Chapter 10 Ben (Present)

Falling ~Ray Orbison

 

“This is crazy!” I commented on the state of affairs in this house.

“I agree!” Marni laughed at chaos.

Marni’s mom came up a day early so she could have ample time with her “granddaughter,” and my parents came home two days early so they could spend time with their granddaughter. This three-bedroom home was overflowing.

“How is it that I went to work this morning with nothing out of place and came home to this chaos?”

Marni and I were hanging out on the balcony off my bedroom while everyone jostled for space.

As of this morning, Marni, Ali, and I each had a bedroom. As of five minutes ago, Jackie was sleeping on Ali’s trundle bed, new sheets were placed on Marni’s bed for Grandma and Grandpa Howard, and I blew up the air mattress in the den-turned-studio for Mar. It was a mess and Ali loved it.

“I think we are all now settled.” Mar put her foot up on the balcony and joined me in sharing a beer.

“How insane of me to worry about Ali not having enough interaction with people. Soon, she’s going to beg me and every person around her to leave her alone.”

“It’s nice seeing your parents again.”

I huffed in exasperation. “Did you see how they barely noticed their son, they were so enamored with Ali, Jackie, and YOU? They always liked you—a lot!” It was wrong that my parents all but ignored their only child.

Marni expressed my very own sentiment, “I love seeing that little girl so happy.”

And I loved that this woman loved seeing her niece so happy. “Who’s going to win the Ali tug-of-war?” It was comical how the grandparents were jostling for a higher ranking in my daughter’s world.

“Did you see how disappointed your mom was when you said Jackie would sleep in Ali’s room? She actually asked your father to go to a hotel so she could have a night with her granddaughter, tomorrow.”

I laughed. “What did you and Ali do all day?”

We’d fallen into a seamless routine since the week began. We both got up with Ali and took turns taking care of her morning routine. Mar started the morning by changing Ali’s diaper and pjs, while I showered. About the time Ali had her two bottom teeth brushed and face washed, I came in and played with my daughter while Mar went to get breakfast on the table. It was beautifully coordinated.

Though I only taught twice a week, I went to school daily. With Mar here, creating in the school studio worked better for my schedule. It was also much less distracting. Mar stayed with her niece during the day, took care of the house more than I ever expected, and generally had Ali fed and bathed before I came home. The industrious woman that she was, Mar worked while Ali napped.

Once I got home, I took over baby duties and Mar went to class. After the first two days, Mar decided to slow down her schedule. Rather than taking classes daily, she chose to attend class on Monday and Wednesday nights, with an online class added to her Fridays.

“Your daughter loves to swing so we spent a portion of the morning at the beach park. Then, I made her favorite lunch, put her down for a nap, and as soon as she woke up, the madness ensued.”

“What’s her favorite lunch?” I had been her sole caretaker for almost a year. How had I not noticed this?

Marni laughed and chugged her beer. “Have you not noticed how much your daughter likes fish? It must be the ocean breeze. Halibut, salmon, tuna, you name it, she likes it. But her absolute favorite is a tuna fish sandwich.”

I looked at her dumbfounded. “How did you know this?”

“Think of all she’s eaten since I got here. Regardless of what you order for her, she will be all over your meal or mine, depending on who ordered the fish. Don’t worry. I won’t feed her too much tuna. I know mercury isn’t good for anyone.”

“Where the hell have I been?” I still couldn’t understand how Mar knew something about my child I didn’t know.

Mar was now laughing at me. “You’re still in contention for Father-of-the-Year, Ben Howard. But, you’ll lose out to someone who feeds his daughter if you don’t get your ass off that chair. We’re already late with Ali’s dinner. Let’s get going before she loses it. All this stimulation is going to be hell for me once the grandparents leave.”

“Lead the way, Auntie Mar.”

 

Dinner was as expected—chaos!

We walked to a family-style Italian joint and while we were listening to my parents talk about their shortened trip, Ali decided to wear her plate of spaghetti and meatballs. There was tomato sauce, noodles, and broken up ground beef all over her curly red hair. If that wasn’t bad enough, she decided she didn’t like all that sauce dripping into her eyes so she rubbed them before any of us reached her in time. All hell broke loose at this tiny Italian restaurant.

Ali hollered.

All five adults shot up from our seats and crowded her simultaneously.

This little one-year-old angrily waved us all off except for Mar.

She cried, “Mamamama,” and held out her hands to the only person she wanted comfort from—not her father, not her grandparents, and not even Jackie who adored her like her own flesh and blood.

Ali reached out to Mar and her auntie didn’t hesitate. Once she cleaned out Ali’s eyes and wiped off the dripping marinara sauce from her head, Mar held my daughter close to her body. It mattered not that there would be greasy tomato stains on her cashmere sweater. It mattered not that Ali was rubbing her stain-soaked head into Mar’s neck. She loved her niece unconditionally and told us all to stay and finish our meals. Auntie Marni was taking her niece home.

