THE NEXT MORNING Jason came downstairs to find Max staring morosely into his decaffeinated coffee.
“So you decided you still live here.”
“I think that was your decision,” Jason said. Although he could admit to being relieved when he didn’t find his stuff waiting for him on the lawn when he got home.
Max gave a grunt of acknowledgment. It had always been this way after their battles. Max acted as if nothing had happened and they were both supposed to act as if nothing hurtful had been said or done. Jason hated that, hated the feeling of unfinished business.
“I made an offer on a place nearby.” He figured his dad needed to know that his son wouldn’t be there monitoring forever. Max would have his freedom.
Max’s gaze came up. “When?”
“Two days ago.”
“Something permanent?”
“I may not live there full-time, but I plan to have a home in the Eagle Valley no matter where I land.”
“Where do you think you’re going to land?”
Max’s tone wasn’t nearly as bitter as it had been the night before. Jason poured himself a cup of coffee and sat across the table from his father. “I don’t know, Dad.”
Silence stretched between them and then Max said in a low voice, “What do you want to do?”
“Million-dollar question.”
“I thought you wanted to go to work for Brandt.”
“Interview didn’t go that well. I need more experience in the real world, it seems.”
“Ah.” Max nodded without looking at him.
“Seems kind of stupid to be so unqualified at my age.”
“You have an excuse. You were...busy with other things.”
Yes, he was. And he had the aches to prove it. It felt good to just talk to his dad with neither of them triggering—although that could happen at any minute. He rolled his neck. No tension. Crazy.
“This property I’m looking at. It’s a small ranch. I’m thinking of maybe testing the waters.”
“You want to be a rancher?”
Jason gave a small laugh as he shook his head. “I like the lifestyle, even though my coworker assures me I have no idea what the life is really like.”
“I see his point. Your only ranch experience is tearing down a barn.”
“Helped birth a couple calves.”
Max’s eyebrows lifted. “You didn’t do well with the puppies.”
“I was six,” Jason growled. “Anyway, yeah. I like the Lightning Creek and I like having the animals around, so I was thinking of buying a small ranch and hiring someone to live on the place and manage it.”
“A hobby farm?”
“Ranch.”
“Huh.” Max’s mouth worked and then he said, “Not a bad idea.”
“And in the meantime, I have to figure out what I want to do with my life.” He met his father’s gaze, his expression intent. “I’m going to stay in athletics, Dad.”
“You could coach here. Volunteer your time.”
“It’s not enough.”
“You can hobby ranch, but not hobby coach?” Max asked darkly.
Jason sucked in a breath, then said calmly, “I plan to work at the collegiate level. For pay. That’s my first goal.”
“And I know how you are when you have a goal.” Max’s mouth tightened and then he got to his feet and went for the coffeepot, moving slowly. “And I hope I’m here to see you accomplish it.”
Guilt twisted his gut, but Jason refused to let it take hold. He wasn’t going to get triggered. Not today.
He glanced up at the clock on the stove. “I need to get going. Ray is meeting me at his office to talk counteroffers.” Jason emptied his cup and then went to the sink to rinse it. “You want to come along?”
Max considered for a moment, then said, “I’m a little tired. I think I’ll watch the game I recorded.”
“All right.” Jason didn’t know if his dad was being truthful or manipulative, but decided to believe the best for now. “I’ll be at the Lightning Creek for the rest of the day helping Zach. Kate—”
Max waved a hand. “I’m fine. Get out of here.”
* * *
ALLIE FOUGHT A yawn as she packed her tote bag to go home. She’d had a restless night after her sortie into the attic, followed by an unsettled day at school, which had worked in her favor in an unexpected way. While she wasn’t exactly an ogre, she was a lot tougher than she’d ever been with kids who pushed the behavioral boundaries, which seemed to confuse her more active students. What? Nice Ms. Brody was getting mean? Allie had a feeling she’d dropped a few notches on the favorite-teacher list, but so be it.
Liz had stopped by at lunch to ask about Zach and Allie gave her a good report. As far as she knew, Zach was doing fine. Jason hadn’t complained anyway.
“Good to hear,” Liz had said. “He’s starting to act a little more like his old self, but he’s still so angry.”
“Time will help,” Allie said. It had helped her, but there were some scars that never fully healed. She wasn’t going to mention that. “Do you like teaching?”
Liz’s eyebrows lifted at the point-blank question. “I do. There are days I want to beat my head on my keyboard, and swear if I have to zip up one more coat or wipe one more nose, I’m going to go off the deep end, but the other days make up for it.” She smiled mistily. “It’s the a-ha moments that make everything so sweet.”
