part0017

As you start reading this chapter, keep in mind that blocking out the emotions of others is likely to feel wrong. Often, newer empaths reject the ability to flip their switch to ‘off’, simply because reading the emotions of others feels so natural. However, whether it feels natural or not, learning to quiet the emotions of others at times is necessary. If you do not master blocking techniques, then you will continue to feel frazzled, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Over time, this will lead to emotional burn out. The problem is that once you have reached the burn out stage, you will find yourself unable to handle your own emotions, let alone the emotions of those around you. To prevent this over-working of your gift, it is important to have regular breaks from the chaos that surrounds you. This is where blocking skills come in.

Empaths often feel like they are vulnerable all the time. While this is true to an extent, if you pay close attention you will notice that some situations make you more vulnerable than others. This can be caused by something simple like being around a large crowd or something complex like feeling intimidation at work. Before you can learn to block emotions from those around you, you must identify when you need to work your hardest to keep your guard up. While continuously blocking can be hard work, the emotional draining that you will feel from continuing to experience the emotions of everyone around you is much worse.

As you complete this step, take note of both situations and people that cause you undue stress. When you identify a person, describe why you think that you are so sensitive to their emotions. Are you worried about how they will see you? Are you intimidated? Do you not know how to act around the person? Do not be afraid to carry around a notebook so that you can take notes about the times when you feel most sensitive. Once you have collected this information, it is time to move onto the next step.

Have you ever been around someone and started to get a headache, mainly because they are a constant source of negative energy? Like you had to identify situational triggers, you also need to identify people who are triggers. The most common negative people that empaths have trouble dealing with are narcissists, those who are overly critical and those who are overly controlling. Some may call these people ‘emotional vampires’, because they drain all your emotional energy.

The best way to assess if one of these people is draining you emotionally is to ask yourself what the conversation focuses on when they are around. Do they talk mainly about themselves or do they ask about how you are doing? Have they ever tried to manipulate you? Are they overly critical of your behaviors and actions, making you feel as if you are not good enough? If the conversation is always about them, unless they are trying to manipulate or criticize, then it is not a healthy relationship. As you spot these behaviors in others, it is important that you protect yourself from them. One part of this is leaving their presence. Do not feel bad for doing this- it is still possible to respect someone as a person and not agree with their behaviors.

Everyone, not just empaths, should have a set of values that they are not willing to compromise. As an empath, one of your top priorities should be your mental and emotional health. Learn to walk away from situations that do not promote wellness in these instances. Some other things you may not want to compromise on is spending time with your family or partner, or having a successful job. The list of things you will not compromise on can be anything- as long as it contains the things that are most important to you.

As an empath, there are times when you will just need to remove yourself from the situation. Whether you are just feeling overwhelmed and need time to ground yourself or because you need time to analyze your own feelings, communicate it. Do not be afraid to tell your boss that you need to step out for a moment and compose yourself or to tell your lover that you need time to reflect on your own feelings. The people who value having a relationship with you (whether as an employer, friend, family member, or lover) will understand your motivations. This will make it more likely that they will respect your wish to withdraw.

Life is not all butterflies and rainbows. People are going to have problems, just like they did before you started to take control of your life. That coworker who always slacked off, knowing that you would finish their work for them is still going to work in your building. Your friends and family members are still going to want you to listen to them in a crisis. The difference between the empath you were then, who would accept these requests without thinking, and the empath you are now is that now, you must set limits. Learn to say ‘no’ to your coworker when you have your own work. Tell your family member or friend that you will listen to them vent, but only for 15 minutes. Set boundaries and then stick to them. Hang up after 15 minutes and do not give into that coworker, no matter how many times they ask.

Even with grounding activities, empaths can find themselves uncomfortable in busy settings. Something to remember is that you do not have to be in the center of everything when you go out. If you are at a restaurant, sit with your back to the wall and away from high-traffic areas like the bathrooms and the garbage. If you are at a party, go to one of the less-crowded areas and strike up conversation with 1 or 2 other people.

Every empath needs somewhere to go where they can be completely at ease, away from people where they can rejuvenate. Create a relaxing space inside your home. If you do not live alone, discuss your needs with your family and ask that you are not disturbed when you are inside your space. If you are tired and especially vulnerable or you need to escape from a situation, retreat there as long as you need to rejuvenate and realign yourself. When you are out in public, you can carry a picture with you to look at when you become distressed.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is withdraw from the crowd. Head outside for some fresh air or retreat to a secluded area. Take a few moments to deep breathe, focusing on quieting your mind. Visualize all the negativity lifting from you. You can picture it as a dark cloud or a gray mist that is rising from your body. As the clouds clear, so should your mind. Once your energies have been neutralized, use a second visualization to ground yourself back into the earth. Realign yourself with the emotions you are feeling inside and return to the party (if you want to).