The next forty minutes of waiting for Sarah seemed like the longest of Taffeta’s life. Rigid with nerves, she clung to Barney’s hand, wondering when she’d come to count on him so much. Grace nodded off in her chair. Taffeta leaned closer to her husband.
“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “If she screams and shrinks away from me again, I think I’ll die.”
He untangled their fingers and slipped his arm around her. “I don’t think Grace or Cameron would have said it will be all right unless they believe it will be. Take a deep breath and try to relax.”
Taffeta did as he said, but her body remained taut with tension. She jerked when she heard the front door open. A second later, Sarah entered the room. At first glance, Taffeta thought the child looked adorable in a pink top and jeans. Her curly dark hair bounced on her shoulders with every step she took. But then, with mind-numbing shock, Taffeta noticed not only how much older Sarah was, but also that the little girl had a rhinestone stud in her nose and gaudy, dangling earrings in her pierced ears, and wore makeup, her eyelids smeared with dark liner, her cheeks slashed with too much blush, and her lips stained with bright red lipstick.
If not for Barney’s firm hold on Taffeta, she might have toppled off the sofa. Pain lanced into her heart. She had anticipated that this first meeting with her daughter would hurt. She had missed out on two years of Sarah’s life. There were storybooks that she would never be able to read to Sarah because they were no longer age-appropriate for her. Taffeta had missed out on watching the child learn to draw her first letters, listening to her bedtime prayers, taking her to the zoo and the park, and—well, the sense of loss that Taffeta felt was indescribable. But never in her wildest imaginings had Taffeta expected to see her child wearing garish makeup, earrings, and a nose stud.
She sent Cameron a horrified look. He lifted his hands in that helpless gesture again. Now Taffeta understood what he’d meant when he said that Sarah’s exposure to unsavory individuals had impacted her in a negative way.
Sarah ran straight to Grace, who had awakened. The frail older woman opened her arms, and the child gave her grandmother a careful hug. Even so, Grace winced.
“Shit, Grammy. I’m sorry.” Sarah drew back. “No matter how hard I try not to hurt you, I always fuck it up.”
Again, Taffeta wobbled on the sofa cushion and was grateful for Barney’s grasp on her arm. Where had Sarah learned words like that? She was only five. And why, oh, why were Grace and Cameron pretending she hadn’t said them?
“You have some very special visitors,” Grace said to the child. “Did your grandpa tell you about them?”
“Yes.” Sarah turned toward Taffeta, but her gaze halted on Barney. She stared at him for what seemed like an endless moment. Then her face went pale, the only color left because of the heavily applied cosmetics. Beginning to tremble, she cried, “A cop! What’s he doing here? Make him go! Now! I don’t like cops! They take daddies and mommies away to jail and leave little girls all alone with no food!”
Taffeta felt Barney stiffen. Then he pushed to his feet. Taffeta grabbed hold of his shirtsleeve. “Barney, no.” Only even as Taffeta uttered the words, she could see by her daughter’s reaction that his leaving might be the only option, at least for now. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Barney gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ll take a drive. Don’t shorten your visit on my account. I’ll be fine. Call me when you’re ready to leave, and I’ll pick you up.”
Sarah ran to her grandfather and cowered behind his legs as Barney crossed the room toward the archway into the foyer. “I can see myself out,” he said over his shoulder. “Cameron, Grace, it was a pleasure to meet both of you.”
The sound of the front door closing echoed through the large house, yet Sarah still trembled like an aspen leaf in a brisk breeze. Cameron scooped the child up into his arms and sat on the sofa with her.
“Cops aren’t bad people,” he gently assured his granddaughter. “In fact, they’re our friends. When we need help, we can call for them, and they always come.”
Sarah shook her head. “No. They’re mean. My daddy said. He told me to hide under a blanket on the floorboard if I ever saw a cop. He said the cops would take him away to jail and leave me all alone in the car forever and ever without any food or water.”
Taffeta’s stomach dropped. Of course. Sarah’s terror of lawmen suddenly made perfect sense. Phillip had frequently left the child unattended in vehicles. In order to avoid any legal ramifications for endangering his child, he’d told her wild stories to make her so terrified of the police that she would hide from them.
In a faint voice, Grace said, “We’ll have plenty of time later to discuss whether policemen are our friends or our enemies, Sarah, but for now, Deputy Sterling is gone, you have nothing to be afraid of, and someone who loves you very much is here to see you.”
