LISA: I know we have imparted a lot of information in the preceding chapters and that we have been especially forthright about our struggles. We have done this to encourage you. If we can’t tell other people how God has healed us and made us whole again, we give Satan a foothold.
Jesus died on a cross for you, me, Al, everyone who reads this book—and everyone who does not read it. Everyone. Part of our responsibility to Him is to tell those who don’t know what He has done about His finished work on the cross. We have dedicated our lives to seeking Him and allowing Him to heal us. As that happens, we want to talk about it, share it with others, write about it—spread the good news every way we can. We do not do this to “toot our horn” but to bring others to Christ. We have a burning on the inside of us to show others that they too can be healed by His grace, His forgiveness, and His perfect sacrifice.
My last piece of advice would be this: whatever your struggle is, confess it, own it, and allow God to heal you so you can move on into all the great things He has for you. How effective will you be in God’s kingdom if you live as a victim, hoping each day might be your last and never being able to share your struggles and triumphs? If you need to find a group of people who are open to mistakes, do it. Don’t stay with any group where you cannot admit problems and find relief and freedom from your sins.
One program that has a great success rate for helping hurting people is Celebrate Recovery, and there are many Celebrate Recovery groups that meet in cities and towns throughout the United States. You can just Google Celebrate Recovery to find a group meeting near you. Some people may think this program is only for alcoholics and drug addicts, but Al and I say it’s for “life addicts.” People who say they don’t have a hurt, habit, or hang-up in life are blessed, but chances are they are not being truthful. All of us have been lost at some point, but Jesus came to seek and save the lost. His sacrifice reaches beyond race, gender, ethnicity, socioeconomic obstacles, and political barriers—and it is for you. Don’t let your life send a message of hopelessness. Let God help you to be full of hope, healing, and joy!
God bless you for reaching out to God and for reading our book.
AL: Writing this book has been an emotional journey for Lisa and me. We do not glory in our past mistakes or failures. Our story is painful, and parts of it are still hard for us to talk about. Though Lisa and I have both forgiven each other and ourselves, and though we know God has forgiven us, I am ashamed of eighteen-year-old Al. I still lament not being more committed to Christ as a teenager and as a young man, not getting more involved in my church youth group, and making bad decisions. I could have chosen to do so many things the right way, but I chose the wrong way. Sometimes I wonder how different Lisa’s life would have been had I been a better person. I thank God for the way He has redeemed my life, for the ways He has changed me, and for the grace He continues to bless me with every day.
Like me, plenty of other people have made mistakes—some of them with severe consequences. If I could put all of those people in a duck blind and talk to them for a few minutes, I would emphasize that the past can be forgiven and redeemed. No matter what has happened, God always offers a second chance. And I hope those people would take me seriously because I am living proof that second chances exist.
I thank God for giving me a second chance to love and serve Him after my time in New Orleans and for giving me a second chance to love Lisa and have her love me. She is one of the strongest, most loving, most committed people I have ever met. There is no limit to the love and respect I have for her.
In the wake of Lisa’s affair, my brother Jase wrote me a letter. I won’t share the details of it, but I will say that he did not think I should rebuild my relationship with Lisa. About a year after Lisa and I were reconciled and Lisa’s relationships with my whole family were restored, we went to church one Sunday night when Jase was preaching. He started his sermon by saying he wanted to talk about three of the most godly women in his life. He first spoke about his wife, Missy. Then he talked about our mom, Miss Kay. Then, to our total shock, he began to share some things about Lisa. Lisa and I both burst into tears. I view that moment as one of the most powerful times in the life of our family. After all Lisa had been through with men, the fact that a man (Jase) would stand up in front of an audience and praise her spiritual courage and call her a godly woman had a profound effect on her. Through Jase, I felt she was finally being recognized for the woman God made her to be, the woman she fought to become.
Lisa and I have made a conscious decision not to allow past mistakes to dictate our present and future lives. We make that decision afresh every single day. This takes discipline and trust in a power far greater than we are.
The fact that a man (Jase) would stand up in front of an audience and praise Lisa’s spiritual courage and call her a godly woman had a profound effect on her.
Many who are trying to reconcile after infidelity have asked me, “How can you ever really trust again?” This is a valid question. I admit that there will always be some doubts. My answer is that God revealed the dishonesty once, and I found out what was going on. I trust that if something like that ever happens again, He will come through again. This is what I tell those who ask—and it’s what I tell myself. I also encourage people to trust God first and then trust their spouse. So far, that has worked well for me.
Lisa and I also try to live Paul’s words to the Philippian church in Philippians 2:3–4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” We try to always put the other’s interests ahead of our own and it is working beautifully!