“What did she say?” Dillon asked as he came into his living room from the kitchen.
Zane’s hand was still on the cordless phone although he’d ended his call moments before. “She wasn’t so sure at first. But she agreed to come up Monday evening and camp out overnight. Maybe she’s willing because it’s an experience she wants Jonah to have. I’m not sure.”
“And what happens after Monday night?”
“Well, believe it or not, I’m going to babysit on Tuesday. Jonah doesn’t have preschool and Jeannette has to work. She’s helping Erika in the morning and then she’s waitressing at LipSmackin’ Ribs in the evening.”
Erika came down the stairs then and looked from one man to the other. “What are you two plotting?”
At one time Zane would have responded with a chuckle and a joke. But now everything seemed different. Everything was different. Jeannette wasn’t just a woman he wanted to get lucky with and then leave in the morning. Yes, he wanted to take her to bed. But he also wanted to spend time with her and Jonah as if they were a family. That was so strange to him. He’d never quite had these feelings before.
“Not plotting, planning,” he protested. “I’m setting up a campout with Jeannette and Jonah. You could help me plan the menu. I’m hoping to make it through the grocery store another time without anyone recognizing me.”
“No one has until now,” Erika reminded him.
“I know. But if I start feeling too free, a tabloid journalist will turn up right under my nose.”
“Thunder Canyon isn’t your average town,” Dillon assured him. “Folks here could rally around you.”
Zane shook his head. “I don’t have that kind of faith anymore, Dillon. All these years of signing autographs and talking to fans and having meals interrupted, I haven’t minded one bit. They put me where I am. But now with Ashley’s death, everything has turned ugly. This leave of absence my lawyer suggested is probably a good thing. If I was up on stage, I don’t know if I’d remember the lyrics to my songs. But on the other hand, it’s keeping me away from audiences, from music, from my band, from friends in the business. If my lawyer knew I’d told Jeannette everything that had happened—”
“How did she react?” Erika asked.
“She wanted to know my side.”
“What more could you ask?” Dillon wondered.
Zane knew the answer to that. He wanted to take her to bed. He wanted to go out in public with her. He wanted to take Jonah to an amusement park and not have reporters hound them.
But most of all, he wanted Jeannette to be able to withstand the glaring spotlight of dating someone famous.
Maybe that was just too much to ask.
“It’s a real tent, Mom!” Jonah said, obviously excited, as he looked inside and outside and all around it, the hat Zane gave him tilting to one side on his head.
“As opposed to a make-believe tent?” she teased.
Zane was showing her son how the flap attached with Velcro to the side.
Jonah darted inside again and yelled, “We even have sleeping bags. Mine has trains on it. Can I try it?”
“Go ahead,” Jeannette called to him. Then she cast a probing look at Zane. “You told me you already had the tent.”
“I did. Dillon and I used it a couple of times. When I first got here, the house seemed confining. We slept in the mountains for a few nights.”
“And the sleeping bags?”
“I had two of them. I bought one for Jonah. With a kid-size one, he’ll stay warmer.”
She couldn’t fault him for his caring.
She was standing a few feet from Zane where he’d set up lawn chairs on the patio around a fire pit. He crossed to her, took both her hands in his and squeezed them gently. Of course, she’d dated men before. Of course, men had touched her before, although Ed had been reserved in that regard and she’d just accepted that because there were so many other good things about their relationship. However, she could tell Zane was a man who liked to touch, who liked to show affection, who didn’t deny his desire. As he held her hands now and gazed into her eyes, she felt like the most special woman on earth. That feeling scared her as well as bowled her over. Heat crept through her from his skin on hers.
“I have lots of money, Jeannette. Right now I don’t care one whit about it. I understand your concern about toys and the like. I get that. You don’t want me to buy Jonah’s affection and you don’t want Jonah to be spoiled, thinking a new toy will give him any sustaining happiness. I didn’t spend a lot of money for this campout, but I did want Jonah to be comfortable. And I did want us to have an enjoyable night. So can you just enjoy this and not analyze it too much?”
He was also asking her not to analyze their relationship, not to analyze what was happening between them, but just to live in the moment. “It’s hard for me to stop worrying and thinking and planning and just live for now. Usually I don’t have the time to watch a sunset, or even to spend an evening like this.”
“But you took the time tonight.”
“Because I wanted to be with you,” she admitted.
The look he gave her almost made her breath hitch in anticipation of another stolen kiss.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said in a low, sexy drawl that made her wonder what he might whisper in her ear during a long, dark night.
He let go of her hand and slipped his arm around her. She leaned into him as they faced the sunset, purples and golds melting into the blue, stretching around the golden sun as it began its descent. It was beautiful. But she was even more aware of the man beside her. He’d worn a dark green T-shirt tonight with his jeans, and a heavy flannel shirt that he’d left unbuttoned. Even through her jacket, she could feel his body heat and liked his protective arm surrounding her.