Sarah finally looked at Taffeta. “Hi,” the child said.
“Hi.” Taffeta tried to smile. She wanted to leap up and scoop her daughter into her arms. Instead she just drank in the sight of her. Beautiful, so beautiful. How long had it been since she touched her little girl? Her fingertips ached to feel her silken curls and satiny skin. And, oh, how she yearned to take her to the bathroom and scrub all that goop off her face. “That’s a very pretty outfit.”
“Thank you. Grammy says the color pops on me.” Sarah shifted on her grandfather’s knee. “She wouldn’t buy me the outfits I really wanted, though. She said they were sneezy.”
“Sleazy,” Grace gently corrected. “Getups like those are worn by women with no taste in fashion and are inappropriate for little girls.”
Sarah shrugged and cast her grandmother a snide glance. “Whatever, Grammy. You’re an old lady and don’t know what looks sexy.”
“Sarah!” Taffeta wanted to bite her tongue the instant she spoke. Scolding the child now, when Sarah barely remembered Taffeta, if she even remembered her at all, might get the two of them off on the wrong foot. Nevertheless, Cameron and Grace apparently weren’t giving the little girl guidance, and Taffeta couldn’t let such rudeness go unaddressed. “Your grammy loves you very much, and she deserves to be spoken to with respect.”
“You aren’t my boss,” Sarah popped back.
“No, I’m not,” Taffeta agreed. “But I do want to be your good friend, and a good friend always speaks up when somebody is making a mistake. I think you may have hurt Grammy’s feelings.”
Sarah gazed thoughtfully at Grace. “I’m sorry, Grammy. Did I hurt your feelings?”
Grace nodded. “No lady likes to be told that she’s old. And I’m actually not. I’m a pretty young lady trapped in an old woman’s body. I’m also very good at choosing clothing that enhances one’s appearance.”
Taffeta noted that Grace didn’t talk down to Sarah or avoid the use of big words. Just as the speech of Phillip’s friends had rubbed off on Sarah, so had some of Grace Gentry’s sophistication. Sarah didn’t talk like any five-year-old that Taffeta had ever met—not that she’d known all that many.
“It’s true, Sarah,” Taffeta inserted. “When I first met your daddy, I had no idea how to dress properly. Your grandmother took me shopping, and every time I reached for something that wouldn’t look good on me, she’d slap my hand.”
Sarah giggled. “Nuh-uh.” She flashed a questioning glance at Grace. “Did you really slap my mommy’s hand?”
Grace smiled. “Maybe a time or two, and only in a joking way. Her taste in clothing was abysmally poor.”
Sarah dimpled a cheek at Taffeta. “How come you hang out with cops?”
Taffeta wasn’t certain how to answer. She definitely felt it would be unwise to mention that she was married to Barney, at least for right now. She chose to reply, “I don’t normally keep company with cops. But that particular law officer is a wonderful person, and he’s my very close friend.”
Sarah wrinkled her nose. “Well, don’t bring the asshole around me again. I don’t like him.”
Taffeta had to clench her teeth to stop herself from scolding Sarah for using bad language. On the one hand, she understood that children parroted the adults around them and couldn’t be blamed for using foul words if they had heard them constantly. But it was still difficult to hear her little girl talk that way.
In that moment, Taffeta wished she had Phillip’s dick clenched in a Vise-Grip. He was the guilty one. He had allowed people with filthy mouths to be around their daughter. What had he been thinking to allow the child to get her nose pierced? As the sole custodial parent, he’d surely had to grant permission in writing for the procedure to be done. Taffeta didn’t mind the pierced ears so much. The gaudy silver fans that swung from Sarah’s earlobes could be replaced with tasteful gold studs.
A wave of sadness washed over Taffeta. Oh, how she missed Barney. He’d been so instrumental in making this visit today possible; it didn’t seem right that he couldn’t be here, and without witnessing Sarah’s behavior himself, he wouldn’t be able to give Taffeta any advice on how to deal with the situation.
It struck Taffeta then that she’d come to count on Barney in ways that she’d never thought she might. He had become far more than merely her lover; he was the best friend she’d ever had.
Cameron quirked an eyebrow and gave Grace a meaningful look. Grace nodded slightly and said, “Sarah, come over here and tell me about your day at school. I think your grandfather would like a private moment with your mother.”
