SNAKES IN THE FOREST
“They do it different now, Lula. Ain’t hardly no cuttin’ to speak of. Drop a line in through the navel and reel the creature out. Stick a Band-Aid on it. Make two tiny incisions on the sides, is all.”
“But, Mama, you gotta stay in the hospital least one night. The doctor told you that.”
“Don’t know why. I might could take off right out of there, I feel good enough.”
“Doctor says if there’s a stone they gonna have to cut it out the regular way. That happens, you’ll be in there three, four days.”
“There ain’t no stone and I ain’t lettin’ ’em run no tubes through me.”
“You’ll let ’em do what’s necessary, Mama. This is your gall bladder we’re discussin’ now, not no perm job. I’ll be into Charlotte tomorrow at noon, so I’ll see you about one-thirty, all goes well. Dal’s pickin’ me up.”
“You already talked to her?”
“Of course, Mama. We got it worked out how to take care of you.”
“You’re still the one needs takin’ care of, Lula. How’s my grandboy doin’, anyway?”
“Pace is just fine, and so’s Sailor. He got him a raise a couple weeks back. Bob Lee’s Gator Gone repellent’s sellin’ better’n ever.”
“Sailor throw the new money away on a TV or a truck?”
“Oh, Mama, you ain’t never gonna give him a chance to redeem himself, are you?”
“Guess you’re still attendin’ that crackpot church, else you wouldn’t be usin’ that word.”
“The Church of Reason, Redemption and Resistance to God’s Detractors ain’t no kinda crackpot outfit, Mama, and you know it.”
“Know nothin’ of the kind. Saw where that preacher of yours got arrested for havin’ a video camera hid in the ladies’ restroom at the church buildin’.”
“It wasn’t Reverend Plenty put it there, Mama. There’s always snakes in the forest.”
“With that type of weird individual leadin’ the flock, Lula, you can’t expect no better. Reverend Willie Thursday spoke here in Bay St. Clement last Sunday about false prophets like Goodin Plenty, sayin’ how the world depends on them to save it. That’s stupid talk, Lula. No way the world’s welfare revolves around any one person. You’d best get shut of that nut case soon as now.”
“The Three R’s is right thinkin’, Mama. Goodin Plenty just got a different way of gettin’ his point across.”
“Such as when he run off to Barbados with his twelve-and-a-half-year-old stepdaughter and she said after how he made her do them disgustin’ things with chicken parts!”
“Mama, Rima Dot Duguid done long since been committed. And you tellin’ me now you believe what you read in the National Enquirer?”
“If she’s in the bin, it’s no thanks to that perverted sinner.”
“Mama, let’s stop this. You gotta get your mind right for the comin ordeal. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Just as well. Here’s Dalceda now, comin’ in the back door.”
“Bye, Mama. Love you.”
“Love you, Lula. Dal says for me to assure you she’ll be at the airport on time. That is if Monty, her new Lhasa apso, don’t play sick again.”
“I’m sure everything’ll be fine, Mama. Bye.”