Chapter Twenty-Four

When we make it back to the living room, Bas stands up with a question on his face as he spots Sibeal. “What’s going on?” he asks.

I shrug, not totally sure myself. Sibeal just laughs. “I thought we could use a little privacy to talk.” She gestures at the camera bags. “These are our excuse to head into the woods for a while.”

Seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to say as far as Bas is concerned. He stuffs his phone back in his pocket and opens the front door for us. Bas and I follow as Sibeal leads the way around her house to her favorite spot. When she sets her bags carefully on the ground and claims one of the fallen logs as a chair, I sit down as well. Bas, no surprise, sits down right next to me, just close enough that his thigh is pressed against mine.

Sibeal offers me a knowing smile before turning serious. As quickly as possible, she tells Bas everything she told me in her room. She seems surprised that Bas takes in news of Druids, immortality, and curses so calmly, but I figured he’d be up for the challenge of believing Sibeal after he listened to my story.

“So,” Sibeal says to Bas after her explanation, “what did your cousin find out?”

“To be honest, not a whole lot, but he said he’ll keep researching it. I told him we only have until tomorrow night, so he’s working as hard as he can.” Bas pauses and leans against a tree behind us. His arms cross over his chest and I recognize his serious and very worried look. “What Noel could tell me was that the curse stone that woman gave you isn’t a normal curse stone. The cat symbol is only used on one kind of curse stone that he could find. It’s called a Soul Stone.”

I have to admit, it sounds spooky, but the way Sibeal’s face completely drains of color makes me panic. Half afraid she will faint and fall off the log, I hurry over to her side. “Sibeal, what’s wrong?”

“A Soul Stone?” she whispers. “No, that can’t be right.”

Bas abandons his log and comes over to sit by Sibeal as well. “Noel certainly doesn’t know everything about Celtic lore, but he seemed pretty positive about this.”

Without warning, Sibeal starts sobbing uncontrollably. Bas tries to console her, but she throws her arms around me before he can do anything. I have no choice but to hug Sibeal and hope she’ll calm down enough to tell us what’s wrong. If she doesn’t explain soon, I’m going to freak out, too. What if she says there’s nothing we can do? Will Tlaloc really let me die?

Bas leans forward and mouths, Do you have any clue what’s going on?

I shake my head. Whatever a Soul Stone is, Sibeal has heard of it before. Her meltdown can’t be a good sign. My own panic escalates and I have a hard time keeping it out of my voice. “Sibeal, whatever this means, we’ll help you through it, okay?”

“I don’t think there’s any helping me now, Arra,” Sibeal cries. Her words make me go cold, but I do my best not to panic just yet. Sibeal finally lifts her head and sits up under her own power. “I thought this was just about Darcy, but it isn’t. If this were just about the rest of this mortal life that Darcy would be trapped, I…I think I would do it. I deserve one life to live without the pain she causes. I deserve at least that after everything she’s taken from me.”

“Why isn’t it that simple? Sister or not, she shouldn’t be let out,” I argue.

Sibeal wipes at her eyes, but the tears keep falling. It takes a long while before she forces herself to look up again. “It won’t just be for this life, Arra. If the curse becomes permanent, I’ll never see my sister again.”

“What? How do you know that?” I ask.

Her head falls into her hands. Getting frustrated with her, I reach over and push her upright. Sibeal faces me with fear in her eyes. “I’ve spent centuries learning about how to use my power. A curse like the Soul Stone is way beyond my abilities, but I’ve learned enough to know that it’s nowhere near as simple of a curse as Etain led me to believe.”

“How so?”

Sibeal straightens, finally looking like she has some strength in her body. “Etain told me I had to make the curse permanent myself, which was true, but not the whole story. If I don’t make the curse permanent tomorrow, it won’t just dissolve and let things go back to normal.”

“What do you mean? What will happen if the curse isn’t made permanent?” Bas asks.

Sibeal rubs her forehead angrily. “Then it will trap me just as it did Darcy.”

“What?”

The change in Sibeal’s expression from weary to furious startles me. Bas and I exchange a look of concern. I’ve never seen her even a little bit mad before. Bas looks like he hasn’t either. Angry Sibeal is a little bit frightening. She doesn’t seem to notice our wide eyes, though. Her steely voice continues.

“This curse, it doubles back on the one who unleashed it if they don’t complete the cursing. Punishment for being a coward, I guess.”

“Why would Etain do that? I thought she was your friend.”

