MONDAY WAS TURNING INTO...one of those days. Kate was behind schedule and Jason decided to wait for her because she was taking Max to the therapist—which meant he wouldn’t see Allie before work, and, frankly, he was good with that.
“Afraid he’d bolt?” Kate asked when she came in the back door and saw Jason sitting at the table, drinking coffee.
“The thought had crossed my mind.”
Honestly, he had no idea what Max would do anymore, but his dad hated seeing the doctor. “Depressing,” the old man had grumbled more than once the previous evening. He’d been so focused on his own issues that he didn’t notice Jason quietly simmering. Was Allie ever going to get past his perceived circumstances? Could he expect her to, if he didn’t explain? Yeah. He at least expected her to recognize that he wasn’t in the easiest of situations. Money didn’t solve everything.
“I just hope he listens to the doctor.”
“Thanks for running the gauntlet today. I know it’s a pain.”
Kate shrugged. “No big deal. Dad doesn’t fight me as much as he fights you.” Jason had planned to go, but Kate had told him it would be better if she went alone. “You should get to work before your boss docks your pay.”
Jason smirked as he handed Kate a cup of coffee. “Right. Dad’s shaving. He promised to be ready on time. Call if you have difficulties.”
She waved her hand and Jason headed out the door.
Zach was already on-site, stacking boards, when Jason arrived.
“You’re late,” Zach said.
“Couldn’t be helped. Issues with my dad.”
“We should start a club.” Jason shot the kid a look, but he was focused on gathering more scrap lumber. “Allie stopped by. She didn’t seem to think you’d show up.”
Jason shrugged. “Must have been a miscommunication.”
Zack tossed a board. “We should be done here by tomorrow.”
“We’re taking apart the foundation.”
“Really?” The kid’s face brightened before he forgot himself. His expression sobered, but he sounded sincere when he said, “I could use the money.”
“Not a lot of jobs out there right now.” As he well knew.
“No kidding,” Zach muttered. “I’m supposed to start college this fall, but it’s so expensive, I don’t know if I will. If I don’t go, I have to find steady work. So far this is the best I can do.”
There was no way that Jason was going to tell Zach that he was in the same situation, because he was, yet he wasn’t. Zach needed a job to support himself. Jason needed a job so he didn’t go crazy. His circumstances weren’t as dire, but his concerns were legit. Right? A guy couldn’t go through life feeling useless. The one thing he never wanted to be was useless.
“I can finish with the boards if you want to start on the foundation.”
Zach perked up. “You brought tools?”
“I did.”
“Sledgehammers?”
“And mallets and bars.” Jason jerked his head toward the truck. A few minutes later the equipment was unloaded and Zach was weighing a sledgehammer in his hands.
“And these.” Jason held out a pair of safety glasses. Zach grimaced, but took them and slipped them on.
“How do I look?”
“Like you’re ready to break up a foundation.”
Zach gave a satisfied grunt and started back toward the barn, hammer in one hand, pry bar in the other. A few seconds later he was hammering away at the most crumbled part of the foundation. It looked...satisfying. Jason abandoned the boards and returned to his truck to get his own hammer, when he happened to notice a cow down in the field. The cow that Allie had been waiting forever to calve.
She didn’t look like she was having an easy time of it. He watched the cow strain and then stop. Strain and then stop.
“Hey,” he called as soon as he was close enough for Zach to hear. The kid looked up and Jason pointed toward the cow.
A concerned look instantly crossed Zach’s face and he put down the crowbar and headed toward the pasture. Jason fell in step and then they stopped simultaneously thirty yards from the cow.
“She’s definitely in distress,” Zach said. “Do you know where Allie keeps the chains?”
“That shed,” Jason said, working over the fact that everyone seemed so nonchalant about hooking chains to a calf and yanking it out of the cow. They walked to the shed together and Zach grabbed the bucket and the antiseptic.
“Any idea if she’s friendly?”
“I don’t think she’s in a position to challenge us.”
“You might be surprised,” Zach muttered.
“Allie said she’s one of her favorites.”
“Good.”
Zach set about doing almost exactly what Allie had done previously, reaching into the cow, easing things around, attaching the chains.
“Allie said this wasn’t all that common.”
“Depends on the bull.” His tone was clipped, but matter-of-fact. He put tension on the chains as the cow strained. He eased his hand inside again. “Everything’s normal, but the calf is really big. This is the point where my grandpa would have said, ‘Get the tractor.’”
