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I can’t think straight. It’s taking all my mental focus just to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It runs through my head, a monologue designed to stop my real feelings from creeping in and breaking me.
I hurt him. I hurt Lucas.
I should have known something like this would happen. It’s been a recurring feature of my life for as long as I can remember. The first foster family I ever let myself get close to sent me away because I was “problematic.” Then there were the Robertsons.
After that, I vowed never to let anyone else in. But I couldn’t help it. I let my parents in and now they’re gone. I let Lucas in, and now he’s dying.
I won’t let him die.
“We’re here,” Ryder says.
I hear him, but I don’t know what he means or what reaction I’m supposed to have, so I sit staring blankly ahead like I have on the full journey.
“Summit, come on,” he says, gently pulling on my arm, directing me towards the ground.
“Are you okay?” Ryder asks.
I nod my head.
No, but I will be.
I take a second to take in my surroundings. We landed in an open green space. Not too far away sits a white stone building. The building looks pretty dull and uninteresting, but I guess that’s the point. It keeps prying eyes away.
I’m told it’s a different story inside the building. The building is the healing center, where angels come to be fixed up after battle. Someone came for Parker as soon as Mel and East were gone, and now we have brought Lucas to the same place.
As I watch, two angels approach us, carrying a stretcher between them. It isn’t until they are almost close enough to touch that I realize they aren’t actually carrying the stretcher. It floats in the air between them.
I do a double take, but no one else seems to notice anything unusual. I have a feeling I’m in for a bit of a culture shock here.
The two angels come up to RJ, who protectively holds Lucas over his shoulder, their faithful stretcher still with them. RJ gently sets Lucas down, and moments later, they disembark with Lucas on the stretcher.
“Be careful,” I say, unable to stop myself.
One of the men grins at my comment, and it takes all my willpower to not punch him in his smug mouth. The only thing that stops me is I don’t know who is keeping that stretcher afloat. If it’s him, I don’t want to distract him.
“Who’s the newbie?” he asks.
Nix fixes him with a glare. “Her name is Summit Case.”
My name seems to mean something everywhere I go in this world. The grin drops from the man’s face. He turns to me.
“Don’t worry, he’s in good hands.”
It normally freaks me out when people know me before I know them, but it could be an advantage here.
We follow the men and Lucas to the building and step inside. At first glance, it looks like a normal hospital. The walls are a sterile white, the tiled floor is a grubby cream color, and there’s that smell: a mixture of antiseptic and something else, death maybe, that haunts every hospital I’ve ever set foot in.
I soon see the differences as we follow the men through a long winding hallway. I glance off to my sides, peering in the windows of the rooms as I go. The rooms all seem to be single occupancy rooms, and in the beds lie people of all ages. Surrounding them is a mixture of colorful orbs, many of which seem to float unaided.
I notice one young man whose orb hovers above his face. As he breathes in, his color changes to match the lime green fluid in the vial, and as he breathes out, he returns to a pasty white color.
It fascinates me and worries me in equal measure. The fact that no one else finds any of this strange shows me again that I’m not really a part of this world. I’m not really one of them.
Dylann reaches out and squeezes my hand. I turn to her and she gives me a reassuring smile. I try my best to return it. I remind myself that my team feels close to Lucas, and they are all feeling my pain.
Maybe I am a part of them after all.
The men lead us into a room and transfer Lucas to the empty bed. They leave without a word and a woman walks in. She beams warmly.
“Hi. I’m Anya. I’m going to be taking care of Lucas today.”
I catch Ryder’s eye and he mouths at me, “She’s the best healer they have.”
I don’t know if that makes me feel better, because Lucas is getting the best care, or worse, because it must mean his condition is serious.
Anya goes to a cabinet at the back of the room. She whispers softly to herself under her breath as she pulls out a mixture of colored vials. It must be serious because she doesn’t select just one vial. Instead, she pulls out what looks like an IV bag and begins to mix various colored liquids together in the bag.
When she’s finished, she holds the bag up to the light. The liquid inside is a vivid electric blue. It is streaked with an intense purple color and a deep, crimson red. I even see small patches of yellow.
She shakes the bag slightly, and I see that the yellow has partially solidified. It looks like little blobs of jelly floating in the prettiest soda I’ve ever seen. It could be a cocktail that you would sip on a beach somewhere hot, but I know better.
Anya nods her head, satisfied that the mixture is correct.
“Okay, time to go outside,” she says, addressing us.
“I’d like to stay,” I barely get out in a whisper as the others head for the door.
Anya frowns at me. Nix comes back and pulls me towards the door.
“She needs to be alone to activate the treatment,” he tells me.
“We can watch through the window,” Ryder says, and he squeezes my hand reassuringly.
I allow them to lead me out. I’m not going to hold up the process by causing a scene.
“Never argue with Anya,” Nix says.
“She’s the best healer here, and if you piss her off, she’ll think nothing of having you removed from her hospital,” he goes on.
“I just...,” I start.
“I know,” he says.