Allie had smiled at her, more convinced than ever than she was in the wrong profession and that she’d just wasted tens of thousands of dollars. Not the best realization in the world and it darkened her mood through the remainder of the day.
Liz stopped by again after school. Allie thought it was to talk about Zach but instead she asked, “Are you worried about whether or not you’ll like teaching?”
“I am. I look at how you guys somehow manage all of these kids, meet their needs, keep your sanity... I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Younger teachers go in balls-to-the-wall, flooded with optimism and the belief that they can save the world. Older teachers have more of a grasp of reality. Don’t let your fears override the possibilities.”
“Good advice. Thank you.”
Liz waved and headed out the door as Allie closed down for the day. It took a special personality to teach younger kids. Liz was a natural. Allie...not so much.
She said good-night to Mrs. Wilson-Jones as they passed in the hall and then headed out the exit and across the parking lot. Her phone rang as she unlocked her car and she knew from the ringtone that it was Kyle.
Allie tossed her bag into the backseat. Was she to be forever haunted by this guy?
The phone stopped ringing then started again a few seconds later. Allie turned off the sound. Kyle had his own family. She wasn’t part of it anymore. He needed to understand that, after five years of cleaning up after him, she was done.
What a winner she’d chosen, yet he had seemed so perfect. While her sisters had all had a rough start to their permanent relationships, she’d had a blissful beginning to her marriage. She’d thought she’d married the greatest guy on earth...then the reality started showing through the veneer.
Sometimes reality really sucked.
But only if you let it. Allie reached for her phone, glad to see that there was no voice-mail alert on the screen. Whatever Kyle wanted, it wasn’t urgent enough for him to leave a message.
She scrolled through her contacts and stopped on Jason’s number. He answered almost immediately.
“Hey, Allie. What’s up?” The deep timber of his voice rolled over her, through her.
“Are you still at the ranch?”
“Just packing up.”
“If you don’t have plans, would you like to stay for dinner?”
“I, uh...”
“Unless you need to get home and relieve Kate, of course.” There. She’d given him an out.
“Kate isn’t with Dad. We’re letting him fly solo for a while. And, yes. I’d like to stay for dinner.”
Allie’s heart did a hard thump and she had to remind herself that this was a friends thing. “Nothing fancy,” she said.
“I’m good with nothing fancy.”
“Great. See you in a few.”
The phone vibrated almost as soon as she set it down and after glancing at the screen, Allie focused back on the road. If Kyle didn’t stop calling, she’d block his number, except for the fact that she wanted to know if he was trying to get in contact with her. Then she could be on the alert against the possibility of him “bumping into her” and attempting to twist the guilt screws. After all, she had so much. He had so little.
Which was an uncomfortable parallel to the way she’d thought about Jason.
Allie’s jaw was aching by the time she turned on the road leading to the Lightning Creek and she made an effort to relax. Kyle couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to do...but he could drive her crazy.
If she let him.
Jason’s truck was parked in front of her house when she pulled into the Lightning Creek, and she could see him sitting on the porch steps, shoulders hunched against the cold spring wind.
“You could have gone inside,” she said. Or waited in his truck.
“I spent the day in the weather,” he replied as she latched the gate behind her.
“You were moving.”
“True.” His cheeks were red from the cold, making the color of his eyes seem even more intense than usual. Allie moved past him to open the door.
“Come on in.”
“Thanks.”
“When I said nothing fancy, I meant it,” Allie said as she set down her tote and moved to shrug out of her coat. Jason automatically took the back and then handed her coat to her after she’d slid her arms out. “We can have hamburgers or hot dogs.”
“Hamburgers.”
“Hamburgers it is.” She smiled up at him as if she were totally in control of the moment and then headed for the kitchen, the heels of her dress shoes clicking on the hardwood floor. “Are you wondering why I asked you to dinner?”
“Because of my dazzling personality?”
“Pretty much,” she agreed. “And I want to draw you.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Draw me?”
“Yes.”
“Will I be clothed?”
She almost said, “Your choice,” but decided not to tempt fate—or herself. “A portrait.” She leaned into the fridge to find the hamburger. “I decided to test the waters. Try something totally new, and I’ve never done a portrait before.”
“Why me?”
“You’re the one who told me to go back to my art.”
“Revenge, then?”
“Maybe a little. I had my art all tucked away in the been-there-done-that category of life.” She opened the hamburger and then pulled wax paper out of a drawer, ripping off a sheet to make patties on.
“I’m not certain I want to go back.” She portioned out the meat and started to make patties. “My art was a lifesaver after my dad died. Painting helped me believe that the world could be colorful again, when it had seemed gray for so long. When I painted, I escaped into this wonderful world.”
