REID WOULD HAVE given a lot to be able to introduce Anna to Caleb. Paula and Roger, too. To get Anna’s take on everything that had him roiling.
Yeah, he thought with black humor—everything except his feelings for her.
It was the crack of dawn Tuesday morning, and he was running. Despite the exertion, he was cold. He’d never in his life had to wear gloves and Polartec to run, but spring in central Oregon made new demands. For God’s sake, this was the first of April.
And I moved here why?
Oh, yeah—for the kid who apparently detested him.
With each stride, his feet crunched rhythmically on the sidewalk, where leftover slush had frozen overnight. The resulting ice would make the morning commute a bitch, the cop in him thought. Pity the patrol officers.
He’d chosen a route that took him toward the butte that sat, so oddly, within the city limits. Because it was there, it set up a challenge in his psyche. He didn’t run to the top every day, but he did at least two or three times a week. The more disturbed his night, the more likely he was to feel compelled to push himself come morning. A road spiraled up the red cinder volcanic cone to the crater rim, where the huge marble angel sat on her pedestal gazing blindly out over the town at her feet.
His muscles loosened as he picked up the pace. He was breathing easily, but knew his lungs would burn by the time he reached the top of Angel Butte.
With little traffic to watch out for, and having met no other runners, Reid found his thoughts reverting to Anna.
He should have stayed away from her. Those first instincts had been dead-on. Her profession alone should have been as good as a flashing red light. Do not go here.
He wanted her. God, he wanted her. If that was all it was, he might have been able to manage a casual, sexual relationship with her—a woman who supervised foster homes for a living.
As it was... Shit. He didn’t know.
What would she do if she found out about the shelter? He had a bad feeling he knew. She might even be legally obligated to report it.
He’d already known his life was split in two: Caleb, the shelter and its problems, and his job and what little else remained. But by becoming involved with Anna, he had made matters worse. He had let himself be tempted into talking to her about Caleb, and now Paula and Roger. Even the threats. His job, present and past. With her and only her, he’d woven the separate parts of his life together. Which meant he had to do more than maintain silence about too much—he had to lie to her.
Reid didn’t like to lie. He liked even less the idea of lying to Anna, with her clear-seeing eyes that held such pain.
He turned past the city-parks sign that said Angel Butte—Elevation Gain 474 Feet and felt the increased stress on his muscles as the climb began.
He should not call her. Not meet her again for lunch, or go skiing with her, or bring her back to the house he was renting for now, until he determined whether Caleb would settle in with the Hales and therefore whether he would be staying on with the ABPD. If he did any of those things, it could only be with the full knowledge he couldn’t take their relationship any further than that. Sex was fine. Much of anything else wasn’t.
He frowned, wondering why he was even having this talk with himself. He had sex. He didn’t “take” relationships anywhere. He didn’t have relationships. Friendships, sure, but even those had limitations. And he didn’t combine real friendship with sex. His instincts said that would be dangerous.
He’d already gone too far down that road with Anna, which meant she should be off-limits for sex. As his lungs and muscles burned, he brooded about that even as he pushed harder, faster.
Then, for the first time that morning, he heard a thud of footsteps, these coming up behind him.
Knowing there was no reason to be competitive, still he shifted up a gear. The hell he’d let anyone gain on him, much less pass him. Not knowing who was behind him gave Reid an uneasy prickle between his shoulder blades. He resisted the impulse to look over his shoulder, though. That suggested he felt threatened. Anybody who was a real threat wouldn’t be chasing him down on foot at seven-thirty on a bloody cold morning.
Whoever was following him was no longer gaining, so he relaxed, letting himself slow when he reached the top, breathe in the cold, sharp air. Rolling his shoulders, he temporarily slowed to a walk as he circled to start back down.
Somehow he wasn’t surprised to find himself face-to-face with Noah Chandler, mayor of the city of Angel Butte. Aside from their couple of games of racquetball, they had also passed each other coming and going on their morning runs, exchanging nods.
This time, Chandler slowed to a walk himself and nodded, then bent over with his hands braced on his knees. “Sawyer,” he gasped between breaths.
Reid grunted a greeting. Were they going to have an actual conversation?
