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THE DRIVE TO THE PHARMACY was a difficult one for Raven. With his thoughts in turmoil, he longed to talk to Braden or Seneka. But he suspected both would condemn his actions, as their father would have done. He had drilled several mantras into sons on the subject of how they should treat the romantic interests.
If you love a woman, honor her. If you honor her, don’t ask her to live with you. Marry her. Marriage is a sacred and holy trust, both yours and others. Always respect and never defile it. Never sink low enough to come between a man and his wife.
There he was, on his way to get a pill to stop the married woman he’d made love to from having his baby. He knew his father would be disappointed in him. More, he’d probably be ashamed of him. But he was so deeply in love with Kania, a part of him didn’t care. And that shamed him.
He was probably ensuring he never fathered a child with her. Even if he finally got her to divorce Hank, she was thirty-nine. There would be a limited amount of time for her to conceive without unacceptable risk to her or the baby.
He knew having children had enriched his brothers’ lives. And made them even fonder of the women they loved. Hell, even Shane, who had not married for love, spoke of the mother of his sons in almost reverential tones.
Raven sighed. He wanted to father and raise his own children, but he wanted Kania more. He had to support her choice. While he made the purchases, he acknowledged that he would probably have to be content with adopting.
After leaving the pharmacy, he sat in the parking lot and reached for his phone. He ordered a bouquet of flowers to be sent to his mother. Recalling Kania’s anger towards her mother deepened his appreciation of his.
He typed the following message for the accompanying card:
Thanks for loving and always being there for me. I love you, Mom. Raven.
Then knowing he had to talk to someone, he called Shane. “Hey, Chief. I apologize for calling in the middle of the night, but I need to talk.”
“I’m listening.”
“How is Cher and Mikey and Johnny?” He asked of Shane’s wife and his twin sons.
“They’re fine, but I have a feeling you’re not. Must be some serious shit for you to call me instead of Bray or Neka.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to burden you, Chief—”
“Talking to you is never a burden. I’m listening and won’t offer any judgement afterwards.”
“Bray and Neka would probably read me the riot act. I’d deserve it, but what I need right now is to talk to one of you without the judgement I know I deserve.”
“Give me a moment to go into the living room.” Several minutes later, he spoke again. “Brother on the line, Ray. I’m listening.”
“I just slept with a married woman and now I’m sitting in my car about to take her a morning after pill I wish she wouldn’t take.”
“Wow. I can hear you’ve had better days, but ...I can’t say it’s totally unexpected news. How is she handling it?”
“When you say she you mean...?”
“Kania.”
“I didn’t say I’d slept with Kania.”
“You didn’t have to. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t knowingly sleep with a married woman unless you were in love with her. And I know you’re in love with Kania.”
“I never said I wasn’t.”
“You didn’t need to.”
He sighed. “And who else knows?”
“That you’re in love with her? Neka knows.”
“Bray?”
“I don’t see how he could miss it, but Neka and I have never discussed it with him.”
“But you’ve discussed it between yourselves?”
“It hurt to see you so in love with her and her so determined to stay with that ass wipe she calls a husband. And we tried to provide you cover whenever we could.”
“By flirting with her too?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not surprised I broke one of dad’s cardinal rules?”
“We had the best father ever, but he was lucky in love. He didn’t have to suffer the torment you’ve endured. I’m not so sure he wouldn’t understand.”
“Do you?”
“I’m very fond of Cher, but as you know I’m not in love with her. I’ve never been in love. However, I’ve seen love up close with Neka, Bray, and you. Clearly, it’s a powerful emotion.”
“It’s all consuming. I didn’t come here intending for this to happen. Hell, when I arrived, I thought she was in Japan. But she was here. He’d walked out on her. She was lonely and vulnerable and like a dick, when I got the chance, I just couldn’t stop myself from taking advantage of her.”
“Is she okay?”
“No. She’s not. She’s guilt-ridden.”