“Why did you stop?”
Jason had moved closer. Allie shook her head. “I was escaping too much, I guess. I had this idea that I could sell some of my paintings and earn some extra money, but Kyle put the kibosh on it. He hated the time I spent at the easel.”
“He sounds like an asshole. No offense.”
“He had a point. How much money could I make selling art? It was a risk, while getting a real job was a sure thing.”
“And you go for the sure thing.”
For once she didn’t feel insulted or defensive as Jason pointed out the truth. “Well, the beauty of a sure thing is that it’s a—”
“Sure thing,” Jason said, finishing her thought. “I get that. But sometimes you should take a risk, when it involves doing something you love.”
“That’s just it.” She turned to face him. “I don’t know if I love painting. I did before my dad died. Then it became a lifeline to sanity, but I’ve been away from it for so long that I don’t know how I really feel about it.” Her mouth tightened as she looked up at the ceiling. “I can’t do garden scenes and still life. It would remind me too closely of what I’m trying to move past.”
“Like living here on the ranch does?”
She gave him a startled look. “Yes. I guess so.” She went to the stove and turned on the flame under the cast-iron frying pan that always sat on the back burner. “So I decided to try a portrait, since I’ve never done one.” She gave a small laugh. “I don’t know if I can do one. You’re the guinea pig...if you agree.”
Jason shrugged, the movement accentuating the muscles of his shoulders through his shirt. “Sure. Just tell me one thing—will both of my eyes be on one side of my head?”
“No promises. Like I said, I’ve never done a portrait.”
“Guess this’ll teach me to butt into your business,” Jason said.
“Guess so.”
He came up behind her and settled his hands on either side of her waist and leaned down to nuzzle his cheek against her hair. “Can’t help myself,” he said. Allie leaned back against him briefly before forcing herself to stand upright again.
“Am I going to have to get cranky again?”
Jason laughed against her hair and then stepped back, dropping his hands. When she looked over her shoulder at him, it was to see a faint smile playing on his lips. She shook her head grimly.
“Don’t make me become intimidating.”
Jason leaned back against the counter, folding his arms over his middle, very much the relaxed male now that he’d gotten over the shock of being a model.
“There’s something you should know,” he said.
“What’s that?” She eased the patties into the pan.
“I have a friend who’s so prickly, he makes you look soft.”
“Hard to believe,” Allie said facetiously. “Yet he’s your friend.”
“He wasn’t always prickly.” Jason’s voice softened. “He was my mentor and teammate, both in college and the pros.”
“What happened?”
“He had issues after he retired from the game.”
Allie shot him a look as she moved to the fridge to take out the condiments, the tomatoes and lettuce. She set the tomato on a cutting board next to Jason. “Would you mind slicing?” He took a knife out of the block without comment and Allie asked, “What kind of issues?”
“He discovered he was no longer a hot commodity. That the real world, as you call it, operates differently than that of professional sports. He couldn’t get a job he thought worthy of himself.” Jason took the tomato to the sink, washed it and brought it back to the cutting board. “Then he had an accident and now he’s in a wheelchair.”
Allie paused with the spatula hovering over the hamburgers she’d just rearranged in the pan. “And now he’s angry?”
“Very much so.”
“And you have survivor’s guilt?” A healthy silence followed her words.
“Maybe so,” Jason finally said.
Allie set down the spatula and turned down the burner. Okay...
Her phone vibrated, stopping her from doing whatever she’d been about to do. She crossed to the living room and pulled the phone out of her purse, muttering a low curse when she saw Kyle’s name on the screen.
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked from the doorway.
“Just my ex.” Allie set the phone down on the sideboard, beneath her garden painting, and went back to the kitchen. “I think he needs money for his medical bills.”
“Why come to you?”
Allie smiled humorlessly. “He wants me to co-sign a loan, using an eighty-acre parcel of the Lightning Creek as collateral.”
“Tell him no.”
“If it were only that easy.” She glanced up at him as she passed by him on her way to the stove. “Let’s finish dinner, so I can do the prelim work on the portrait.”
Jason looked as if he wanted to argue for all of a second, then he gave an assenting nod and followed her into the kitchen.
* * *
AS MUCH AS Jason wanted to pursue the matter of the money-seeking ex, he didn’t. Instead he sliced tomatoes and tore lettuce leaves. He got the pickles out of the fridge along with the macaroni salad and helped Allie set the table.
She wanted to draw him. Was it some kind of twisted punishment? Did she know how hard it was for him to hold still?
Or was this a way of telling him to be careful how he treaded around her—that she’d find a way to make him uncomfortable, too?