Jason didn’t even want to think how a tractor would be involved in the birthing process. “There’s a jack thing.”
“Yeah?” Zach looked over his shoulder. “Would you get it? We might need it.”
“I, uh, don’t know what it looks like.”
Zach muttered something that sounded like “It figures,” then handed Jason the chains. “Keep them tight when—”
“I’ve done this before.”
“Great. Back in a few.” Zach got to his feet and jogged to the shed, coming back a few minutes later with a medieval torture device that he propped against the back end of the cow. He attached the chains, then when the cow strained, he started cranking. When she stopped, he stopped. But it was working. The nose appeared and Zach ripped open the sac. That nasty blue tongue fell out and then Zach was cranking again. After the head appeared, the rest of the calf slipped out onto the grass. Zach quickly removed the apparatus and after peeling the bag back from the calf’s head some more, stepped back to stand behind Jason.
“Now we just got to hope that she doesn’t have any internal damage.” The exhausted cow raised her head and looked over her shoulder at her baby. Jason could have sworn he saw a cartoon heart forming over her head as she laid eyes on the newborn.
“Ain’t no love like mama-cow love,” Zach said as the cow maneuvered herself around to start licking her baby. Jason smiled and then Zach put his who-cares? mask back on again. “We should check her again in a bit, but I think she’s going to be fine.”
“I hope so.” The calf was pretty damned cute and it needed a mother.
“Every lost cow or calf is lost revenue,” Zach said as they started back to the site. He sounded matter-of-fact and businesslike and didn’t seem swayed by the cuteness factor.
But he was an old hand at the cattle business. Jason was not, but he liked the idea of getting a small herd. Learning more. Hell, maybe he could employ Zach as his property manager.
* * *
ZACH WAS STILL at the ranch when Allie got home after her best day of work since she’d started. She’d actually anticipated trouble and headed it off before it happened. The library was the calmest it had been in weeks, story time with the kindergarteners had gone well and Mrs. Wilson-Jones had given her kudos at the end of the day. Her sense of accomplishment and well-being faded, however, when she saw that Jason’s truck wasn’t there—even though she was home earlier than usual. Maybe he was done with her and the Lightning Creek, although she couldn’t imagine him abandoning Zach.
She parked and got out of her car as Zach started toward her.
“Hey,” Zach called. “We pulled a calf for you today.”
We. Jason had shown up. She was glad of that.
“Did Jason turn green?”
Zach smiled. “He didn’t.”
Allie pushed her windblown hair back from her face. “I’d hoped to speak with him.”
“He had to leave early. His dad went to the doctor today and he had to spell his sister.”
“Ah.” She wanted so much to ask, “Did he seem all right?” But, of course, she couldn’t do that.
“You need to think about getting a smaller bull,” Zach said. “That calf was ginormous and Jason said you had to pull others.”
“Only two.” But he was probably right. It was the first year they’d used this bull. She’d discuss it with Jolie the next time her sister called to check on her. Because that was what they were doing—tag-teaming to check on her. She was glad they hadn’t involved their mother. Small mercies and all that.
“Thanks for pulling the calf,” Allie said. “It’s hard not being on the place during calving. I’ve been lucky so far.” Not that she was the only part-time rancher who had to work a day job, but it still didn’t make it easy.
“Yeah, I can see that,” Zach said. He closed the tailgate of his truck, then leaned against the bumper.
“Between the two of us, someone will be here, so you don’t have to worry about the last calves.”
“And then my sisters will move home and I won’t have to worry at all next spring.”
“You’re leaving?”
Allie hadn’t said anything yet to Liz about her doubts about her teaching career, so she smiled at Zach and said, “I won’t stay here at the ranch. It’ll be too crowded with two sisters and two brothers-in-law.”
“There’s always the bunkhouse,” Zach teased.
“You haven’t seen the inside of that place.” Allie rolled her eyes. Talk about chaos. They’d stored grain and old tools and anything that needed protection from mice in there for years. It was one of the few places none of her sisters had tackled—probably due to the intimidation factor.
“If you need someone to muck it out after I’m done with the foundation...”
Zach shifted uncomfortably and Allie gave a considering nod. “Not a bad idea.”
“Yeah. Well...” Zach shrugged. “I’d better get going.”
“Yeah. Thanks again for the healthy calf.”
“Not a problem.”