“As are you.”
“I’m not.”
“You are or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Is she going to divorce him?”
“She insists she’s in love with him.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Repeat the offense as often as she’ll let me.”
“Oh.”
He inhaled slowly. “I can imagine that it’s disappointing for you to hear how low I’m prepared to sink.”
“It’s not my place to judge you. Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?”
“I don’t want to burden you with keeping secrets from the others, but please let me tell them in my own time.”
“I wouldn’t dream of breaking your confidence, Ray.”
“I didn’t mean to imply...fuck, I shouldn’t have called.”
“Of course you should!” Shane sounded angry. “You and the others have always been there for me. You insult me by implying I’d find it a burden to return the favor.”
“I’m sorry, Chief. I’m just so damned screwed up.”
“I’ll fly out to offer in-person moral support.”
“No. Don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Your presence would only add to her guilt. And honestly, I’m a selfish bastard because I think having you here would decrease my chances with her.”
“Then I’ll keep my ass home, but you have to understand that you can and should call me if you need to talk. I don’t care what time it is. I’m here for you as you’ve always been there for me. No judgement, Ray. Just brotherly love and support.”
He blew out a breath. “I feel better.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Thanks, Chief.”
“Love you bro.”
“And I you. I’ll let you get back to bed. Kiss the twins for me and give Cher my love.”
“I will and I’ll be ready to listen anytime you need to talk.”
He ended the call and sat back in his seat, taking slow deep breaths. He knew he’d need to talk to Neka and particularly Bray soon. However, he doubted they’d be as reluctant to criticize his behavior as Shane had been.
* * *
KANIA WOKE TO FIND Raven seated on the side of the bed, stroking her cheek.
She knew she’d have to face the consequences of sleeping with him, but she wanted to enjoy the remnants of satisfied lust for as long as possible. She smiled, caught his hand, and pressed it against her lips and then between her legs.
He arched a brow, smiling. “You want to give me some pussy?”
She shook her head and rolled onto her back. “If you want some you’ll have to take it.”
His smile vanished. “I don’t do force.”
“I was teasing.”
“That’s not a subject I’m prepared to joke about.” He rose.
“Raven! Don’t spoil the moment.”
“Your pills are in the bathroom.”
“Pills?”
“I wasn’t sure which one you wanted so I got two different brands.”
So much for keeping reality at bay. She sat up, holding the sheet against her breasts.
“You know when you do that, you arouse me.”
“With your donkey dong walking probably makes you hard.”
He narrowed his gaze. “What the fuck. Don’t you talk to me like you think I’m just a big dick.”
She frowned. “Sorry. I thought you liked dirty talk.”
“Dirty talk? Yes? Having you treat me like a piece of meat? Not so much.”
“Well damn. Excuse the hell out of me.”
“Yeah. Excuse the hell out of you. Do you want me to speak to you as if I think you’re just a wet pussy?”
“No.”
“Fine. We’re on the same page. Don’t treat me like a piece of meat and I won’t treat you like an easy lay. Now go do what you need to while I go downstairs and scramble some eggs and make coffee.”
She touched his arm when he turned away. “I’m sorry, Raven.”
“This is not and never has been just about sex for me—even if that’s all it’s about for you.”
Damn he was touchy. “How many times do I need to apologize?”
“Go take your damn pill.”
He clearly didn’t want her to, but she had to do what was best for herself. And belatedly, her marriage. Kicking the covers aside, she rose, and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
* * *
RAVEN PACED THE KITCHEN floor on his second cup of coffee when Kania walked in nearly an hour later. “All right? Everything set?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t take them.”
“Isn’t the window when they will be most effective closing?”
She shrugged. “Probably.”
“Then why didn’t you take them?”
“I don’t know why not. I just didn’t.”
He put the coffee cup down and crossed the room to take her in his embrace. “Does that mean what I think it does?”
She burrowed close, wrapping her arms around him. “Probably not.”
