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RAVEN’S RINGING CELL phone woke him on Wednesday morning. Groaning, he rolled onto his side and picked it up. “Hello.”
“Hey, Ray. Did I wake you?”
At the sound of the familiar voice, he sat up, resting his back against the headboard. “Yes, Croft, you did,” he, trying to conceal his irritation. The man on the other end, Bancroft Grayhawk, was one of seven brothers, with whom Raven and his brothers shared a long friendship.
“Sorry, but dude, it’s after eleven.”
“I’m no vacation, dude. I get to sleep as late as I like.”
“Did I interrupt anything?”
“Yes, my sleep.”
“Damn, Elkhorn, what the hell is your problem?”
“Who asked you to call me? Bray or Neka?”
“Haven’t talked to either of them in over two weeks. I’m calling because I thought of you and wondered how you were. How are you?”
Fuck his tempter. Bancroft had an aggravating ability to know things he shouldn’t. He sighed. “Sorry. I’ve had better days.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Thanks for your concern, but no. I don’t.”
“Hmm. Where are you?”
“In LA at Braden and Neida’s house. Where are you?”
“In Philly.”
“How are the guys and Lelia and the various nieces and nephews?” He asked of Croft’s brothers, sister, and their kids.
“Everyone’s fine here. How long are you going to be in LA?”
“I was scheduled to be here another eight or nine days, but I’m not sure. Are you heading this way?”
“No. I’ll be flying to Europe with Randall in a few days,” he said of one of his brothers. “Just wanted to touch base with you. Listen, if you need to talk—”
“I’ll call one of my damn brothers,” he said.
“Fuck, you are in a mood.”
“Fuck! I know. I apologize.”
“Apology accepted. I won’t hold you. Bye.”
“Thanks for calling, Croft.”
Later that night after dinner out with Victor and his wife, he was annoyed to find one of Bancroft’s younger brothers waiting when he returned for the night. Declan Grayhawk had what his brothers called a healing touch. He was a successful therapist who could have made a fortune treating the wealthy but practiced instead at a few community health centers that didn’t pay him anywhere near his worth.
“What brings you here, Declan?” He asked as they shook hands.
“I’m in town for a conference. Croft called and asked me to stop by. How are you?”
He knew it was no use pretending with a man who could read and shape other’s thoughts with very little effort. “Lousy, thanks. Yourself?”
“I know you don’t want to talk, but my conference doesn’t start until Monday so I was hoping we could spend some time together before then.”
He really wasn’t in the mood, but decided he’d been ungracious enough with Bancroft. “I’m going into the office tomorrow.”
“And afterwards?”
“I’m dining out with a friend, J.T. Alexander. Do you know him?”
Declan nodded. “I think we were at one of Braden’s parties together a few years back.”
“Good. He’s reserved several tables at Mario’s.” He arched a brow. “Would you like to come as my date?”
Declan laughed. “You’re not my type.”
“I know the feeling. He’s invited several unattached women to keep us company. Are you involved with anyone who would object?”
“No.”
“With you on my arm, I’ll be the envy of every single woman in the place. Do you have plans for tomorrow night?”
“I don’t.”
“Then it’s a date.”
“Okay. But if we dance, I’m leading.”
“Say what now?” He responded and they both laughed.
They sat out by the pool and had a few drinks. When it was clear that Declan wasn’t going to push him to discuss his problems, he relaxed and enjoyed the other male’s company. Then he offered Declan one of the guestrooms and they went to bed. Without the comfort of a woman to take his thoughts off Kania, it took him a long time to fall asleep. Only to dream of Kania. And him begging her to give him another chance. And her telling him to go to hell. And his father saying it served him right.
* * *
KANIA WOKE THURSDAY morning determined to keep busy. After spending two hours at the animal shelter, she called the church outreach coordinator and volunteered for the next two days. She spent most of the day picking up and taking seniors to doctor appointments and driving them on errands. As she sat at an outdoor cafe waiting to for a call to pick up her last senior from her doctor’s, a male she had dated briefly before she met Hank and he met and married a mutual friend stopped by her table.
