Jeannette wasn’t sure what to make of Zane’s instructions the following evening.
With Jonah’s hand in hers, they stepped inside the lobby of the movie theater. Jonah’s eyes went really wide as he saw all the people in line on the left side and customers stretched out across the food counter. He’d never been to the movies and this was going to be a big deal for him.
Zane had told Jeannette just to give her name at the cashier’s counter. She had, and was handed two large red tickets with no printing on them. The cashier had told her to go to the movie theater on the right side of the food counter.
Self-consciously, Jeannette noticed there wasn’t a line there, just a man standing at a cordoned-off area, wearing a red security vest. She supposed he was their next stop.
Still, she glanced around the lobby once more, wondering if Zane was in disguise. Scanning the crowd, she noticed Rose Traub, Dillon’s sister. Rose had stopped in to see Erika one of the days Jeannette had been working with her. Jeannette recognized the man she was with, too—Dean Pritchett. They seemed to be talking amiably, standing close together, as if they were on a date.
Jonah suddenly tugged on her arm. “Are we gonna get somethin’ to eat?”
“Not just yet. Let’s find out what our surprise is first.” She’d told Jonah that Zane had a surprise for them, but they had to follow directions to find out what it was.
“Let’s take our tickets over here.” She gestured to the security guard.
With curiosity all over his face, Jonah kept pace beside her until they reached the man and presented him with their tickets. He slipped the velvet cord from its mooring on the post, motioned them through and then attached it again behind them.
“This way,” he said, directing them down the hall to a closed double door.
Jeannette knew the doors led into the second movie theater.
He told them, “Go on in. I have instructions to wait out here and make sure no one else goes in.”
Jonah gazed expectantly at Jeannette. She gave a little shrug and opened the door. The two of them stepped inside.
They were standing in an empty movie theater. At least she thought it was empty until she heard footsteps, looked up at the stadium seating and saw Zane coming down the stairs toward them. He wore a huge grin. “Are you ready for a Disney flick?”
“What’s a flick?” Jonah asked.
Zane laughed, stooped down and tipped her son’s hat back. Jonah wore it whenever she let him. “It’s a movie and one I think you’ll like. Why don’t you go pick out a seat?”
“Anywhere?” Jonah asked.
“Anywhere you want. The place is all yours.”
Jonah ran to the first row. “I wanna sit here. Can I, Mom?”
“That’s fine. But I think Zane and I will sit a few rows behind you. Okay?”
“Before you watch the movie, you have to sample some popcorn.” Zane produced two huge containers of the treat from a seat on the row where they were standing. He handed one to Jonah. “Now don’t eat it too fast. And if you get thirsty, I have drinks back here, too.”
“Soda?” Jonah asked hopefully.
“If your mom says it’s okay.”
Jeannette told her son, “This is a treat tonight, so a little bit of soda will be okay.”
The lights suddenly dimmed and a brilliantly bright introduction to the movie flared on the screen.
Hugging his popcorn, Jonah went to the first row and sat, waiting for all of it.
Jeannette wasn’t exactly sure what this was all about, but she was sure Zane was going to tell her.
He offered her his arm. “Can I escort you to your seat?”
“You surely can. I wouldn’t want to miss any of this.”
They sat three rows behind Jonah. Her son glanced over his shoulder at them, grinned and ate a handful of popcorn.
“He’s going to love this.”
Zane’s shoulder brushed hers. Neither of them moved away. They sat quietly, watching the beginning of the movie. Zane offered her popcorn.
“Maybe later,” she whispered.
As the movie played, Jonah’s laughter and squeals of delight made them both smile.
Taking off his Stetson, Zane laid it on the seat beside him, ran his hand through his hair and sat up a little straighter. He was wearing cologne tonight, a woodsy and musky scent that immediately brought to her mind the picture of him splitting wood. His arm was solid beside hers and as always, she felt strength emanating from him. Yet tonight she sensed something else, too, something not quite comfortable, something that was uncertain. Who they were when they were together? If they should even be together? Was this simply a giant gesture to please Jonah?
Tonight she kept silent instead of asking any of the questions. She knew innately that tonight required patience and she had to let it unfold however it would.
Finally Zane took something from his pocket and handed it to her. “That’s my SAT phone number in case you need it.” Then he leaned closer. “I thought about what you said the other night.”
She whispered back, “Which part?”
“The part where you thought I was using you for an escape.”
Her heart seemed to turn over. Was he admitting it?
