Introduction 
Introduction Many people would look at the photo on the cover of this book and think, That couple looks really happy. They would be right. We’re unbelievably happy. But we have not always been. Our life together is amazing, but we have had to fight for this amazing. As individuals and as a couple, we have walked through betrayal, abuse, abandonment, adultery, fear, shame, sadness, and loss. All those circumstances, and the brokenness they left in their wake, have now been redeemed in the most wonderful ways. We have seen God use each of those situations to teach us lessons we might not have learned any other way and to equip us to offer compassionate encouragement to others in similar circumstances. We have navigated lies and deceit and have emerged with the firsthand knowledge that truth really does set people free. We have endured pain we thought we could not bear and ended up in places of healing and strength we never dreamed possible.
Our life today overflows with joy. One of the best things about it is that we have had countless opportunities to share what we’ve learned with hurting couples—some on the brink of divorce. When couples come to us to talk about their failing marriages, they often say things like, “You won’t believe what kind of trouble we’re in,” or “What one of us has done is so bad we’re afraid you’ll send us away when you hear about it.”
We tend to respond by glancing at each other with a knowing look that says, “If they only knew what we’ve been through!” As we tell them about the mistakes we’ve made, they realize we have learned some lessons that may help their marriages have a happy ending instead of a tragic one. By the time we finish sharing our story, most people don’t feel so bad about their own problems or negative behavior. Instead, they sense a spark of hope that gives them the courage to try to work things out, even if they have tried many times before.
We wrote this book to share a powerful message of hope, reconciliation, and redemption that rose up from the huge mess that was our marriage. We know from personal experience how miserable and broken individuals and relationships can be. We also know the depth and power of the redemption God can bring to situations that seem hopeless.
At this writing, we have thirty years of marriage and almost fifty years of living under our belts. One of the hallmarks of our lives and our relationship is reconciliation. Simply put, reconciliation is the idea that things and people that are broken can be put back together. What has been torn apart can be rejoined. On the back side of reconciliation, people often end up stronger, healthier, and wiser than they were before. Reconciled relationships tend to be more honest, more loving, and more committed than they were prior to falling apart. That’s certainly what happened to us, and we know it can happen for anyone struggling in a difficult marriage today.
Reconciliation is the idea that things and people that are broken can be put back together.
In our situation, we endured several kinds of brokenness, so we needed reconciliation on several levels. First and foremost, we both needed to be reconciled to God. We also needed to be reconciled to each other and to our family. No matter what people go through—whether it’s addiction, rebellion (there’s plenty of that in our story), marital problems, or some other type of broken relationship—the answer always begins with being reconciled to God. Once your relationship with Him is right, everything else eventually falls into place and healing begins. And one of the beautiful by-products of healing is the opportunity to help others find reconciliation in their lives. The apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:18 that Christ “has given us the ministry of reconciliation.” That’s something we take seriously. We live lives that are reconciled to God and to each other, and now we share that reconciliation every chance we get.
We are honored that you have chosen to read this book. In it, we have been as honest and vulnerable as we know how to be. Parts of our story are intense and we write about them with transparency, hoping others who have been through similar situations will recognize us as fellow pilgrims on a journey that is not always pretty. At the end of each chapter, we take a couple of pages to look back and share the lessons we have learned through bad decisions or circumstances beyond our control.
Our prayer is that anyone caught in the same situations we once faced will be able to learn from our experiences. We also hope that as a result of this book others will be able to avoid some of the disasters that nearly overcame us. Someone once said, “Experience is the best teacher,” but we say that someone else’s experience is a better teacher! We truly hope our experiences will help individuals and couples avoid some of the heartache we have endured.
Freedom means being able to hold your head high instead of feeling weighed down with shame all the time.
Our message to you in the following pages is this: No matter what someone else has done to you or what you may have done to yourself, you can move beyond it. Nothing in your past has to keep you from an incredible future. Jesus says, “All things are possible,” and He’s talking to you. That means freedom from any bondage that has you entrapped. It means healing from any physical disease, mental condition, or emotional trauma that has had an impact on you. It means the ability to live in truth instead of feeling you have to continue to keep secrets. It means being able to hold your head high instead of feeling weighed down with shame all the time.
We want you to know that whatever you are going through right now, life can be good again. It won’t happen overnight; it may take months or years of learning to live in wholeness one step at a time. But we are living proof that it can happen. We hope and pray our story will inspire you to believe that for yourself and give you the encouragement and practical advice you need to start walking in a new direction, toward a brand-new season of strength, blessing, and joy.