The rest of us ate our dinner as instructed. The minute I was done with my meal, I packed up Mar’s dinner, anxious to get back to Ali. The three other adults took their time enjoying dinner and getting reacquainted.

“Please stay as long as you like.” I couldn’t wait around any longer. “I’m going to see if Mar needs my help.”

No one cared to refuse me. They nodded their heads and went about their conversation.

I rushed home and ran up to Ali’s room to find a beautiful picture of the two girls in my life.

Both dressed in fluffy bathrobes with wet curly hair covering the front of their faces, they were in the rocking chair, Mar reading to a sleeping Ali.

“Hey.” I whispered. “Why don’t I finish up here?” No other words were necessary.

Ali protested the changing of the guards. As soon as her eyes opened and she saw me rather than her current favorite person, Ali’s whimper turned to a wail.

“Let me?” I appreciated the fact that Mar asked rather than assumed. While it didn’t make me happy to see my daughter literally pushing me away, the look of love and trust between the two girls changed everything.

My views on life, love, and future spun in a completely different direction than I imagined possible after Mel’s death.

It was wrong of me to feel this way and alter Ali’s and my course of life. But, my eyes and heart opened to the shocking inevitable.

Confused and upset about what I’d just witnessed in myself, I left Mar to care for Ali and went out for a walk.

I needed to sort out my head—badly.

The sight of Mar rocking Ali in the chair was branded on my mind, and in my heart. Mary Cassat couldn’t have drawn a more perfect picture of woman and child. Shit! There was no damn way I was feeling anything for Mar. She was my late wife’s sister, Ali’s aunt and caretaker. Whatever I thought I felt for her back in my daughter’s room was an error, a mistake, a serious, crazy, jacked-up way of thinking.

After this walk, I’d go home and feel nothing again. Life would go back to the comfortable routine of taking care of the most important person in our lives.

 

“Ben.” Mom was up waiting for me when I finally returned home. “Are you all right?” She looked me over as only a mother could. “You want to talk?”

My father was on his way up to their room when he called out, “Beer with your mother and me for old time’s sake?”

Within minutes, we were comfortably ensconced out on the patio off what used to be my parents’ bedroom.

“Your mom and I made good use of this balcony after you went to bed every night. You were quite a handful.”

“I know. I used to get up in the middle of the night and find you and Mom laughing and having a party out here without me. I swore when I grew up, I’d have the same parties every night.”

Raising our cans of beer, my father and I thumped a cheer.

“Speaking of making good use, I see Marni is enjoying the lap pool. I think she’s used that pool more than all of us combined.” Mom spoke but we were already listening to the arms gliding and the legs kicking in the water.

“How’s it going with Marni? It appears she’s taken complete control of the house and your daughter.”

I stared at my dad, unsure how to answer him. Being the only child, my parents and I had always been close. However, was it wise to explain something I didn’t understand?

“She’s marvelous. It’s me who’s unsure of what’s happening.”

My parents had only been here a few hours, but they already understood. “Your life didn’t stop when your wife passed away. Melody would want you to continue living for yourself as well as for your baby.”

Perhaps they were right, but I didn’t feel good about living without my wife. She was still so much a part of my heart. I didn’t think I could love anyone again for a long while.

“I’m just grateful she’s here to care for Ali. As long as Ali is happy, so am I.”

There were no answers, parental advice, or unwanted clichés. My parents were surprisingly laissez-faire with their only child. We only sat and listened to the waves crashing in the night. To be honest, my attention stayed riveted to the barely-there waves from the lap pool. They made too deep an impression on my mind.

 

“Good morning.” Jackie’s early morning grin could bring out a smile from the most hardened hearts.

“I assume by the stack of waffles, bacon, and fruit compote, you were the first one up?” was my greeting to the grandmother who had everything under control at six-thirty in the morning. “Hello, Munchkin.” I picked up my daughter and kissed her syrupy face. “What would we do without Grandma Jackie?”

“You’ll never find out.” Jackie answered as she poured me a cup of coffee.

“You brew the best cup of coffee, Jackie.” It wasn’t a false statement. She whipped up magic in the kitchen.

“How about a cup for your daughter?” Marni pulled the exact same routine as she picked up her niece and kissed her all over the face. “You taste so yummy, Alice.” Her niece squealed when Mar pretended to slurp off all the syrup from her neck. “Can I have some?”

“Mamamama!” Alice joined in the fun, rubbing her breakfast-laden face all over Mar’s.

“Are we missing out on all the fun?” Ali enjoyed rubbing faces with everyone. Grandma and Grandpa Howard wouldn’t miss out on any of the action.

“You’re out early, today.”

“Yep. Gotta get some work done before the premiere tonight.”

“How do I need to dress?”

“They want all of us in fancy attire.”

“How fancy?”

“Fancy!”

“Damn. I need to go shopping.”

“Ooh, Mar. Let’s all go shopping after Alice’s morning nap.” Mom always loved shopping.

“How about you ladies allow me some quality time with my granddaughter while you shop to your hearts’ content?”

Three smiling faces agreed with Dad.