‘Welcome to the Lost and Found
Step inside and look around
Enjoy the visit but take extra care
There’s a boa constrictor loose somewhere
On buses and trains you wouldn’t believe
The crazy things that passengers leave
A dodgem car, I kid you not
Hot-water bottle full, but no longer hot
Leopard-skin tights for the fuller figure
A pineapple carved with the face of Mick Jagger
Deflating slowly, a lead balloon
A barrel of monkeys and a red baboon
Bikes and skateboards by the score
Two steaming bags of horse manure
Rucksacks, tents and rolled-up beds
If they weren’t screwed on they’d lose their heads
No, all present and correct I’m glad to say
The snake has probably slithered away
Where was I? Oh yes, an electric chair,
Dozens of dolls and a huge teddy bear
A dodgy piano and a didgeridoo
A doddery dog and a portable loo
A ventriloquist’s dummy at a loss for words
Three French hens and four calling birds
What’s that noise? A strangling sound?
It’s the giant snake. Don’t turn around
Run for your lives, and I’m sorry to say
We’re definitely closed for the rest of the day.’