THEY had been at Kent’s for nearly an hour when he announced he had to head out to meet a client.
‘How about we go do something too?’ said Nat. ‘We could go to the zoo?’
Billy’s head snapped up. ‘The zoo? Can we, Dad, can we?’ he begged. ‘I’ve never been,’ he added to Nat.
‘Actually you have,’ chuckled Drew. ‘You were nearly three but I guess it’s time we went back. Are you sure?’ he asked Nat. He didn’t want to put her out.
‘I wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise.’ She gave him a teasing smile. ‘Come on, we can spend the whole afternoon there. Uncle Kent always took me. I think it’s time I went back too.’
Drew shrugged. ‘Fine by me. What do you think, Billy?’
Billy jumped up in the air as if auditioning for a Toyota ad.
‘Great. Have fun,’ said Kent. ‘I’ll see you for dinner. I have stuff in the fridge for your favourite seafood pasta dish, Natty. If I beat you home, I’ll cook. If you beat me home, I will be forever grateful.’ Kent kissed her forehead and then left.
After collecting their bits and pieces, they left too, with Nat at the wheel.
‘This is going to be so cool. I hope we can see the giraffes. Do you think they’ll let us feed them, Natty? Or the elephants. Do you think they have baby ones? What are your favourites?’ Billy’s hands waved around as he fired questions to Nat from the back seat. His eyes sparkled brightly and the smile only left his face when he rattled off more excited questions, sometimes not even waiting for her answers.
At the zoo Billy grabbed onto both of their hands and they walked as fast as his little legs would go. The tiny penguins and the big crocodile had him in awe and made Drew wish he’d done this sooner. When he went to the city it was for a purpose – shopping, picking up parts, appointments. They got in and they got out. Staying longer meant more money for accommodation and food, so doing things like this seemed to go on the backburner. Yet it was making some awesome memories. Memories he may need to cling on to, depending on the outcome of this test tomorrow and how it all ended up in the courts. God, he didn’t want to think about the worst-case scenario but it kept creeping into his mind.
‘Drew?’ said Natalie softly, nudging his shoulder. ‘Drew.’
Straight away he picked up her worried tone. He met her eyes while Billy was busy watching the orangutans. ‘Is it that obvious?’
Nat smiled, but he could tell she was concerned. ‘A little. You’re getting that worry line.’ She pressed her thumb against his forehead and gave it a gentle rub.
Drew instantly felt his body relax. Just being beside Natalie made him happy: to see her smile, hear her voice, and watch the way she moved. He was happy with just that, or so he told himself, but then she would touch him. Oh, it did things to his body that he couldn’t control. Made him feel alive, soaring high in the sky like a bird on the breeze and made parts of him wake from their deep slumber. How had he lived this long without feeling this excitement, desire and longing?
She’d probably stop if she knew, but he didn’t want her to stop. Each bit of contact, be it a brush as she walked past or a touch of her hand when she passed a plate, every single time he felt it and cherished it. He craved to reach out now and brush her hair back, to run his fingers through its silkiness and then caress her skin. He knew how damn soft it was too. And he knew just how perfect her lips were. And how amazing she tasted. He felt his desire build like a steam engine, except there was no release.
Drew gritted his teeth and almost shook his head to clear his mind. He resisted the urge to curse from his frustration. It was okay to manage being around Natalie, until he began torturing himself like this. Wanting her so much. Some days it grew and grew until he was crazy with want. His body burnt with the ache. Then some days his heart felt so heavy and lonely.
She can only be a friend. Words he muttered often to keep himself in check.
He’d come to the conclusion, after many, many nights of thinking, that he’d rather have Nat in his life as a friend than not at all. He would suffer the pain of not being able to hold her or kiss her again, just to be able to stand near her and be there for every smile and every glance from those teal eyes that cut straight to his soul. Some pain was worth enduring.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. He knew he had to push all that, as well as tomorrow’s test, from his mind.
‘I know it’s hard but now’s a time to forget and enjoy.’ Nat glanced at Billy and smiled in such a tender way it made his throat constrict. Her unspoken words echoed inside his head.
God almighty, she was an angel, he thought. How did such a beautiful creature end up in his life? And how did she understand him so well?
He realised that Natalie and Billy were his ticket to forgetting his worries. And as they walked around the zoo, his mood improved tenfold.
‘Dad, look at that one, the one scratching his butt,’ said Billy, laughing.
The rest of their time at the zoo passed in a blur of animals. Drew took many photos with his phone, but every one of them had either Billy or Nat in it. No fancy animals could compare with the amazing humans by his side. He walked around the zoo feeling ten feet tall, and every time Nat smiled at him adrenaline shot around his body.
‘Dad, can we come back again one day?’ Billy begged at closing time.
‘I’m sure your dad will bring you back,’ said Nat, giving Billy a wink.
If Drew got to keep his son, then he’d bring him back every bloody year. Hell, he’d do it every month if it would help the universe make Billy his forever.
Back at Kent’s, Drew got Billy started in the shower.
‘You can swing ten cats in here, Dad!’ Billy exclaimed.