Chandler was at least Reid’s height and built on the scale of a Mack truck. Not the usual physique for a runner. Reid had noticed before that Chandler’s stride was powerful, but not smooth. Too many muscles got in his way.
“Hell of a view,” the mayor said, straightening. Despite the cold, sweat dampened his jersey and spiked his hair.
Reid spared the vista a glance. “Can’t argue.”
“Glad to see you like to stay in shape even if you are stuck behind a desk these days.”
“I believe in setting an example.”
“I do, too.”
Feeling compelled to make conversation as they circled the angel at a walk then started back, Reid said, “Your wife not a runner?”
“She’s a fair-weather runner.” Chandler flashed a grin. “She’s also been heard to remark on the idiots who want to run straight uphill.”
His own laugh hit Reid by surprise. “I have to admit, I was thinking something of the same on the way up this morning.”
“But you’re here anyway.”
“Yep.” He threw a glance of friendly challenge at the mayor, who was, ultimately, his boss. “And not alone.”
“Nope.”
Without another word, they simultaneously broke into a trot, then lengthened their strides in unison. Reid made no effort to outpace Chandler. Running in unison felt strangely...companionable, he decided. He might even like this man.
They stayed together when they reached the flat, earning some glances from passing motorists who were more likely to have recognized the mayor than Reid. Or not, he realized belatedly, remembering that damn newspaper article complete with photo. He and the mayor didn’t separate until he was only two blocks from his rental, which meant Chandler, too, lived in the old part of town along the Deschutes River. In fact, after lifting a hand in farewell, he continued straight on toward the river. As owner of three Chandler’s Brewpubs in central Oregon before he went into local politics, he might even live in one of the handsome old houses built along the riverbank. Reid had coveted those houses when, as a boy, he had ridden his bike into town. He had a vague memory of seeing them as symbols of the kind of family and life he wished existed. Now he wondered if Noah Chandler might actually have that life. There had been something on his face when he talked about his wife.
Grunting in irritation at himself, Reid slowed to a walk for his cooldown. His rental was far more modest than the riverfront homes built by the wealthy early residents of Angel Butte, but it dated from not much later—1920s, at a guess. Two-bedroom, one bath, minimally furnished, it suited him for now.
Half an hour later, he’d showered and dressed for his day, eaten a quick breakfast and downed a cup of coffee. At eight-thirty, he stepped off the elevator on the second floor of the public safety building and strode down the hall to his office. Partway, he stopped to talk to Brian Cooper, his counterpart on the patrol side of the department. Brian wanted to meet with him later to discuss some issues with the new generation of patrol cars. Reid promised to have his PA check his calendar. Good excuse—it gave him time to research the Dodge Chargers that had been replacing the classic Ford Crown Victorias in the fleet. The department had gone in big in the past few years for Chevy Tahoe SUVs, too, something he had his doubts about. The hauling capability was impressive and the four-wheel drive was a plus in harsh winter conditions, but Reid had his doubts there was justification for the vastly larger and more expensive vehicles in a city this size—the SUVs didn’t get comparable mileage to the standard patrol car. It would be interesting to see what Cooper thought.
Hey, maybe he’d already learned more than he realized.
The instant he opened the door leading into his outer office, he froze between one stride and the next. He was looking at a man’s back, but that was all he needed to see. He knew this man. His response was visceral—a bowel-loosening moment of fear that he controlled after no more than a microsecond.
He saw his father turning and made sure his face had gone so blank it expressed utter indifference. He wanted to call a couple of underlings—rookies would be good, to achieve maximum humiliation—and have them escort Sergeant Dean Sawyer out of the building. Unfortunately, that would not only cause talk, it would give this contemptible man more weight in Reid’s life than he deserved.
He let his eyebrows climb. “Strange place for you to show up,” he said without interest, then looked at his PA. “Any important messages, Miranda?”
Her alarmed gaze flicked from him to his father and back. There was no hiding this relationship. “Um...no, sir. Captain.”
He nodded. “Find time for me to sit down with Captain Cooper, will you? Give us an hour, if possible.” Then he gestured toward his inner office with a glance at his father. “I assume you have something to say to me?”
