WHEN JASON WALKED under the stone arch at the entrance of the Brandt campus, he felt as if he were walking into the locker room before a playoff game. Mentally, he was ready. Beyond ready. The coach had lined him out, helped him plot strategy. He knew how to address Laurel’s concerns and those of the other committee members. He knew who was most likely to favor him and who he needed to be on guard against.
He’d shoved all thoughts of his dad, Pat and Allie out of his head as he walked into the athletic department offices. He was here to win and that meant focusing on the goal.
“Mr. Hudson.” A tall woman with short dark hair came out from behind her desk and offered her hand. “Amanda Morehouse.”
“I recognize your voice,” Jason said.
“Excellent.” She smiled and waved him to a seat. “It’ll be just a minute or two and they’ll be ready for you. We have one committee member on video conference and the rest are here in person.”
“Any advice?” he asked, more for something to say than anything.
Amanda thought for a moment, then said, “Your strength is in your offense.”
It always had been. Jason smiled. “Thank you.”
A moment later the doors to the inner sanctum opened and Amanda motioned for him to go inside.
Jason’s two-hour interview lasted only an hour, but not because he’d done poorly. Thanks to the coach and his own late night online research, he was well prepared to answer all questions, counter all objections to his lack of training and make suggestions on improving the efficiency of the job he was applying for. His college GPA didn’t hurt, either. He’d managed to be a student and an all-star, which spoke to his ability to multitask and tackle new challenges.
He’d even managed to work his volunteer ranch experience into the conversation, using it as an example of his adaptability. He didn’t know how effective that was, but every little bit helped when a guy had no work history, and, strange as it was, the ranch was his first job experience ever. Before that, training and practice had filled his time from junior high through college. When other kids had been working at McDonald’s, he’d been lifting weights or running. So his privilege paid off in some ways and hampered him in others.
Just another hurdle to cross.
“As I see it, Mr. Hudson,” Dr. Laurel had said just before the interview ended, “as a former professional ball player, you’re used to doors opening easily.” He let the words hang between them, watching Jason closely. Jason had no idea what response the guy expected, but after dealing with Allie, this attitude was nothing shocking or new.
“Those days are long gone,” Jason said. “I have to make up for lost time in the professional world and right now I’m working hard to do that. I have no qualms about starting low and working my way up.”
A couple of the committee members exchanged glances, then Dr. Laurel thanked him for his time and handshakes ensued.
A moment later, Amanda told him that he’d hear from them in a matter of days and said goodbye. Once the office door closed behind him, Jason drew in a deep breath and then checked his watch. A little too early to call Allie, so he’d head back to his hotel and prepare for his last obstacle before heading home the next day—ambushing Pat and trying to talk sense into him.
* * *
EVEN WITH ZACH on the ranch, happily managing everything that he could find to manage, the place felt empty. Allie missed Jason. A lot. But she was not going to panic because she missed the guy. He was her first lover in years and he’d been a daily fixture on the ranch for the past couple of months. Of course, the place seemed empty without him.
She planted more of the garden while he was gone, changing up the rows from the way she’d always had them before. Corn was no longer on the north side of the garden and beans were no longer on the south. Small changes, unimportant changes, but changes all the same. Allie needed to become more comfortable with change, and that was her frame of mind when she called her mother in Florida late Tuesday afternoon.
“Is all well on the ranch?”
“The ranch is fine.”
“I guess I meant are you doing well on the ranch?”
“Better than when I lived here before,” Allie said. “A lot better.”
“Good to hear.”
Her mother was well aware of Allie’s feelings about her childhood home, and Allie had long suspected her mother’s feelings mirrored her own. It wasn’t as if Anne Brody Reyes had had a great time there, losing her husband and barely hanging on through the rough times that followed.
“Mom, I’m not going to pursue teaching.” There. It was out.
“What?”
“At least not unless I can find a secondary art position and right now that seems nigh impossible.”
“But...you got your elementary degree so that you could work in education.”
“I’m painting again.”
“Lovely, but—”
“I think I’ll be happier if I work at a job that requires less of a personal commitment and pursue my art career on the side. At least until I hit a point where I might be able to pursue it full-time.”
A long silence ensued and Allie found herself squirming. “It isn’t like my education degree will go bad. It’s just... I’m not an elementary teacher. Maybe secondary, but not elementary. And now, while I have no commitments, seems like a perfect time to pursue a reckless venture.”