Then Drew joined Nat in the kitchen. ‘Can I help you with the pasta?’
‘Sure, can you stir this?’
Drew reached for the wooden spoon, his hand brushing her fingers. Then her hands caressed his hips as she moved him to the side so she could get into the pot cupboard. Yep, helping her cook was much more fun than watching from the table.
‘Thanks.’
‘You look like a chook scratching around down there,’ he said teasingly.
Nat grunted as she dived to the back of the cupboard again, metal pots clanging loudly. ‘You would too. Uncle Kent has no order,’ she said with a laugh before standing up with the pot she was after. ‘Bingo.’ Nat filled it with water, added a touch of oil and salt. ‘Jason and I used to love coming here. We were allowed to pull out the pots and turn them into drum sets. Uncle Kent would get down on the floor with us for hours and play. Sometimes we’d turn up and he’d have a treasure hunt set up for us, and one time he turned the backyard into a camping oasis. He would take us to the beach, teach us to boogie board and how to make the best sandcastles.’
‘It sounds like a great childhood,’ said Drew as Nat added salt and pepper to the bacon that he was stirring.
‘Oh, it was. I’d hate to think of what I’d be like without him. Uncle Kent showed us real life. He took us to zoos and parks, and also to the seedy parts of town. He pointed out that life was hard for some. We learnt a lot of lessons from him and he did it in a way that stayed with us.’
‘Like what?’
‘Well, this one time he stopped and sat with this homeless guy who was always on this street corner not far from his favourite coffee shop. Uncle Kent would buy him a coffee and muffin each time he went there, and sit with Bert – that was his name. Jason used to call him a bum and a hobo, but not after we met Bert and learnt about his amazing life and the family he’d lost. Made us less judgemental. Bert passed away a year ago and Uncle Kent paid for his funeral.’
Drew had stopped stirring, so moved by Nat’s story.
‘Well, something smells amazing,’ said Kent, coming through the door. He put his briefcase down, threw his jacket aside and pulled off his tie.
‘It’s nearly ready. You have time to wash up,’ said Nat.
‘Great.’ Kent headed off to his room.
Drew handed over the spoon so Nat could add the cream and mix the pasta through. ‘I’ll set the table.’ Drew found the utensils and Nat helped him with the rest.
They were just setting the bowls down on the table when Kent reappeared with trackpants and a Kiss T-shirt on.
‘Billy, come and eat, please,’ said Drew, pulling out his chair for him. Billy left the Lego truck he was making and joined them.
‘I love pasta,’ said Billy, reaching for his fork and stabbing a big noodle.
‘Me too, Billy,’ said Kent. He winked at Nat. ‘I told her, Drew, that she needs to ditch that man she’s engaged to and live her life, or live with me so I can come home to cooked meals.’ He gave Nat a wink. ‘Thanks, possum. It looks amazing.’ He picked up his fork and shovelled in a mouthful like he hadn’t eaten all day.
Nat started up a conversation about the zoo but Drew was still clinging to Kent’s words about Gary. Kent just got better and better, in his book. If worst came to worst and Nat didn’t get out of the relationship, then Drew would have an ally in Kent, someone to go to. Already his chest felt lighter, knowing he had another course of action. The banter around the table as they ate made Drew feel a part of a family he’d been missing. The smile on Billy’s face and the ease he felt with both Nat and Kent just made this more enticing. How would he cope when she left at the end of the year? Would they still stay in touch? Would Gary allow him and Billy to visit? Would Nat still be with Gary then? Could Gary change? Drew gritted his teeth; he disliked where his train of thought was going. He shook it off and tried to stay in this moment, this perfect family moment.
The next morning Billy and Drew sat in the doctor’s office, the DNA kit open on the bench. It was less scary than a hospital but the room still had a sterile smell that made him uneasy.
‘Dad, do we really have to do this scabby test?’ said Billy after the doctor had swabbed his mouth.
Ignoring the doctor’s sideways glance, Drew explained. ‘Sure do, bud. When sheep have scabby mouth it’s actually contagious and we can catch it. So we need to be tested. It’s all routine, mate, nothing to worry about.’
The doctor shot Drew an understanding smile.
Billy watched in awe as the doctor swabbed Drew’s mouth, and then everything was signed off and packed away.
‘Now, the results will be emailed to the address on the form in around a week. I hope it’s what you want,’ said the doctor in his South African accent.
‘Cheers, doc,’ said Drew.
Nat was sitting in the waiting room by a pile of old magazines and a screaming child. She stood up the moment she saw them.
‘See? Easy, hey?’ she said to Billy.
‘I don’t think I’ve got scabby mouth,’ he said loudly while his tongue flicked around his mouth.
Drew wasn’t about to tell him the lesions would more likely be on his hands. After Billy’s outburst he watched the expressions change on the two people waiting to see the doctor and tried hard not to laugh. ‘Come on, let’s go home.’