Taffeta stood and followed her former father-in-law from the living room and across the foyer to his office. The room, opulently appointed with built-in cherry bookcases that surrounded a desk nearly as large as a tumbling mat, hadn’t changed since she saw it last. Cameron sat in a leather chair behind the desk. Taffeta sat across from him.
She had no idea what Cameron wished to talk with her about, but judging by his expression, she knew it would be a serious conversation about Sarah.
He folded his arms on the desk and leaned toward her. “Now you know what we’re up against with our granddaughter. She has a filthy mouth. When Phillip dumped her off here, the clothing she had with her—well, it was downright shocking. He allowed his girlfriends to dress her, and she looked like a five-year-old hooker. Her belly button was infected from wearing a navel ring that she didn’t clean properly. I had to take her in to a doctor. He removed the ring, told Sarah it would make her sick if she wore it, and tossed it in the trash.”
Taffeta sat back in her chair. “I’m shocked, too, Cameron.” She paused. “Please don’t take this as criticism, but I haven’t heard either you or Grace correct Sarah when she speaks or behaves inappropriately.”
He sighed and briefly closed his eyes before meeting Taffeta’s gaze again. “It’s hard for us. Sarah was exposed to things no child should ever see. She saw me giving myself an insulin shot, and she asked if I was shooting up. I was so upset to have her think that I do drugs. You just can’t imagine.”
Taffeta’s stomach lurched. “I didn’t know that you’re diabetic.”
“Recently diagnosed. Grace isn’t the only one with health problems. Hers are just worse than mine. But that’s beside the point. Sarah flinches if we gesture with our hands. She jumps if we startle her by speaking too loudly.” His eyes filled with indescribable sadness. “God forgive me. I want to strangle my son. And I’m not just mouthing off, Taffeta. If I could get my hands around his throat, I don’t think I could stop squeezing. When Sarah left us, she was a sweet, precious little angel. Now she’s defiant. She smears makeup on her face even though we’ve both told her not to. Her friends at school want nothing to do with her now.”
Taffeta reached across the desk to lay her hand over one of his. “I know Sarah has been through hell, Cameron, but if you ignore her bad behavior, it will only grow worse. She attends a private Christian school. The mothers of the other little girls don’t allow them to wear makeup or use foul language. Most of them are only five!”
“What am I supposed to do, spank her? I think she’s been pounded on enough.”
Taffeta tightened her grip on his fingers. “There are other forms of punishment. Take things away from her. Don’t let her watch TV for an evening. Remove her favorite storybooks from her room.”
“She has moved way beyond storybooks. Phillip bought her an iPad, and she surfs the Net or plays games to entertain herself.”
“What? Sarah is too young to be surfing the Net, Cameron. Have you set up parental controls on the device?”
He gave her a hopeless look. “I didn’t even know I could. I use computers all the time, but for me, they’re a tool, not things I know how to fiddle with.” With a shake of his head, he added, “One night I caught her watching male strippers.”
“Dear God.” Taffeta surged to her feet and paced in half circles around the chair. “I know how to fix the settings on her device. If you’ll let me, I’ll install parental controls and protect them with a password so Sarah can’t figure out how to turn them off.”
“She’ll throw a fit.”
“Let her.” Anger turned Taffeta’s blood hot. If Cameron ever got his hands on Phillip’s throat, she would happily help strangle her ex-husband. “You’ve got to get her under control. Phillip has done immeasurable damage, and you and Grace are the only adults in Sarah’s life who can help her get back on the right track.”
“We don’t want to be mean and make her hate us. She has been through enough.”
Taffeta stopped pacing and met Cameron’s gaze dead-on. “I understand that Phillip has put you in an intolerable position. Grandparents are supposed to be able to spoil their grandchildren. It shouldn’t be your job to mete out discipline. I would take over if I could, but that isn’t possible just yet. You and Grace are my daughter’s only hope.”
Cameron rested his forehead on the heels of his hands. “Maybe Phillip is such a mess because Grace and I were horrible parents.”
Unable to swallow back the sound, Taffeta groaned. “You and Grace were not horrible parents. You were loving and attentive and fully engaged with your son. If you guys had a fault, it was being too generous. But that isn’t what made Phillip what he is today.”
