INDEX

abortion 78

addictions 70–7, 149

sexual def 70–4, 65–70, 77–85, 108, 145–7, 177;

addictive relationships 90–6, and intimacy 92–6

affective individualism 171–2

AIDS 27, 83, 146

Alcoholics Anonymous 65, 75

alcoholism 88, 91, 105–6

amour passion see love, passionate

anatamo-politics 22

see also biopower

anger 127, 154

aphrodisiacs 41

Ariès, P. 42

autonomy 75, 78, 98, 176, 185–7

of children 115, 125

in pure relationships def 64, 139–40, 186–9, 194–5

and women 28, 43, 54, 56–7, 61, 125, 153

Barnes, J. 4–8

Benjamin, J. 115–16

bereavement 54–5

biopower 21–2, 31, 172–3

bisexuality 13, 145

body language 163

bondage 143

Cancian, F. 43

Carpenter, E. 158

Casanova de Seingalt, G.J. 81–2, 85

Catholicism 20

character (in Reich) 160

children 26, 99, 178

child-abuse 69, 105–7, 189

child-rearing 42, 107, 130, 154–5, 174, 195; and men 11

‘child within’ concept 99–104

invention of childhood 42, 174

and parental authority 42, 90, 97–109, 125

psycho-sexual development of 21, 112–13, 115–17, 124–5, 127–9, 163, 166–7, 169

see also families; fathers; mothers; parents

Chodorow, N. 114–15, 124

Christianity 20, 22, 39

Church, C. 102

civilisation see society

co-dependence def 88–92, 87–109, 139–40

and addiction 89, 92–6

and childhood influence 97–109

commitment 8, 10, 96–8

and homosexuals 146, 148

male flight from 153, 156

and pure relationship 137, 156

complicity, female see under power

compulsion 81, 161

and addiction 71

conception, artificial 27

confession concept 20–1, 29–30, 163–4

female comradeship 44

contraception 2, 21–2, 26–7

counselling 29–30

Dawson, Lord 26–7

death 27, 197

death instinct 161, 164, 167

see also bereavement

democracy

personal 182, 184, 188–92;

mechanisms for 192–6

political 184–8, 196–7

dependence see co-dependence

deviance, sexual 13–16

socialisation of 19–20, 22, 32–4, 174, 179

see also pluralism

diet 31–2, 73–4

discourse, sexual 22–5, 28–9, 60

see also novels

divorce 7, 61, 190

domesticity see under women, work

economic factors 52–3, 57, 149, 152, 155–6, 164, 195

see also work

Ehrenreich, B. 150–1, 152, 155

Elias, N. 64

Ellis, Havelock 33, 82

emancipation see sexual revolution

emancipation, sexual 172, 178–81, 182

emotion, and reason 3, 187, 200–2

episodic sexuality 81, 117, 119, 123, 127, 129, 136, 156, 194

and intimacy 147

lesbians and men compared 141–2

and mother-figure 141

and women 131

eroticism 168, 202

see also men; women

essentialism 113–14, 114

exclusivity 138–9, 165–6

experience, sequestration of 175–7, 180–1

families 8, 165, 172

patriarchal nature of 42, 131, 146, 156, 169

size of 26, 107, 174

fathers 42, 99–102, 107

‘absent father’ 116, 176

and daughters 126–7

patriarchy see families and sons 116

fear 27

feminism 1, 57, 113–14, 114, 150

fetishism 84

Finch, J. 96, 98

Formani, H. 117

Forward, S. quoted 80, 99–100, 104–5, 107

Foucault, M. 16, 60, 65, 161, 166, 168–71, 173–4, 177–9

The History of Sexuality 18–34

Fourrier, C. 167

Frankfurt School 116

freedom, sexual see emancipation, sexual; sex, sexual equality; sexual revolution