Allie went to check the cow as soon as she got to the house. The old girl seemed no worse for wear and the calf wobbling around her was indeed ginormous, as Zach had said.
Yes. New bull.
She breathed deeply, pulling in the familiar spring scents of damp earth and sun-warmed grass as she headed back to the house. Lilac buds were popping and the daffodils she and her dad had planted around the base of the trees in the front yard were bobbing their golden heads in the breeze.
Her dad had loved this ranch so much. And she’d loved him so much.
What would her dad think of her now? Would he be proud?
She let out a breath and walked around the house to the backyard, where she sat in the swing he’d built when Jolie was a baby. The wooden seat was worn from the weather and just a little damp.
Her dad would be proud that she’d finished her degree. That was an accomplishment. He’d hammered in the importance of committing to a task until it was completed. She’d done that, after a five-year hiatus.
She turned the swing, twisting the ropes until the seat rose higher, just as she’d done as a child.
Her dad wouldn’t be so proud of what the ranch had turned into while she’d been married to Kyle, but he’d also have understood. The ranch had gone to hell before. It was the nature of the business, but her father had poured his heart and soul into the ranch during good times and bad. Believed in the worth of his occupation.
The thought made Allie cringe a little. She believed in the worth of her occupation, but even though she’d had a better day and was beginning to believe she could be successful, she didn’t know if she’d ever love education the way her father had loved ranching—or the way Jason had loved football.
Yet another unspoken reason she was jealous of the man. She felt as if he’d experienced everything she hadn’t.
Her dad would not be proud.
She twisted the swing again, until her toes barely touched the ground, then pushed off and launched herself, swinging as the ropes unwound, making the world a blur as she spun. She felt a little nauseous by the time the swing slowed, something that hadn’t happened when she’d been younger.
Or maybe she’d enjoyed the good part of the ride so much that she hadn’t noticed the resulting vertigo. Enjoyed the good instead of dwelling on the bad.
Yes, she’d had traumas here, but the ranch wasn’t to blame any more than the Eagle Valley or the state of Montana was to blame. It wasn’t the locale...it was what she’d attached to that locale in her mind. The locale was an excuse for not dealing fully with her past.
Instead of being proactive, she’d been avoiding. Pushing aside everything that reminded her of the past as if it would change her past—even pushing aside things she loved.
Tough people adapted and grew.
Allie got out of the swing, picked up her purse off the grass and headed for the back door.
Tough people also picked up the phone and apologized when necessary. A tough woman would call Jason.
* * *
“ABOUT TIME,” KATE muttered as Jason walked in the back door. “I think we’re going to have to hire a professional.”
“Hit man?”
“It’s crossed my mind.” Kate’s shoulders slumped. “I’m not worried about Dad physically so much as I’m getting concerned about the way he’s trying to manipulate everyone around him.”
“What happened?” Jason automatically opened the fridge and pulled out a beer. It was becoming a ritual. Come home, drink a beer, face his father. Not the healthiest lifestyle. He put the beer back.
“We went to the doctor and Dad lambasted him. I’m surprised that he was allowed to make another appointment. It’s everyone’s fault but his that he’s eating a bland diet and can’t drink and blah, blah, blah. If I were the doctor, I would have decked him.”
Great.
He went into the living room, where his dad was stretched out in his chair. The Dobes barely raised their eyelids. “What’s the deal, Dad?”
“What do you mean?”
“You gave the doctor a hard time?”
“I didn’t like his attitude.”
“Find someone else.”
“It might have been different if you’d come along instead of doing that ridiculous bullshit you’re spending your days doing. It’s just to get out away from me, isn’t it?”
“Why would anyone want to get away from you, Dad?”
Max narrowed his eyes at his traitorous son. “Don’t get all smart-ass with me. You might have been a big-shot pro, but now you’re just a guy without a job.”
His dad was angry and Jason was getting there faster by the second. But instead of saying, “Speaking of bullshit, Dad, I didn’t come home to take yours,” he said, “I think you should see someone about your anger before you have another attack.”
The way Max’s eyes bulged, Jason was afraid that he’d tipped over then and there. “You mean a shrink?”
“Whatever you want to call it. A counselor, therapist, whatever.”
Max’s expression went cold. “I’m not angry over anything that I shouldn’t be angry over. The doctor is taking away the things I enjoy in life, and I have a right to be angry.”