“Kania. Long time no see. Can I join you?”
She nodded. “Hey Jim. How’s Deb?”
“Fine. You?”
She was sure, like most of her friends and acquaintances that he knew Hank was in Japan. She shrugged. “So-so.”
“Deb and I are meeting a few friends for drink and dinner tonight. Why don’t you come? I know she’d love to see you.”
Instead of refusing, she nodded. “Thanks. I’d love to see her too.”
“Great. There are going to be a few of us. We’re having drinks around seven and have reservations for dinner at eight. I’ll make arrangements to add you and text you the info.” He rose and touched her shoulder. “Looking forward to seeing you tonight.”
Several hours later, she arrived at the restaurant. Jim, Deb, and two men and one woman were seated at a table. Although she didn’t know the others, they were friendly and she felt welcomed. She was actually enjoying herself until she glanced across the room and saw Raven. He sat across from a pretty woman with beautiful dark skin who looked as if she could easy grace the cover of any upscale magazine.
The woman kept reaching across the table to place her hand on his arm. Kania was pleased that each time she did, he moved his arm. Finally, realizing she was staring, she told herself to look away. Of course that’s when he turned his head and saw her.
After a moment, he inclined his head and looked away. Feeling her face burn, she tore her gaze away, to find everyone at her table watching her.
“Do you know him?” Jim asked.
“I dated his brother.”
“Are you okay being in the same restaurant?”
She really wasn’t, but nodded anyway. “Yes. I just need a moment. Excuse me,” she said and went to the ladies’ room. She refreshed her makeup slowly, giving herself time to slow her breathing. Feeling calmer, she left to return to the table.
Raven stood outside the men’s room just opposite.
She attempted to walk past, but he reached out to touch her arm. She turned to face him.
“About that last text...”
“If you’re going to try to tell me you didn’t mean it, Elkhorn—”
“I’m not,” he said cutting her off. “Because I meant it when I sent it. But I regret sending it.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because I was hurt and angry and I wanted to hurt you.”
“You did. So there’s that.”
“It was ungracious and mean-spirited.”
“Not to worry. I can hardly complain how the man I cheated with treats me. I deserved that and more.”
“No. You didn’t and I apologize.”
“Apology accepted.”
“Kania—”
“I wouldn’t want to subject you to anymore of my shit.” She walked away, grateful that he didn’t follow her. For the rest of the meal, she kept her gaze on her table. When she rose to leave, she saw that Raven was still there and was relieved when Jim walked to her car.
Two hours after arriving home, a bouquet of flowers were delivered. To her surprise, they were from Seneka. Thinking of you. Neka.
She sent a quick thank you text. He responded with a smiley face with hearts for eyes. She inexplicably thought of Braden, bite the bullet, and called him.
He answered almost immediately. “Hey honey. How are you?”
At the sound of his voice, she fought back tears. “I just...wanted to talk to you.”
“I’m here.”
“I...I’ve really screwed up and I just wanted to talk to someone who...”
“Who loves you?” He suggested when her voice trailed off.
“Braden, I...I...”
“You can tell me anything. I’ll listen and support you without making any judgements.”
She struggled to tell him she’d slept with Raven, but the words wouldn’t come, although the tears did.
“Do you need to see me?”
She longed to see him and have him hug her and tell her everything would be all right. But she couldn’t lose sight of the fact that he was married and had family obligations.
“I can fly to see you,” he offered.
“No. No.” She wiped her tears away. “No. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“I hope you know that I always have your back. No matter what. Nothing you can say or do would change the fact that I am always going to love you.”
“Thank you.”
“Neida and I are still in Switzerland, but I can make arrangements to fly back to see you.”
“No!”
“You know Neida would understand if that’s what you need.”