Yes. She was going to take a risk—just as soon as she got a steady job.
“Well...I guess. I mean, it isn’t like you’re running off to join a cult or something.”
Allie gave a small laugh. “I’m feeling good about this decision.”
“In that case, I wish you well.”
And was probably going to wait and see if Allie came to her senses rather than waste her breath right now. Allie knew her mom well because they were very, very similar.
After ending the call, she poured a glass of wine and had just taken the cover off her palette when the phone rang again. She knew without looking that it was Jason.
“How’d the interview go?” she asked as soon as she heard his voice.
“I think I have a shot.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “How are you doing?”
“Everything’s the same as when you left.” Two whole days ago.
“Kyle?”
“Haven’t seen him. How’s San Diego?”
“It feels like a different planet here. A different world.”
“One you like, I hope.”
“Oh, yeah. I like it. It’s just...different.”
“Well, you know what they say about going home.”
“I think Montana is home.”
“No. You only lived here for two years before taking off for college. You’re a California boy.”
“You’re a snob, Allie.”
“Guilty,” she said with a smile. “And now you can tell me what’s bothering you.”
There was a brief silence, as if he were going to deny that there was a reason for his flat tone of voice. “I’m going to see Pat tomorrow before I catch my plane home.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Yeah. Coach told me not to go.”
“Then why are you?”
“He’s dealing with stuff, Allie.”
“Jealousy?” She knew all about that.
“Among other things.”
Allie tamped down her frustration. Jason had to handle the matter in his own way, but having dealt with a bitter person, namely Kyle, she had little patience. Even if said bitter person was in a wheelchair.
“I’m with Coach on this one, but if you must go, don’t let him guilt-trip you.”
Because even though Jason was about as centered as anyone she knew, from their brief discussions on the subject, she knew that this Pat character was his weak spot. And Jason was a rescuer.
“I’m just going to open the door to future conversations.”
“Great. But if he gets difficult, you might just give him that speech about heads and asses.”
“Thanks, Allie. I’ll keep that advice in mind.”
* * *
PAT’S GROUND-LEVEL APARTMENT was part of a well-manicured cul-de-sac neighborhood. Jason parked in front of the building and double-checked the apartment number before ringing the buzzer. A moment later the door swung open and Delia Madison frowned at him. Then she smiled. “Jason.”
He gave Pat’s sister a quick hug. “How are you?” Delia had also attended Brandt and they’d spent a lot of time together back in the day.
“Doing okay. You must be here to see Pat? He didn’t say anything to me.”
“Because he doesn’t know.”
Delia’s smile faltered. “Out back,” she said, waving toward the patio doors leading out into a private garden. It was a nice place, but nothing like the mansion Pat had once owned.
“Hey,” Jason said as he slid the door open.
Pat’s head jerked around and then he scowled. “What the hell?”
“Yeah. Good to see you, too.”
Pat’s mouth clamped shut and Jason felt like telling him to stop being so fricking proud, but he didn’t. Instead he said, “I interviewed at Brandt.”
“Thought that wasn’t going to happen.”
“A guy dropped out.”
Jason sat in a white wrought-iron chair next to Pat’s wheelchair. A towel was draped loosely over Pat’s lap, but Jason could still see how atrophied his friend’s once powerful legs had become.
“If I got the job at Brandt, and can arrange it, would you consider doing an internship there?” One of the perks of the job, or maybe it was one of the duties, was that Jason would select and train interns to help the coaching and administrative staff.
“Little premature, isn’t it?”
“I said if, and since you don’t answer my calls or texts, I figured I’d see you face-to-face before flying home.”
Pat looked very much like he wanted to tell him to go to hell, but he didn’t. Instead he shook his head. “Go there and have people looking at me? Saying there’s the guy who couldn’t handle real life? I don’t think so.”
Jason sucked in a breath. “When I had difficulties with my head on the field, when I was missing my catches, you helped me straighten things out.”
Pat gave a small shrug.
“When I was drawing into myself because, for the first time ever, I wasn’t the best, you told me to get a grip and stop feeling sorry for myself.”
Pat’s eyes widened angrily. “I know where this is going and don’t you dare.”
“I’m daring. This is your life. You made it. Now do something with it and stop hiding.”
“It’s none of your business what I do.”
“Yeah, it is. Because I owe you.”