“So did I,” Sibeal says. “I can try to tell myself that Etain either didn’t know, or never thought it would come to that because I would complete the curse, but I’d just be fooling myself. Etain clearly didn’t want to help me. She wanted to take my power, mine and Darcy’s. And if she can’t do that, she wants us out of her way forever.”

Now I’m the one rubbing my temples. Bas looks like he wants to do the same thing. This is getting more confusing by the second. Bas is the first to voice his confusion. “What do you mean she wanted to take you and your sister’s power? How was that going to happen?”

“If I make the curse permanent, it will kill Darcy and strip her of her power. It will mean never being reborn again. She’ll be gone, but power can’t just disappear. It will flow back to the caster of the curse.”

“You?”

Sibeal shakes her head slowly. “No, I only activated the curse before giving the stone to Darcy. The power would go back to Etain.”

“Okay, but how does that affect you?” I ask. Maybe I missed something in that explanation.

“Being a twin means sharing everything,” Sibeal says slowly, “including our power. We have never been very powerful because each of us only has half the power we were meant to have. We are linked more deeply than anyone understands. If Darcy’s power is stripped away, mine will be as well.”

Oh wow. My head feels like it’s spinning a bit with all the information Sibeal just revealed, but I finally begin to understand the pain she is experiencing, the indecision and guilt. If Sibeal doesn’t make the curse permanent, she’ll be sucked into it and spend the rest of eternity locked away with Darcy to be tormented by her. It sounds like a horrible fate, but it would mean still having Darcy, and not being the one to kill her sister.

Her other option is to make the curse stick, to snuff out Darcy’s immortal existence and live the rest of her mortal life alone and powerless, never to be reborn. I lean back against a large branch sticking up from the log as I try to take in the enormity of such a decision. Kill your sister or spend forever in Hell with her.

More now than ever, I struggle to understand what my role is in this. Is killing Darcy wrong? Is letting Sibeal suffer for eternity any better?

“If,” I say slowly, not wanting to offend Sibeal, “Etain were to get you and Darcy’s power, what would that mean? What is she capable of?”

Sibeal shakes her head. “I don’t know, but I’m scared that she’ll come after me. I’ll be helpless against her when she gets here.”

“When she gets here?” I squeak in panic.

“She’s coming here?” Bas echoes. For being so calm and collected all the time, even he looks shaken.

“She’s coming tomorrow.” Sibeal’s whole body starts shaking. “She’s been close friends with my mom all their lives. She called a few days ago to tell my mom she wanted to come and spend the anniversary with us so we didn’t feel so alone, especially since my dad isn’t here. He blamed my mom for what happened because she begged him to take Darcy with us to Ireland. Etain is pretending to care about my mom, but now I see that she’s really just coming to make sure everything goes the way she wanted it to.”

A string of curse words begins running through my mind. I can’t believe the kind of crazy, messed up insanity that happens right under people’s noses. How many more bizarre and life threatening situations will I get pulled into? Shaking my head, I remind myself that it doesn’t matter how long I have to keep doing this. All the myths and legends I’ve ever heard of could all pop to life, but Sibeal is still my main concern right now.

Standing up, I try to focus my mind using the cadence of my pacing steps. I breathe in the scents of the forest. Only a few short months ago, moss and bugs would have had me itching for the indoors. Now, I love the peacefulness being in the forest brings. Its soothing atmosphere does a lot to calm me enough to think.

Bas’s touch does the rest. I don’t jump when his hand slips onto my shoulder. I welcome his strength, turning toward him and meeting his gaze. “Why don’t we take a walk,” he suggests.

I start to object. I don’t want to leave Sibeal right now. We have to think of how to get her out of this mess. Bas shakes his head.

“Sibeal wants a few minutes to herself. She needs time to think on her own.”

My head turns to look at Sibeal. Her eyes are focused a million miles away, but her head nods. Worried that she might be experiencing some kind of shock, I take a step toward her. The sound of leaves crackling underfoot finally makes her look up.

“Really, Arra, it’s okay. I could use a few minutes to myself.” She stands and wraps me up in a hug. “Besides, you two need to talk. Go, nothing is going to happen to me yet, anyway. Come back when you’re ready. I’ll still be here.”

Any further protesting is met with Sibeal shoving us toward a path away from the circle of logs. She at least seems in somewhat better spirits by the time we take the first few steps away from her. Hope clouds my mind that tomorrow won’t be the last day for both Sibeal and I, but Bas’s presence right next to me proves a good distraction.