“Replace them. Replace the things you love with new things.”
“That’s what I told him,” Kate said from the doorway.
“I can’t believe you guys are double-teaming me. Get out. Both of you.” Max waved a hand and Kate instantly turned and walked back into the kitchen.
“See?” she said once Jason had joined her there and the swinging door had gone shut.
“Let’s just take a minute. Regroup.”
“I’m doing what he said.” Kate grabbed her sweater. “You should, too.”
“What if—”
“He knows how to operate a cell phone,” she said impatiently. “It’s right there next to his chair.”
“Good point.”
Jason’s phone rang, stopping Kate at the door. She looked back over her shoulder as Jason answered.
“Jason, it’s Allie... I want to apologize.”
Jason let out a breath and directed his gaze downward. “Accepted.” The word dropped from his lips like a stone.
He expected her to say goodbye and hang up now that her duty had been done, but instead she said, “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“I’d like to talk sometime, if we could.” She paused for a split second before adding softly, “Explain some things.”
“Sounds good. Look, I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow. Thanks.” He hung up before she could say anything else. Now he’d be the one apologizing tomorrow. He met his sister’s gaze.
“I just need some time away,” she said.
“I’ll stay.”
“Thank you. I’ll be back tomorrow, after I get a chance to cool off,” she muttered before opening the door and disappearing into the garage. A few seconds later Jason heard her small car start.
Max came into the kitchen then and stopped just inside the door. “I thought you were gone.”
“Just Kate. She’s the one who needed a break.”
“You need to leave, too.”
“Careful what you wish for, Dad.”
“I’m not kidding. Get out of my house.”
“Shall I take my stuff?” Jason asked grimly.
“Just go. Give me some space. After all, I do know how to use a cell phone.”
He’d been listening. Fine. “Then you’d better damned well use the thing if you need it,” Jason said, feeling like he had a rock in his stomach. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. That’ll give you time to decide if you want me to move out or not.”
But Jason didn’t drive away. Instead he sat in his truck, which was parked next to his Dad’s Jeep, and stared through the windshield at the garage doors, wondering if he should go to Kate’s house or let her have the time to herself she needed. If they got together, it’d become a bitch-fest about Max, and neither of them needed that. The curtains were closed, but when Jason glanced over at the house, he could see the light from the television change as his father flipped through channels.
He needed to go somewhere—at least until Max went to sleep. Allie had said she wanted to talk. Well, no time like the present. He hit Redial on his phone.
“Are you busy?”
“No.” There was an edge of caution in her voice, but when wasn’t there?
“Could I come over? I...just got kicked out of my house and I’m waiting for my dad to cool off.” No sense pretending things were different than they were. If Max told Jimmy, then the world would know by the end of the day tomorrow.
“Uh, sure. Come on over.”
Jason set down the phone and started his truck. Like Kate had said, Max had a cell and he knew how to use it. If he didn’t feel like calling his kids, he could call his brother.
Less than fifteen minutes later he pulled into the drive of the Lightning Creek and Allie came outside to meet him, pulling on her denim jacket as she walked. He got out of the truck and met her at the gate.
“You got kicked out of your house?”
“Yeah...can you believe it? I feel like I’m sixteen.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Wait until he falls asleep, then go back home.”
“Really?”
“If he kicks me out again tomorrow, I’ll figure something out, but I don’t think he’s going to. He’s overwhelmed by the fact that he can’t control every facet of life—mine, Kate’s, his—and is lashing out.”
Allie shifted uncomfortably, perhaps seeing a parallel between her behavior and his father’s. “He controlled your life?”
“Not since high school, but now that I’m back, I think he’s trying to make up for lost time. It irritates him when I don’t fall in with his thinking.”
“Going to work for your uncle.”
“And ignoring it when he doesn’t follow doctor’s orders.”
“How’s your sister holding up?”
“Kate has pretty much hit the end of her rope. It’s on me now.”
“If you need a place to stay, you know you can bunk here.”
He smiled a little. “Is that an honest invitation?”
She raised her chin. “Yes. And I’m sorry about the way I acted earlier.”
“I already accepted your apology.”
“I don’t think so,” she said softly. “Not that I blame you.” She held his gaze, as if daring him to challenge her words.
He couldn’t, because she was correct. He hadn’t accepted her apology so much as he’d mouthed the expected response and then stewed—not about what she’d said, but about the way she treated him like the enemy. He glanced down at the cracked sidewalk, and when he looked up again, he caught the uncertainty in Allie’s expression.