Temper simmered in those eyes that were the same color as his. “You bet I do.”
Reid didn’t do him the courtesy of allowing him to go ahead. Instead he walked right by his father and into his office, going behind his desk before he so much as glanced back. The click of the door told him Dean had closed it behind him. Reid pulled out his desk chair and sat comfortably, leaving his father to stand on the other side of the desk glowering at him.
“I have a busy morning,” he said mildly. “Say what you have to say.”
“I know you have Caleb.”
Exaggerating the motion, he looked around his office. “Where?”
His father planted his hands on the desk and leaned forward, his expression ugly. “You’re hiding him from me!”
Reid looked at this man he had once so feared and was relieved to discover that, once past the first shock, he felt nothing but contempt. So much, he resolved not to bother to lie.
No, you save that for Anna, whispered a voice in his head. He ignored it.
“You know, if you’d learned any lessons at all from me, I’d never even have known you had another son. It was your dates with a judge that alerted me.”
“You’re admitting you have him.” Spittle sprayed Reid.
He reached in his drawer for a paper napkin left from one of his lunches on the go and wiped his face. “I imagine you’ve been by my house,” he said conversationally. He saw from Dean’s expression that he had. “Don’t suppose you spotted a teenage boy.”
His father straightened. “You’re not stupid enough to have him there. He’s stashed away somewhere.”
“Think so?”
“I know so,” his father snarled.
Reid told himself not to be stupid enough to taunt this man. That would be sinking to Dean Sawyer’s level. But then he thought, What the hell. Turned out he’d been wrong; he did feel something more than contempt. He hated this man. Not because of what he himself had endured, but on Caleb’s behalf. If the son of a bitch had only stopped when he was ahead...but he hadn’t. He’d wanted too much to have another whipping boy.
Reid leaned forward so suddenly Dean jerked back. “Then find him,” he said very softly. After a moment, he relaxed again in his chair and let his lips form a mocking smile. “Shall I close my eyes and count to a hundred?”
With a roar of rage, his father grabbed the chair facing the desk and flung it to one side, then stormed out of the office, slamming two doors behind him so hard glass rattled in the frames.
As his door opened again and a panicky Miranda appeared, Reid reached for his phone and called the desk sergeant. Wouldn’t you know, Sergeant Shroutt answered.
“A man who looks a lot like me but older just left my office. I’d like to make sure he leaves the building.”
“You got it, Captain. Ah...” His voice changed timbre. “That would seem to be him coming out of the stairwell right now.” There was a brief pause, then, “He’s gone.”
“Thank you,” Reid said and set down the phone. “It’s okay, Miranda. The excitement’s over.”
“Oh.” Her gaze skittered to the chair lying on its side and the new dent in the wall. “Was that—”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“I see.” She hemmed and hawed a little, finally telling him she’d conferred with Captain Cooper’s assistant, and Reid and Cooper were to sit down together at ten.
He thanked her, and she left with a still-wide-eyed look over her shoulder.
Damn, he wished he could find the ideal candidate for his personal assistant.
After a moment, he picked up his mobile phone and called the Hales’ number. It was Paula who answered.
“It’s Reid,” he said. “My father just left my office. He’s here in Angel Butte. Claims to be sure I have Caleb stashed somewhere.”
“Oh, no.” She was silent for a moment. “Should I tell Caleb?”
“No.” He squeezed the back of his neck, second-guessing himself. Was that a good decision? Bad decision? At his brother’s age, would he have resented being protected from frightening news? That was a no-brainer: of course he would have. “I don’t know, Paula,” he said wearily. “Maybe we do need to. We can’t afford for him to decide right now to sneak into town to see if there are any hot girls around.”
She gave a choked laugh. “I hear Diego and Palmer did just that the other day. They picked up some snacks at the AM/PM two blocks from the high school right after it let out. Diego was sure some girl had her eye on him. Palmer told him he was imagining it. The girl was eyeing him.”
God, that took Reid back. There were never more than a couple of girls living at the shelter at any one time. Paula and Roger were conscious of the issues bound to arise when they mixed teenage boys and girls. Sexual and romantic relations were strictly forbidden, and Paula especially seemed to have eyes in the back of her head and ears like CIA radar antennae.
