WHENEVER AN OWNER IS PRESENTED with a new adventure, a new game, or a new project, he or she uses such language as: “Count me in.”
The owner will love trying something new and will say “count me in” with enthusiasm. The owner enjoys team spirit, and loves the game. Just as a child always wants to be taught how to play new games, the owner is up for just about anything new in life.
The victim, on the other hand, uses the words, “Wait and see”—about everything.
“How is that new job working out for you?” you might ask a victim.
“Oh, it’s all right so far I suppose, but I’m going to wait and see. I’ve only been working there two years. I don’t know how it’s going to go.”
You might see a victim you haven’t seen for a number of years and say, “Hey, Bill, I heard you got married. Congratulations. How is that going for you?”
“Well, I don’t know,” says Bill. “We’ve only been married a year now, so I don’t really know. We’ll wait and see. I’m kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
The victim is usually uncomfortable if things are going well in life, and is not afraid to tell you so.
“Things are going great for me right now,” says the victim, “and that’s what bothers me. When things are going well like this I’m always nervous, because I know something big is about to happen; something awful is coming around the bend. You know it’s true that there’s always a calm before the storm. And because I don’t know for sure what’s coming, I’m having a hard time sleeping these days.”
The loss of sleep causes the victim to become accident-prone and not alert to details. Soon, big mistakes are made and accidents start to happen. The other shoe sure does fall. A victim’s thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Victims don’t trust the good times and almost welcome the bad news. Their story about life is so deeply habituated to be pessimistic that they experience discomfort when they step outside their story. Victims, for example, have a hard time being praised and acknowledged. It goes against their story. Their story says that they don’t get any respect.
Victims are like the late comedian Rodney Dangerfield. His comedic bit was that he never got any respect anywhere he went, when he would say that he went to his physician he was told he was overweight and needed to lose a lot of pounds. He said to the doctor, “I’d like to get a second opinion,” and the doctor replied, “Okay, you’re ugly, too.”
Victims have built their wholes live around their stories of disrespect. They aren’t aware that our stories are self-created. You can begin a new story about yourself today.
First, look for opportunities to say, “Count me in,” and “Hey, I’ll play!” Look for a chance to make a fool of yourself. Don’t be afraid to lose face and fail at something. Don’t reject the idea of coming across as a human being. Jump in. Play. Fall down. Get up. Play harder. Come home with a dirty face and sweat on your neck. Take a bath. And sleep.
You lived life that way when you were young, and you can do it again. You can sleep again.