“Okay. Maybe I didn’t.”
“And you don’t have to. I have no excuse.” She put a hand on the picket gate between them, reminding him that during the one kiss they’d shared, they’d had a fence between them. “But I can explain...if you care to listen.”
He did. “Let’s go for a drive.”
“Yes,” Allie said quietly. “I’d like that.”
* * *
OF ALL HER SISTERS, Allie had the least difficulty saying what needed to be said—although Mel was a close second—but now, as she sat a few feet away from Jason and had things to say, words failed her.
Jason didn’t seem to care. At the end of the driveway, instead of turning left toward town, he turned right toward the Staley house and then a mile later, he turned onto a seldom-used track that led to the trestle road. He seemed to know this part of the country—her part of the country—which surprised her. He pulled to a stop where the track intersected the road leading to the bridge and put the truck into Park, letting it idle.
Time to talk.
So where did she start? All of the clever openings she’d practiced as they drove through the darkness stalled on her lips.
Finally she took a deep breath. “After my marriage broke up, I had a hard time getting my footing again.” Total truth. Still the truth in many ways.
“I can imagine.” He sounded like he knew what she was talking about, which again made her wonder about his former relationships.
“My world changed radically in a short period of time, but it had also been changing slowly over a long period of time. I’d stubbornly refused to acknowledge that, so it seemed as if everything hit me at once.” She spoke without looking at him. “I’ve been angry and afraid and...” Her mouth tightened as she glanced his way. “Did I mention that I was angry?”
“And afraid?” His tone was cool, but not cold.
“Yes.” She looked at the windshield again. “But mostly angry. At Kyle. At myself. At the world.” Her hands twisted in her lap and she made a conscious effort to stop moving. “As for being afraid...anger is so much easier.”
“What are you afraid of, Allie?”
“Failure.” One corner of her mouth tightened. “More specifically, I’m afraid of not being secure. Money will make me secure, however, the job I trained for—”
“You don’t love it.”
She shook her head. “No. I do not.”
“And you don’t see yourself as having the time and money to train for something new.”
“Just thinking about it makes me feel like my stomach is twisting into a pretzel. And the ranch fell apart while Kyle and I were there. Dani and Jolie worked hard to build it back up again, and even though I probably don’t have the time to ruin it again, I did lose a barn.”
“Mother Nature had a hand in that.”
Allie pressed her palm to her forehead. “I need the ranch to do well until my sisters come back at the end of the year and I need to get over the fact that my job is just a job. A lot of people work at jobs that are just jobs.”
She cast him a sideways look. “I’m sorry that you’ve been the object of my frustration on more than one occasion. I’ve been jealous of the fact that you had a job you enjoyed and that you have the security of money.”
Silence stretched between them for a couple of long seconds. And this is where you say you understand. Because, whether she liked it or not, it was important to her that he understand.
“And,” he finally said, “I did get that scholarship.”
Allie gave a small snort. “Which you didn’t need.”
He made a dismissive gesture. “You would have wasted it training for a field you don’t enjoy.”
A joke. At her expense, and she was good with that. “Are you using your degree?”
“I can’t remember my degree.”
This time she laughed. “Do you need it? Your degree?”
“I need something,” he said on a dark note. He shifted in his seat and put the truck in gear. The truck rolled forward and Jason turned onto the trestle road. A couple miles later, he turned again onto a narrow dirt road that seemed remarkably well traveled, and drove another half mile before pulling to a stop in a large clearing that was nearly devoid of vegetation. He turned off the engine and got out of the truck. After a second’s hesitation, Allie followed looking around at the stone fire rings and the old metal oil drums used as trash cans.
“What is this place?”
He shot her an incredulous look. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m not.”
“Kyle never took you here in high school?”
“Kyle and I didn’t start dating until after I went to college. But...I think I get it.” This was a party spot. A make-out spot.
“In high school, this was the second-best place on earth—the best being the gridiron, of course.” He walked toward the rickety wooden bridge crossing the creek.
“I’ll have to take your word on both of those,” Allie said, catching up to him. She started across the bridge ahead of him. On the other side of the creek, the grass was long and green and springy beneath Allie’s feet as she stepped off the bridge.
“I didn’t get the job.”
The words came out of nowhere. Allie stopped and turned back toward Jason, who stood at the edge of the bridge.