“Tell him,” he said abruptly. “We can’t take a chance. And I’m going to have to be damn careful if I come out there at all.”
“What if something happens?” she asked, and for the first time in his memory he heard a faint quaver in her voice.
He knew what kind of something she meant, and he felt a cramp of fear. What if they needed him, and he didn’t dare chance leading his father to Caleb?
Or, if they needed him, did that mean Dean Sawyer was already out there?
After they hung up, he brooded. Could he have lied convincingly enough that Daddy would have gone away?
He shook his head even before he finished the thought. Of course not. Dean was counting on Reid leading him to his son. He had no other hope of ever finding him.
On the other hand, unless he planned to quit his job, Dean wouldn’t be able to loiter in Angel Butte forever. Wait him out, Reid thought, knowing the only other option was to take him on in court, suing for custody of Caleb. Clearly Caleb’s mother couldn’t take on Dean.
Which would leave Reid the guardian of a boy simmering with hurt and rage. Yep, a recipe for disaster.
Great time to realize how desperately he wanted to see Anna.
Not to tell her any of this—he couldn’t. Just to see her. The need was so primal, it scared the shit out of him.
You don’t dare.
He told his voice of common sense where it could take its advice and picked up his phone again, scrolling to her number before he could have second thoughts. He could do this. Keep his cool and satisfy a craving.
* * *
ANNA KNEW HER eyes were red and puffy. This probably wasn’t the best day for her to have agreed to have lunch with Reid. She didn’t think he liked to deal with real emotion, and she was far from sure she could stay coolly composed, guarding herself. But, oh God, she’d wanted to see him, and she had felt such relief when he called that she couldn’t resist saying yes.
He met her on the sidewalk outside the café, saw her face and gripped her arm, pulling her out of the way of passersby. “What’s wrong?” he asked, voice low and urgent.
She’d mostly had herself together. This was what she’d been afraid of. The worry on his face undermined her composure. Tears flooded her eyes again.
“We lost a kid today.”
“Lost—” His expression changed. “I heard there was a traffic fatality. The girl was in one of your foster homes?”
She sniffled and nodded. “I’m sorry. I should have taken a rain check, Reid. I’m not even hungry. Can we make it tomor—”
“Did you know her well?”
All she could do was nod, knowing tears were now streaming down her face. But instead of seeming appalled, he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Even as she buried her face against his chest, she felt him turning her. Shielding her, she realized, from curious gazes.
She cried quietly and only for a minute, the most she ever allowed herself. Then she straightened away from him and fumbled in her purse for a tissue. When her hand emerged with one, Reid took it away from her and gently patted her face dry before letting her blow her nose.
The next moment, he steered her to his Expedition, parked only a few feet away. “We’ll get lunch to go,” he said, opening the passenger door and urging her gently but somehow inexorably in. “I know you don’t think you’re hungry, but you may change your mind.”
He closed the door before she could protest, and a moment later slid in behind the wheel.
“Go where?” she asked, as if it mattered.
He surveyed her even as he turned the key in the ignition. “My house. What do you say? A&W?”
He was making her want to blubber again, but instead she laughed. “Yes. All right. The bank says it’s thirty-four degrees Fahrenheit, perfect weather for a root-beer float.”
His quiet chuckle calmed her. “Why not? It’s above freezing.”
Anna didn’t try to talk during the short drive. She laid her head back and closed her eyes, glad of the warmth pouring out of the vents and of the man beside her. She’d been so glad for his call.
She let him order for her at the A&W and was relieved when he seemed content with silence as they waited for their food.
The drive to his place was short. Reid pulled into the driveway of a small house with a winter-brown lawn and no landscaping. A rental, she presumed; surely, if he’d bought, it would have been something more inspiring than this.
She turned her head to see him glance in the rearview mirror. His expression hardened at something he saw there.
“Excuse me a moment,” he said and got out.
Anna turned in her seat to watch as he strode down the driveway and across the street to where an equally large SUV was parked at the curb. He wrenched open the driver’s-side door, and she half expected him to yank someone out. Instead, he must have said something. Given how inexpressive a person’s back was, she had no idea what. An instant later, he slammed the door and walked back across the street.