“You owe me nothing. We’re even.”
Jason stood and walked over the chair, then crouched down so they were at eye level. “I am not the enemy, Pat. I think we both know who the enemy is. When you want to face reality, give me a call.”
He stood then and headed for the door to the house, which was cracked open. Delia was just inside, openly eavesdropping. She slid the glass open and after Jason walked into the air-conditioned room, she shut it behind him.
“Good try,” she said. “Coach tried, too.” Her jaw tightened briefly before she said, “I’ll try to knock sense into him, but no promises.”
“Yeah.” Jason smiled grimly, then lightly kissed Delia’s cheek. “You’re a good sister, Del. Call me if you need anything.”
* * *
ALLIE WAS ON her knees in the garden when Jason’s truck pulled into the drive, shooting to hell her plan of looking great when he showed. It wasn’t as if he’d never seen her dusty and disheveled before.
He parked the truck and came to meet her at the garden, taking her into his arms and kissing her long and hard.
“Any new calves?” he asked.
Allie laughed. “One. Now we’re done for the season.” She smoothed a hand over his face, then kissed him again.
Jason tilted his head toward the garden. “Looks good.”
“Yes. Better than it looked the last time I planted it, but I didn’t properly care for it then.” One corner of her mouth quirked. “I was fighting to survive.” She turned back toward him. “When will you hear?”
“A matter of days.”
“Did you talk to Pat?” His expression clouded over, giving her the answer. “That bad?”
“He has issues.”
Which were hurting Jason and she hated seeing that. They started for the house with Jason’s arm still loosely slung over her shoulders. “Is Zach around?”
“He’s at that class he was ordered to take. Liz’s dropping him by later tonight. Have you been home yet?”
Jason stopped on the porch and took her face in his hands, leaning down to first kiss her, then lightly nip her lower lip, sending a stab of need slicing through her. “I thought I’d stop here first. Say hello.”
“Yes,” Allie said as she gently nipped him back. “Hello is definitely in order.”
* * *
JASON SHOWED UP for work early the next day and life on the Lightning Creek continued as it had before he’d left for the interview. Zach lined him out and Allie went to school and Jason realized as he strode out into the field that if he couldn’t eventually coach football, he’d be quite comfortable working on a ranch. Not just owning one, but working on one.
Of course, he’d have to have a manager to tell him what to do, because he didn’t have a clue. But the actual work—he loved it.
And he was beginning to suspect he loved Allie, too. What had started as an attraction and a challenge had grown to feel like a partnership and...something more. That something more, he suspected, was love, plain and simple. Which made him glad that she didn’t want to stay on the Lightning Creek, because that made it all the more possible that she might go with him if he got the job. Together they could test the waters. She was at the perfect point in her life to do that.
Yes, things could easily fall into place and he felt pretty damned good about life.
He felt even better later that day when the call came in from Amanda Morehouse, offering him the job of assistant to the associate athletic director of Brandt University. The pay would be less than advertised, due to his lack of experience, but he would get full benefits and a yearly bonus.
“I accept,” Jason said. He’d just realized his goal while standing in the middle of a Montana cattle pasture. Life was funny sometimes.
“I’ll send you the paperwork.”
“Excellent,” Jason said, beating Amanda to the punch. He hung up and dropped the phone into his pocket. He was looking forward to telling Allie the news.
* * *
WHEN ALLIE GOT HOME, Jason had the Jameson bottle on the sideboard along with the fancy crystal on-the-rocks glasses he’d bought in the airport on the flight back from San Diego. The woman he loved couldn’t continue to drink whiskey from a juice glass.
Allie walked into the house and stopped, her gaze swinging from him to the new glasses and back to him. “You got the job, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“I knew you would.” But even though she smiled back, she didn’t look all that happy. He hoped that was a good sign—a sign that she didn’t want him to leave. “I thought a toast was in order.”
“I’m all for that.” She dropped her tote bag next to the door and crossed the room to take the glass he offered. “Nice.”
“They’re yours so that you can retire the juice glasses.”
“Thank you.” She gingerly touched the rim of her glass to his. “Congratulations.”
He gestured with his head and Allie followed him out onto the porch, where they sat side by side on the sun-warmed top step. Jason sipped and looked out over the ranch he’d once tried to make his own. A ranch he’d truly come to love, even though Allie didn’t. Every couple had their differences.
“I’m going to miss this place. You should have let me buy it.”