That answered annoyed him. “And if there are consequences?”
“I don’t know.”
He tipped her chin up and stared down into her eyes. “You don’t know what you’d want to do if there were?”
“No.”
“Then please take the pill because I couldn’t bare it if you later told me you aborted my baby.”
“I don’t want to take it.”
“Then promise me you won’t get an abortion.”
She jerked away from him. “My heart almost broke when I miscarried, what the hell makes you think I’d ever consider getting an abortion?”
“Your insistence that you can’t afford to get pregnant by me.”
“I can’t, but that doesn’t mean I’d abort the baby.”
“But you do know that you don’t want to be pregnant by me?”
“I do and I don’t. I want a baby, but I can’t do to Hank what my mother did to my father. I can’t. I sometimes think that’s why she and her lover lost the baby and could never have another. That it was God’s way of punishing them.”
“Your father was in love with and living with your mother when she...strayed. Hank walked out on you. There’s a big difference. You can understandably be forgiven for thinking you and he are separated. But if you’re not sure, please take the pill or I’m going to go out of my mind.”
“You don’t get to determine what I do with my body, Elkhorn.”
How could she say that to him knowing how he felt about her? Fuck her. He turned and walked from the kitchen. He needed some space before he said something for which she’d find it difficult to forgive him.
* * *
KANIA SIGHED, WAITING for the sound of a slamming door and his tearing out of the driveway. After long minutes past while she picked at the eggs and bacon he’d made, she walked through the house.
He was on the patio. He’d removed his shirt and was going through a series of martial arts exercises he’d once told her were called katas. He said doing them helped him to focus, mediate, and maintain proper technique. Watching him reminded her that he possessed a black belt in karate. He could have easily disabled and injured Hank. Knowing he’d refrained out of her concern for her, endeared him to her.
And he was right. She needed to take the pill. She returned to the guest bathroom to retrieve the pills. Then she went into her own bathroom. She opened the bag and sat on the toilet seat and read the instructions. Then, still undecided, she bit the bullet and listened to Hank’s message.
“You were right and I was wrong. I want to try again. I’ll be home in six weeks for a month and we can get reacquainted and try for another baby.”
Oh, God what mess. Why hadn’t she waited to talk to him instead of cheating with Raven? She pressed her fingers against her forehead and looked up.
Raven stood in the doorway.
She noted the flick of emotion in his dark gaze as he spotted the boxes in the trash can.
“You used both of them?”
“No. How long have you been standing there?”
“Longing enough to hear that he wants to get you pregnant. Are you going to let him?”
“He’s my husband and we both want a baby.”
“And what am I?”
“I don’t know. I know I have feelings for you...strong feelings or I wouldn’t have...”
“Are you going to take him back?”
“What else can I do?”
“Divorce his useless ass and marry me.”
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“Then where the fuck does that leave me? I ended my relationship with Tasha and Kia—”
“I never asked you to do that.”
“No, but you sure as hell gave me reason to think I needed to do that to get anywhere with you.”
She shook her head. “You misunderstood—”
“I didn’t misunderstand shit! You know, what, Kania? Fuck you, you...”
“Go ahead. Call me a bitch. We both know you want to.”
“And give you an excuse to kick my ass to the curb? You want me out of your screwed-up life and your bed, then kick me out. Until you do, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning I’m going to remain in LA for the next two weeks, I’m flying to Philly for Mother’s Day and then I’m coming back here. And you know how I’m going to spend that time? Every night I’m going lie in his bed, and stare at his picture, while I screw you. Any objections?”
She was past pretending she didn’t want him as her lover. But she regretted that instead of speaking of love, he now spoke of screwing. “You’re going to need a lot of condoms.”
He picked up the box of condoms he’d bought and tossed them into the trash can. “I’m going to screw you every damn night. All night long. We’re staying raw and I’m not pulling out. I’m going to flood your damn pussy every chance I get!”
“And if I object?”
“Are you objecting?”