“I do escape when I’m with you,” he confessed in the same low voice. “I forget who I was, what happened before I came to Thunder Canyon and what I’m trying to leave behind. But that happens because of who you are and who I seem to become when I’m with you. So to answer your question, you are an escape for me right now, just like Thunder Canyon is, or that log house up on the hill. But I like you, Jeannette. I think you’re beautiful and sexy and smart. And just being with you makes me feel happy.”
Jeannette’s face was close to his shoulder. She brought her lips to his ear. “If we slept together, what would happen afterward?”
This was the most intimate conversation she’d ever had in a public place. But in some ways it was a private place, too. Nothing Zane did would ever be ordinary.
He turned his head until his lips were almost against hers. “You want me to predict the future. I can’t do that. Short-term scenario, we’d have an awful good time while I’m in Thunder Canyon. Long-term scenario… That’s what I want you to think about tonight. That’s one of the reasons I brought you here. Before all this happened, I didn’t have an ordinary life. I doubt if I’ll have one in the future.”
“Tell me what bringing me here tonight was supposed to prove,” she requested, needing to know what was in his head.
“I want you to think about a life where you’re separated from the rest of the world. There’s a reason why stars have huge estates with everything on them they might want or need. If they go into town, they could get mobbed. At the least, they get stopped by fans. In a public place it’s hard to finish a meal without someone coming over to the table, not to mention what could happen on the street. I have a bodyguard for a reason, or at least I had one. It isn’t because I like it, it’s because he was a necessity. If you’re with me anywhere, all this will affect you, too. You’ll be subjected to reporters and tabloid journalists and photographers with long lenses. If you want to go shopping, you’d better do it online so someone doesn’t ask you if you’re going to wear that dress when you go out with me. This isn’t about ego here, Jeannette. It’s about being on display maybe ninety percent of the time. It’s about a life that requires separation from people close to you, odd hours and maybe telephone sex instead of being together.”
“Are you trying to scare me off?” she asked.
Even though the theater was dark, in the light flashing from the screen she could see the doubts in Zane’s eyes. “I’m telling you what life dating me would be like, not only for you, but for Jonah.”
In other words, if she wanted to try on being with Zane what harm could come of it? But if Jonah were with her, what would happen with him? Of course she didn’t want him exposed to the publicity. What mother would?
“Up until now, I wondered if I was dazzled by you. You just took the dazzle away.”
“And?” he asked, not moving a muscle.
“And without the dazzle, I still like who you are. I’m still very attracted to you. But I do have to think about the consequences for me and Jonah. Especially for Jonah.”
“If I have to go through a trial, life is going to get even more hellish. I won’t be able to stay away from public places—I’ll be right in the center of them. Why would you even want to consider getting involved in all that?”
Why, indeed? She felt torn by the need to keep her and Jonah safe, but by other needs, too. She longed for a man to hold her at night. She longed to be in love. With Zane she felt sexy and more of a woman than she’d ever felt. He understood the way she mothered and her need to place Jonah first. In a situation like this, should she weigh the pros and the cons? Or should she go with her heart? In the past, going with her heart had brought her pain.
Jeannette watched the movie, but she didn’t absorb very much of it. Whenever Jonah laughed, her gaze fell on him, but she was constantly and consistently aware of the tall man beside her, his muscled physique and heat evident even as he sat still.
“I can’t tell you not to think this time,” Zane said, leaning close again, his jaw almost brushing her cheek. “But when you do think about us, feel those kisses again, too. I’d kiss you now to remind you, but I’m afraid I’d get lost in you in the dark and Jonah would catch us.”
“Would that be so bad?”
“Not if we knew what we were going to do.”
But they didn’t know…because they both had a lot to think about.
They watched the rest of the movie, sitting close but not being close.
When the movie was over and the credits rolled and the lights came up, Jonah ran to them, happy and excited. “That was great! I like the movies, better than TV.”
Zane laughed, but there was a restrained quality to it. She knew this was hard for him, too. Should he get close to Jonah or should he not get close to Jonah? Did he even want to think about becoming a father?
He said, “I’m glad you liked it, but I think it’s already past your bedtime.”
“Are you coming home with us?”
Zane looked at Jeannette and then said soberly, “Not tonight, cowboy.”
Did he expect her to protest? Did he think she might ask him to come over so they could make out after Jonah went to bed?
They wouldn’t be any farther along then than they were now.
As she stood and helped Jonah with his jacket, Zane said, “I’ll come out with you and help tuck him into his car seat. Then I’ll follow you home.”