Sighing, Cameron stood and left the room. He returned moments later with Sarah’s iPad. Without hesitation, Taffeta set up parental controls on the device. Then she began closing all the site tabs, which told her that her daughter had been visiting pages that no little girl should ever see. The knowledge nearly broke Taffeta’s heart.
When Cameron had returned the device to Sarah’s room, they went back to the living area. Sarah had squeezed in beside Grace on the recliner. Taffeta lowered herself onto a cushion of the sofa, and Cameron resumed his seat on the other sectional. He said nothing and just settled back to watch.
Sarah was telling her grandmother about her spelling bee that morning. “I didn’t do very good. Chantelle won.”
Grace glanced at Taffeta. “Chantelle was once Sarah’s good friend. The two of them were the best spellers in the class. They’re learning only short words, but it’s good for them, I think.”
“I don’t care if I can spell good now,” Sarah inserted. “When I grow up, I’m gonna be a stripper like Daddy’s friend Caitlin and make lots of bucks.” Sarah looked pointedly at Taffeta’s chest. “I sure hope I have bigger boobs than you do, or I’ll have to get a boob-enticement operation.”
“Enhancement,” Taffeta corrected, feeling incredulous that her daughter spoke mostly like an adult with only occasional mistakes tossed in. “And I believe the proper term is breast augmentation.”
Grace softly said, “You’re far too smart a girl to be only a dancer, Sarah. You should go to college and choose a challenging and interesting career.”
“Smart ladies use their looks to get rich.” Sarah gave Taffeta an inquiring look. “Do you have a job?”
“I run my own business, a shop that sells health supplements.”
“That sounds boring.”
“Oh, but it isn’t. Every day, I help someone, and that makes me feel good.”
Sarah wrinkled her nose. “I still remember you. Do you remember me?”
Tears burned Taffeta’s eyes. “Of course. How could I ever forget my little girl? I keep your picture beside my bed so I can look at you as I fall asleep each night, and I think of you every single day.”
“Why didn’t you ever come see me, then?”
“You cried the last time I came,” Taffeta explained. “I didn’t want to upset you like that again.”
Sarah nodded. “I’m not afraid of you anymore. My grammy says that my daddy told me fibs about you.”
Looking on, Grace said, “Sarah, I think your mommy would really, really like to get a big hug. It has been a very long time since she’s seen you.”
Being careful not to hurt her grandmother, Sarah climbed off the recliner, stretched her little arms wide, and scurried across the room. For the first time in nearly two years, Taffeta got to hold her daughter close again. The feeling was indescribable. Taffeta pressed her face against the child’s hair and breathed in her sweet scent.
“I hope you’ll consider staying for lunch,” Grace said to Taffeta. “Tessa takes care of all that for me now, so it won’t be an imposition. She’s serving homemade beef ravioli.”
Sarah clapped her hands. “Yummy! That’s my favorite!”
Taffeta hadn’t expected to see her daughter, let alone share a meal with her. For her, it was a dream come true. A few minutes later, Tessa came into the living room to announce that lunch was served. A plump woman with merry blue eyes and short silver-gray hair, she gave Taffeta a warm and welcoming smile.
“It’s fabulous to see you again, Taffeta.”
Taffeta pushed to her feet and crossed the room to give the housekeeper a hug. “You are a sight for sore eyes.” As they broke apart, Taffeta asked, “How have you been? Do you still make the best apple pie this side of the Mississippi?”
Tessa laughed. “I don’t know if it’s quite that good, but I get no complaints.”
Grace excused herself by saying, “I’ll have my meal here in my chair, Tessa, if you wouldn’t mind the bother.”
Tessa flapped her hand. “You’re never a bother, and I made you a special stew that should settle nicely on your stomach. I was afraid the ravioli might disagree with you.”
Grace smiled. “You’re a gem. Thank you so much.”
As they adjourned to the dining room, leaving Grace behind, Taffeta noticed for the first time that Cameron seemed to experience pain as he walked. At her concerned look, he waved his hand.
“Diabetes. My circulation in my lower legs and feet isn’t what it should be. Hopefully it’ll improve now that I’m keeping my blood glucose levels in the normal range.”
Over the meal, Cameron focused on eating, which allowed Taffeta to be the center of Sarah’s attention. The child chattered almost nonstop, telling Taffeta about her school, her teacher, and the difficulties she was having with her former friends.
“They don’t like me as much as they used to,” the little girl confessed. “But my grammy is helping me to understand what I’ve been doing wrong.”
