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That night, Gertie, Ida Belle, and I hopped out of Marie’s van. We were dressed in black jumpsuits. Without a full moon or street lights, we made it to Celia’s porch without being seen.
On our drive over, we’d discussed our plans. I was the lookout and would stay in the backyard. Gertie and Ida Belle took their places on Celia’s porch.
“Hit it!” I whispered, darting behind a shrub.
Ghastly sounds flooded the area with eerie tunes. Ida Belle and Gertie started rocking in the two white chairs, looking straight ahead.
I gave them a thumb’s up. They looked believable, in a fictional-believable way.
Ida Belle called out, “Celia!” She rocked in her chair with an uneven tempo.
“We’re coming for you, Celia.” They enunciated her name and dragged out every word they said.
Gertie waved. I waved back. They were having such a great time.
Celia flipped on the porch light. “Someone there?”
“It’s us....Celia.” Gertie dragged out her name, before she stood with her arms stretched outward as if she planned to take a zombie’s walk. “You will never run in the banana pudding wars again.”
“9-1-1?” Celia slowly opened her front door and stepped out on the porch with her phone in hand. “Put Deputy LeBlanc on the phone, please. This is Celia Arceneaux, of course. You should have my number programmed by now. Would you tell Carter to send Deputy Breaux to my house?” She waited a beat. “What do you mean, they’re off work? It is Halloween weekend. I know the 31st was yesterday but the festivities don’t end until Monday! I’m being haunted by the ghosts of Ida Belle and Gertie!”
I ran across the lawn and took another position so I could see their faces. They began rocking and calling out Celia’s name all over again, still focused on telling her to forego her leadership titles, leave the banana pudding wars, and to stay inside for the good of the parish, for the rest of her days.
They were pretty brutal.
“Oh for heaven sakes. I’ll handle this myself.” She walked back inside and slammed the door.
Gertie and Ida Belle stopped rocking and stared at one another.
A second later, Celia reappeared with her keys in one hand, her cell phone in another. As she walked to her car, she began speaking, “Beatrice, call an emergency meeting. We have the SLS cough syrup special recipe.”
She fiddled with her keys and paused. A wide smile covered her face. Meanwhile, Gertie swung her arm to the left, and successfully halted Ida Belle before she tackled Celia from behind.
“Of course, I know. We all agreed not to make that concoction until they were both deceased, but I have it on good authority that they’ve passed.” Celia grinned. “No. I’m not kidding. They are no longer with us. Their ghosts have been here all night trying to haunt me.”
She listened and waited.
“Of course I’m sure. If Carter and Deputy Breaux were unavailable, I’m guessing Gertie finally ran that old Cadillac off the road and killed them both.” She waited. “But here’s the best part. We’ll never be seen as the bad guys because we’re going to cook their moonshine recipe and pass it out at their celebration of life. I’ll handle everything.”
“I’ll show you a celebration of life!” Ida Belle made a sudden leap, unable to contain herself any longer.
Celia spun around and hit Gertie and Ida Belle with a direct beam of light. “I always knew that if the two of you went out together, you’d find a way to come back and haunt us all.”
“You’ve stolen our recipe,” Ida Belle accused.
“I’ve done no such thing,” Celia said.
“You were planning to celebrate our lives?” Gertie placed her hand over her heart. “I’m honored.”
“Don’t be,” Ida Belle growled. “Old hag was going to use our deaths for personal gain.”
“No, but I’ll use your lives for personal gain if you don’t get off my property,” she said primly. “Besides, I thought you were over in Wasteland helping Gomer.”
“It was a one and done kind of thing,” Gertie said, smiling. “I’m sure you can relate.”
Oh no. I saw trouble coming from a mile away. Gertie was way too smug.
I darted under the tree, hopped over shrubs, and darted across Celia’s yard. Apparently, Marie suspected a similar stunt. She exited her van and walked across the lawn as quickly as she could.
“Why didn’t you go to help with the Wasteland Steakhouse then?” Celia asked. “Already burned your bridges?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. We never know when we may need to toss you off of it.” Gertie crossed her arms.