“Aren’t you afraid someone will see you in the parking lot?”
“The other movie hasn’t let out yet. I’ll check when we go out.”
The side door of the theater exited onto the parking lot. Zane opened the door and then motioned to them. Jonah tucked one hand into Zane’s and the other into Jeannette’s as they walked to her car. She knew the picture they made to anyone who was watching, but it wasn’t a true picture. That made her so sad.
Jonah scrambled into his car seat and then Zane adjusted the harness. Jeannette saw her son’s eyelids already drooping. He’d had a lot of excitement and now all of it was wearing off. She had, too. The letdown as well as the decisions they both had to make were like a heavy weight on her chest.
After she closed Jonah’s door, she gazed up at Zane. “I’d like to ask you to come over, but—”
He gently but firmly held his index finger to her lips. “Let’s take some time,” he said. Then he gave her that crooked grin. “That’s all I have these days, plenty of time.”
She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him until the world vanished. But she couldn’t be that free with him. She couldn’t be that vulnerable.
He went to his SUV which was parked two rows behind her. She slid into her car, started the engine and headed out of the parking lot. When he followed her, she knew he would do that the whole way home. She just really wished he was coming in with her, that he was staying in Thunder Canyon.
But it was an impossible wish. He was Zane Gunther, the country singer, and he belonged to someplace bigger than here. He’d leave and she’d have to cope with the heartache all over again.
Those would make great lyrics for a country song.
“See ya, Mom,” Jonah shouted and waved as Jeannette drove away from Mel and Edna’s front porch in the drizzling rain on Saturday afternoon. They’d asked if he could stay overnight and she’d given her permission knowing they loved having him there.
Jonah seemed so grown-up sometimes—too grownup. Like when he told Mel and Edna, “I took a walk with Zane to see elk. But I ran and fell and had to go to a doctor. He was nice. He fixed me.”
Of course Edna and Mel had been upset and worried about Jonah’s stitches. There had been questions about who Zane was and exactly where he lived. Jeannette had known she needed to be very careful about what she said. “He’s a nice man. He likes Jonah and is teaching him about the outdoors.”
Edna and her husband had exchanged a look before Mel asked, “Where does he work?”
After thoughtful consideration Jeannette had answered, “He took a leave of absence from his job and is in Thunder Canyon on vacation.”
They hadn’t liked that answer very much. Before they could ask another question, she’d hugged her son, told him to have a good time and she’d see him after church tomorrow morning. Edna had wanted her to come for brunch before she took Jonah home. It would be a short brunch if they asked too many more questions.
She had to keep Zane’s secret. If somehow his association with her got out and added more bad publicity on to what he was already experiencing, she’d feel it was her fault. He’d probably never forgive her. She wasn’t sure why she always felt so guilty. She supposed it had started after her father left. She’d felt his abandonment was her fault. That was the major reason why she was so determined that Jonah would always feel wanted, never feel like a burden or a responsibility she didn’t want to handle.
At night when she couldn’t sleep, she had to admit she wondered how her marriage to Ed would have turned out. Would he have felt the same way as her dad? That he never wanted kids? Would the fact that she’d gotten pregnant and that’s why they’d married always come between them? Would he have left, too?
Loving someone was so complicated. Or was it that loving the wrong someone was complicated? Falling in love with Zane seemed so easy.
Falling in love with Zane.
She felt so stunned by thinking it, even more stunned by admitting it. She hadn’t intended to fall in love. She hadn’t intended to put herself and Jonah at risk of hoping and dreaming, and then having those hopes and dreams smashed. Who Zane was and the circumstances surrounding his life could be lethal to a relationship…could be lethal to her heart.
Forcing herself to concentrate on her day’s tasks, she realized she had time to stock up on groceries before her shift started at LipSmackin’ Ribs. The new grocery store near the movie theater was having good sales she didn’t want to miss.
The movie theater. An evening with Zane she wouldn’t soon forget, for many reasons. Jonah hadn’t stopped talking about it, and that had made it even more bittersweet. Every time she and Zane parted she didn’t know if she’d see him again.
In spite of the rainy day, the grocery store was busy and she didn’t waste any time. Checking out her list, she crossed off items as she dropped them in her cart. She didn’t stray from the list very often, but she did splurge on a pack of Jonah’s favorite cookies. Someday soon she’d make him home-baked ones. She suspected Edna was probably doing that right now.
She’d taken coupons from her wallet and was heading into the checkout line when she caught sight of the tabloid magazine. The woman at the checkout noticed her interest and told her, “It’s a special edition. Just came in.”
