And, above all other prohibitions, what has been forbidden to women is anger, together with the open admission of the desire for power and control over one’s life (which inevitably means accepting some degree of power and control over other lives).
In the end, the changed life for women will be marked, I feel certain, by laughter. It is the unfailing key to the new kind of life…It is the laughter of women together that is the revealing sign, the spontaneous recognition of insight and love and freedom.
—Carolyn G. Heilbrun
The capacity to feel another’s pain as your own, the nucleus of reform politics, is a spiritual quality.
—Carol Lee Flinders
In part 2, I introduce goddesses that often come into full expression in the third phase of women’s lives. They represent archetypal qualities that need to be balanced and accompanied by wisdom—often for the woman’s sake, sometimes for the sake of others. I’ve grouped them by their traits into three categories: the goddesses of transformative wrath, the goddesses of mirth and bawdy humor, and the goddesses of compassion. When you can tap into the energies of all three, and also have wisdom, you are an internally free woman and a juicy crone.
When I look around at my contemporaries growing older, I see some wonderful women among them. What seems to make them special is that they are uniquely themselves. And yet, there are some characteristics they have in common. Each has reached a “This is who I am” self-acceptance. They have strong feelings and are passionate about what matters to them: each is capable of acting on her own behalf or in the best interest of someone else. They have spontaneity: each woman has a genuine laugh or giggle that can become infectious hilarity. Each is also compassionate. These qualities are not the same as wisdom, yet it is because each woman is also wise, that these qualities enhance her.
HER NAME IS OUTRAGE
Outrage is good healthy anger that finally is directed at changing an unacceptable situation. The depression and anxiety that women suffer from in the first and second phases of their lives are usually the result of feeling angry and powerless, afraid to express it because of the consequences, either real or imagined, and bottling it up so well that it is no longer recognizable as anger. By the time a woman is in the third phase of her life, she may no longer be intimidated by parents or others who taught her that anger was unacceptable either to them personally or for a “good girl” to express, or held emotionally captive by an abusive or domineering person.
Or she may not have been depressed or felt oppressed personally at all, and now, in the third phase of her life, becomes angry at what she is seeing beyond her personal situation. Her anger may be directed at injustice, stupidity, narcissism, addictions, carelessness, and cruelty that affect others who are disempowered, or at social evils that institutions and politicians are ignoring.
This is when she can tap into what I call the “Enough is enough!” archetype. These are the energies of the goddesses of transformative wrath, powerful agents of change. Chief among them are Sekhmet, the ancient Egyptian lionheaded goddess, and fierce Kali, the Hindu goddess. These goddesses were called forth when needed. They are inhuman in appearance and became appalling in their respective mythologies when they were carried away by their wrath against evil-doers and became bloodthirsty. By the time a woman is in the third phase of her life, if she has gained wisdom—and has the resources of compassion and humor—she will not be impulsive, one-sided, and carried away by fury. The outrage of Sekhmet and Kali will provoke her to action, but not until there is a consensus of her “inner council” of crone goddesses.
You can call upon the fierceness and power of Sekhmet or Kali through the use of intention and imagination. This is what the character played by Kathy Bates did in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes when she called upon Towanda, the Amazon queen, and transformed herself from a compliant and stepped-upon woman into a formidable and authentic person. With a cry of “Towanda!” the Bates character did what she had dared not do before. It was an amusing touch that drew upon a deeper reality—the transformative power of myth to evoke archetypal energy.
Third-phase women are most able to become authentic people—juicy crones—who know what they feel and live accordingly, when this is their intention and they have the tools that imagination and consciousness can provide and the support of others and other archetypes. The wisdom of Hecate and Metis restrains impulsive action and holds rage in check. The ability to stay centered, found in Hestia, and the spiritual meaning from Sophia contribute to restraint until a woman can act effectively rather than be taken over by the fury of this archetype, which needed to come into her consciousness, before transformation is possible. Women who reach the point of enough is enough and have wisdom, compassion, and humor, are formidable forces for change.
HER NAME IS MIRTH
A sense of humor can support us in a difficult situation. The antics of the Japanese goddess Uzume brought sunlight back to earth. In Greek mythology, the maidservant Baubo humored Demeter out of her silent grief. Mirth and dance, bawdy and body, are related in this archetype. When our bodies change and become inelegant, humor brings together an earthy spontaneity and reality. When troubles happen, gallows humor can help. There is a wisdom to black or rueful humor; it connects and comforts, heals the isolation of suffering alone. In an instant, a bleak mood is transformed by laughter. A belly laugh is radically authentic and is most often heard among women outside the earshot or judgment of men.
The goddesses of mirth have an earthy perspective that is a commentary on reality; a wise humor that is not mean or demeaning to others. Humor without wisdom and compassion is often sadistic and cruel, a means of feeling superior at someone else’s expense. The intellectual and verbal talent that gives rise to a rapier wit in the company of equals is also not the same as mirth.
Women who can embody Uzume or Baubo are women who accept their own bodies growing older and can laugh with each other about the changes. It’s necessary to be beyond the need to perform or look good for others even to laugh freely, which is also why these are crone goddesses. Ladies are supposed to cross their legs and not laugh uproariously, after all.
HER NAME IS COMPASSION
Older and wiser women are also compassionate. I don’t think it is possible to be emotionally mature without learning compassion. When we were younger women, most of us judged others and ourselves harsher than we do as crones. We may have felt entitled, or had expectations of people derived only from surface appearance, and needed lessons in reality and humility to know better.
Kindness and generosity are childhood qualities that often go underground in the first and second phases of women’s lives. We may have been warned against being gullible or had our generosity abused. Or a cynical adult may have made us feel foolish when we were motivated by kindness. The deluge of requests for donations from charities may have had a deadening effect on our compassion as well. Maybe we adopted the prevalent patriarchal attitude of contempt for weakness.
Although there is no divinity of compassion in Greek mythology, in Eastern religion and mythology she is a prominent goddess. She is Kuan Yin in China, Kannon in Japan, Tara in Tibet. Catholics have the Virgin Mary, and I think that Americans have an unrecognized goddess of compassion in the Statue of Liberty. These are feminine archetypes with maternal compassion for the poor and powerless, for suffering humanity.
Missing an Archetype?
A wisewoman-crone has the wisdom to hold within herself “opposing” qualities. She is able to be outraged and compassionate, fierce and tender, spiritual and bawdy; she can love solitude and be an activist in the world. She can be one-in-herself and be deeply committed to another person. She is unique and authentic because she has many facets and an integrity that holds them together. She works at integrating the diversity within her, which is why she is a whole person but not a perfect or “finished” woman.
The crone phase is a time of self-knowledge, when shifts occur in outer and inner life and you may find new archetypes as sources of change and vitality. It is a time that does call for reflection and contemplation of your life so far and the “work in process” that you are. The goddesses in part 2 may have unfamiliar names, and yet they may already be an active part of you. If so, you’ll recognize them and come to know this part of yourself better. It may be of even more value, and definitely something to think about—if you find that one of them is “missing.” If Sekhmet, or Uzume, or Kuan Yin were a conscious part of your psyche, how would your life have been different? If you find them now, how will your life be different?