It was strange how certain she felt that he was furious, given that he rarely projected his emotions and his stride was smooth. Maybe because the way he’d pulled open the door hadn’t been smooth at all; her stomach had tightened at the violence of the act.
She hurriedly unbuckled her seat belt, grabbed her bag and both sacks containing their lunches, and got out of his Expedition so that she was waiting for him when he arrived.
He gripped her upper arm, his fingers uncomfortably tight. “Let’s get inside.”
“Who was that?” she asked as he hustled her up the walk.
“My father.”
Anna blinked in surprise. The father with whom he had no relationship? He was sitting in a vehicle across the street from Reid’s house, as if... Her mind groped for an explanation. As if he was conducting a stakeout?
Reid’s house was no more prepossessing inside than outside. He must have brought the handsome leather sofa and recliner with him, but that was about it in the furniture department. He was currently using a wooden TV folding tray as an end table. A flat-screen television and DVD player sat atop a pile of plastic totes. Empty? Or maybe he’d lost interest in unpacking?
After shutting and locking the front door, he surveyed the room, as if seeing his home through her eyes. “Sorry. I haven’t done much to settle in.”
“I know when you live alone—” She gave up. She lived alone, too, but creating a real home for herself had mattered to her. It was her sanctuary. Reid’s place was a sanctuary in the way the bleak confines of a prison cell might be for a lifer. All his, but hardly cozy.
“Have a seat,” he said. His gaze lowered to the paper sacks she clutched. “Oh, you brought those in. Thank you. I was...distracted.”
His eyes met hers, and she saw something that might have been shame.
“It’s okay—”
“I wouldn’t have brought you here if I’d known he was out there.”
“It really is okay,” she repeated. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
In the act of taking their lunch from her, Reid hesitated. Then he sighed and said, “I have bar stools in the kitchen. Why don’t we eat there?”
She left her purse on the sofa and followed him. The kitchen was a standard rental house—adequate but unexciting. She couldn’t imagine he often bothered to cook anyway. There was a Formica breakfast bar, which was a good thing, as the dining area lacked table or chairs.
“You didn’t bring much with you.”
Again he glanced around, seeming disconcerted. “No, most of what I had didn’t seem worth paying to have moved. I figured I’d buy new. Just haven’t gotten around to it. I was waiting—” He stopped suddenly enough she knew he’d been about to say something he hadn’t intended to tell her.
She automatically filled in the blanks. I was waiting to decide if I wanted to stay in Angel Butte. That had to be it.
He set out their floats and then the fries, burgers and napkins. “I hope you feel more like eating now.”
Weirdly, she did, maybe because he’d successfully distracted her from her grief.
“Well, the float at least,” she said, seeing a smile flicker on his mouth.
They sat side by side, his broad shoulder brushing hers. More distraction. She could peek down to see the way the fabric of his slacks pulled tight over impressive thigh muscles. Or sidelong to see his hands, large, strong, with long fingers and nails cut short. Hands she imagined touching her every time she saw them.
“Caleb ran away from our father’s house,” Reid said suddenly.
Startled, she stared at him. “But...why is your father here?”
“He’s got it into his head that I have Caleb.” A nerve jerked beneath one of his eyes. “How else could a teenager have made a successful getaway?” He continued to eat as if the conversation was trivial.
“They do it all the time.”
“In his arrogance, he thinks his kid couldn’t have escaped him without help.”
She felt a strange tightness in her chest. She could be wrong, terribly wrong, but she’d swear he sounded pleased. Because he had helped his brother escape? Or only because his father was presumably enraged?
“Have you heard from Caleb?”
He looked at her. “You know I have.”
“He’s calling you.”
“Yes.”
“So you do know where he is.”
“Yes.” He peeled the top off the root-beer float and stirred the ice cream within, then slurped.
“Teenagers on the streets...”
“He’s somewhere safe.” The tension in his voice told her the casual way he was eating his lunch was pretense. “That’s all I can tell you, Anna. Do you think I wouldn’t have made sure of that much, at least?”
“No.” That horrible sense of pressure inside her eased, but only a little. “No, I know you care.”
