Demeter, the Greek goddess of grain, was known as Ceres to the Romans. She was described as a beautiful woman with golden hair, dressed in a blue robe, and was most commonly portrayed in sculpture as a seated, matronly figure. She was worshiped as a mother goddess, goddess of grain, giver of the Eleusinian Mysteries, and a personification of the mother archetype and maternal instinct. In mythology, she was the grieving mother of abducted Persephone. She was powerless to prevent the rape of her daughter, and was herself raped by Poseidon while she searched fruitlessly for Persephone. In her wanderings among the people of earth disguised as a mortal beyond childbearing years, she became a nursemaid for another woman’s child, but this could not substitute for her loss. She persisted in her insistence that Persephone be returned, until finally, when she withdrew her fertility from the earth, Zeus heeded her and sent Hermes to fetch Persephone from the underworld. On Persephone’s return, Demeter provided people with her beautiful Mysteries so they need not fear death. She is the only major Olympian who was grief-stricken, with symptoms that fit the diagnosis of a major depression. Persephone, Demeter, and Hecate represent the three phases of women’s lives and the three aspects of the triple goddess: maiden, mother, crone.
Demeter is a diminished version of the Great Mother Goddess who was worshiped long before Zeus and the Olympians, and was overpowered and unable to protect her daughters. She disappeared from religion but is a powerful archetype that can determine the course and quality of a woman’s life. Like Hera, the Demeter archetype acts from within as a directive to be fulfilled, and can be followed blindly by a woman, even when it is not in her own best interest. Teenage pregnancies are one result. Codependency and burnout are also consequences when she responds maternally to the needs of others and cannot say no (to them or the archetype). Like Hera, fulfilling the archetype as mother and nurturer can be deeply meaningful. Conversely, when she cannot be a mother or if a child is taken from her by death or by circumstance, grieving Demeter can become the center of her inner world. The archetype makes a woman susceptible to depression.
The life of any woman is greatly affected by whether or not she has had children and under what circumstances. It is the central issue for a Demeter woman. The Demeter archetype can be one of several strong elements in a woman’s psyche, which helps her to have a balanced inner and outer life. But sometimes, when a woman puts off childbearing until she is well into her thirties and then has an infertility problem, she may find herself “possessed” by Demeter and become single-minded to the point of obsession about becoming pregnant.
CRONE-AGED DEMETER
The transitions from maiden to mother and from mother to crone are most deeply felt by a woman whose primary archetype is Demeter. Just as becoming a mother is a fulfillment of the archetype, the end of childbearing years is felt as a loss, a major one if she was unable to have children. But even if she has had several children and did not plan to have more, the Demeter woman feels a loss at menopause, because it is now impossible to have another child.
Menopause may coincide with an empty nest, which is a double loss for a Demeter. When all women were expected to become full-time mothers, and there were few opportunities to develop other aspects of themselves, serious “empty-nest syndromes” were quite common. Called “involutional depressions,” they were responsible for first-time psychiatric hospitalizations of many crone-aged women. Now that women are better educated, in the work force, and have more complex lives, along with the advent of antidepressants, this kind of depression is hardly seen. When a woman’s value to society and to herself depended upon being a mother, archetype and culture acted in concert, and the woman felt her life was over when there were no children at home.
Still, it is a sad day for a Demeter when her only or last child leaves home. Besides a tearful good-bye, she may suffer through a period of mourning. If there are other archetypes that took a backseat to Demeter, however, a shift takes place in the inner world of goddess archetypes. Demeter recedes in importance and new energies emerge. The transition can be smooth and welcomed: now there is time to travel, to be a couple, to take up an interest that has been biding its time. Or the transition can have the impact of a revolution; one that begins in the inner world and results in a major upheaval in the outer, when the Demeter archetype held her in an otherwise unhappy situation. A woman who has stayed in a marriage, a neighborhood, or an occupation because she sees it as being in the best interest of her children to do so, may leave when they do.
DEMETER AT THE CROSSROAD
A woman is at a major fork in the road when her last child leaves home, especially if Demeter has been her source of meaning. The two roads lead either to change or depression. If she has ignored a deteriorating marriage, she can do something or nothing about it. With Hecate’s crossroad perspective, she knows that she will either change the course of her life or the shape of her marriage.