“And I love her even more for that, but I just wanted to talk to you. With my dad gone and Hank in Japan, you’re the closest person I have to...to a male who cares about me.”
“I always have and always will, honey.”
“I know.” She sniffed. “I’m sorry to interrupt your vacation. Tell—”
“Oh, sweetie. What can I do to help?”
“No. No. I’m fine.”
“I’ll ask Neka to hop on a plan and—”
The fact that he didn’t mention Raven left no doubt in her mind that he knew the source of her anguish but was waiting for her to broach the subject. “No. No. No! Please. Just talking to you helped.”
“Are you sure? You were there for him when Kelli died and you know he cares too.”
“I know, but it’s you I wanted...needed to talk to.”
“We’ll be here until we fly home for Mother’s Day. After that, I’m flying out to see you and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“I’ll look forward to seeing you.”
“And if you need to talk to me, you can call me any time and tell me anything.”
She closed her eyes. “You sound as if you already know.”
“Do you want to discuss it?”
“No. Please leave it for now. I just wanted to talk to you without having to actually...admit what I’ve done.”
“Okay. When you’re ready to talk I’ll be ready to listen.”
“Thank you. Give Neida and J.R. my love.”
“I will.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
“Bye sweetie.”
When she hung up, she took a long soak and got into bed. Surprisingly, she dozed off almost immediately and enjoyed a restful night sleep.
* * *
RAVEN WAITED A FEW minutes after Kania walk away from him before he returned to his table. When he had, he was aware of Declan’s gaze on him. When they left the restaurant just before eleven, Declan drove, since he’d had a few drinks.
They sat out by the pool. He didn’t want to talk, but knew the sooner he did, the sooner he could kick Declan out. Then he could decide what the hell he was going to do about Kania.
“You know you’re selling your brothers short. You can talk to them, Ray.”
Raven kept his gaze turned skyward. “I know I can talk to them, but I’m not in the mood to be told how I’ve screwed up and how disappointed our father would be.”
“I don’t see that happening.”
“And why the hell not?”
“They know you’re a good man and they know she’s an equally good woman.”
He sat up and turned to glance at Declan, seated beside him. After watching their father’s insistent cheating destroy their mother, Declan and his brothers held a dim view of marital infidelity. “It’s a little strange to hear you advocating for what she insists is plain old everyday adultery.”
“I’m not.”
“But?”
“What works for me and my brothers, is what works for us. We don’t expect others to necessarily make the same choices we do.”
“So you’re encouraging adultery?”
“Never, but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. I think once you talk to your brothers you will feel less stress. They know you and she are good people with good hearts.”
“By she you mean...”
“Kania. Who else?”
Was there anyone who didn’t know about his now nonexistent relationship with Kania. “Who else indeed?”
“She’s not happy with him. You’re not happy without her. Talk to your brothers and then...”
“And then what?”
“And then see what happens.”
He tilted his head. “How do you know she’s not happy with him?”
“I’ve met them both. I didn’t get happy vibes from either of them.”
“Are you suggesting that I have a real chance with her?”
He shrugged. “I’m not Croft,” he said of his brother who sometimes had premonitions about possible romantic relationships about the people he knew. “I just know neither of you are happy as things stand. And neither of them are either. Talk to your brothers, Braden in particular. I’m sure you’ll find there’s no need for guilt—as least as far as he’s concerned.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’ll talk to them.”
“Good.” Declan rose. “Then I think I’ll be on my way.”
“Spend the night and leave in the morning.” He stood up too. “I’m going to call my brothers. Oh and when you talk to Croft again, thank him for me. And thank you as well.”
“For?”
“Reminding me that my brothers are my best friends and that there’s nothing I can’t discuss with them.”
Raven undressed and ordered a dozen roses to be sent to Kania in the morning. His only message was his name. Then he went to bed.
On Friday morning, he had breakfast with Declan, spent ninety minutes at the gym, then he called Braden and Neka.
