Chapter thirty-three

1944

O

live saw little of Wolfgang through the winter. With shorter days and the ever increasing shortages of food, she had less chance and excuse to go out for any length of time, but he did make the occasional inspection of the farm. In between these snatched moments, Olive would again agonise over whether or not to end their friendship, finding it stressful to keep such a huge secret to herself. She missed her mother – dead this past year – and would have given anything to unburden herself to her. But would she have understood? And approved? That Olive wasn’t sure of and was partly glad she didn’t have to endure her mother’s disapproval. Depression licked at her heels and even seeing Wolfgang didn’t entirely push it away.

With the arrival of spring, her spirits lifted a little. Rumours of an imminent Allied push in Europe circulated the island, encouraging thoughts of imminent salvation. Even the Germans seemed to agree it wouldn’t be long.

‘My superiors are warning us to be ready for an Allied invasion. It is considered if France falls, then the islands will be the next to be retaken.’ Wolfgang shrugged, his face a picture of despair. Olive had gone sticking at Pleinmont and he had joined her. Her heart leapt at the thought of the rumours being true. If the Germans thought so, it must be…

‘Would it be so very bad if that happened? If Hitler were to surrender, then you’d be free and we…we could be together.’

‘Except, liebling, you have a husband.’ He stroked her face before kissing her tenderly on the lips. The familiar thrill ran through her body.

‘I plan to divorce Bill as soon as this war is over. I have grounds, he’s being unfaithful and he’s been…violent towards me. So then I’ll be free as well.’ She looked at him expectantly.

His eyes narrowed.

‘He has been violent to you? Recently? If he dares to hurt you, I will kill him!’ His normally calm face was flushed.

‘Oh no, not recently. He’s been better of late, spends more time with this other woman. Please don’t worry about me.’ Olive hesitated. ‘You do want us to be together, don’t you?’

‘But of course. We have many obstacles to overcome first, so I do not allow myself to think too much about it. Come, we must hurry, I am due to attend a meeting shortly.’

Olive couldn’t help feeling disappointed. Perhaps it had been foolish to expect an undying declaration of love, with Wolfgang promising they would be together one day. She consoled herself he was only being realistic and it didn’t mean he wasn’t in love with her. Did it?

On the evening of 6th June Olive and Bill stood in the yard and watched as hundreds of British and American planes flew over the island, heading for France. It was the sign – and sight – they’d been waiting for and they raised their arms, cheering. Excitement bubbled in her veins, knowing this was part of the Allied push to free France from the Germans. The news of the Normandy landings the previous day had been heard on illicit crystal sets and circulated throughout the island.

‘Won’t be long now,’ Bill said, fists raised. ‘We’ll be the ones kicking out the German bastards next.’

Olive grunted. Her thoughts fled to Wolfgang and her stomach clenched in fear. While they continued to watch the plane-filled sky, the boom of the German guns filled the air and she prayed all the planes would escape unscathed.

By the next day life returned to normal, with news continuing to filter through about the Allied push into France. Exactly two weeks later, Olive was in St Peter Port standing in a queue to collect their rations when the noise of an aircraft engine made her and everyone else, look skywards. An RAF plane circled above the harbour before dropping a bomb. Olive screamed and threw herself on the ground, convinced she was about to die. She heard the screams of others on the ground and felt the tremors as the bomb exploded, sounds of breaking glass mixing with the screams. For a moment she lay still, too scared to move. Hesitantly, she stood up, shaking; she brushed herself down. It was like a battlefield; glass from all the windows around her covered the ground. She was lucky not to have been hurt – or worse. People walked around, looking dazed, treading warily on the shards of glass. The queue reformed and fortunately no glass had fallen into the shop. Clutching her rations, Olive collected her bike and rode home feeling scared, thinking how much she wanted, needed, to see Wolfgang.

Olive met him two days later and he was shocked to hear of her experience, holding her close to him as she talked. She started to cry, the act of telling him making her relive the terror she’d felt.

‘Mein Liebling, I cannot bear to think I could have lost you, never expected you to be in danger. I…I have been thinking it is time for us to be truly lovers at last. Why wait? We do not know what lies ahead and must not waste the time we have. Do you not agree?’

She felt the urgent need in her body. He was right, why wait?

‘Yes, I agree. But how…?’

