Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.
—James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room
I will never forget the day we lost Ronald.
It was like Ronald was putting his arms around me and whispering one last piece of wisdom into my ears. My name might be on record labels and up in lights. But that didn’t matter. There was only one place that my name needed to be, and that was in God’s book of life. My name could be inscribed on one of those Grammy Awards, but it wouldn’t mean anything. It could be on the lips of millions of people, all praising my music, but that wouldn’t mean anything either.
We live in a world that clamors for the applause of the crowd. The sound of applause is gratifying, and it can be addicting. Once we get it, it’s hard to live without it. I’ve heard stories about professional football players who say how hard it is to give up the game because it brings so much satisfaction, and along with the thrill of the crowd and the lights and the big game atmosphere, it’s a hard thing to live without.
That yearning for stardom, that longing to be in the spotlight, that was all well and good, but absolutely none if it would matter if my name wasn’t in the right book—the only book, God’s book. Being in God’s book is about being famous with God and understanding that He loves me and that He thinks I’m great no matter what kind of style of music I’m singing, no matter what mistakes I’ve made or will make.
I looked at Ronald’s body lying in the bed. His name had been inscribed in the right book. And I wanted mine to be there too—I wanted all of us to be in that book together, and the worldly recognition could take a distant second place.
Through tears, I nodded over at Ronald. I’d make sure I remembered that my name was already known to the only one who mattered. And someday, I knew that I’d see Ronald again in the only home that we’d ever really belong to.
* * *
When I was a young boy, I sensed in my heart what I wanted to do in life. It was literally in my blood. I was nourished in a home built, and focused, on music. I wanted to be great. Sunday never came soon enough. When you know you are born to do something, you do it regardless of any kind of success or fame or financial reward that might be attached to it. My brother Ronald reminded me all the time that yes, I was a Winans, but also a child of God. I was created in His likeness. It was God’s grace that reminded me to not only sing the lyrics that I wrote but to live the lyrics as well. In essence, grace reminded me to sing and keep singing regardless of what anyone said, regardless of the accolades, and regardless of the criticisms.
When I think back over my story, and the obstacles, the disappointments, the victories, the surprises, the racism, and the love, I’m convinced that if you and I can live like we understand our value before God, if you and I can live knowing our neighbor’s value before God, then we can participate in a daily glory and peace for which we were all born.