Freud, S. 25, 30–2, 112–13, 124, 138, 158, 161, 164–7, 169–70, 177, 200

and female sexuality 124, 128–9

Civilisation and its Discontents 161, 165

Three Essays 32–3, 112

Frieden, Betty 30

friendship 153, 155, 168

female 43–4, 126, 139

male 43, 126

Fromm, E. 164

gender 1–2, 24

identification problems 25, 199–200

‘Gerri’ 67–70, 78

Goffman, E. 64, 72

Goldberg, H. 149–2, 152–3, 155–6, 170

guilt 116, 175

Gullo, S. 102

Hall, L. 118

Hancock, E. 53–4

hedonism 165

Held, D. 184

Hendrick, G. 83

Hite, S. 134–5, 137, 140–1, 148–9

Hoffman, M. 145, 147

Hollibaugh, A. 24–5

home

separation from workplace 26, 42–3, 46

women leaving 53–5, 56

homosexuality 13–16, 82, 123, 155, 163, 167

changes in 13–14, 19–20, 28, 33–4

commitment in 145, 148–52

and dominance 123, 143–4

identity problem of 30, 147

and love 63

as model 137, 147

plastic sexuality in 15, 145–7

see also lesbianism

hysteria 21, 25, 32

idealisation 39, 45

incest 106–7

inequality 90

intimacy 8, 84, 95, 119, 139, 184–204

and addictive relationships 90, 92–6

and families 96–104

female problems with 131

and male friendships 125–6

male problems with 130–2

and personal democracy 188–96; rules for 192–6

and romantic love 45, 62

rules for 192–3

and seduction 84

transformation of 3, 156, 180, 184–204; andmarriage 57–8; and men 59, 130

Irigaray, L. 113–14

Kasl, C. 78, 92

Kinsey Reports 13, 15–16, 29

New (1990) 14

kinship relations 96–8

‘working out’ 96–7

see also children; fathers; mothers; parents

kissing 38–9

Krauss, K. 84

Lacan, J. 113–14, 164

Lash, C. 166

Last Tango in Paris 145

Leowald, H. 116

lesbianism 15, 24–5, 28, 30, 50–1, 123

and male sexuality compared 140–4

and plastic sex 141, 144–7

and pure relationship 134–5; breaking up of 135–40

letting go 73, 92, 102–3

libido 164–5, 169

life politics 197–8

loss, experience of 136

love 34, 58, 66, 169–70, 178

companionate 43

confluent 61–4, 117–18, 188; and children 109; and intimacy 84, 93; see also pure relationship

and family 171–2, 178

and intimacy 45 , 60, 84, 93, 171–2, 178

passionate 37–8, 40, 43–5, 61, 66, 201

romantic 2, 24, 26, 34, 37–47, 58–62, 85; and confluent love 61–4; and intimacy 45, 60; and marriage 26, 38–41, 46, 57; and passionate love 37–8, 43–5; quest-romance 45–6, 50–3, 176; women and 2, 43–4, 46, 57–8, 61–2, 117, 169–70, motherhood 42–3, 46

and sex 40, 62, 196

loveshock 102–4

‘Loving Detachment’ 93

madness 21, 77–8, 200

Malinowski, B. 37

Marcuse, H. 161, 164–9, 172, 176, 178, 181, 202

marriage

changes in 8, 11–12, 44, 57–8, 135–6, 151, 154–5, 192

companionate 43, 155

conventional 8, 21, 26, 38–9, 146, 151, 159, 162, 192; as women’s aim 47, 53–8

engagement 9

extra-marital sex 39; female 7, 12, 39, 141; male 43

and love 38–41, 44–5, 46, 56–7

men’s flight from 151, 156

and pure relationship 154–5

stresses in 148–9, 154–5, 189

see also polygamy

Marx, K. 167

Maslow, A. 155

masochism 123

masturbation 15–16, 19, 79, 128, 163

medicine 151

men 107, 184

dominant role of 2–3, 8, 80–2, 121–2, 126, 149–50, 152–4, 169, 181–2

economic role of 149–50

friendships 43, 126–7, 131

male liberation 155–6

psychology of 6, 60–1, 90, 117, 125; compared to women’s 130–1; conquest ethic 9, 79–80; and intimacy 60, 130–2 sexuality of 66, 81–5, 111–12, 115–21, 124, 178, 199–200; and romantic love 59–61; sexual addiction 79–81; sexual development 49, 51, 113; see also bisexuality; homosexuality

and violence 121–4, 189

vulnerability of 8, 115, 118, 149–52, 170, 175–6; emotional lack 62, 131, 149–50, 153; flight from commitment 151, 156

Mental Deficiency Act (1913) 77–8

mothers 46

and children 42, 101, 115–17, 125, 130, 138

invention of motherhood 98, 107, 125, 130, 174, 177

mourning def 103

My Secret Life 21, 61

Nakken, C. 71

narcissism 93, 98, 128, 155, 166

‘Nikki’ 99–102, 104

novels, romantic 40, 44–6

object-relations approach 113–14

Oedipus complex 112–13, 115–16, 124, 129

orgasm 79, 81

lesbian 142–3

parents 42, 97–104, 188, 191–2

toxic parents 104–9

see also children; families; fathers; mothers

passion see under love

patriarchy see under families

penis envy 115–16

see also under power

permissiveness 109, 168–70, 169

personal boundaries 93–4

perversions see deviance, sexual

phallic power see under power

plastic sexuality 2, 27, 112, 121, 144, 156, 167, 178–80

and marriage 154

and women 57–8; lesbian 140–1, 143–7

pluralism, sexual 33–4, 178–82, 187–8, 194

polygamy 81–2

pornography 119–21, 163, 177

post-structuralism 113–14

power

in homosexuality 123

in society 18–19, 24, 28, 39, 160, 170–3, 186

over children 97–8, 109

phallic power 2, 83, 115–21, 126, 129, 143–4, 147, 153; female complicity with 119–20, 124–30, 132