They climbed into Nat’s car and left the city behind them, but those swabs were at the forefront of Drew’s mind again. It was a shame he couldn’t leave all that in Perth as well. Billy slept most of the way, due to a late night playing Monopoly as Kent had insisted. No one had won; they’d given up when Billy started to fall asleep at the table. Drew could tell Kent didn’t want Nat to leave and that he cherished every moment with her. He wondered if Kent saw the same feelings in Drew. Could he tell how much Drew cared for Nat? Was Drew that easy to read?
All these thoughts churned through his mind, making the trip home a quiet one. Even with Billy asleep they didn’t want to risk talking about the DNA test, or Simone.
Drew had a quick nap himself, feeling tired from all the stress and worry, and the late-night Monopoly. He ended up dreaming about Natalie. About when he’d walked past her room earlier that morning and peeped through the gap in her door. Her sage green covers were covering her body but her golden hair splashed across a matching sage pillow. That had been enough to turn him on. And that vision was the last image in his mind when he woke up in the car. It made it hard to look at Nat without feeling the burning desire from his dream that stirred him awake.
‘It’s good to be home,’ said Drew, clearing his throat and trying to gather his senses as Nat drove towards his house.
‘It even makes me happy, getting back to Lake Biddy.’
‘Really? This feels like home to you?’ he asked, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.
‘Yeah, it does. Or at least it feels like it’s mine.’
‘Do you want to stay for tea?’ asked Drew. He didn’t want her to leave just yet. He’d enjoyed being with her for nearly two days. He was feeling addicted and wasn’t ready to rip off that bandaid just yet.
‘Thanks, but I really should get home and get my lesson plan sorted for tomorrow.’
‘How about long enough for a cold beer?’
‘Okay, then. How can I pass up a coldie?’
Drew laughed. ‘You’re starting to sound like a local now. You’ve been hanging around Lozzy too long,’ he said teasingly.
‘Dad, are we home?’ came a groggy voice from the back.
‘Sure are, buddy. Ready to see Turbo?’
When they pulled up, Drew unpacked the car and sent Billy off to let Turbo out of his kennel and then to check the chooks.
This would give him a quiet moment with Nat, and he wasted no time in ditching their bags inside and returning with two beers so they could sit outside in the afternoon sun. Even though it was cold, the clouds were gone, letting the weak sun warm them up a little.
‘I suppose you’re going a bit crazy?’ asked Nat, sitting beside him.
He could smell her sweet fragrance, and he sucked it in like a smoker chasing a nicotine hit. Yeah, he was going crazy all right. If he didn’t keep his thoughts down, he’d find himself sitting beside her with throbbing body parts.
‘Just a bit,’ he said, shifting in the seat. ‘But thanks for being there and for all your help. Kent is great.’
‘I know.’ Her grin showed how much she agreed. ‘Are you really worried?’
‘You mean have I thought about the chances of her being right? Every day. Every second. But I don’t need some paper to tell me he’s my son. I know it here,’ he said, banging his chest. ‘I won’t give up the fight.’
‘He’s one lucky boy to have you.’
They drank their beers in silence for a moment. Drew closed his eyes, drawing strength and peace from the woman beside him.
Billy came back and headed inside to watch some TV, breaking the tranquillity.
‘So, next week, hey?’ said Nat.
‘Next week?’ said Drew, playing dumb.
‘A year older, Drew. Getting closer to thirty,’ she teased.
‘Hmm, don’t remind me. Do you know what Matty and Lozzy have planned, besides this bonfire? Knowing them, they have something horrible in mind as well. Invite the whole district or something crazy.’
‘Ha, I doubt it. But it’s bound to be memorable with Loz on the job. Don’t worry. Loz tells me you can’t go wrong with a bonfire.’ Nat flicked her hair back and Drew caught the lavender scent of her shampoo. ‘I’m quite excited. Apparently roasting marshmallows is a given.’
‘It is, and you’ll have all three kids trying to show you the best way to cook ’em. Don’t listen to any of them. They charcoal them. What you need is coals. Come to me, I’ll show you the right way.’
‘I’ll keep that in mind,’ said Nat as she stood up and drained the last of her beer. ‘Well, I’d better go. Thanks for this.’ She put it on the little glass table.
Drew did the same and stood before her. ‘I seem to thank you a lot, Natty. Don’t know where I’d be without you around. This year would have been bloody tough.’
‘You have plenty of people who love you, willing to help. But I’m glad I could be one of them too.’ She smiled and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.
Drew melted into her arms. He hadn’t expected this – he’d hoped, maybe. And she didn’t pull away straight away, instead rubbing his back.
‘I know it’s hard but try to relax and not think about it, Drew. Okay?’
He kept waiting for her to pull away; he would hug her all night long if he could. His hands were splayed across her back and they itched to run lower down her red coat. But if he pulled her too close, she’d feel more than she’d bargained for. As if reading his thoughts, Nat released him and he dropped his arms. It was a good, long hug. Enough to get him through until the next one, if he was lucky.
He walked her to her car as usual.
‘Cheers, Natty.’ He held her door open for her.
‘Bye, Drew.’
He stood and watched her go until the last fleck of dust settled back on the ground.