“My sisters would have killed me. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be back frequently?”
“Supposed to be. But it won’t be the same as it’s been while I was working here. Practically living here, really.”
“You did spend a lot of time here.”
He gave her a long serious look. “I wonder why?”
“It wasn’t me to begin with.”
“It was always you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Really?”
“No other reason.”
“Except escaping your dad.”
“I could have done that in other ways.”
Allie leaned her shoulder against his. “True.”
Jason set his hand on her knee, enjoying the feel of her silky skin under his fingers. “I know these are early days, but I thought I’d throw something out for you to think about.”
“And that is...?”
“Eventually moving to California with me.” Her muscles instantly tightened beneath his hand. “I’m not talking instantly. I know you have a commitment here on the ranch, but I was thinking...eventually.”
She leaned back, putting space between them. “You know that would be difficult for me.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s expensive to live there.”
“I thought we would live together.”
“If we live together, then I have to be dependent on you until I get a job.”
“So?”
“I can’t get into a situation where if things go bad, I’m helpless. I’ve been there before. I can’t do it again.”
“If things go bad, you can fly back to Montana. Live on the ranch.” It seemed so sensible and easy, but he’d been ready for Allie to balk. And she was.
“I’m...not ready for anything like that.”
“So that leaves us...”
She gave him a cool, almost perplexed look. “With you taking this job you worked so hard for and me figuring out life here.” He started to shake his head and she touched his lips lightly. “Jason, I’m not ready to start a serious relationship. If I move with you, that makes it serious.”
“I’ve been reading things wrong here? I don’t think so.”
“How are you reading them?”
“I’m reading them as you once again letting your past stand in the way of your future.”
Allie stood. “Read it as you will.” She turned then and walked into the house, letting the screen door bang shut. He got to his feet and followed, leaving his glass sitting on the opposite side of the step from hers. Allie could run, but she was not going to hide until they sorted this out.
* * *
ALLIE DID HER best to keep her game face on as the screen door opened and shut behind her and she turned to face a very angry Jason. She raised her chin, ready to do battle. Of course, her past was keeping her from moving forward. People learned from the past and avoided future errors.
Right now, during early days, as he’d called them, everything felt right about being with him. But she knew about the bliss of early days, and she also knew that she couldn’t move to California and be dependent on him this early in their relationship. She was too cautious for that and she didn’t see how he could blame her for being that way.
“This is too much at one time. Moment by moment, remember?”
“Screw moment by moment. That’s no longer the point.”
“What is the point?”
“I want to hear why you think being with me would be a repeat of your relationship with Kyle.”
“Because of me. I’m afraid to need you, all right? I love being with you, but I am terrified of needing. Needing means that I’ll do things out of character. I needed Kyle. Kyle, for pity’s sake. I put up with things out of fear that I should never have put up with.”
“That was Kyle. This is me.”
“It wasn’t Kyle. It was me and my needs and my fear of loss clouding my judgment. Moment by moment I can do. Anything else...” She shook her head. “You’re asking for too much, Jason.”
“Well, this was one hell of a homecoming,” he said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry.” And she was. Sorry that push had to come to shove so soon. She’d thought they’d have more time to simply enjoy one another without real life butting in.
“Me, too.” There was weariness in his voice and Allie felt the gulf between them widening as he fell silent. But what could she say?
It was Jason who broke the silence. “I need to go. I’ll...catch up with Zach later. Explain things to him.”
“I understand.” Allie swallowed the lump in her throat, told herself that this was merely the two of them facing the truth. It was. Sometimes the truth hurt.
No. It did more than hurt—it tore you apart inside.
Jason went out the door without a word. Allie stood where she was until she heard the truck start, then she sank down onto the sofa and let the tears come. A few tears now were better than days’ worth later.
* * *
MAX TOOK JASON’S new job a lot better than Allie had. But Max didn’t have the baggage Allie did; he had different baggage that was easier to work with. Still, it was a difficult conversation, convincing his stubborn father that he wasn’t abandoning him forever.
“I know you hate California, but there are some great golf courses. I’ll fly you down when I can’t make it home. You and Jim, if you want.”
Max let out a long sigh and muted the television, which had been playing in the background. “You didn’t make it home all that often while you were playing.”
“Gee,” Jason said dryly, “I wonder why.”
“I know why,” Max snapped. “I was just hoping that once you retired I’d see more of you.”