Zane was taller than Ed had been, more broadshouldered. There was a strength in him she’d never felt from Ed, an inner confidence that was as magnetic as the rest of him.
She felt guilty for making comparisons. She’d loved Jonah’s father. She still felt connected to him in so many ways and always would be. Is that why she was resisting the absolute pull of Zane’s personality? Of the sexual relationship they could have if she let down her walls, stopped asking questions and forgot about being responsible?
“You were thinking,” Zane accused her with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. “Stop that for tonight. That’s an order.”
She laughed. “Yes, sir. No thinking heavy thoughts tonight.”
She suspected he would have kissed her then, but Jonah emerged from the tent, his smile infectious.
“Ready for hot dogs, veggies and dip and s’mores?” Zane asked, moving toward the shed to find wood for the fire pit.
Jonah watched in wonder as Zane laid the fire and lit it, warning him it was something children should never do. Jeannette smiled at his firm tone, his understanding that kids mimicked adults. He would make a wonderful father.
Don’t think about that, she warned herself. Don’t think about his world tours or his lifestyle or the women he’s dated in the past. No thinking!
As they sat around the fire cooking hot dogs, the night was perfect with its dazzling stars, full moon and cold nip in the air. Zane told Jonah stories about growing up in Texas, about his friend Dillon riding the school bus with him. He talked about trading lunches, sitting in the kitchen with his mom eating macaroni and cheese and listening to her read to him about faraway places. Through Zane’s conversation with Jonah, Jeannette learned so much about him, and still she wanted to know more.
The s’mores were sticky and gooey and totally delicious. When had a chocolate bar smashed between toasted marshmallows and graham crackers tasted so good? More than once Zane ran his thumb over a smudge of marshmallow on her lip, a brush of chocolate on her chin. Inside, she felt as gooey as one of those marshmallows and knew if Jonah wasn’t there, she and Zane would be prone in that tent, doing more than sleeping.
Jonah counted stars and Zane pointed out constellations until her son was yawning and could hardly keep his eyes open. She took him inside the house to wash up and get ready for bed, letting him wear his sweatshirt and jeans instead of pajamas. After all, that was part of the fun of camping out.
She’d settled Jonah in his sleeping bag with a battery powered lantern not far away when Zane peeked his head into the tent. “We’ll be right outside, cowboy, in case you need us.”
Jonah gave Zane a thumbs-up sign, and Zane chuckled. A few minutes later, after a good-night kiss and another hug, Jeannette sat by the fire with Zane, staring into it. She cast a sideways glance at Zane’s profile and saw he was looking pensive.
“Jonah had a good time tonight. Thank you.”
“He’s a terrific kid.”
“He loved your stories. I could tell.”
“I needed somebody new to tell them to. He was a great audience.”
Zane was saying all the right things, giving her all tactful responses. She wanted to probe a little deeper and didn’t know if he’d let her do it, but she decided to try. “Only one thing was missing.”
“What was that?” He looked at her now, studying her.
“Singing songs around the campfire.”
Zane shook his head and gave her a don’t-go-there look.
“Tell me how you began singing.” That seemed safe enough. He’d left out all references to that in his childhood.
“You aren’t going to give up, are you?” he growled.
“Give up? On what? I’m just making conversation.”
He gave a sound halfway between a grunt and a snort. Then he gave in to her curiosity. “My mom worked long hours waitressing, just like you. Only she worked at a family diner that was more conventional than LipSmackin’ Ribs.”
Jeannette knew he didn’t exactly approve of her job there, but she kept silent, waiting for him to go on. “She loved country music. While she was getting a late supper for the two of us, I’d imitate country singers I’d heard. She got a kick out of that, but she told me I needed to develop my own style and write my own songs if I really wanted to be good. So I did. Whenever I could get near an instrument, I would play. I was pretty good at picking out a song by ear on the piano. There was one at school and I’d often stay late to use it. But then one Christmas, Dillon got me a guitar. Mom and I didn’t have much, but Dillon’s family did. He was thoughtful, even when we were kids. That guitar really opened up the world of music for me. I could play or write lyrics whenever I wanted.”
“So you’re completely self-taught?”
“Sure am.”
The wind whistled in the pines and Jeannette shivered. She should have brought a heavier jacket.
“Are you cold?”
“Just a little. I’m fine.”
“No, if you’re cold, you’re not fine. Hold on a minute.
I’ll be right back.” He was, a few minutes later, with a thick blanket. He moved his chair closer to hers and tossed the blanket over the two of them. “How’s that?”
The warmth of their body heat combining under the blanket was utterly intimate. “That’s good. I’ll warm up fast.”