“I need to talk to you, but I don’t need a lecture. I need your support as my older brothers.”
“Should Shay be on the line as well?” Braden asked.
“I’ll call him later, but he already knows what I’m about to confess.”
“We’re listening,” Neka said.
He inhaled slowly and then told them how he’d spent his time in LA and the current state of his relationship with Kania.
Braden spoke after a long pause. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do? She’s married.”
“So everyone keeps telling me.”
“You sound dismissive.”
“I am dismissive. So what are you going to do?”
“What do you suggest I do, Bray?”
“Pursue her.”
Braden’s response surprised him. “Are you really comfortable suggesting I pursue a married woman?”
“No,” Braden answered. “But what’s the alternative? You spend another 10 or more years eating your heart out for her?”
“You’ve been very quiet, Neka. Surely you don’t agree?”
“I’ve been lucky enough to marry the only two women I’ve ever been in love with, so I really don’t feel qualified to offer advice. However, I remember all too well the despair I felt between the time that Kelli died and when I met and fell in love with Autumn. I hate that you’re feeling that level of devastation now.”
“So you’re suggesting I pursue her too?”
“I know you’re an honorable man with good intentions. I suggest you follow the dictates of your heart and encourage her to follow hers. And remember, it’s not as if you’re interfering in a happy, stable marriage. He walked out on her.”
“Except she insists he didn’t walk out of her.”
“Yeah, well, he did,” Braden and Neka spoke at the same time.
“So let the consequences be on him,” Braden said. “He had his chance and he blew it. You deserve to be happy. Go for it.”
“Believe me, I’d love to take your advice, but I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I told her to leave me the fuck alone.”
“And?” Neka prodded. “People in love say lots of things they don’t mean when they’re hurt and angry. And the people they’re in love with know that and forgive them.”
“Besides,” Braden added. “Look at all the shit she took from me.”
“Yeah, but the difference is that she was in love with you, Bray.”
“I have news for you, Ray. I don’t think she would have slept with you if she weren’t in love with you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I kind of do. I think we can all agree that between the two of us, I know her far better than you do. Now I’m not saying she doesn’t still have feelings for Hank, but she’s not in love with him. I think there’s a good chance that she’s in love or close to being in love with you.”
“And you’d be okay with that?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. I just thought...you might feel as if I had betrayed you.”
“Then think again. I’ve always known you were interested in her. I just wish you’d made a move sooner.”
“Like when? When you two broke up, you were devastated. Hell, you were still in love with her when she married Hank. When could I have made a move without feeling I was disloyal to you?”
“First, we didn’t break up. She kicked my ass to the curb, and rightly so. But any time before she married him would have been the time to make your move.”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t because I knew you were still in love with her and I couldn’t do that to you.”
Braden sighed. “Oh, fuck! I have a lot to answer for. Some of them is my fault.”
“None of it’s your fault, Bray.”
“Yeah, it kind of is. I knew you wanted her and when she kicked my ass to the curb, I should have encouraged you to pursue her.”
“I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Not only were you still in love with her, but hell, she was still in love with you when she ended it with you. As long as I knew you were in love with her, it would have felt like I was stabbing you in the back. And I could never do that.”
“Oh, fuck! I cannot tell you how sorry I am that your loyalty to me kept you from expressing your feelings for her. But I think you’ve wasted enough time. He was foolish enough to leave an opening for you. Take it.”
“Can you imagine what Dad would think?”
“I know you think Dad would be disappointed, but I’m not so sure he would,” Neka said.
“And even if he would, you have a right to be happy,” Braden said. “And you know he wanted each of us to fall in love with a woman and love her as deeply and devotedly as he loved mom. Neka and I have been fortunate enough to fall in love twice. But you might be like Dad, a man who loves only once with all his heart and emotions. She might be that one-woman for you. And you really can’t do any better than her.”
“Can’t I?”
“Considering that both Autumn and Neida are already taken? No, you can’t,” Neka said, sounding amused. “So go win her and marry her.”