“We’ll spend a lot of time together, Dad. I promise. I want to spend time together, too.” He smiled a little. “Someone’s got to take the heat off Kate.”
Max waved his hand dismissively. “You still looking to buy property here?”
“Investment property.”
“Not living property?”
“I’m going to take things slowly right now. Concentrate on the job. One thing at a time.”
“You always were a goal-focused kid.” Max turned the volume back up on the television.
“Learned from the best. And when I come back, I thought I could stay here with you.”
“That would work.”
Jason stayed in the recliner next to his father until Max fell asleep and then he made his way out to the kitchen to make a sandwich. Kate had taken refuge in the garage while Jason talked with Max, supposedly going through storage boxes, and she’d yet to surface. Jason made two sandwiches anyway. Hiding could build an appetite.
He was on his way to the garage when his cell phone rang. Pat.
Wonder of wonders.
“Yeah,” Jason said.
“Coach told Delia that you got the job.”
“I did.” And since Pat wasn’t growling out his words, maybe he’d called to congratulate him.
“You said something about an internship.”
Jason’s tense muscles relaxed an iota. Maybe something good would come out of the evening.
“Yes. I have the opportunity to bring an intern on board to work with me as part of the program I oversee and I thought you might be interested.”
“Yeah?”
It was the first positive note he’d heard in Pat’s voice in a long, long time. “You’d shadow me and when something permanent opened up, you’d have a shot at it.”
“How much will I be paid as an intern?”
“Uh...it’s not a paying position. It’s a way to get a foot in the door.”
“What?” The word dropped like a stone.
“It’s a start, Pat. A way to work into a job.” Because right now he was fairly certain that Pat didn’t have a job.
“It’s a way for them to get my expertise for free.”
Jason’s temples were starting to pound. “That’s not what it’s about.”
“Not interested,” Pat said coldly.
“Think about it.” Jason spoke from between gritted teeth to keep from giving Pat more helpful advice regarding his head and his ass.
“Done thinking.”
“Me, too.” Jason hung up the phone, then turned to see Kate leaning against the doorjamb.
“Rough night?”
“You have no idea.”
“Want a drink?”
Jason almost said no, then realized he might not have all that much sharing-a-drink time with his sister in the future. “Sure.”
She opened the junk drawer and dug around until she found a key, which she held up.
“The good liquor?”
“Desperate times. Besides, Dad isn’t supposed to be drinking the stuff.” She went into the living room and came back a moment later with one of the better bottles of Scotch. She pulled the stopper and took a deep sniff. “Oh, yeah. This will do the trick.”
She poured a generous two fingers, then touched Jason’s glass with her own. “To spilling your guts.”
“I’m not—”
She raised a hand. “Don’t even try to resist. Just...spill.”
“Spill. Right.” Jason took a drink, barely noticing the excellent after notes of the eighteen-year-old Islay Scotch as it slid smoothly down his throat, warming him. “Where to begin?” he hedged.
Kate watched him over her glass with a sisterly no-nonsense expression.
“I got the job.”
“I know that.”
“I asked Pat if he’d be interested in interning, and as soon as he discovered it was unpaid he refused to consider it—even though it would put him in position for a paid job in the future.”
Kate made a face. “Pat is his own worst enemy. Nothing you can do about that.”
Jason shook his head. Kate didn’t know how many times Pat had helped him through.
“What about Allie?”
Jason gave his sister a hard look, took in her mild yet determined expression. She wasn’t going to let this go—not unless he got tough. What the hell? Why shouldn’t she know? “I asked Allie to come with me, so that we could continue what we started. No go.”
“It is a little early.”
He set his glass down and leaned back in his chair, assuming a relaxed position even though every muscle in his body was tight. “I know what’s going to happen. I’ll go down there and get buried in the job—”
“Because that’s the way you do things.”
“It is. I won’t lie. And I want Allie there with me, so when I do have time, we can spend it together.”
“And she...”
“Has issues with that.”
Silence hung for a long moment, then Kate said, “And that’s all I’m getting?”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “That’s it.”
Kate swirled the Scotch in her glass, staring thoughtfully at the amber liquid. “This thing between the two of you, it seems to have gotten serious fast.”
“It did.”
She raised her gaze. “Is it possible that it might get un-serious just as fast?”
Jason shook his head. “I don’t see that happening.”