AVA
I watched as Tony reached into the bag he had brought, not missing the fact that he had shaved and washed his hair. He looked downright edible. It was a bit of an upgrade from seeing him earlier, and I only meant that in the best way. He’d looked so sad before. Now, he actually looked like he was in better spirits.
Looking down at my clothes, I realized that I’d texted him before I even left the restaurant and hadn’t had a chance to change before he was at my door.
“Don’t,” he said, breaking up my thoughts.
“Don’t what?” I asked, wondering if he could read my mind.
“You look great.” He gave me a grin as he pulled a bouquet of roses out of his paper bag of tricks.
Red roses. That meant that this was more than just a friendly meeting. This was an actual date of sorts. Maybe. Hopefully.
Barley barked, his tail wagging, and Snickers continued to hiss at him in warning.
“I’m so sorry,” Tony said for the millionth time. “I should run him home.”
“No. He’ll wear himself out eventually. And Snickers will pretend he doesn’t exist at some point. It will be fine,” I insisted, but I didn’t really have a clue.
Maybe Snickers would maul Barley’s face the second he went to sleep. Or maybe she’d use his fluffy body as a pillow for napping. Cats had a mind of their own. Half the time, it didn’t even feel like I owned Snickers at all. It felt more like she had simply chosen to stay at my place and could decide to take her leave at any time.
“Do you have a vase?” Tony asked, and I tried to remember the last time anyone had given me flowers.
Liam never did once we were married. He had said it was a waste to spend good money on something that would die two days later, and in my young naivety, I’d acquiesced with his stupid statement even though I thought flowers were romantic and I didn’t care how quickly they died.
“I do,” I said before opening the cupboard underneath the sink and pulling one out. “These are beautiful. Thank you.”
He took a step toward me and gave me a soft kiss. “You’re beautiful.”
My heart leaped into my throat as he turned back toward his oversize goody bag and pulled the next item from it.
“I knew it!” I practically shouted as I arranged the flowers into the vase.
I had smelled the seasoning and fresh baked bread before he even walked fully through my front door.
“Heard this was your favorite,” he said before adding, “when you aren’t eating seafood, that is.”
Tony pulled out multiple pizza boxes with the familiar logo I’d always loved. I squealed when I saw them. Pizza from Lombardi’s was my absolute go-to meal when I didn’t want to cook and was tired of eating my own food. Mr. Lombardi wouldn’t tell me his secret, but there was something special that he did to his crust. There were flavors in there that even I couldn’t figure out. It was as infuriating as it was delicious.
“This is the best! Have you tried it?” I asked, wanting to smack myself right after. Lombardi’s was the only pizza place in Port Rufton, so of course, Tony would have gotten it at some point since he had started living here.
“I have. It’s really good.”
“It’s chef’s kiss,” I said, pressing my fingers to my lips and moving them away before what he had said a little earlier finally resonated in my brain. “Wait a second. You said you heard this was my favorite? Who told you?”
I wondered who Tony might have been talking to. If it were Elise, she wouldn’t have been able to keep that information to herself. I highly doubted Tony was having deep conversations with my mother behind my back. Tapping my finger to my lips, I tried to figure out who it might have been.
“I should probably keep my sources to myself, but it was Rory,” he said, waiting to gauge my reaction to the news.
“Wow.” I felt surprise zip through me. “That’s …” I searched for the right word. “Impressive? Shocking? Nice?”
Tony nodded. “It is all of those things. I was taken aback too, but he’s a really good guy.”
“I thought you hated him,” I teased.
“I did. But now, I don’t.”
I shot him a look. “What changed?”
“I thought he wanted to date you. I couldn’t like him then.”
“He doesn’t want to date me?” I asked with a curious tone, clearly trying to push Tony’s buttons. But I liked seeing him a little worked up and admitting his feelings to me. Who knew if he’d ever do it again? “That’s news to me,” I said, pushing even more.
“Are you trying to get me riled up?” he asked.
I started laughing. “Maybe a little.”
“Rory told me that I could have you. So, we’re friends now.”
I let out a choke, mixed with a laugh. “He said you could have me?” I emphasized the word have. “I didn’t realize that Rory got to give permission on my personal life.”
Tony turned around and leaned his back against the counter as his arms crossed over his chest. “Do you want us to be friends or not? I can go back to hating him if that’s more fun for you.”
“Definitely not. I want you two to get along,” I said with an uncomfortable smile, but I meant it.
Tony and Rory actually liking each other instead of wanting to kill each other would make everyone’s life easier. Or at least a little more pleasant. And I definitely didn’t want them to be enemies, especially if I was the reason.
“Grab some plates,” Tony directed.
I did as he’d asked before setting them on top of the table. He followed close behind. The three pizzas tempted me with their delicious scent as he placed them down and opened the top of each one.
“I got a bottle of wine too. Hope white is okay.”
“You thought of everything. Roses. Food. Wine.”
“I was trying to impress you,” he said so quickly and honestly that it almost gave me pause. His dark eyes looked into mine with such intensity that our mutual desire lingered in the air between us. “Tell me it’s working.”
I nodded my head and placed a kiss on his scruffy cheek. “It’s definitely working,” I whispered into his ear before I passed him by to get to my seat.
I watched as he struggled to catch his breath, obsessed with the fact that I was the one who had made him that way.
We ate our pizza and drank the wine, and the liquor was definitely doing me a favor. There were things I knew Tony and I needed to talk about, and I was grateful for the way the wine made it seem possible by loosening me up and giving me a little liquid courage. Maybe that was why he’d brought it. He needed the help as well.
Barley had finally given up on Snickers and was currently passed out on my tiled floor, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. I honestly had no idea where my cat was. Probably plotting.