When he cocked his head and gazed into her eyes, his expression became…intense. He took her hand and intertwined their fingers under the blanket.
They sat there that way for a little while, until she asked, “What motivated you to succeed?”
“Other than the fame or the money?” he joked.
“Yes. I don’t think that was your motivation.”
“You’re wrong about that. I wanted to give my mom a better life. But there was something else, too.”
“Someone else?” she asked perceptively.
“Dang, that woman’s intuition. A man can’t keep any secrets.”
She gave his hand a squeeze. “Do you want to? Keep them, I mean.”
Without removing his focus from the fire, he responded, “You’ve got to understand something, Jeannette. I think men have different defenses than women. Women like to talk, but men like to fix problems. If something went wrong in their past and they can’t fix it, they don’t like to talk about it.”
She understood completely. Everybody had walls, men and women. But maybe a self-sufficient man who wanted to be the best at everything had a harder time than some in jumping over them. Again, she just waited. Either they got closer or they didn’t. It was his choice as much as hers.
He must have realized that because he sighed, then said, “Her name was Beth Ann. She was my high school sweetheart and we thought we’d be in love forever. At least I did. She wanted to get married out of high school, but I wanted to be able to support a family. To do that, I had to be able to get a singing gig at more than the downtown tavern. So she moved with me to Nashville.”
“She was supportive?”
“I thought she was. We both had jobs during the day and then I had gigs at night, wherever I could find them. She came to every one of them. But looking back now, I think that’s the life she wanted. I don’t think she ever thought I’d make it. I’m not sure she wanted me to make it.”
“Oh, Zane, how long did it take to find that out?”
“Years. After years of small gigs, a producer heard my demo. One night, he came to hear me sing. After that, life started moving fast. I made a CD. It did really well, and I won my first award from a cut on that album. I proposed to Beth Ann and she accepted, and I thought we were going to have the life we were always meant to have. But I was on the road while she was planning the wedding. She came to a couple of the concerts along the way, was backstage with me and even helped me outfit my first bus. But a couple of weeks before the wedding, she gave me my ring back. She said she couldn’t sit home alone while I went on tour, that she wouldn’t be a single mom with an absent dad. Her father had been a trucker and not home very much. She didn’t want that for any kid of hers. On top of that, she said she couldn’t stand to watch women look at me the way only she wanted to look at me.”
“She was young.”
“I guess. But you’re not a whole lot older. And I’ve met women along the way who felt the same.”
She never thought about or felt the age difference between her and Zane which was about eleven years. In researching him, she’d learned he was thirty-nine. “Have you had a serious relationship since?”
Slowly, he shook his head. “After Beth Ann called off our wedding, I had to make a choice. I could have given it all up. She might have married me then and maybe I didn’t love her enough to sacrifice my dreams. I chose a career—a demanding one that, in the long run, didn’t give me time to think about anything or anyone else.”
Jeannette doubted that was the whole truth because he was the type of man who cared. But even if it was so… “But now you’re giving it all up after you worked so hard and sacrificed so much.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing. The lyrics and music just aren’t in my head anymore. More important, they’re not in my heart.”
Jeannette felt his pain and disillusionment and frustration with everything turning out the way it had. She leaned close to him, and he wrapped his arm around her. His hand caressed her shoulder and when she turned to look at him, his lips were a murmur away from hers.
“You’re so damn tempting,” he muttered. “You smell so good. And you understand too much. You have a son and I should be pushing you away instead of pulling you close.”
“But?” she asked breathlessly.
“But I’m going to do this anyway.”
His lips pressed into hers for only a few seconds before his tongue slid inside her mouth. She opened to him, wanting to let her walls down, too. What would it take to give in, to give up, to fall in love again?
She couldn’t figure out the answers because she couldn’t think when Zane kissed her. A heady intoxication tilted her world until the stars danced above, until the moon shone only for them, until the darkness folded them into its embrace. Being here with Zane was all that she wanted. Having his hands in her hair, his lips taking and giving desire filled her whole being until nothing else mattered.
Zane broke the kiss so they could both fill their lungs with some much-needed air. But then he whispered, “Let’s do that again.”
She was willing, and when she stroked his jaw, he knew it. Her heart pounded so hard she knew he could hear it. Her tongue glanced against his with a fervor she knew he could feel. Her fingers toyed with the hair at his collar. He groaned and ended the kiss by nibbling at the corner of her mouth, trailing his lips over her jaw and down her neck.
Leaning his forehead against hers, he whispered, “I don’t want to stop. But we wouldn’t want our chaperone to catch us.” What would Jonah think if he caught them kissing? What would she say? How would she explain?
She nodded and took several deep breaths. “I’d better check on him. Then I’ll wrap up in my sleeping bag, too.”