“Raven—”
“Are you objecting?”
“No.” She bit her lip. What the hell was wrong with her?
“Then shut the fuck up.”
“Don’t talk to me like that.”
“Stop screwing with my emotions and I won’t. Who the hell do you think you are that you can have your cake and eat it too? You can’t have us both. Make a damned choice.”
“You do not get to dictate to me.”
“And you don’t get to fuck over my feelings. He walked the hell out on your ass. What do you still find so appealing about him?”
“I don’t have to justify why I want to stay with my husband.”
He urged her off the seat and glared down at her. “Yes you do. Bitch!”
Hearing him utter what she’d always considered a profane word didn’t anger her as it should have. But it hurt and disappointed her. Even though she had egged him on. “You don’t get to call me bitch.”
“I just did.”
When a man called a woman a bitch he didn’t respect or probably even like her. How could she expect him to respect her? “Get out.”
“Fuck him and fuck you too!” He turned and stormed off.
She went to sit on the side of the bed. Forcing her thoughts away from the wreck she was making of her marriage and life, she recalled the first time she saw Hank. No longer reeling from the breakup with Braden, she was ready to start dating again when they met.
She’d been enjoying a girls’ night out at a local jazz club with Rena and several friends when he walked over and smiled down at her. “Hi. I’m Hank.”
He was everything she liked in a man: tall and handsome with smooth ebony skin. His voice was deep, his eyes dark, and he possessed a sensual smile. During the next six weeks, they dated exclusively. He was kind, considerate of her at all times, and didn’t mind spending time getting to know her father. He sent her flowers, fruit baskets, and balloons regularly. And made her feel special and desired.
He didn’t push her for sex but was content to allow that part of their relationship to move forward on her terms. And she quickly fell in love with him. When he asked to go away with him for the weekend, she agreed.
They spent the first night sitting by the fire and talking until dawn. They both wanted children and believed marriage was sacrosanct. The following night they made love several times. Each time, he slipped inside her, he sent chills down her spine and left her gasping with pleasure. And she finally knew she could be happy without Braden.
The one special night, he took her and her father to dinner. When dessert was served, he got down on one knee, and proposed while her father watched with a smile of approval. She happily accepted. Neither wanted a long engagement so they planned their wedding so that they married within eight months of meeting.
She’d told him about Braden and he’d discussed the woman he’d dated prior to meeting her. She was happy and looking forward to her future with Hank. Things quickly went wrong with their marriage when they returned from their honeymoon in St. Lucia. They packed up their old apartments. Clearing his went smoothly. Hers not so much.
They were flirting and discussing how they were going to spend the night making love when he suddenly fell silent. When she looked up, she saw that he held an old photo album that contained pictures of her and Braden on various vacations.
In nearly every picture, Braden either gazed adoringly at her or passionately kissed her. There was even one picture of them lying together in skimpy bathing suits recreating the beach scene From Here to Eternity. It was a picture Neka’s first wife Kelly had taken.
“I thought you said it was over between you and him before we met.”
“It was,” she assured him, hurrying across the room to take the album.
He held it out of her reach. “Then why do you still have all these pictures of him with his hands all over you?”
They had argued for over an hour before she promised she’d go through the album and only keep pictures that included other people or couples. At the time of making the promise, she’d intended to keep it. Later when she found she couldn’t, she had given the album to her father to hold. Of course, after his death, Hank had discovered it again and left for Japan without her.
She heard a tap on the bedroom door and looked up to see Raven standing in the hallway. “May I come in?”
Commonsense dictated that allowing him into the bedroom she and Hank had shared would end badly. She nodded anyway. “You don’t know him, Raven. He’s a good man. He came into my life at a time when I didn’t see a happy path without Braden and we created one together.”
“Except you’re not happy.”
“Raven—”
He shook his head and held up his hands, palms outward. “I’m not here to argue. I’m here to apologize. I was totally out of line and had no right to speak to you with such disrespect. I’m ashamed and dismayed to find I’m one of those men who turn nasty when rejected.”