Our feet carry us away from Sibeal, our thoughts leaving her behind as well, just as she intended. I glance over at Bas and see him walking with his hands in his pockets and head down. I’m not much better with my arms crossed in front of me and my eyes trying to find anything else to look at that isn’t Bas.

Finally, Bas speaks. “So, I’m guessing this means you told Sibeal about our talk last night?”

“Sorry,” I mumble. “Apparently we aren’t very good at hiding what we’re thinking. She guessed pretty easily.”

With a shake of his head, Bas’s head drops to his chest. “I’m sorry, Arra, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this. Hide, I mean. It’s too hard.”

“What are you saying?” I ask, my arms tightening around my body.

Bas stops, his magnetic pull refusing to let me go any further without him. His expression is pained as he says, “I’m going to have to stay away from you until …”

“Until when?” I demand.

“Until …” Bas throws his hands up. “I don’t know! Until I can stand to be near you without wanting pull you into my arms. Until you break up with Tanner and I can be around you without feeling guilty—not that I’m saying that’s what you should even do.”

Bas spins away from me. “I don’t know, Arra. I don’t know what to do. I just know this …” He gestures at the minimal distance between us. “…can’t keep happening. I can’t take it. You’re too sweet and beautiful and perfect! I want you so much, but I can’t have you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to, and I don’t know how to handle that.”

I reach out for Bas, but I don’t know what to say. I’m not perfect. My sweetness is fairly debatable, especially if you ask my parents. Does he really see me like that? Does Tanner? I don’t know what to do either, but the thought of losing Bas hurts so much I can barely stand to think about it.

I can’t sit through classes pretending he isn’t there. Eat lunch without listening to his voice? I realize how much I would miss it, even when he’s teasing me. No matter what is going on, Bas somehow manages to be the calming presence in the middle of a storm. Even when he’s the one causing the problem! Not having him in my life just isn’t okay.

“Bas,” I say softly.

Just that is enough to spin him around to face me. His whole body leans toward me, but he holds back, trying not to act on his desires. I’ve never seen him so completely vulnerable. Emotionally exposed, he waits for me to say something, to cast him away or take the next step. My heart is pounding as I move closer to him. We are only inches away from each other, breathing like we have run for hours when I finally stop.

“Bas,” I say, my voice trembling as badly as my body, “I don’t want you to disappear.”

His hands clutch my shoulders, holding me at a distance, even though he clearly wants to pull me against him. I gasp in a breath at the desire and guilt clouding his expression. Every breath he takes speaks to me, promises never to leave, to love me forever. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose this moment, but my head falls as guilt crushes me.

Bas’s grip loosens, but my fingers clutch at his arm. “Don’t,” I beg.

He continues to hold onto me with one arm as his other hand comes up to press against my cheek. Gentle pressure guides me to look up at him. The fire in his eyes consumes me. All it would take would be the slightest indication that I wanted more. My lips parting. Rising up on my toes to meet him. One word. That’s all it would take to bring his lips to mine so I could taste his love and open myself up to him.

All it takes is one thought to pull me away. Tanner.

I was the one begging him to stay only seconds ago, but now I step out of his grip. I can’t cheat on Tanner. He doesn’t deserve that. Bas seems to come to the same conclusion when I do. His expression breaks into one filled with guilt. Turning away from me, he leans against a tree for support. His fist hits the tree, not hard enough to do any real damage, but enough to beat out his frustration.

“Bas, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” he asks. The misery in his voice assaults me. “Sorry for not giving into me when you’re still dating Tanner? Sorry for not falling all over me just because I confess everything to you? Sorry for not knowing how to tell me that I’m not the one you want?”

Startled by that last one, it only takes two quick steps to bring myself to his side again. My hand slips around his, pulling him away from the tree. He lets me turn him, but refuses to look at me. I don’t let that stop me.

“I’m sorry for not seeing who you really were from the beginning. I’m sorry for not realizing how much I have been hurting you. I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t want you, because I do,” I say.

Bas’s whole body sags against the tree. “When you pulled away, I thought …”

I shake my head. Noel’s request on the phone comes back into my mind as I struggle to figure out what to say, what to do. I don’t know what else to do, so I take Noel’s advice and hope it will show me the way.

“Bas, can I ask you a question?”

Standing up straight, he nods. “Of course.”

“Will you tell me about the fire?”