“I’ll be in shortly. I’ll clean up and make sure the fire is doused.”
The problem was, Jeannette didn’t believe they could douse the fire. At least not that easily.
Okay, she turns you on.
Zane stirred the fire, pouring water on the dying embers. What was it about Jeannette Williams that made him forget where he was…maybe even who he was? If he were an ordinary guy, that would be fine. But he wasn’t, although these days he was thinking he would trade it all away for some peace and a regular life. If Ashley Tuller hadn’t died, would he still feel this way?
It was a moot point. But he wondered if at thirty-nine he wasn’t ready for a different kind of career and a different kind of life. Was Jeannette bringing out his restlessness, his need for a change? Or was she just a passing fancy, like so many women had been? He had to admit the last decade hadn’t been about finding a woman of his dreams. Truth be told, he’d given that up as a song lyric that had run its course. His last CD hadn’t been about love as much as a man’s solitary life.
How could he be solitary with so many people buzzing around him all the time? Yet, many times he’d felt as if he was alone on an island of his own making. Maybe he just needed to spend some time in his studio in Nashville. The thing was, what would he do there? Wait for inspiration that might never return?
His career had caused the death of a beautiful young girl. How could he ever forget that or get past it?
With the lawn chairs folded and the fire out, Zane pushed aside the flap of the tent and stooped inside. Jonah seemed to be sound asleep, but Jeannette…
She was resting on her back, her hands propped under her head. She’d taken off her jacket and laid it on top of Jonah’s. Her sneakers sat beside his, too. The sleeping bag skimmed the underside of her breasts. Although her cotton shirt was by no means formfitting, Zane could see their outline and his palms itched to touch them, to touch her.
As he pulled off his boots, he realized he should have bought a bigger tent instead of using this one. Their sleeping bags were practically edge-to-edge and even though they’d be sleeping in separate bedrolls, he would know she was right there.
“Does Jonah sleep soundly?” he asked in a low voice as he pulled back the top of his sleeping bag and slid inside. In spite of temperatures dropping at night, he knew he was going to be hot.
Jeannette turned her face toward his, although she didn’t move her body. “Usually he does. He didn’t even realize I came in, so I’m sure he’s already in dreamland.”
Dreamland. Zane knew what was going to fill his dreams tonight. Flat on his back, too, he stared up at the tent roof, concentrating on the shadows the lantern made. “Are you ready for me to turn out the light?”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
Ready for what? was the question. When he clicked off the lantern, the tent was practically in total darkness. His eyes adjusted and he suddenly understood something very important. “You had to trust me a lot to do this,” he murmured.
“I had a character reference, remember?”
“Dillon. And Erika, too, I guess.”
“They think the world of you.”
Without comment he turned on his side to face her and changed the course of the conversation. “Do you ever talk to Jonah about his dad?”
He heard the rustle of her sleeping bag and realized she was turning to face him, too. This felt even more intimate than sitting outside under the blanket. He was aroused all over again, but glad she couldn’t tell, glad she couldn’t see his face. The darkness could cover his reactions to her, could act as a barrier as they slipped into territory where neither of them wanted to go.
“There’s a picture of Ed in Jonah’s room, one of the two of us in my room. I’ve told Jonah that’s his father and of course he’s seen pictures of Ed at Edna and Mel’s, too. They talk about him a lot.”
“Does Jonah understand?”
“He understands that he once had a dad. Now that he’s in school, he understands that other children still do. Edna talks to him about his dad watching over him and how proud Ed would be of him, but I think that all just soars over Jonah’s head. When he starts asking questions and wants to know more, I’ll bring out the photograph album. I want him to know who his father was and how much Ed would have loved him.”
Zane could hear the emotion in Jeannette’s voice and she sounded as if she still did love him. He knew how hard it had been to let go of what had happened between him and Beth Ann. How much harder it must be to realize the future you’d held in your hand had been cut short and that person no longer walked on this earth.
He didn’t know what to say or what to ask that would change any of it for him or for her. She’d had a rough road and she’d been young when all of it had happened.
Her face was mere inches from his. “Why did you ask?”
“I was curious. I don’t want to step where I shouldn’t.”
“We’re getting to know each other, Zane. I don’t have any secrets. You can ask whatever you want.”
He didn’t have any secrets, either, but there was still a lot they didn’t know about each other. He was sure Jeannette didn’t understand how brutal living in the public eye could be, especially when there was negative publicity.
“I want to kiss you again,” he said bluntly. “But I know I can’t because Jonah might wake up.”
Instead of responding with words, she reached out and found his hand. His fingers closed over hers.
Minutes later, as their breathing became slower and deeper, he thought, Holding hands like this was almost as good as a kiss.