Something about the way he looks at me tells me he does know. He stands by my side as we watch Anya through the window. She flicks her wrist, and the bag floats up into the air and comes to rest beside Lucas’s prone body. She closes her eyes and brings her hands down to Lucas. They hover an inch or two above his chest.
I watch, fascinated, as a thin stream of liquid runs slowly from the bag. Not a drop falls to the floor. It stays in a perfectly steady stream as though it is running through a tube. It touches Lucas just above his heart and seems to melt into his skin.
“How are we all doing?” Death’s voice comes from behind us.
I force myself to turn away from the scene before me. I step forward and just shake my head. I don’t know how to put it all into words.
She embraces me tightly, then goes along the line, embracing each of the others in turn. I look at the others and see my pained expression mirrored there four times.
“He’s going to be fine,” Death says confidently.
“Anya has never lost a patient, and I guarantee you she isn’t going to start now.”
Her words make me feel a little better. She isn’t the type to lie to us. If she says Lucas will be okay, then I have to believe her.
“Lucas’s parents are on their way. Why don’t you lot go and visit Parker. I’m sure she’s ready for a bit of company.”
We dutifully troop away. Parker is a few rooms down, and we all go in. I force a bright smile onto my face.
“Hi,” Parker says excitedly as we all burst in. “How are you all?”
RJ laughs. “We should be the ones asking you that.”
Parker waves his words away as we crowd around her. I sit in an orange plastic chair, another reminder of the similarities between this and a normal hospital. Nix takes the one beside me, and the others perch on Parker’s bed.
“I’m going to be fine. The Nukes didn’t bite deep enough to penetrate the bone. It’s basically a flesh wound.”
She sits forward with a grimace and picks up a folder that’s attached to the side of her bed. She opens it.
“Look at this,” she says.
“If the teeth had gone in even an inch further, I’d have been a goner. Instead, I’m fine. But look at the dip there in my vitals. That’s the point when the healer put the first treatment into me. The Nukes’ poison started to fight it.”
Her eyes shine with excitement. The rest of us peer at her blankly.
“You all don’t get it, do you? This is like, groundbreaking. I had no idea that the poison could react to things outside of its own environment. It means it’s a reactive poison.”
I am pleased to notice that I’m not the only one of us who looks confused.
“Are you in any pain?” Ryder asks her.
“Of course I am,” she says, not losing any of her excitement.
She says it like it’s the least important thing. Her next words confirm that to her, the pain is the least important thing.
“But you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Do you have any idea how rare it is for a healer who doesn’t work in a place like this to be able to study the effects of Nuke poison close up like this? I really think I can use this knowledge to boost my own healing skills.”
I don’t want to burst Parker’s bubble, but right now, I’m so focused on Lucas I don’t know what to say to her. Now I can see she’s going to be fine, I just want to get back to Lucas.
I quickly stand up.
“I’m going to check on Lucas. Do you mind, Parker?”
Parker shakes her head. “Of course not.”
“I’ll be back later,” I say.
No one tries to stop me. I think they know there’s no point.
“Hey, Summit,” Parker says as I get to the door.
I turn back.
“I never did thank you for saving me from Torque.”
“You don’t need to thank me. We’re a team, remember?”
I grin and she returns it.
I leave the room, happy that at least one of our two injured seems okay. I marvel to myself about Parker’s ability to ignore the severe pain she must be in and focus on the science of it all. I wish I could do the same instead of focusing on my emotions, but I just can’t.
I reach Lucas’s room and peer in the window. No matter what Nix says, I’m ready to fight Anya when she tells me I can’t go in there.
She opens the door and peers out.
“You can come in when you’re ready. He’ll be awaking soon.”
This catches me off guard. I’m so ready for a fight, I realize I was focusing on that rather than what would happen when I did get in. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to Lucas.
“Umm, thanks,” I say. “I just need a minute.”
Anya shrugs and goes back into the room. I throw myself down on another orange plastic chair and wring my hands together, trying to sort through the mess in my head.
I glance up when I hear footsteps approaching. Death sits down in the chair beside me.
“Not going in?” she asks.
“Yes. No. I don’t know, I want to,” I say, not making any sense.
She nods, seeming to understand.
“It’s my fault. I hugged him and...”
I can’t bring myself to say the rest out loud.
“How can I face him?”
“Summit, I promise there’s nothing you could have done to prevent Lucas from holding you. I think he’s like your dad in that way—he doesn’t know how to go in halfway. He’s all in for better or worse, pain or no pain,” Death says.
“This is such a huge mess. And now, my parents are gone and...”
I see a smile flicker across her face when I say the word parents. At least I’m making someone happy. She can’t keep from interrupting me.
“Are you calling them your parents now? Oh, honey, that will make them so happy,” Death gushes.
“If I ever see them again.”
“Missions often require other teams to go away. Finding the Marcon pendant is a Toren-specific mission. I thought you knew that they would have to go,” Death says. “I still forget how little you know about this world.”
“I didn’t think about it. Just like I didn’t think that hugging Lucas would cause any of this.”