Clearly, that wasn’t anything close to what Bas was expecting. He looks physically startled, walking over to a bare patch of ground and sitting down slowly. He doesn’t look at me when he speaks. “Why do you want to hear about that? I’m sure people have already told you the details.”

“Not all of them,” I say as I sit down next to him. “Noel told me to ask you about the fire.”

“Why?”

I shrug, not sure myself. All I can say is, “He seemed to think it would make a difference.”

Bas is quiet for a long time. “What have you already heard?”

Unsure of the wisdom of this conversation, but trusting Noel that it will indeed help me see Bas more clearly, I tell him.

“I know there was a fire three summers ago. It was at one of the cabins deeper in the woods that people use for hunting during the winter. A bunch of kids from town snuck out to one of the cabins at night. They had an old oil lantern because the electricity was shut off at the cabin for the summer, but it got knocked over somehow and the cabin caught fire. I don’t know everything that happened after the cabin caught fire, but I know you were the one to pull everyone else out. You saved their lives.”

When I look over at Bas for his reaction, I don’t expect to be greeted by his reddened face and tear-swollen eyes. I try to reach out to him, but he pushes me away. I don’t understand why until he speaks again.

“Nobody told you about how it was my idea to sneak out to the cabin? Dani didn’t show you were she was burned? Jackson probably didn’t mention that he was in the hospital for a week because the smoke damaged his lungs. And I suppose nobody bothered to mention Alice, either.”

I shake my head slowly. “Who is Alice?”

“Alice is the only one I didn’t save.” Bas’s shoulders begin to shake as he breaks down. “I couldn’t get her down from the loft. She died there because I wanted to show off, sneaking into the cabin like that somehow made me special.”

The guilt and pain I saw hiding in Bas’s eyes at the hospital floods out of him. His body crumbles in on itself. His head drops to his knees and he releases the pain he has been carrying around for over almost three years. For the second time today, I try to comfort someone as their world crashes down around them.

Bas outmatches me in height and weight, but all it takes is one gentle tug to pull him into my arms. I quietly whisper words of comfort to him as I smooth his hair back from his face and run my fingertips along his skin.

When Bas’s body finally calms, I ask, “How did the fire start?”

“Alice and Nico were up in the loft, making out as usual. I think one of them must have kicked over the box it was sitting on. The oil spilled out over the floor of the loft and over the edge to the first floor. The fire from the lantern lit it up in seconds.”

I continue to hold Bas as he tries to hide the last traces of his pain. “How did Nico get out, but not Alice?” I ask.

Bas turns further into my embrace as shame takes over. “They both panicked. Nico ran down the stairs and Alice tried to follow, but she tripped or got caught on something. I saw Nico through the flames and I thought she was with him. Some of the oil had landed on Dani. I was trying to put the fire out and I didn’t realize.”

As Bas’s breathing starts to escalate, I lean down and press my cheek against his. “Bas, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I brought them there,” he argues.

“They all agreed to come. Nico was the one with Alice. He didn’t realize she hadn’t followed him either. I’m sure everyone was panicking.”

Bas pushes away from me angrily. “They were all my responsibility!”

Gently, I touch Bas’s arm. “This is why you were so hard on Tanner about what happened on the lake with that girl, isn’t it? You feel responsible for what happened to Alice. It eats away at you. You don’t understand why nobody blames you.”

“They all called me a hero,” Bas says, his voice cracking. “They wanted to congratulate me, thank me. That was almost worse than the fire.”

“There would have been more people who died if you hadn’t stayed calm and gotten them out.”

Bas stands up and paces back and forth in the trees. “Most isn’t enough when you’re talking about people’s lives! I should have been able to save Alice. She was in the most danger, but I didn’t even realize she was still up there. I tried!” His hands drag against his face, as if he can rub away what happened. “I tried to go back for her, but the fire was too big. I saw her lying next to the bed. She wasn’t breathing, but I still had to try!”

I watch as Bas’s hands press against his side. He holds it as if he is in agony. Risking upsetting him even more, I approach him slowly. I try to cover my hands with his, but he bats them away. Giving up isn’t something I can do right now. Bas needs someone to share this burden. As my fingers slip under his shirt, he tries to push me away, but I won’t let him. He fights me until my hand finally gets past him and presses against the puckered flesh of his abdomen.

My gasp breaks through his defenses. His hands fall limply at his sides as I push his shirt up frantically. He’s halfway out of his shirt before I find the edges of the burn. Tears spring to my eyes at the sight of the scars reaching from just below his waist up to cover half his chest. One hand covers my mouth as the other one spreads out over the scars.