‘My fellow officers at The Imperial are on twelve-hour shifts during the day now we are on full alert. If you could get away, I will be on my own once they leave in the morning and no-one would see us. You can do some sticking in the woods, yes?’ He held her tight, his eyes shadowed with desire.

She nodded. The risk would be small and if it meant she could lay in his arms at last…her heart pounded in her chest.

Wolfgang smiled and kissed her.

‘I can be free tomorrow morning and will wait for you at the back entrance at nine. You will be there?’

‘Yes, I’ll be there.’

The next morning Olive slipped away unnoticed by Bill, who hadn’t bothered coming home the night before. Part of her resented the ease with which he was virtually flaunting his infidelity, while she was forced to be furtive. It wasn’t fair! But at least she hadn’t had to lie to him. Olive wore a faded cotton dress over her best underwear. ‘Best’ only meaning the bra and knickers, in matching pink cotton, hadn’t yet fallen to pieces. As she cycled down lanes edged with lush hedgerows forming arches overhead, Olive was both scared and excited. Scared Wolfgang would be disappointed in her, and excited at the thought of finally becoming lovers. By the time she arrived at The Imperial, her face was flushed from the ride and sexual desire. Looking around quickly, she saw no-one and wheeled her bike around the back. Wolfgang waited at the door, his face breaking into a huge smile as he saw her. Propping the bike against the wall, Olive threw herself into his arms and he kissed her fiercely on the mouth. Pulling back, Wolfgang grabbed her arm and steered her up the narrow back staircase, motioning her to remain quiet. His room on the first floor was spacious as befitted his rank, possessing a double bed and the type of furniture usual in a modest seaside hotel. Wolfgang wore only his shirt and trousers and without the jacket and cap looked so much younger, less commanding. An ordinary man. Olive stood in front of him, uncertain what to do. Shy. Shifting his feet, he took her hands. She dropped her eyes.

‘You are sure, liebling? I want you so much, but–’

Olive raised her eyes to his. Those beautiful blue eyes which would forever be embedded in her mind.

‘Yes, I’m sure.’ And began to undress.

Olive rode home in a daze. Her whole body flooded with a warm, fuzzy glow; contented, fulfilled. Something she had never experienced before. Ever. Now she understood what people meant by the joy of making love, hugging the pleasure to herself. She hadn’t known such pleasure existed and already wanted to experience it again. And again…She threw back her head and laughed, narrowly avoiding an old man crossing the coast road. Olive smiled her apology and the man’s sour face broke into a smile. Her joy was infectious! Turning into the lane leading to the farm, she composed her features. Somehow she had to hide what she wanted to shout out to the world, and it wouldn’t be easy. But inside she knew. She was in love. And no-one could take that away from her.

Over the next few weeks, Olive joined Wolfgang at his billet whenever possible. They were always careful to remain unseen, although he did join her in the woods for sticking once. If any soldiers saw them it would make no difference, they would turn a blind eye. Bill would occasionally give her a searching look, as if seeing something had changed within her, but said nothing. They were like ships in the night, hardly seeing each other these days, for which Olive was glad. She imagined everyone would guess she was in love, as if it was printed on her forehead. Her friend Elsie remarked on the change in her one day, asking why she looked so happy.

‘No particular reason. I’m just glad it’s summer and the way things are going with the Allies, looks like the war will be over soon. It’s enough to make anyone happy, isn’t it?’

Elsie hadn’t looked convinced, but didn’t press her. Perhaps she took the view better not to know. She was stepping out with a young man who’d been pronounced not fit enough to enlist, thanks to his asthma. Olive wished her friend to be happy, but felt a pang of self-pity knowing Elsie was free to marry her boyfriend, if she wished. Unlike her.

Then one terrible day in late July, Olive’s world fell apart.

She was in the kitchen humming a dance tune as she peeled vegetables for dinner when Bill crashed through the door drunk, and lunged at her with his fists flying. There was no escape. She backed away, fear coursing through her.

‘You slut of a Jerrybag! You’ve been seen sneaking into that bastard’s place, you have. I’ll soon knock that smirk off your face, I will.’ He landed a punch on her jaw and she fell spinning to the floor. She curled up in a ball while he continued to rain blows on her head and body, all the time shouting obscenities at her. Then he stopped. For a brief moment Olive thought that was it, but he dragged her onto her feet and up the stairs, throwing her onto the marital bed. And forced himself on her. Too weak to fight back, she lay there, weeping. As he rolled off her, Olive heard the sound of a jeep pulling up outside. Wolfgang! He mustn’t come in! Bill would kill him! She tried to crawl to the window and warn him, but it was too late. Bill was already buttoning his flies and heading out of the room. She followed, hoping to do she knew not what. But something.