“I haven’t rejected you. I just want to give my marriage another try—if he’ll forgive me.”
“Will you forgive me?”
“I’m having a hard time thinking of anything you’d do that I’d find unforgivable.”
He walked into the room and knelt by the bed. “I feel as if I’ve lost complete control of my life. You have the power to make me sublimely happy or to shatter me into tiny pieces too small to ever successfully reassemble.”
His words brought tears to her eyes. She slipped off the bed and knelt beside him. “Please understand. I’m trying so hard to do the right thing.”
“Why can’t the right thing be to leave him and marry me?”
“He’s a good man.”
“Damn it, so am I!”
The anguished look in his eyes made her ache. She touched his face. “I know that you are, but—”
“I love you so much it hurts. I always have. Every time I saw Bray kiss or touch you, another piece of my heart broke. And then when you married Hank, I lost all hope. Now you give it back just to snatch it away again. How can you do this to me knowing how much I love and adore you?”
She gulped in a sob while a tear trickled down his cheek.
“Do you have any feelings for me at all?”
“Of course I do! Do you think I would have slept with you if I didn’t?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ve always had feelings for you—even when I was in love with Braden.” She leaned forward and peppered his mouth with kisses until his lips parted, allowing her to stroke her tongue against his. The contact ignited the sensual spark that had always simmered just beneath the surface between them.
When he rose and unbuttoned her blouse, she closed her eyes. The hard, sensual kisses he rained against her lips, neck, and breasts filled her with a hunger to feel him inside her again. Hard and raw. Nude and aroused, she slipped onto the bed, with her knees bent and her legs parted.
While he shed his shirt and undershirt, she rubbed her palm against his groin. Once he was hard, she freed his shaft and leaned over to kiss and lick the big head before drawing it between her lips and into her mouth.
He groaned but pushed against her shoulders. “No, no. That’s nice but I need to be inside you.”
She withdrew her mouth and helped him push off his pants and briefs. After he kicked off his socks and shoes, she smiled up at him.
He tumbled onto the bed and eased his shaft into her pussy. He groaned, burying his lips against her neck. “Oh god.”
She slid her hands down his back to grip his ass. “Raven...oh, Raven.” She ground herself against him and moaned with pleasure. “No matter what happens between me and Hank, you will always have a warm welcome in my pussy. Always.”
He lifted his head and stared down at her. “Are you offering me an affair?”
“Oh, god. You feel so good inside me.” She licked her lips. “I’m telling you that my pussy will never be off limits to you. Never. I can’t go back to not having you inside me. Raw. My pussy is yours to take and plunder whenever and however often you like.”
“Won’t it be a bit awkward if Hank’s in the bed at the time I come to plunder?”
They both laughed, sobered, and began a slow, sweet fuck so good she had to bit into his shoulder to keep from sobbing with pleasure. When he came, she tightened her vaginal muscles around him and eagerly and greedily accepted the jets of seed he pumped deep inside her.
Afterwards, they lay on their sides, kissing and touching each other.
“What are we going to do, cheré?”
“I’m going to tell him the truth.”
“What truth is that?”
“That I may or may not be pregnant.”
“You don’t think the pill will work?”
She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t know. I didn’t take it.”
She felt his tense. “Why not?”
“Because I want a baby. I wanted it with him, but you...there’s something you don’t know about me. Something I’ve never told anyone.”
“What’s that?”
“I’ve always had...a thing for you—even when I was in love with Braden.”
“I don’t know, cheré’. Sounds like revisionist history to me.”
“It’s not. Do you remember that time you asked me to talk you to sleep?”
He stroked his hand down over her ass. “It’s one of my favorites, albeit distorted, memories.”
“How it is distorted?”
“I know you kissed my cheek as I fell asleep, but sometimes, I imagined you did more.”
“How much more?”