“Maybe you think I should make him go home.”
“No, not if your father is as awful as you implied he is.”
“But you don’t approve of keeping quiet about where he is.”
She turned fiercely on him. “How do you know it’s safe if it isn’t an approved foster home? Who’s monitoring to be sure nobody is hurting him there, too? Can you swear he’d tell you?”
He’d gone very still, and she knew the answer: no. There was too much strain between Reid and his brother for him to be certain of any such thing.
“I know these people,” he said at last, slowly.
“Do you?” Hand shaking, she set down the cheeseburger she’d been clutching. What semblance of an appetite she’d summoned had deserted her entirely.
“Anna, decent people take in kids all the time without supervision by the court or social workers. You know that.”
“Is he here in Angel Butte where you can see for yourself?” God, she felt sick.
Reid met her stormy stare with a face set in unrevealing lines. “This isn’t my secret,” he said finally.
“Sure it is. You’re an adult. Your brother isn’t.”
He gave a short laugh. “That as an excuse would kill any trust dead in the water.”
“Teenagers aren’t always rational.” Or should she have said, Aren’t ever rational?
Reid only shook his head. “You don’t know everything, Anna. Can’t you trust me to have made the best decision?”
That stopped her. Could she? Okay, this was a hot-button issue for her, but if Reid had placed his brother temporarily with friends, was that so bad? Reason said no. The terrible fear that always lived in her said yes.
“I know it’s not my business,” she mumbled.
“Unfortunately, it is your business,” he said ruefully. “Why do you think I haven’t said anything? Given your profession, you were bound to make a judgment.”
“You think I’m rigid.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. For Caleb’s sake, I don’t dare find out.”
He didn’t trust her. Of course he didn’t. He shouldn’t, she was afraid. If she was told too much, would she be able to keep her mouth shut? Anna truly didn’t know.
She finally took a sip of her float, discovering the ice cream had mostly melted.
“Tell me about the girl who was killed,” he said, the tenderness in his tone bringing a lump to her throat.
She talked about a child who’d come into the system when she was eight, after her father left her at a neighbor’s, promising to be back within the week, but never reappearing. Nobody knew anything about a mother; the little girl thought Mommy had gone away when she was a baby. Dad was never located.
“Corinna was a little too old to appeal to people wanting to adopt, even assuming she’d have been freed for adoption. Plus, she had problems. Her father had moved them constantly, so her school attendance was spotty and she was way behind other kids her age. I think her father really loved her, though, so at least she was able to bond with people. Unfortunately, the first foster parents let her down. When they asked that she be moved, it was a huge setback. It took time, but she really thrived in the next home. This was her junior year in high school. She was a cheerleader. Did you know that?”
He shook his head, and she saw his compassion. For the dead girl? No, she knew, it was for her. Anna.
“She was talking about college. She was tutoring younger kids in the foster program and had decided she wanted to be a teacher. All that hope lost because her boyfriend wanted to show off.”
“I heard that much. He’s in critical condition, too.”
Her first, vengeful thought had been, He deserves to be. But, of course, he was young, too. Only seventeen, swaggering the way boys his age did. If he survived, he would have to live with terrible guilt. Two tragedies for the price of one, she thought sadly.
“Was he speeding?” she asked.
“Yes, but under normal conditions it wouldn’t have been dangerously so. With the ice, though...” He didn’t have to finish.
She nodded.
“Eat,” he said gently.
She did for a minute, not tasting what went in her mouth, but what did that matter? It was a while before she said, “I want every one of them to have a chance at a happy life. Is that so much to ask?”
“No.” Reid set down his own burger, braced his feet on the floor and drew her to him, between his legs. “No,” he repeated huskily, rubbing his cheek on top of her head. “It’s not too much to ask.”
She let him hold her for longer than she should have. Anna wanted to trust him enough to stay in his arms forever, but she knew better than that.
When eventually he drove her back to where she’d left her Toyota downtown, Reid’s dad followed behind them all the way in his SUV.
Anna got into her RAV4, waved and watched as Reid started forward again, his father crowding his bumper. Trying to make him mad. Anna couldn’t help wondering whether, given their history, he would succeed. And if so...what would Reid do?