“What are you up to?” Celia asked, lifting a brow. “First, you pretend to be dead. Then, you fake gratitude. And now, you’re threatening to kill me.”
“I didn’t threaten,” Gertie said.
“Gertie, it’s late. What do you want?”
“Jax Daigle isn’t dead,” Gertie said, grinning wider. “He’s very much alive.”
“You just found that out?” Celia asked, turning off the flashlight and walking back to her house.
Gertie trailed Celia. “Who told you?”
“Who told me?” Celia scoffed and turned to face her. “I’ve known all along.”
“Oh no,” I whispered, remembering how Celia had been checking out the male mannequin with the Fedora hat.
Celia reached her porch. “Gertie, you may have been his first choice, but I’m his last.”
“He’s guilty of murder, Celia,” Ida Belle said. “I may not like you, but I don’t want you to be harmed.”
“Says the woman who was trying to scare me out of my house?”
“Come on,” Gertie said, tapping Ida Belle’s shoulder. “We’re wasting our time here.”
I paused. Had I misread this little prank? Had they actually wanted to help Celia avoid a dangerous liaison with Jax?
As I watched them head back to Marie’s van, I studied Celia and thought of all the things that would potentially happen if she stayed connected to Jax Daigle.
“Celia, he’s bad news.”
She blanched. “You think I don’t know that? Why do you think I’ve been calling Carter out here every few hours?”
“Oh my gosh.” It all made sense now. Jax wasn’t an invited guest at Celia’s home. He’d taken up occupancy there because no one would ever think to look for him at an old maid’s residence. “Where’s Jax now?”
She held my stare. “A Fed named Bob said if you need to know anything more, give him a call.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s all I have for you, Fortune. Anything more would put you in danger,” Celia said, acting as if she knew everything and we were the unfortunate ones who were out of the loop.
“Thank you for being you, Celia,” I said, rolling my eyes as I climbed into Marie’s van.
“Who does Celia think she is?” Ida Belle scoffed as we drove away. “Sticking her nose in an investigation that doesn’t concern her?”
“And conspiring with a dangerous criminal?” Gertie shook her head. “The nerve of that woman.”
“I can’t believe she was hiding out with Jax,” Ida Belle added. “Must’ve been terrifying for someone like Celia.”
“For someone like Celia?” Gertie scoffed. “That hussy opened the door and invited him in. She can’t cry wolf when things don’t go according to her plan.”
Marie shot me a sideways glance. “Marge would’ve loved to have been here. You may not be the real Sandy-Sue Morrow, but she would’ve been proud to call you out as family.”
“That means a lot,” I said, still enjoying the conversation behind me.
“Do you think Bob is working with Celia?” Gertie asked.
“Don’t be silly,” Ida Belle said. “If he needs assistance from Sinful citizens, we’ll be his first call.”
Gertie held out her hand and pretended to study her fingernails. “We’re more experienced.”
“Of course.” Ida Belle leaned forward. “And we never stick our noses where they don’t belong.”
I turned to look at them and rolled my eyes.
“Do you disagree?” Ida Belle asked.
“I’ll take the fifth,” I said, looking at my senior friends with such appreciation. “But since this really wasn’t our business, what do you say if we leave the rest of this Daigle case to the authorities?”
Brigham Cable knew who I was and why I was running. While I had every confidence Harrison would handle my cover, I didn’t want to dabble in Brigham’s life. If I stayed out of his affairs, perhaps he would stay out of mine.
“Are you kidding?” Ida Belle exited the van.
“Not on your life,” Gertie added, leaving right behind her and slamming the door.
I sighed. “What are we going to do with them?”
“Let them be themselves,” Marie said. “It’s an adventure of a lifetime, but there’s nobody better to have in your corner.”
“I agree.”
Director Morrow sent me to a safe place to hide, but what I gained was far more than safety. He gave me the opportunity to have friends and neighbors while enjoying a sense of church and community, a small town where I could thrive as a normal person.
With any luck, I would be able to stay a while longer. And maybe one day, I could sit down with Director Morrow and thank him.