Another crossroad decision comes when she becomes a grandmother. Holding the newborn in her arms, a woman can reenter the archetypal Demeter configuration of mother and child. If she is a wise grandmother, she knows that she needs to restrain possessive feelings that arise, and not let Demeter take her over and compete with the young mother. The older Demeter woman who hasn’t found new sources of meaning and pressures her grown chidren to “give her” grandchildren is projecting a preview of problems to come. In moderation, a Demeter grandmother is wonderful; the role is a joy for her, and her presence in the family enriches everyone. In excess, her unfulfilled needs make her intrusive, critical, and demanding. A Demeter grandmother or a potential one needs to draw upon Hecate’s wisdom in order to be patient and wise in what she does and says.
A depressed Demeter whose divine daughter has been taken from her, who is agitated or withdrawn, is not only the picture of a biological mother who has lost her child. It is also a potential fate for a woman who put her maternal energy into work that was taken from her. When such is the case, her maternal juices flowed into an organization or small business that she gave birth to, losing sleep when it was small and survival was at stake, and nurturing it for years as it grew. Or maybe she represented a talented person that she discovered and helped become accomplished. When what or who she raised becomes attractive as an acquisition or a property and is “abducted” and taken from her, it is a Demeter loss that often seems to coincide with the perimenopause. Both circumstance and age then bring her to Hecate’s crossroad. Spiritual resources are needed to recover from this loss. She is at a fork in the road and needs to see what her choices are and realize the cost to her body and soul of going in the direction of bitterness.
HECATE, HESTIA, AND SEKHMET
A Demeter becomes wise through developing Hecate’s wisdom. When the chief source of meaning and major role is a maternal one, the vulnerability to loss is great. She often feels a personal loss at each stage of her child’s growth, beginning when she stops nursing her infant. And yet, being a good mother requires that she let go of a child’s dependency on her in stages, again and again. Hecate helps a Demeter make wise decisions, mostly to do with letting go rather than holding on. Hecate’s wisdom tells her that like the goddess herself, she may not be able to protect her children from suffering. This realization and knowing that change is part of the cycle of life, is Hecate’s wisdom. Demeters have many opportunities to learn from Hecate, but to do so, they need to be able to be introspective, which is not a Demeter trait. Often it is only in the troughs of depression, when she feels empty, that she gains Hecate’s wisdom.
Hecate urged Demeter to go to the god of the sun to learn of Persephone’s fate. Her wisdom counsels us to seek the truth, face reality, know what happened and who was responsible. She also accompanied Demeter and was present when Persephone was returned. Hecate has a significant supportive role as a friend at times of loss and transition. As an inner quality, Hecate is a source of wisdom and patience, enabling us to wait until we have some clarity and can wisely choose the path we will take at significant junctures. A Demeter woman who acquires Hecate’s wisdom becomes this kind of friend herself. Wise friends and women’s circles provide Hecate support through these transitions.
Besides Hecate, Hestia and Sekhmet are the crone archetypes that a Demeter woman most needs to develop. Hestia, so she can find a center in herself, and Sekhmet, in order to act decisively once she sees the truth of her situation.
LATE-BLOOMING DEMETER
There has been an upward age shift in the childbearing years. When I was delivering babies in the fourth year of medical school and internship, most new mothers were in their twenties or younger. A mid-thirties first-time pregnancy was the exception, the pregnant woman was referred to as an “elderly primip” (short for “primiparous”), and doctors were concerned that she was too old and would have complications. With women pursuing graduate degrees, entering professions and having careers, using birth control and being able to have abortions, childbearing in the thirties is commonplace, and if there are infertility difficulties, efforts to become pregnant may continue until perimenopause. The achievement focus of Artemis and Athena recedes, and Demeter comes into the foreground when the biological clock is running out of time or after the hormonal shift that accompanies pregnancy or the birth of an infant. A maternal Demeter may become a source of great meaning; in some women it is a momentous discovery that being a mother now matters much more than the profession or career she took so long to achieve. She may want to quit work and be a full-time mother, or want more children. Late-blooming Demeters will often be in their fifties before a child reaches adolescence.
Another group of late-blooming Demeters are childless women who adopt children. Sometimes adoption came about because they were the closest relative, did not plan to have children, and now find the unexpected motherhood deeply rewarding. Or the adoption was the culmination of months or even years of effort until, finally, it was possible. There are numerous women in their forties and fifties who have been going to China to adopt abandoned infant girls. It takes an active Demeter (with the aid of Artemis/Athena) to persevere and commit to such an undertaking, and a joyful Demeter who knows that she has truly rescued her infant Persephone from the underworld when she returns with a baby girl in her arms.