“So,” I started to say, not wanting to put this on the back burner any longer, “can I ask you something that might be a little uncomfortable?” I swallowed my latest bite and quickly followed it with another sip of my drink.
“It is why I’m here, Ava. Look, I know I haven’t been the easiest guy to get to know, but I told you things I haven’t told anyone since it happened,” he said, and I knew he meant the accident and losing his wife, Lydia.
I found it interesting that thinking of her didn’t bring me jealousy or any other unhealthy emotions. There was an odd sense of peace that I got each time I imagined them together. For some reason, when I’d considered our situation before, I’d thought that I might feel competitive with her ghost, that I’d never be good enough or measure up, always living in her shadow. But it wasn’t that way at all. I actually felt almost protective over her and her memory. The last thing I wanted to do was act like she never existed or that she hadn’t been important in shaping Tony’s life.
“I’m just going to go for it, okay?” I took another bite of pizza as I braced for his response, and he gave me a gentle nod as he waited. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive yourself?”
It was a loaded question. That kind of thing might be impossible for a man like Tony. Even though it wasn’t his fault, how could you not blame yourself on some level? I knew that if the roles were reversed and it had been me driving, I would have struggled with plenty of self-blame.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice filled with sincerity. “I’m honestly not sure that I have it in me to give.”
I felt like I understood what he was saying even though I’d never been in his position before. “But do you want to?” I asked with trepidation although it was the more appropriate question of the two.
If Tony wanted to live the rest of his life in some kind of purgatory, no one was going to be able to save him. Not even me. But if he did want to figure out a way through this darkness and back into the light, I’d gladly hold his hand while we tried.
His dark eyes met mine. There was so much raging just beyond the surface. I wished I could read him with just one look, but I couldn’t. Not yet anyway.
“I want to try. I don’t know if it’s possible. To truly forgive myself, I mean,” he explained, and before I could add anything to the conversation, he continued, “I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that even if it’s not, I still need to find a way to move forward.”
I noticed that he said forward instead of move on, like I’d said the other night, triggering his anger.
“I’d like to help you.” It was an offer and an ask, all in one.
“I can’t do it without you.”
“Tony,” I breathed out, the emotions hanging like rain-filled clouds between us. “How do I help? What can I do?”
He shifted in his seat and swallowed, like he’d already given this particular question some thought well before I ever asked it. He cleared his throat. “First off, I need to know if that’s okay with you.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. “If what’s okay?”
“That I might not be able to forgive myself. Do you think you can deal with that?”
It was a fair question. One I’d never even considered because I’d been so caught up in all of his emotions that I put my own on the back burner.
“As long as you talk to me and don’t shut me out, I think it’s something I can handle.” I nodded, more for myself than for him. “I need communication. You have to talk to me.”
I really hoped that was the truth. I’d never been with someone as complicated as Tony before, with a past that haunted him, but I also hadn’t wanted any other man in quite this way before. It was written all over my face every time I even looked in his direction. The whole town knew it.
“I appreciate that. And I’ll do my best to give you what you need,” he said, his brow furrowing slightly. “I used to be good at talking. Lydia always said it was one of my best qualities, but I haven’t been doing much of it lately, in case you haven’t noticed.”
I waved him off. “I’m sure it’s like riding a bike.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“Okay then.”
“Okay then,” he repeated, giving me a soft grin. “Any other uncomfortable questions?”
Is he teasing me?
“I don’t know. Those two seemed like the most important. I hadn’t really thought beyond them.”
I wasn’t sure if I was being naive again, like I’d been with Liam, but it didn’t feel that way in my heart. I couldn’t possibly know what else I should be asking when I’d never dealt with anything like this before. It seemed like more of a figure it out as we go type of thing. This was new territory for both of us, but as long as we wanted to travel the terrain together, I was confident that we could make it through.
“Well, before you get too excited—because I’m clearly such a catch”—he finished off his glass of wine in one gulp—“I have to ask you for something.”
My heart sank a little inside my chest even though it should have stayed in place because we’d made so much progress. “Ask.”
“I’ve given this a lot of thought. And I think what I’ll need the most—and honestly, I feel like I have no right to ask this of you—is patience. I’m going to need you to be patient with me, Ava, because it’s been a while since I’ve done this, and I might not be any good at it anymore.”
I looked around the room—at the roses he’d brought, sitting in a vase on the counter, and the delicious meal plated in front of us—and couldn’t have disagreed more. “I think you’re doing all right so far. And again, as long as you talk to me, we can get through anything.”
Choosing each other every day and communication, I thought to myself. That would need to become our starting foundation.
“Choosing each other every day and communication.” His voice hit my ears, and I felt my eyes go wide.
“I said that out loud?”
He let out a laugh, and I swore it was like music to my ears. “You did, but I like it. So, with that being said, I’d really like to date you, if you’ll have me.”
I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face because I’d been dying to hear those words from his luscious lips for well over nine months now, but I’d been convinced it was most likely never going to happen.
“Is that a yes?” he asked, staring at my mouth.
“Of course it’s a yes.”
“I’m going to try my best for you, Ava—I promise you that. God knows you deserve so much better than me, but I can’t give you up.”
My heart melted with his admission. He sounded so sincere. The rest of my words disappeared, so I reached across the table, my hand covering his, hoping he would take my touch as the answer to any questions he might still have.
He pulled out of my grasp, but my disappointment only lasted a second before he slid his chair across the floor and pushed out of it, stalking toward where I sat, my eyes watching his every move. He looked like a man on a mission, and I was it—the mission in question.
As soon as he reached me, he pulled me to a stand, our bodies so close that we shared the same air with each breath we took.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he demanded, and I gave him what he wanted without complaint.