“Alice’s parents came to me in the hospital and thanked me for trying to save her.” Bas’s face crumbles. “Why would they thank me? Why didn’t everyone blame me for what happened? I deserved it. I didn’t deserve being called a hero, asking me to work with the fire department, praising me like I had nothing to do with why Alice died. Why?”

With great care, I pull Bas’s shirt back into place. My hands don’t leave him, though. They slide up to his chest, twisting my fingers around his shirt and pulling him down to me. “They didn’t blame you because they see you more clearly than you see yourself.”

Bas tries to shake me off, but I won’t let go.

“The fire wasn’t your fault. You did what no one else could do. You kept your head and got out everyone that you could. No, you didn’t save Alice, but dying as you tried wasn’t going to change that. Everyone knows you did everything you could. They know the kind of person you are. They see what I see when I look at you.”

The pain in Bas’s eyes is still there, and may never leave completely, but it seems to have lessened by the tiniest degree. “What do you see when you look at me?” he asks. The pleading in his voice brings tears to my eyes.

“I see someone who is compassionate enough to befriend a very strange new girl and try to make her feel safe. I see someone who is brave and strong, who puts others before himself all the time. I see the kind of person who would give up his life to protect the ones he loves. I see one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met.” My fingers stop strangling Bas’s shirt and flatten out against his chest. “I see the real Sebastian Wallace when I look at you.”

Just like Noel was hoping I would.

Bas crushes me against his chest. I can barely breathe, but I don’t complain. He is still carrying around so much pain and guilt. I don’t know if anything can ever erase it completely, but I want to try. I look up at Bas and am instantly caught in his love.

“Arra? Bas?” Sibeal’s timid voice calls out to us.

I suppose I should dart out of Bas’s arms, but neither of us moves. Neither of us wants to move. Only the click of Sibeal’s camera makes me look away from Bas. I laugh when I see Sibeal take another picture.

“What are you doing?” I laugh.

With her eye still up to her camera, Sibeal says, “My mom just called and told me that Tanner is at the house.”

That is enough to break me and Bas apart. Bas turns away from me, but Sibeal is having nothing to do with that. “No, no, wait. I told my mom we’d be another twenty minutes or so. Don’t go yet. I promised Arra pictures.”

Bas looks confused. I have mixed feelings. “Sibeal, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

She gives me a dry look. “I do know how to keep a secret.” She smiles, though, and says, “Besides, I still have a point to prove.”

“What?” Bas asks.

I shrug.

“Just give me a few minutes,” Sibeal begs. “I promise it will be worth it.”

It’s hard to resist her knowing that it might be the last day either of us gets to spend alive. It’s hard to resist staying near Bas, as well. Bas must feel the same way, because his hand slips into mine and pulls me back to him. We spend the next ten minutes doing exactly as Sibeal says. She is more rushed than when she did my solo photos, but I have no doubt the results will be just as amazing.

Bas pulls me up off the ground when Sibeal finally releases us. His arm wraps around my shoulders without missing a beat. It is soothing to have him so close, but it also makes me realize that he was right. We can’t be around each other without acting on our feelings. I know I have to settle things with Tanner.

“Okay, here,” Sibeal says with a smile, “this is what I wanted to show you both.”

As Sibeal turns her camera to face us, I hesitate to look. Bas is more eager. He crowds behind Sibeal’s camera and stares. He is so silent, I can’t resist. I step forward and let my eyes find what my heart is begging to see.

The image of Bas and I sitting on the ground at the base of a tree, the ground littered with fallen red leaves, is mesmerizing. It isn’t the scenery that captures me. The trees and leaves are beautiful, but it’s the expressions on our faces that hold my attention. Bas’s eyes are fixed on me, and no one can doubt the honesty of his emotions. I never doubted Bas, so this is not a surprise to me. It’s my own expression that is so startling. As I lean into Bas’s chest, there is a look of such complete happiness on my face that it pierces me deeply.

Sibeal was right. This picture is worth any amount of words I could try to use to explain how Bas makes me feel. I look over at Sibeal with a smile. “Thank you.”

She smiles back. “After what Bas told me, I know I may never have the chance to find something as beautiful as this,” she says. “I would hate to see you walk away from it because you couldn’t recognize it for yourself.”

I smile at her words, but it slips away quickly as I realize this moment may have come too late.