I sigh heavily and slump down in the chair. She takes my hand in hers and turns her body slightly so she is facing me. I can’t quite meet her eye, but I do my best.
“I’m your grandmother. I have been here from the very first mission. And your mom was here for the one after that, and now, you.
“We are three generations of kickass warriors. We fight. Hard. And we love. Hard. We don’t sit back and moan about what’s not going right. We find a way to fix it.”
I open my mouth to tell her I want to fight but I don’t know how. She’s not done.
“You want your parents back? Then get ready to fight to get them back. It’s only a matter of time before you are given the location of the first piece of the pendant. When that happens, you will be ready. Until then, Lucas, a member of your team, needs you. So, fix your face and go be a leader.”
Her words stir something in me. The fighter. That part of me knows that Death is right. She knows that she can face whatever is thrown at her and come through the other side, maybe not unscathed, but alive to tell the tale.
But there’s another part of me. A part that isn’t a leader. A part that is just a normal teenage girl who doesn’t know how to face someone she thinks she might be falling in love with.
“Maybe the leader can face him but what about the...human part of me? The part that, well, you know,” I say, hoping that she does know.
I don’t think I can bring myself to say it out loud. I don’t have to worry.
“The part that wants to be more to him?” Death asks carefully.
I lower my head. She places her hand under my chin and angles it so that we are now eye to eye.
“We fight for what we want in this world because no one is going to give it to us. For love or survival, a fight is a fight. Go. Claim him.”
She’s right. Standing on the sidelines, tongue tied and shy, isn’t really my thing. I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve ever had, and now shouldn’t be any different.
I stand up and move purposefully into Lucas’s room.
Anya notices me and tactfully slips out of the room. Lucas is awake now, and although he looks a bit paler than usual, he seems otherwise okay. The multicolored bag is gone now, and he’s surrounded by separate vials of blue, green, and yellow. They hang in the air, two over his chest and the green one over his arm.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” I try to be coy.
“Better now,” he says with his million-dollar smile.
I drag a chair over to the side of his bed and sit down beside him. I can’t help but notice that the chair is a black padded affair rather than flimsy orange plastic.
I reach out to take his hand, but at the last second, I think better of it. I change my mind and pull my hand back, resting it awkwardly in my lap.
I don’t know what to say, but I know I have to say something.
“I saw Parker,” I say in an official tone.
This is safe ground, and I hope it’s a good icebreaker. I’ve never almost killed someone by hugging them before, so this is all new to me.
“She’s going to be fine, but she really doesn’t care about that. She’s fascinated about the way the Nuke poison works.”
Lucas lets out a throaty laugh. “Sounds like Parker.”
I nod, laughing along with him. Some of the tension drains out of the air between us, and he takes the chance to move the conversation along to something a bit more real.
“So, how are you? About your parents leaving, I mean.”
I shrug.
“I’m okay. I’ll get them back and I won’t make the same mistake again.”
His question brings one of my own to the forefront.
“Hey, that reminds me. All our parents had to go into the void, but Death said yours are on their way here. How come? Does it mean that if one of us gets hurt they can come back?”
Lucas shakes his head.
“No. They can’t come back until the entire mission is completed. My parents didn’t leave. It would cause too much upset with them being the king and queen of the Paras.”
He says that like it’s no big deal, so I decide not to treat it as one. The truth is, he could have told me his parents were otters and I still would have been more overcome with the need to hold him than to process the information.
I wonder briefly if he gets a better chair because his parents are royalty.
You know you’re avoiding something when chairs take up such a huge chunk of your attention.
“Lucas, I...,” I start.
“It’s okay,” he says.
He reaches out to stroke my hair, and I jump up, knocking the chair over with a loud clatter.
“It’s not okay,” I say, righting the chair.
The door opens, saving us from having to pretend like we don’t desperately want to hold each other. Anya comes back in, her face all business.
“Your Drin is getting worse,” she says to Lucas. She nods towards the vials.
“These will help to slow it down in the short term, but long term, it’s going to get stronger with each passing day until it drives you mad or kills you.”
Wow, don’t hold back, tell us how it really is!
“There must be something you can do. Something you can try,” I say to Anya, pleading with her with my eyes to understand and make it right again.
“Well, there’s a way to stop it. It won’t cure it exactly, but Lucas will be able to lead a normal life.”
I feel a wave of relief flood me and I think for a moment that my knees are going to buckle.
“We’ll do anything,” I say.
“First, we need to identify the source of the Drin. The trigger.”
She mistakes my horrified expression for confusion.
“You know, like in a human, say they have migraines. The trigger could be bright lights.”
“I get it,” I whisper.
Somehow, she still misses the obvious.
“So, Lucas. What is causing your grief to take on a physical form and attack you? What’s the source of your pain?” Anya asks as daggers invade my heart.
I swallow hard and speak in a strained whisper. “I am. I am his...his migraine.”
She finally seems to understand the implications of what’s happening. Her face pales ever so slightly.
“Well that’s a shame because that means...”
“That means what?” Lucas asks, sitting up straighter, clearly on edge.
“If you want to live, you have to leave the team.”