AL: I cannot overemphasize the truth of the Bible verse at the beginning of this chapter: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12). So many people, including me in my younger days, think they know what is best for themselves. If they’re anything like I was, they become arrogant and get impatient with the process of growing up, and they decide to take their lives into their own hands. This is usually not a good decision, but sometimes it turns out to be a positive learning experience, as it did for me.
When I decided to go home, I knew my parents had every reason to be furious with me. I was hoping my mother’s tender heart and relief over having me home would keep her from being too angry. But I did not know exactly what to expect from my dad. I have said jokingly many times, “Making Phil Robertson mad is a very bad idea—as good a shot as he is!” I knew my dad had changed dramatically since the days before he entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. His conversion resulted in his becoming a much more patient and emotionally disciplined man than he had been when he was younger. But I was also pretty sure I had crossed a line with him because of my actions before I left home and because of the trouble I got into in New Orleans. I hoped he would recognize my brokenness and go easy on me, but I was not counting on it.
When I got out of the car and heard him say, “We’ve been waiting for you. Let’s go build some duck calls,” I was not only relieved, I also felt I had encountered the purest, most genuine, godly love a person could ever experience. The way Dad dealt with me that day and in the following weeks and months changed my life—and our relationship—forever.
Sometimes I wonder if Dad remembered what rebellion was like and understood me better than I understood myself. In a way, my wild times were not much different from his. I did not have a wife or family to support, and I did not have to run from the law, but all forms of rebellion have a lot in common. I believe there was something in him that understood something in me. I am also convinced he knew I could change, because he had changed.
Lots of teenagers rebel in one way or another. Some forms of rebellion are fairly harmless while others can jeopardize a person’s well-being or hopes for the future. As in my case, rebellion can threaten a young person’s life. I’m sure a lot of parents are reading this book, and if you are the parent of a wayward son or daughter, I want to encourage you in four specific ways.
First, keep your own faith strong. Dealing with rebellion can be scary, frustrating, and exhausting. Only God can give you the strength and wisdom you need. Wayward children need someplace to come back to, and even though they seem not to respect your commitment to truth, trust me—as a prodigal son myself, I needed my parents to believe in something when I couldn’t. I have looked back with a lot of godly pride because my parents loved God enough and loved me enough to confront me, challenge me, and ultimately release me to make my own faith decision. Had they simply allowed me to make a mockery of our family by openly living in rebellion without consequence, I would never have come to the ultimate decision to surrender my life to Christ. A strong faith that loves enough to maintain commitment and allow grace for wayward children to come home is the ultimate recipe for success when a family battles with a rebellious teen.
Second, if you have a spouse, keep your marriage vibrant. Don’t let a stressful situation with one of your children drive a wedge between you and your partner. Even if the two of you disagree on how to handle it, focus on the areas of your life where you do agree. Rebellion and wild living can be a serious problem in a family, but don’t let it consume your marriage. Find ways to nurture intimacy and even have fun together in the midst of this trial. A strong relationship with our spouses is essential, so we can rely on them when we become unsure of our own resolve.
Third, keep loving. No matter how much I hurt my family and Lisa, they never stopped loving me. When I pulled into the driveway at Mom and Dad’s house by the river and saw my dad standing there waiting for me with no anger or judgment, I knew he loved me. When I realized how glad he was to have me home after all the trouble I’d gotten into, I knew everything would be all right. Rebellious young people are often deeply afraid and sometimes ashamed of their behavior once they realize what they’ve done. When they can also recognize how much they’re loved, they have a much easier time changing their ways and learning to make good decisions.
When I realized how glad Dad was to have me home after all the trouble I’d gotten into, I knew everything would be all right.
Fourth, forgive and go on. Today, when I interact with my parents, my brothers, Lisa, and anyone else affected by my behavior as a young man, they do not act as though they are still hurt by what I did years ago. They have forgiven me completely, and they no longer hold my bad decisions against me. Sometimes we are told to “forgive and forget,” but since forgetting is almost impossible, I like to say, “Forgive and move forward.” In our family, everyone I hurt now treats me as though I never caused them any pain. This is one of the main reasons we have such strong relationships and such a great time together now. People in families are going to hurt each other, but if we will truly forgive, then everyone can move forward and enjoy good relationships. It may take a while, but it can happen.