? You know, off the street? Why would he go to all the trouble of emailing and sending photos, leaving evidence so the cops could catch him?’

‘I dunno.’ Callum half-laughs again.

I smile. ‘I think you watch too many movies.’

‘Yeah … But Taylor, she doesn’t know the guy. And she hasn’t shown up when she said she would. Aren’t you even the tiniest bit worried?’ Callum’s stopped pretending he’s joking.

‘Callum, I hate to say it but no, I’m not worried. It’s Sierra. She’s done it before. She did this exact same thing to Riley when she ran off with Matt and when she came back she was all like, “God, chill, guys. I was just having some fun.”’

I look at Callum and feel bad. Maybe all of his worrying is because he does have a thing for Sierra and I’m being insensitive. Maybe he tried to kiss Sierra and it was she who said no. ‘Sorry,’ I say.

‘You don’t have to say sorry to me. And I know she’s done it before … I just have a bad feeling about it this time,’ he says.

We get home, and even though I know that Mum would have called me if she had heard from Rachel, it’s still a relief to arrive home to find Mum not waiting at the door, pacing or yelling or looking worried. I take a deep breath of relief. She still knows nothing.

We go upstairs. Callum is allowed in my bedroom as long as the door is open. He sits at my desk and I sit cross-legged on my bed.

Mum’s up and down the stairs pretending not to check on us. The phone rings.

I cringe. ‘This could be the call that turns my life to shit,’ I whisper.

‘Are you just waiting for Sierra’s mum to find out she’s not here?’ Callum frowns.

‘Pretty much.’

‘Far out. She’ll go nuts. I might go home.’

‘Thanks, brave man. Don’t worry about me. I can face Rachel’s wrath on my own.’

‘I have to go soon, anyway. I have soccer at two. You should come along … I mean, if you’ve got nothing else to do and you want a distraction. It’s local; I was just going to ride down.’

‘Okay. I’ll ask Mum.’

When I hear Mum’s voice, I know she’s not talking to Rachel. She’s too happy.

‘That would be lovely. Thank you. Yes, yes, I’ll ask her. She might want to come, too,’ Mum says to whoever she is talking to. ‘No probs. See you then. Bye.’ She hangs up.

‘Who was it?’

‘Narelle, from work. We’re going to do dinner tonight. You’re welcome to come along if you want.’

‘Oh, no, I think I’ll stay home. I have homework.’ I’m relieved. I figure that if Rachel is going to call, it will be this afternoon or this evening after the fundraiser. Mum will be distracted and won’t answer her phone through dinner. I might actually get out of this one alive.

‘Can I ride down to the oval and watch the soccer? Callum’s playing.’

‘Are you going there together?’

‘Yes, Mum.’ I sigh. She’s such a worrier.

‘Are you coming straight back here after?’

‘Ah …’ I look at Callum. He shrugs and nods. ‘Yeah, we can.’

‘Okay, that should be fine then,’ Mum says.

‘Mum, it’s just a local game of soccer. Don’t fuss. Callum’s mum will probably even be there.’

‘Yeah, she will be,’ Callum says.

‘Okay, okay, I won’t ask anything else.’ She shoos us away with her hands. ‘Go, go. And have fun.’ She goes over the top and just about pushes us out the door.

I walk and Callum rides slowly beside me so we can chat.

‘If money were no object, where would you be right now?’ Callum’s a dreamer and often plays these games.

‘I would be in Paris. I’d be holding a heap of shopping bags … No, wait. Tahiti. I saw a picture the other day in a magazine of a cottage sitting over the water. It looked sooo beautiful.’

‘And who are you with?’

‘Let’s see. On the beach next to me sits Pink and Ansel Elgort … and Alex Pettyfer. What about you?’

‘I like the Tahiti idea. I’m pretty sure I saw the same picture too, in the paper. I’m not sure if I’d want those guys around, though. I think I’d rather real people. Friends. Riley and Joel … and …’ His voice trails off. ‘And you,’ he stammers.

I look at Callum and see that he’s blushing. His awkwardness makes me blush, too. A wisp of hair hangs over his left eye. He pushes it aside and looks to the ground. My stomach does a flip.

I sit at the soccer with Callum’s family, as though I’m a part of his cheer squad. I’m aware of every move he makes on the field and I can see he’s also preoccupied with me, as I sit and cheer on the sidelines. I try to imagine what it would be like to be his girlfriend, and the thought leaves me breathless. After the game, he stands close to me. Heat radiates from him. I breathe him in. There’s a lot of eye contact and neither of us looks away. Something’s happening. We’re electric.

As he talks I watch his lips and wonder what it would be like to kiss them. Or to touch his perfect teeth with my tongue. I blush at the thought. Our eye contact lingers. It’s strange and unsettling: I’ve liked him for so long that I just can’t imagine anything actually happening … But the electric energy continues to surge through me. I didn’t know I could feel so confident and certain, yet shy, nervous and unsure all at once.

Back at my house, there’s a lot more staring into each other’s eyes. He says he’ll stay until Mum comes home. We chat about random stuff, but the eye contact is relentless. Flirting, challenging, but nothing physical. It’s killing me. Maybe I should just kiss him … But I haven’t hooked up with many guys. What if I do something wrong? He’s definitely going to have to make the first move.

We’re sitting close on the couch. I’m flicking through a magazine and the TV is on.

‘Let’s do this survey,’ I say. ‘How do you know if he’s into you?’ I giggle, embarrassed already. I start to read. ‘Your secret crush a) listens to everything you say, b) often drifts –’

Callum leans in and cuts me off mid-sentence.

‘Do you have one?’ he asks. His voice is low and intimate.

I feel his breath on the side of my face.

‘What?’ I say, acting dumb.

He rolls his eyes.

‘A crush on anyone.’

I blush and a smile takes over my lips. There’s just no way I can say it.

‘There must be someone,’ he persists. His face is so close to mine that, if I turn, we’ll touch. I lean away and face him. Our eyes meet. I can hardly breathe. He moves forward and turns his head so we’re at the right angle to kiss. I meet him halfway. The first one is light and quick and when I respond he kisses me again. Longer this time. His lips are warm and soft; his chin is scratchy when it touches my skin. All of my senses are alive and I hope I’m doing everything right. His tongue brushes mine, and then enters my mouth. I bring my hand up through his hair and bring his head forward. I love his tongue inside my mouth and want more of him. Our kiss becomes passionate and urgent. The magazine falls to the floor and we move so we’re lying down. Our bodies press into each other. We seem to be the perfect fit and we move against each other until my whole body aches. It’s as if I can’t get close enough.

While we kiss, he runs his fingers down the side of my jaw and traces a line down my neck. His fingers move along my collarbone and rest at the centre of my throat. Slowly, his hand makes its way down the centre of my chest, over my clothing. My heart races and I wonder if he can feel it. He flattens out his hand and moves it over my dress, to my breast. I remind myself to keep breathing. And then the front door opens.

We spring up from the couch, straighten our clothing and our hair and our faces and wait for the awkward moment when Mum walks in. My lips and chin tingle; my cheeks burn.

‘It’s time I went home,’ Callum says to me, after we’ve said ‘hi’ to Mum.

I nod. I see instantly that she knows.

I see Callum to the door. I’m too embarrassed to kiss him goodnight so he stands self-consciously for a few seconds and then leaves.

I lean against the door and breathe deeply. His scent is still in the air. I can’t hold back the smile from my tingling, hot lips.

I go straight to my room to avoid questions from Mum. I want to think over my day with Callum. I want to remember every beautiful moment.