Wolfgang knocked as Bill arrived at the open door. Olive heard Bill yell, ‘You bastard!’ and stumbled in to the kitchen to see Bill aim a blow at Wolfgang, who fell backwards into the yard.

She screamed. ‘No! Bill, no!’ and went outside, barely registering the two soldiers in the back of the jeep as she dropped to her lover’s side. He lifted his head, shook it and stood up unaided. The soldiers jumped out and advanced towards Bill. Wolfgang took one look at her and his face darkened. Turning to Bill, he said, ‘You will pay for this, Herr Falla.’ He shouted something in German and the soldiers grabbed Bill and tied his hands before thrusting him in the back of jeep. Bill kept shouting, ‘Jerry bastard! You fucked my wife! I’ll make a complaint against you, I will.’

Olive could barely stand and Wolfgang half-carried her inside, setting her gently in Bill’s chair. He stroked the hair out of her blackening eyes, murmuring, ‘Mein liebling! What has he done to you? And how did he find out about us? I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is all my fault.’ He kissed her swollen lips and Olive knew she had to hide the worst from him.

‘Someone…saw me at The Imperial and…put two and two together. I don’t know who, but…they must be a friend of…Bill’s.’ Speaking was painful and her head and body screamed for relief from the pain.

Tears slid down his cheeks and Wolfgang brushed them away awkwardly.

‘I must go. I have arrested your husband for striking an officer and he will be imprisoned. He will not hurt you again, you have my word. Are you able to manage on your own? It would not look right if I stayed.’

She forced herself to nod, saying she would be all right.

Another kiss and he was gone, shouting orders to the soldiers. Olive curled up in the chair and sobbed. What was to become of her now? If word got around, she would be doubly damned as an adulteress and a collaborator. She wanted to die.

Olive was spared public shaming, but she heard the whispers, though no-one confronted her face-to-face. The local press reported Bill’s arrest for striking a German officer and he faced a military trial, no details were given, apart from the sentence; he was to be sent to prison in France for two years. Olive didn’t see him again.

She struggled to cope with the milking for a couple of days, but then it became easier. Her young body recovered quickly, but her mind still suffered. Wolfgang had called the day after, alone, and told her what would happen to Bill. Olive couldn’t feel sorry for her husband; he’d got what he deserved. She could only be glad she didn’t have to live with him again. When he returned she would file for divorce. Her main worry was Wolfgang. He was as loving and caring as ever, but while she recovered from her beating he wouldn’t make love to her. She knew it was because he didn’t want to hurt her, but still felt bereft. Slowly, her life returned to its normal routine, except she no longer had to cook for Bill or do his washing. But the downside was she had to run the farm alone.

Wolfgang called in occasionally and, when her bruises had healed, made love to her again. Buoyed by this, Olive looked forward to spending more time with him. As if nothing had ever happened.

One hot August day, Olive was in the yard, scattering the food for the chickens, when Wolfgang arrived in his jeep. He hadn’t said he was coming and she felt the familiar flipping of her stomach.

She smiled as he approached, but his face was sombre.

‘What is it? Has Hitler surrendered?’ It was something being discussed everywhere, even the Germans knew it couldn’t be long coming.

He shook his head.

‘No, liebling, I fear he has not. Better if he had, for us all. Come, let us go inside and we can talk.’

Olive felt the first ripple of foreboding as she led him to the kitchen. What could he mean? They sat down and Wolfgang reached for her hands, a look of such sorrow on his face that she could hardly breathe.

‘I have been recalled to Germany. There is to be a last attempt at fighting back the Allies and I…I have to go. With other soldiers.’

The words caused her more pain than the beating she’d suffered. Not now! Not when they could be together!

‘I understand you have to obey orders, but…when…when do you leave?’ She couldn’t stop the tears and Wolfgang wiped them away with his fingers.

‘We leave in two days…’

She gasped.

‘So soon! Oh, my darling! I don’t know how I’ll bear it without you.’ Olive took a deep breath, trying desperately to keep some dignity. ‘But you will come back for me – when the war is over?’

He kissed her cheek, a sad smile hovering around his mouth.

‘But of course! I do not think it can be long now. If I am spared, I will return. I promise.’