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Halifax, June 10
7:11 a.m.
Daphne hurried to the bathroom. She lurched to the toilet, barely tossing the plastic seat out of the way when the vomiting started. Only a small amount of fluid came up, then dry heaves took over, squeezing tears from her eyes and making her stomach feel stripped raw and ready to surge right up her throat.
Legs weak, she stumbled to the sink and splashed cold water on her face, rinsed out her mouth. She lifted her head and looked at the ghostly blur of herself in the mirror. Pain sliced through her brain, around the tissue behind her eyes, like someone had jabbed a sharp blade in there and twisted it around.
She’d lain awake all night, dreading the morning. She’d gotten herself all worked up over school. Worrying about it. Obsessing over it. What cruel jokes would they come up with next? What mean words would they sling at her? What new rumors would they spread around?
Daphne shuddered; a sudden flashback to Margi slapping her. Quickly, she dried her face, hung the towel on the bar. The clearer face in the mirror was that of a girl with eyes like open wounds, a sickly pallor, and dark smudges above her cheeks.
Look at you. So weak and pathetic. You’re a disgrace. I hate you. Hate you.
Closing her eyes, Daphne leaned her forehead against the mirror. She gritted her teeth, felt her stomach surge again. Nothing happened this time. No vomiting. No dry heaves.
She went over and sat down on the floor, pressing her back against the side of the bathtub and pulling her knees up to her chest. The sharp blade dragged across her brain, and she winced. Dug her fingers through her hair and grabbed the sides of her head.
There was no way she could go to school today.
No way she could go back there again. Ever.
> > > < < <
Audra tried the bathroom door and found it locked. Worried, she rapped her knuckles on the wood twice.
“Daphne,” she called out. “Are you okay in there? I thought I heard you throwing up.”
“I’m sick, Mom.”
“Can you open the door, please?”
There came the thump of footsteps—Daphne walking on her heels—across the floor, the fumbling with the metal handle until the lock clicked. Audra pushed the door open to find Daphne still in her sleep pants and pink sweatshirt. She shuffled toward the tub and sat down on the edge of it, crossing her feet at the ankles.
Audra froze when she saw her daughter’s face—pale, wrung out, older somehow. Her eyes were red and swollen, as if she hadn’t slept last night. Stress. Had to be.
Audra went over to her, a mix of worry and love filling her chest.
“Oh, honey,” she said. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m queasy.”
“Is there a bug going around school?”
Daphne’s jawline seemed to tighten. She averted her gaze and leaned her shoulders slightly away from her mother.
“I don’t know,” she said in a small voice. “Maybe.”
Audra studied her for a moment. She knew deceptive behavior when she saw it—shifting eyes, increased blinking, change in voice.
What the hell was going on at school? Something had to be. Why else would a student with good grades and a perfect attendance record suddenly go into a free fall? Were kids picking on her? Was it because of her friend, Tabitha? Were they fighting?
She touched Daphne’s forehead, then touched her own. “You’re not running a fever. Is your throat sore?”
“No, but my head is killing me.”
“Did you get much sleep last night?”
Daphne pouted. “No.”
“Why?”
“My stomach was bothering me.”
“What did you eat?”
“Just the leftover lasagna Dad and I had last night.”
Audra frowned, picturing the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, herself missing. And the image burned right through her.
That was the one thing she hated about her job—being away from her family so much. She felt trapped between her duties as a mother and her responsibilities as a homicide detective, one who crawled home late almost every night after spending sixteen to eighteen hours up to her neck in human tragedy. Last night, she’d gotten home at midnight.
She said, “People lose sleep because of stress and anxiety. Are you stressed out about something? You look it.”
Daphne dropped her gaze and licked her lips. She began rubbing her hands on her pant legs.
“Remember what I told you the other night,” Audra said. “I’m always here for you, honey. If there’s a problem, you can come to me. Don’t be afraid.”
“I know, Mom.”
“How’d school go yesterday?”
Daphne’s voice cracked on the word: “Okay.”
“Yeah? You sure?”
Daphne opened her mouth to speak, but then her gaze stuck on something over Audra’s shoulder. Audra turned her head to see Daniel standing in the doorway, dressed in a white shirt, black pants, and a purple tie. His eyes darted from his wife to his daughter, and a frown of worry creased his forehead.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Audra said, “Daphne’s not feeling well.”
“No? What’s wrong, kiddo?”
“Stomach’s upset,” Daphne mumbled.