He wouldn’t be assistant to the assistant? That had to sting.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” He let out a long breath. “Not everything in my life works out.”
“I never thought that.” Allie had automatically defended herself, although she was guilty of thinking his life was a lot better than hers in many ways. Ways that mattered to her.
“I thought I’d have a decent shot at it, because of, well...”
“Who you are?”
“I worked hard to be who I am. I—” he gave a small shrug “—expected it to continue to pay off. My former coach, who’s something of a legend, put in a good word for me. It wasn’t enough.”
Ouch. They took a few silent steps, walking side by side, and then she said, “So what now?”
“I send out more résumés. Call other people I know to see if they have any leads.”
“I bet you’ll find something,” Allie said as she moved past him. He took hold of her arm, stopping her progress, and her lips parted as she looked up at him.
“Why didn’t you date in high school, Allie?”
He barely had hold of her, but she had no intention of pulling away. This was a night of truths for her and she liked the contact. Liked it a lot, but wouldn’t let it get to the point that she had to make any big decisions about complicating her life any further.
“I was still recovering from my dad passing away and the ranch was in trouble, so I preferred to hang with my mom and help her as much as I could.”
“Were you afraid of losing her, too?”
“I think I was.”
Jason let go of her and they fell into step again, following the creek. “My mom left right before we moved here. Dad had the money and the lawyers, so he got custody of Kate and me.”
“I never knew that.” Their shoulders bumped pleasantly and Allie told herself to relax and enjoy it.
“I did my best to block out their stuff.”
“But you understand what Zach is going through.”
“To a degree.”
“So you told him to pull his head out of his ass.”
“It needed to be done.”
Allie had clung to home during high school, so it was no wonder that she had no idea that this make-out spot existed. She wondered if her sisters knew.
“I thought the big make-out spot was on Hanley Hill, overlooking the lake.”
“Decoy. All the cops went there, so we went here. Those of us in the know anyway.”
Allie laughed. “I so wasn’t in the know.”
“Well, you kind of have to go on a date to do that.”
“Excellent point... Would you have dated me then?” Because he was interested in her now.
Jason cocked his head. “You were...intimidating.”
“Intimidating?” Allie made a face. “When you looked at me, you thought intimidating?”
Jason thought about it, then said, “Yes. Definitely.”
“What do you see now?”
“A woman who’s working to regain her footing in life and is still a little intimidating. What do you see when you look at me?”
Allie shook her head. “Any guy who had groupies must know exactly what women see when they look at him.”
“I don’t have groupies.”
“You did at one time. I’ve Googled the hell out of you, Jason, so don’t try to deny it.”
“Why did you Google me, Allie?”
“Because despite all of my good intentions to the contrary, you intrigue me.” She pushed her hands into the pockets of her denim jacket. “You lived this life that not many people get to live.”
“I guess I have.”
“I was curious. So I researched you.” She started back to the bridge, back toward the truck. Twilight was falling and it felt like a good time to go home. “You look good in those football pants. I won’t lie.”
When she looked at him, he was smiling, but he was also watching her intently. Figuring her out. She always had the feeling he was trying to figure her out...and that he was pretty close to having success now that she’d given him important data. And now she was going for the entire truth. Night of truths.
“I enjoyed kissing you. I find you attractive and that also frustrated me, because—and, I promise you, I mean this from the bottom of my heart—the last thing I will do to myself right now is to allow attraction to overcome my common sense.”
“Being attracted to me defies common sense?” A corner of his mouth twitched. “I should be offended, right?”
“No.” Allie crossed the narrow bridge over the creek and waited for him on the other side. “You should understand that I need a friend, not a lover. As crazy as it is, Jason, right now, you’re the closest I have to a confidant.” He didn’t look exactly stunned, but an expression of interest crossed his face. “I refuse to worry my sisters. Liz has her own issues.”
“Yeah, she does,” he agreed as they started back to the truck. There would be no making out in the make-out spot tonight. Allie had just made certain of that. But they understood a few things about one another that they hadn’t understood before.
They walked back to the truck without speaking. Jason started the engine and turned the truck in a wide circle before heading back down the narrow road. Allie replayed her confession in her head. It hadn’t been easy telling Jason the truth—that she was attracted to him, but didn’t need a lover.
Jason seemed to understand, even though he wore a pensive expression the few times she’d cast a quick glance his way. He waited until he’d pulled up in front of her house to give voice to his thoughts.