in relationships 18–19, 69–70, 94, 193

see also biopower

pregnancy 77–8

prostitution 123

psychiatry 29–31, 90–1, 91–2, 99–102, 112–17, 113, 124–32, 163, 201–2

psychology see Freud and under men; women

pure relationship def 2, def 58, 90, 94–6, 134–56, 147, 188–203

and children 99, 154–5

and democracy 184

and marriage 154

see also autonomy

quest-romance 45–6, 50–3, 176

rape 82, 121–2

reflexivity, institutional 28–32, 39, 64, 76, 85, 90–4, 108, 173, 176, 180–1, 189

and marriage 57

reverse reflexibility 88

Reich, W. 158–64, 168–70, 172, 178, 181

relationships 58

fixated 89–90

see also marriage; pure relationship

repression, institutional 19, 38, 173–6, 178, 181–2

in Marcuse 164–70

in Reich 158–64

repressive hypothesis (Foucault) 18–19, 77

reproduction 174–5

separation from sex 34, 202–3; homosexual implications 144

and status of men 153

respect 189–90

romance 40–1, 45

in lesbianism 50–1

see also under love

Rubin, L. 9–13

Ryan, M. 42

Sade, Marquis de 144, 202

sado-masochism 143–4

security 75, 78, 89, 92, 115, 175

seduction 60–1, 81–5, 87

self-esteem 108–9

self-identity 22, 30, 94, 108–9, 113–14, 174–6, 179, 197–200

and addiction 90

and homosexuals 30

and men 59–61, 115–17, 130, 152–3

and pure relationship 64

reflexive 147

self talk 91

and women 30, 53; in marriage 55–8

sex 20–2, 27, 174–5, 175–8, 180–1

aberrant see deviance, sexual

democratic 194

double standard 7, 12, 43, 146

in Foucault 18–34

knowledge of 11–12, 21, 24, 49, 118

oral 11

permissiveness 15

pre-marital 6, 9–12

in romantic love 38–41, 62–3

sexual equality 1, 3, 6–7, 189

social changes in 16, 23–8; heterosexual 9–13; homosexual 13–15, 28

social pre-occupation with 19, 25, 168, 170–1, 176, 180–1, 197, 203; derivation of 172

as truth 165, 177

see also episodic sexuality; men; plastic sexuality; pluralism; women

Sex Addicts Anonymous 65

sexual identity see self-identity

sexual radicalism 168–72

‘sexual revolution’ 1, 6–13, 23–8, 181

and deviance 13, 15

and homosexuals 13–15

shame 73, 77, 100, 108–9, 116, 127–8; 175–6

shell-shock 103

society, non repressive 181

see also repression

sodomy 11, 19

Stoltenberg, J. 199–200

Stone, L. 7, 171

Stopes, M. 118, 123

stress 163–4

Sunday Express 27

Thompson, S. 49, 51–2

transvestism 199

trust 138–41, 146, 191

violence 3, 5–6, 8, 112, 153–4, 161, 189, 196

female 123

male 117–18, 121–3

virginity 9–10, 51

Wadsworth, B. quoted 43

Weber, M. 40, 201

Weeks, J. 33

Wittgenstein, L. 193

Wolff, C. 140

womanising see seduction

women 1–2, 27, 32, 87–8, 124–9, 171, 178, 184, 199

autonomy of see under autonomy

co-dependent 87–8, 92–6

complicity with male dominance 8, 117–18, 120, 122, 130, 154

economic position 52–3, 149, 152, 156

and family 42, 107

and marriage 12, 24, 53–8, 141

psychology of 27, 30, 55, 90, 128, 130–1; men’s incomprehension of 7–8, 42, 60, 111, 200; needs of 66–7, 77; passivity of 44, 46, 126–7; and romantic love 49–53; vulnerability of 176

sexual activity 66–70

sexuality of 2–3, 21, 24, 51, 113; conquest ethic 46, 69; diffuse eroticism 143, 166, 182–9; equality 13, 83–4, 163, 172; ‘respectable’ and ‘loose’ 7–8, 43, 63, 79, 111, 178; sexual activity 4–7, 9–12, 23, 39, 52, 129, 141; sexual addiction 66–70, 78–9; sexual pleasure 67, 144, 178

women’s movements 169

work 76, 111, 131, 170

domestic 44, 52–3, 90, 149, 195; sharing of 138, 195

and sexual discipline 60, 165, 167, 172, 176

and women see under women

see also lesbianism; love, romantic; marriage