Jeannette read the cover: ZANE GUNTHER’S TRIAL DATE SET FOR DECEMBER. The smaller print underneath stated the trial would begin December 7 in Austin.
Why hadn’t Zane told her? Was the tabloid right? How had the setting of the date affected Zane? Was he upset?
Did he want to talk to someone about it? Was that someone her?
She didn’t buy the tabloid. After paying for her groceries, she headed for the parking lot, avoiding puddles, quickly packed the bags in her car and drove back to her apartment. After she’d stowed the frozen food in the freezer and the perishables in the fridge, she picked up the phone, took the piece of paper Zane had given her with the SAT phone number on from her purse and dialed.
He picked up on the second ring. “Jeannette? What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice worried.
“Nothing’s wrong here. We’re fine. But I saw the tabloid in the grocery store. It said your trial date had been set. Is that true?”
There was a long pause. “It’s true.”
“When did you find out about it?” she asked, curious. Had he been keeping the information to himself?
“The night I got home from the movie theater. Dillon had called with a message from my lawyer.”
“Are you all right?”
“I knew this was coming.”
There was distance in his voice. Distance because he didn’t want to think about it, or distance because it was none of her concern? She didn’t know what to offer, or even what to say. She suspected a lot more was going on under the surface than he was letting on. But if he didn’t want her to see it, there wasn’t much she could do.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” she said lamely.
“I’m fine.”
He was so fine he sounded remote.
Zane was not normally a remote man. But she had her pride, and if he didn’t want to talk, she wouldn’t hold him on the line. “I’ve got to get to work,” she said.
“Have a good shift. And tell Jonah hi for me.”
She thought he might want to make plans to see her again, but he was silent. All she could say was, “Goodbye.”
After the call she was distracted as she dressed for work, as she served ribs and swiped clean red vinyl seats on booth benches. She mixed up a few orders and even forgot to pick up her tips. All she could think about was what Zane must be feeling, knowing the trial was coming up. She could imagine he was playing out the scenarios in his head—returning to Texas, warding off the paparazzi, holing up someplace, reliving everything that had happened. She was sure he was doing that over and over again.
What could she do to help?
By the end of her shift she knew what she was going to do, whether it was foolish or not. She was going to go to Zane and hope that he talked to her. He couldn’t keep everything bottled up inside and that’s what he was doing. He said he didn’t have music in his head…that it was locked up inside his heart. He had to let his emotions out somehow. Maybe if they were alone at his place, he would.
When she exited the back entrance of LipSmackin’ Ribs into the parking lot, she realized the rain had started again. The night was soggy and damp, with a chill that could mean ice on the top of the mountain. Still, she knew she had to try to get to Zane. She could call him again, but she didn’t want him to tell her not to come. She didn’t want him to tell her they were better off not getting involved.
She was already involved, whether she wanted to be or not. She’d fallen in love with him and she couldn’t just walk away when she suspected he had feelings for her, too. If he didn’t? Then she’d not only walk but run in the opposite direction.
Her windshield wipers swiped up and down as she followed the road out of Thunder Canyon a bit anxiously. Yet as she turned onto the lane that led up to Zane’s house, she felt herself becoming more peaceful. Whether she was being foolish or not, she had to do this.
Her car skidded only once. Her tires spun in the slick mud, but finally took hold. A few minutes later she’d pulled in front of his garage and turned off the engine. She knew the house well after having cleaned it so many times. One small light glowed over the sink in the kitchen. The rest of the downstairs was dark. But through the front windows, she could see the light in the loft burned. Maybe he’d picked up his guitar out of desperation. Maybe he was writing music again.
She ran from the driveway to the porch and got wet in that short distance. She’d worn only a long sweater to work today, thinking the fall showers were over. Feeling damp and disheveled, and not the way she wanted to look at all, she still didn’t hesitate to knock on the door.
Her first knock must have not had enough power behind it because no one came to open it. So the next time she knocked harder and almost pounded. Maybe Zane was in town at some bar…at a back table where nobody would notice him. Maybe he was at Dillon’s. She’d thought about calling his friend to see if he’d spoken to him, but that didn’t seem right somehow.
The door opened, and Zane stood there dressed in boots, jeans and snap-button shirt, looking sexy and surprised. “Jeannette, what are you doing here? You shouldn’t have come out here, especially in this weather.”
“I’m not afraid of the dark or a little rain. Can I come in?” She hoped from the bottom of her heart he wouldn’t say no.