Daniel’s gaze lingered on her a moment, then he looked at Audra, and she could see it in his face, the concern, the understanding they both shared. Their daughter was in trouble, and it wasn’t just a phase of adolescence, some stormy period a lot of kids go through.
Audra filled a glass from the sink with cold water, took out a bottle of Motrin from the medicine cabinet, and popped one pill into her hand.
“This should help with your headache,” she said.
Daphne slapped a palm up to her mouth and chased the pill down with the water. She gave the glass back, and Audra placed it on the sink.
“Maybe you should go lie down, honey,” she said. “I’ll call the school and tell them you won’t be in today.”
Daphne raised her head. “Sorry, Mom.”
The sadness Audra saw in her daughter’s eyes made her miserable.
“Hey, don’t be,” she told her.
“We just want you to be all right,” Daniel said.
Daphne swallowed, and her eyes moistened. Rising to her feet, she hugged herself. She looked unsteady, and Audra took hold of her elbow, helping her. She could feel the tremors rippling through Daphne’s flesh.
Daniel moved out of the way, loosening his tie and unhooking the top button of his shirt. Audra wondered if he’d decided to stay home, realized with a stab of guilt that she couldn’t.
She followed Daphne down the hall to her room. Daphne crawled on top of the bed, pulling the covers over her. On impulse, Audra went over and kissed the top of her head.
“I’ll be right back, honey.”
She found Daniel in their bedroom, hanging up his tie in the closet. She gently closed the door behind her.
“Are you staying home with her?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He turned to her, unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirt. “Someone has to.”
“I know,” Audra agreed. “But what will the office say?”
Daniel shrugged it off. “It’ll be fine. There are some statements I can do here. Besides, when have I ever taken a day off?”
“Never.”
He nodded. “Exactly. I’ll keep an eye on Daphne. Make sure she eats something.”
“How was she last night?”
Daniel puffed his cheeks. “Quiet. Barely touched her supper. Then she went up to her room and never came out all night.”
“Something’s going on at school,” Audra said, lowering her voice. “She skipped Monday and Tuesday. Went back yesterday. I could tell when I dropped her off she was reluctant to go in. Now she’s sick today. And there’s no school tomorrow.”
“Why not?”
“Teachers’ in-service.”
Daniel fell silent. He took off his shirt, draped it over a hanger in the closet. Then he gave her a sideways look.
“Think someone’s picking on her?” he asked.
Audra shrugged. “Don’t know. Maybe.”
“I thought about that.”
“Me too.”
“Whatever happened to her friend, Tabitha? You never see her come around anymore.”
“Daphne won’t talk about it.”
“Maybe it’s over that.”
Audra spread her hands. “Could be. They were pretty close.”
Daniel folded his arms across his chest and fixed Audra with a thoughtful gaze. The room fell silent for a few moments.
“Well,” he said finally. “We need to find out what’s bothering her. Try to help her. It’s hard when she won’t talk about it.”
Audra looked down at the floor. Looked back up at Daniel.
“I know,” she said. “I know.”
> > > < < <
Daphne could hear the faint whispers coming from her parents’ bedroom. Even though she couldn’t make out their exact words, she knew they were talking about her. Wondering what was wrong with their precious little girl. Couldn’t they see she was a complete failure? Dumb. Ugly. A screw-up from birth. The kids at school knew it, they saw it, they understood. Why couldn’t her parents? Why couldn’t they just admit it to themselves?
Someone sliced that blade into her brain again, and Daphne winced. She rubbed her temples, hoping she wouldn’t get sick again.
She heard her parents’ bedroom door open, footsteps coming. Her mother walked in.
“Honey,” she said. “I have to get ready for work now. Your father’s going to stay home today.”
Daphne blinked at that. “What if he gets in trouble?”
“He won’t. And you can’t stay here by yourself. You’re sick. If something happened to you, we’d never forgive ourselves.”
The expression on her mother’s face was one of pity and sadness. Eerily similar to the look Tabitha had occasionally given her at school, and Daphne felt a cry form in her throat, swelling, wanting to break out. She clenched her teeth against it.
“I have to jump in the shower,” Audra said. “I’ll be back before I leave for work. Okay?”
Daphne managed a small nod. She watched her mother leave the room and hated herself even more.
Now her father had to miss work because of her. Daphne shook her head, and tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. She was making her parents’ lives a living hell, becoming a burden, an embarrassment. Neither one of them deserved this. They’d be better off if she’d never been born.
God, she wished she could just die. Die and be gone. Forever.
