AL: Anna’s health crisis was a huge event in our young marriage. In many ways, people would think it was the worst situation a couple married only about a year and a half could go through, but in the end, one of the worst times of our lives turned out to be one of the best times. It was extremely difficult and extremely rewarding at the same time, especially in terms of our faith and our trust in each other. We clung to one another through that experience. We never fought or argued; we were totally together and completely locked in on Anna. Her situation was a selfishness buster and a faith builder rolled into one.
Anna’s situation was a selfishness buster and a faith builder rolled into one.
During that time, we were focused on getting through each day. We could not stop and consider all the things God was doing in our hearts as we walked that agonizing path. Now I see that two specific scriptures became real to us in the midst of our everyday life with a premature infant, passages that might not have been so emblazoned on our hearts without that test of faith. The first was Romans 5:3–4: “We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” The second was Romans 8:38–39: “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
No matter what anyone around us said, whether they were our family or friends or medical personnel, the truths and principles of these verses were at work in my heart.
I could not have said, “I am thinking a lot about Romans 5:3–4 these days,” or “In this situation, the verse that I am standing on is Romans 8:38–39,” but I know God was putting these truths deep in my heart and in Lisa’s as we lived day by day. At that time, we were entirely focused on God and tuned in to Him. We had to be that way, because the medical reports were not always encouraging, and even some of the people who loved us wondered whether we were in denial about the seriousness of Anna’s condition.
I think it’s fair to say we did not always feel 100 percent supported in our confidence that Anna would be okay. Phil and Miss Kay, in a well-meaning effort to try to prepare us for what could happen, talked to us about how sick Anna was and how difficult overcoming everything stacked against her would be. They were not necessarily doubtful or lacking in faith; they were being lovingly objective and trying to give us a dose of realism that would keep us from a complete emotional meltdown if she did not get better. We knew, though, that they were praying for her to live and that they were fully engaged with us in our battle for her life.
Not only did my parents stand with us during that difficult season, Lisa’s parents were also extremely supportive and visited Anna and us often. My relationship with them improved. I really believe our strong faith during those first weeks of Anna’s ordeal made a huge impact on both of Lisa’s parents, especially her dad.
Lisa’s dad developed a special bond with Anna that started in those first days of her life and lasted until his death in 2004. In fact, because I performed Anna’s wedding and served as the minister, she asked Lisa’s dad and my dad to give her away. What an amazing sight it was for me as a father to see that beautiful young woman—who was not given much of a chance to live when she was born—walking down the aisle as a bride!
During the uncertain and difficult time when Anna’s life hung in the balance, we were so thankful to have our parents and families rally around us. In an ideal situation, young parents like Lisa and me would also have been surrounded by ministers who would help build our faith and affirm our trust in God. Our preacher at the time, unfortunately, handled Anna’s situation almost the same way he would have dealt with someone clearly at the end of life. He did not encourage us to trust God or pray faith-filled prayers with us.
The way the preacher dealt with us in our greatest time of need was disappointing, but it taught me one of the most valuable lessons I ever learned about being a minister—that a minister’s responsibility is to be the person who brings hope and comfort into any set of circumstances, no matter how daunting. People who are under that kind of pressure and are faced with that kind of fear have plenty of others who will tell them how bad things are; we needed someone to tell us how good things could be. I did not realize at the time how often I would be “the minister” in similar settings in the years to come, and how I would use that preacher’s attitudes and actions as an example of what not to do. At the time, though, Lisa and I were content and thankful to be in our little house with our happy, healthy baby girl. We consider Anna a miracle, and she and her sister, Alex, have given us some of our greatest joys.