Raven blew out an audible breath. “I’m sorry, guys.”
“About?”
“I should have called before, but I thought you’d both condemn my actions and she was afraid you’d think badly of her.”
“Granted, I’ll admit that I wished she weren’t married, Ray, but I know you’re both good people. And sometimes good people have to do what they have to do. You both have my support.”
“And mine,” Braden added.
“Now I just have to get her to give me another chance.”
“I know I don’t have to tell you that she’s well worth any effort you have to make to win her.”
“She is.”
“Then go and grovel like there’s no tomorrow because if you feel about her as I think you do, there’s no happy tomorrow without her.”
And that was the damned problem. No matter how many women he’d fucked over the years, none had been equal to the task of making him forget her. After each encounter, no matter how physically satisfying, he was still in love with Kania. And unfortunately, he didn’t see that changing anytime soon.
* * *
AFTER A FRIDAY MORNING spent running errands for church members, Kania treated herself to an afternoon at her favorite spa. She arrived home to find Raven seated in his rental car outside her house. Her heart raced with joy. She shook off the urge to rush forward and burrow into his arms. Instead, she ignored him and opened her front door.
“Kania?”
She turned to face him.
“Can I talk to you?”
She shook her head.
“Please.”
“You basically told me to fuck off and then apologized. I accepted your apology. I think we’re already said everything we needed to.”
“That may be truth in your case, but not mine. Please. I really need to talk to you.”
“Fine. Talk.”
He grimaced. “I was hoping we could talk inside.”
“Why? What are you going to say inside that you can’t say out here?”
He sighed. “I was hoping not to have to grovel in public.”
“There’s no need to grovel in public or private. I accepted your apology. What more do you want?”
“What I’ve wanted from the moment we met—for you to feel even a quarter of what I feel for you. I know I fucked up and said shit you’re going to have a hard time forgiving me for...”
“But?”
“But I’m sorry and I just need another chance.”
“The only thing that’s changed between now and Sunday when you left is that you’ve probably been screwing other women non-stop.” And her period was six days late. A pregnancy test she’d taken two days earlier had come back negative. But she had a feeling she’d get a different result in another few days.
He narrowed his gaze. “You almost make that sound as if I’d have been cheating—if I had.”
“There’s no damned if about it, Elkhorn. We both know how you’ve been spending your damn nights.”
“Does that bother you?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Then we have a basis for discussion.”
“No, then we have nothing to talk about because you haven’t denied you’re been fucking around with other women.”
“I told you that I wasn’t going to spend my time taking cold showers.”
She stared at him. “You couldn’t keep it in your damned pants for five fucking days?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Would it help if I admitted that I’d screwed up...again?”
“No, it would not. You’re free to screw who the hell you want, Elkhorn.”
“Does that include you?”
“I went against everything that I believed in for you and the first time we have a disagreement, you walk out and go sleep with other women.”
“You ordered me out.”
“And you made no effort to change my mind.”
“Are you implying I shouldn’t take you at your word?”
How like a damned lawyer to twist her words to suit himself. “I’m not implying anything. I’m telling you you’re not worth anymore of my damned time.”
“Kania—”
“You want to screw other women? Go knock yourself out. I have nothing else to say to you and I’m done listening to you.”
When she turned away, he reached out and caught her hand.
She jerked it away. “Do I need to tell you to leave me the fuck alone?”
“You said you forgave me for that.”
“Doesn’t mean I forgot you wrote it.”
He inhaled slowly. “What do you want me to do? You want me to beg?”
“What I wanted was for you to keep it in your damned pants!”
“Well, I didn’t! So what now? You refuse to forgive me—driving me back into another woman’s arms?”
“Go do whatever the hell you want, Elkhorn.” She walked inside and closed the door in his face. Bastard! Yes, he was single. Yes, that meant he could fuck around as much as he liked. But it didn’t mean she had to forgive him and take him back into her bed.