“Climbed on top of me and kissed me until I came. I know that was wishful thinking, but when I woke in the morning, my pajamas were stained with cum.”
She turned on her side with her back to him. “I didn’t know you’d actually come, but...”
“But what?” He turned her back to face him. “Are you saying it actually happened and you never told me?”
“You think I was eager to confess that I’d sexually assaulted you while you slept?”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t stop myself. Once I tasted your lips, I...found myself humping you and kissing you again and again until I felt your cock hardening.”
He narrowed his gaze. “And?”
“I was afraid...if not for that fear, God only knows how far I would have gone.” She shook her head. “I can finally admit now what I wouldn’t have before. I wanted to straddle you and fuck you until you came inside me.
“And I was madly in love with Braden at the time. So you see, I’m no bargain.”
He closed his eyes.
“Raven?”
He shook his head. “Sexual assault isn’t any more acceptable from a woman than it is from a man.”
“I know, but you did say you wouldn’t hold it against me.”
“What the fuck, Kania? I don’t hold it against you, but I was asleep and didn’t give consent.”
She inhaled slowly. “You gave it before you fell asleep.”
“That’s not how that works.”
“So now you know that I am, in fact, slutty.”
“I don’t know any damn such thing.” He turned on his side with his back to her.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No. I don’t.”
“Can you forgive me?”
“Let's not have a repeat performance.” He turned back to face her. “But I can and will forgive you for anything. I never want you to leave. You are so damn fucking beautiful and I have never wanted or need a woman as much as I do you. But I’m not going to deny that it pisses me off that you didn’t wake me and never told me.”
“How could I without losing your respect and ...I was afraid you’d tell Braden. And I didn’t want him to think...I was afraid of what he’d think of me...that he’d end our relationship and I was so in love with him I couldn’t bear the thought.”
He shook his head. “As much as I wanted you, I wouldn’t have told him because I wouldn’t have done anything to interfere with his relationship with you. He loved and adored you then...almost as much as I do now.”
Flushing with a guilty pleasure, she reached across him to move Hank’s picture.
“No,” he said. “Leave it. Let him watch as I take what’s mine. You and your sweet, addictive pussy.” He urged her back between his thighs. “Ride me,” he encouraged.
As she lifted her leg to seat herself on him, her phone, in the pocket of her jacket on the floor rang. She froze when she heard Hank’s number and name announced. “Oh, God. We can’t.”
“Of course we can.”
“Raven—”
“He’s never going to want, need, or love you as much as I do.”
She stared down at him. “I—”
“Don’t think, cher. Just feel what we do together. It’s never been this good or intense with anyone else for me and I’m hoping you feel the same way. Making love feels so damn good because we were made for each other. Don’t you feel it?”
What she felt was a lust for his hard, thick shaft and a need to have him inside her. Once more. Just once more.
Correctly interpreting her silence for consent, he rolled her over onto her back, rose over her, and slipped deep inside her.
She shuddered and clutched him close knowing that he was fucking her as Hank was probably leaving another message. But with his cock in possession of her pussy, sex with him was all that mattered.
As Hank called again and again, Raven fucked her to the slowest, most exquisite orgasms. One rolled into another and still he stroked deep inside her, clutching her ass, and kissing her until she had to drag her mouth away to breathe.
She came three times before he groaned and erupted deep inside her pussy. And lord she knew there were going to be consequences. And yet she eagerly allowed him to fuck her twice more.
“Oh, God, Elkhorn. What have we done?” She whispered when he finally eased out of her flooded pussy.
“We’ve done what people in love do, we made love. Now, sleep, my lovely cher cheré.”
She drifted to sleep with him sprawled across her body and his cum seeping from her bruised but satisfied pussy.
They woke just before dawn, went to the bathroom, and returned to bed to have sex again. She lost track of how many times they had sex over the next days. But each time felt more intense than the other and every time, she joyfully welcomed in back inside her raw.