I fell asleep in the chair next to Coach’s bed with Millie in my arms earlier in the night and woke up to Zach lightly shaking my shoulder. Everyone was in the room.

“Take Millie to her room, please,” he whispered. I knew something was wrong by the look on his face.

I didn’t ask any questions. I stood with her still in my arms and carried her to her room. She woke up when I laid her down in her bed. I laid down next to her and put on a brave smile while I played with her curls.

“Go back to sleep,” I whispered. “It’s late.”

She was still in and out of sleep so she didn’t argue. She closed her eyes, and it wasn’t long before her breathing evened out. I closed my eyes, and a few tears fell. I knew by the look on Zach’s face that Elliot was gone. My whole body ached with sadness. I continued to play with Millie’s curls while I waited for someone to come tell me what was going on.

The door opened, and Dane walked in. His eyes were swollen from crying. “I’ll stay with her. Zach needs you,” he whispered quietly. “He’s still in Elliot’s room, but he’s not letting the paramedics take Elliot.”

I got out of bed and nodded numbly. I touched Dane’s shoulder as I passed him. I walked down the hall. It felt like everything was in slow motion. Everything felt so wrong. I walked into the room and broke down when I saw Coach lying there and Zach lying over him, crying out for his brother.

I looked at the paramedics. “Please, wait outside. Give them a second,” I said through tears.

They nodded and left the room.

I stood next to Zach and rubbed his back as he cried and talked quietly to his brother. I couldn’t look at Coach. I couldn’t remember him like this. I closed my eyes as tears fell.

I waited several minutes before saying anything. “Zach?”

Zach tried to stop talking and look at me. It took him a few moments before he made himself sit up.

“They need to take him,” I said softly. I wiped his tears and kissed the top of his head. “I’m so, so, so, sorry.”

He looked back at his brother one more time. He nodded and stood up. He pulled me close to him and buried his face against my hair. He cried as he held tight to me. He finally pulled it together enough to open the door. He looked down at me.

“Can you make sure Millie is still asleep? I don’t want her seeing him like this.” His voice was hoarse.

“Dane is with her.”

I was doing my best to hold it together for him.

He nodded and swallowed hard. He looked back at Elliot again and then wrapped his arm around my waist and led us out of the room. We went to Zach’s old room and sat down on the bed while the paramedics took Elliot away. Zach pulled me close, kissed the top of my head, and rubbed my back gently.

“Tell me what to do. Tell me how to comfort you right now.”

My hands trembled as I held back sobs.

“I wish I knew.”

He continued rubbing my back.

“Why don’t you lie down and try to rest?”

“Will you stay with me?” He asked pulling back to look in my eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere, Zach.”

I stood and helped him out of his shirt. He laid down in the bed, and I crawled in next to him. He moved so he could bury his face against my neck. I rubbed his back, and I could feel his tears against my neck.

I cried with him.

The door opened a little. I looked and saw Aunt Millie peeking her head in. She had shown up a couple days ago. She had a syringe in her hand.

“The paramedics gave me this to help him calm down and get some sleep,” she whispered to me.

“How did you talk them into that?” I whispered back.

She kissed my head, not answering.

“Zach, I’m going to give you this.”

Zach didn’t respond. His hold on me tightened a bit, but he let her stick him.

“It won’t take long for it to work.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.

I held him until he fell asleep.