“I have a question, and I mean no offense by it.”
Allie’s spine automatically stiffened. Promising no offense was never a good sign. “What’s that?”
“Are you punishing yourself for choosing poorly when you married?”
Allie’s chin went up. “I’m not punishing myself. I’m just not ready to dive back into a relationship.”
There was something about the way he was looking at her that made her want to shift in her seat.
“What do you do for fun? For personal satisfaction?”
“I don’t have time for fun.” And didn’t that sound totally defensive and, worse than that, lame? “Yet.” She emphasized the word with a cool lift of her eyebrows, as though she had fun scheduled for some time in the near future. “I’m busy—”
Now his eyebrows lifted and she could almost hear him say, “Punishing yourself?”
Sucking a breath in through her teeth, as if he’d actually spoken, she said, “I’m busy with a new job and a ranch.”
“But what about personal satisfaction?”
“I...” Allie closed her mouth abruptly then narrowed her eyes, assessing him. “What do you suggest?” Because if he suggested that they tumble into bed, as much as she’d like that, the answer would be no.
“Art.” Allie gaped at him. “I’ve seen your work, Allie.”
“I told you... I don’t paint anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because I painted to escape. I no longer need that.”
“Can you paint for other reasons?”
“Can you leave well enough alone?”
He leaned closer, his hand settling on her shoulder, and she felt the odd sensation of energy flowing from his body into hers. “If you’re going to work in a job that doesn’t fulfill you, you need to have something in your life that does. It obviously isn’t the ranch, so what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Think about it, Allie.”
“I’m tired of feeling like a loser.” She shot him a fierce glance. “Don’t you dare say, ‘Then be a winner.’”
“Why would I say that?”
“Because it’s a sports platitude and you’re a sports guy.”
He smiled and slid his hand on around her neck, easing her closer. “I was this close,” he admitted, and after fighting herself for a moment, Allie let her forehead come down to rest on his solid shoulder.
“You are a very frustrating man,” she muttered.
“I take after my father.”
Allie pulled back before she allowed herself to move closer. “I need to go.”
He gave a slight nod. “Think about what I said.”
As if she had a choice.
Somehow Allie managed to get herself out of the truck without either kissing Jason or smacking him for saying something else she hadn’t wanted to hear. He kept doing that, damn it. Pointing out uncomfortable truths.
Once inside the house, she waited by the door until she heard him drive away, not moving until she could no longer hear the Ford’s engine.
Well, this has been an evening.
Allie tossed her coat onto the chair and headed for the stairs, snapping lights off as she went. It was only nine o’clock, but she was done for the day.
She reached the top of the steps and then, instead of going down the hall to the bedroom, she moved the rug so that she could open the attic door. Okay. Yes. She would confront this now. Night of truth and all that.
She stomped up the attic steps, bypassed her canvases and started rummaging through the boxes she’d stored before her relationship with Kyle had started going south—back when she thought putting away her brushes and focusing on her husband would fix everything wrong with her marriage.
She found the box she wanted on the bottom of the stack and after restacking everything, dragged the box out to the middle of the attic, under the slightly brighter light directly beneath the hanging bulb. After putting the lid aside, she kneeled and started sorting through the supplies inside. Her good brushes, bought one at a time with the extra money she’d earned babysitting in high school—money her mother had insisted she spend on herself instead of adding it to the family coffers—were on top, wrapped in newspaper to keep the bristles intact. Allie lifted them out and laid them carefully on the floor. Her oil paints were packed into a flat plastic food container, cushioned with paper towels to keep them from rolling around. The watercolors were similarly packed away. The acrylics, the medium she preferred, were dumped into a larger container helter-skelter. Most of the tubes were half-empty and when she squeezed one, it was hard. Naphthol crimson, of course. The expensive one. Titanium white, burnt sienna, ultramarine blue, cadmium yellow...she might be able to salvage some paint out of those tubes.
Sitting back on her heels, Allie debated, then repacked the paints and brushes. She pulled the string on the overhead light, leaving the box of paints center stage as she walked back to the narrow stairs. Maybe she’d haul it downstairs, maybe she wouldn’t.
Allie snapped off the stair light, closed the attic door and put the rug back in place.
Her stomach was in a knot—just as she’d known it would be—and she had no idea whether or not she’d climb the stairs again anytime soon.