“This friend of yours,” Allie said as she shoveled the hamburgers onto the buns. “Does he have a job now?”
“He’s still dealing with his injuries.”
“He’s paralyzed?”
“Paraplegic.” Jason took the loaded plates to the kitchen table, where Allie had set out ketchup, mustard and relish. “He’s lucky, because he tried to be dead.”
Allie gave an audible gasp. “Dear heavens.”
“Yeah. He still pretends it’s an accident, but witnesses made it clear that he deliberately drove into a tree.”
“Damn.”
“I know. And this isn’t exactly pleasant dinner talk.”
Allie took the seat on the opposite side of the oak table. “You’re right.” She poured ketchup onto her burger and plopped the top bun on. “Tell me about the ranch you want to buy.”
“It’s the Bella Ridge, on the other side of the valley.”
“I’ve heard of the property, but I’m not sure where it is, exactly. Liz would know. Her ex-husband’s ranch is in that area.”
“It’s a pretty piece of property. It’ll be a nice getaway.” He’d decided before coming that he wasn’t going to tippy-toe around his reality. Yes, he could afford a getaway. “And if things go wrong in my life, I can either live there or sell it.”
“How will things go wrong?”
“I end up here permanently.”
Allie’s lips tilted up. “That would be awful, to end up in a place a lot of people dream of living.”
“If it had a college football team, I’d be content. So would my father.”
“What’s your plan, Jason?”
He set down his hamburger and wiped his fingers. “I’d hoped to get an assistant coaching job, but that’s not panning out. My next idea was to get on in the athletic department, but I don’t have the experience I need.” He crumpled the napkin in his fist. “An intern position is opening up that they might consider me for, and I’m quickly learning that I’m not in a position to be proud or picky. If they let me apply, I will.”
“Have you ever thought of doing anything else?”
“Allie... I’m trained to do nothing. The world is my oyster.”
She gave a small cough, then pressed her napkin to her lips. “You’re good at barn demolition.”
“I am. And I like being around the cattle and stuff, but I don’t think I have what it takes to be a rancher.”
“I know I don’t.” She spoke adamantly.
“Don’t or won’t?”
Her beautiful blue gaze zeroed in on him and he realized he was doing it again. Pointing out perceived flaws in her approach to life when he hadn’t figured out a lot of his own life. “Sorry.”
“Here’s the deal,” she said, setting her napkin on the table. “I don’t love the Lightning Creek. For whatever reason, I cannot separate past traumas from the actual physical ranch. When I walk around the place, I think of my dad. I think of how I came here with Kyle to exorcize the memories and ended up making even worse memories. I think of all our mom gave up to keep us on the ranch, because that had been what Dad would have wanted, and how much I wanted her to give up and live her life the way she wanted.”
“Did she?”
“Yes. She married Principal Reyes. They live in Florida now.”
“Reyes? No kidding.”
“Surprised us all,” Allie said. “We didn’t think she’d remarry, but she did. She finally escaped the Lightning Creek before it beat her into the ground.” She smiled humorlessly. “Not that it didn’t come close to winning.”
“We’re really bad at cheerful dinner conversation,” Jason said.
Allie nodded at her plate and picked her burger back up. “We’re a pair all right.”
Twenty minutes later the dishes were done and Jason was sitting in a hardback chair near the floor lamp, doing his best to hold still while Allie sketched.
“Why don’t you just take a photo?” he finally asked.
“That wouldn’t torture you as much.”
“As I assumed.”
Allie gave a small laugh. “I want to try sketching from life. I’ll take a photo for the actual painting.”
“You’re painting me?”
“Don’t worry. No one will recognize you.”
Now it was Jason’s turn to laugh. “Maybe I can buy it from you. Put it over my mantel on the Bella Ridge.”
“Because everyone needs a portrait that doesn’t look like them over their mantel.”
Another half hour passed before Allie let Jason move. Before giving him the go-ahead, she took several photos of him with her phone, then set her sketchbook aside.
“Can I see?” He could tell that she wanted to say no, but instead, she flipped the book open. She’d done several sketches, the pencil strokes dark and bold—slashes across the paper that somehow captured his likeness. Wow.
“Seen enough?”
“They look good.”
Allie didn’t answer. She got to her feet and stretched, which Jason took as a hint that it was time to go home.
“You’ll keep me updated on the status of my portrait.”
“I will.” She walked with him to the door. “Thanks for coming, Jason.” She raised up on her toes, put a light hand on his shoulder for balance and brushed a quick kiss against his lips.
“And that was for...?”
“Being a good sport. See you tomorrow.”
Jason sucked in a breath that made his chest expand. He wanted to see more of her tonight, but... He let out the breath. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.