Taffeta felt a strong urge to run back to the living room and give Grace a grateful hug. “So, what have you been doing wrong?” Taffeta asked.
“Just not being nice all the time,” Sarah replied. “I was unhappy with my daddy. He doesn’t like little girls. So I felt cross when I was at school.” Flashing a bright grin, she added, “I’m not cross now, though, and I’m trying real hard not to use naughty words at school. Grammy says honey draws more flies than vinegar.”
Sarah went on to tell Taffeta about her drawings and took her to the kitchen to show off those that Tessa had displayed on the refrigerator. “Oh my, you’re very talented, Sarah.” Taffeta tipped her head, trying to figure out what, exactly, she was looking at. “Tell me about this one.”
“It’s a dog. He lives next door. His name is Mac. He’s old and doesn’t want to play, but Grandpa says maybe I can have my own dog when I’m a little older.”
Taffeta yearned to stop time from passing, but the minutes sped by. She put off leaving by helping Tessa clean up the kitchen. By then it was two in the afternoon. She and Barney needed to hit the road to get back to Mystic Creek. Barney had livestock to feed and water. She dreaded having to go home and fix dinner. It would be a collision with reality, and she wanted to hold on to this dream.
“So, what is the story behind this drawing?” She pointed to a stick figure with long hair on a piece of paper. “Is it a picture of your grandmother?”
“No!” Sarah giggled. “It’s of Caitlin.” She stretched up to press a finger to a star shape. “She wears sparkles on her boobs when she dances naked. She danced at her house for me one night. You know what?”
“No, what?” Taffeta asked.
“Caitlin can make her boobs go in circles. She says she gets more money stuffed in her G-string than any other girl because she can do it so good. And she gets even more easy bucks if she sits on men’s laps and lets them cop feels.”
An icy sensation crept up Taffeta’s spine. Would Sarah ever overcome what her father had done to her? When Taffeta got custody—and she was more determined now than ever before to achieve that goal—would she have the wisdom and parenting skills to help her daughter put all this behind her?
“Can you make your boobs go in circles?” Sarah asked.
Taffeta heard Tessa make a disgruntled noise low in her throat. In response to her child, Taffeta replied, “Boob swinging has never been one of my aspirations.”
“What’s a aspiration?”
“An aspiration is a talent or accomplishment that someone tries to achieve.” Taffeta crouched beside Sarah. “I hate to bring this visit to an end, sweet one, but Barney and I have a long drive home, and he needs to get there in time to feed his livestock before dark.” Drawing her cell phone from her pocket, she quickly texted her husband to ask him to come pick her up. Then, refocusing on Sarah, she forced herself to smile. “But I promise to come back as soon as I can to see you again.”
“Are you shacking up with him?” Sarah asked.
Taffeta decided that the time had come for her to be honest with the child. “No. Barney and I are married, Sarah. He’s my husband.”
Sarah’s eyes grew as round as coat buttons. “You married a cop? Why’d you do something so dumb?”
“It wasn’t dumb. Barney is the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. If you’d only get to know him, I think you would like him very much.”
Sarah shuddered. “You can have him.”
Heavy of heart, Taffeta hugged her daughter and kissed her on the forehead. Then Sarah went with Taffeta while she bade Grace a tearful farewell.
Grace smiled wanly. “You tell that handsome young man of yours that I’m sorry he couldn’t stay for the whole visit. I’d love to get to know him better.”
In the entry hall, Taffeta embraced her ex-father-in-law, who had been the closest thing to a dad that she’d ever known. “Thank you so much for everything, Cameron.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Be strong. Okay? A firm hand needn’t be a hurtful one.”
With tears in his eyes, he nodded and then left the foyer so Taffeta could have a last private moment with Sarah.
“Can you call me sometimes?” Sarah asked.
“If your grammy and grandpa don’t mind, I’d love to!”
“They won’t mind,” Sarah assured her.
“Well, then, I’ll call often. You can tell me more about your drawings and how you’re doing with your friends at school.”
Leaving was one of the most difficult things Taffeta had ever done. When she stood alone on the front porch to wait for her husband, she finally allowed the tears to come. Silent tears. She wept with a sense of loss that ran so deep it made her bones ache. She’d missed out on so much of Sarah’s life, and she could never get those years back.
They were lost to both of them forever.