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Halifax, June 13
6:42 p.m.
Audra told Daniel everything. The heartbreaking video Daphne had made, conveying her story of the bullying she’d suffered at school, about how lost, hopeless, and alone she felt.
Audra told him about the encounter she’d had with Tabitha and her mother, about the name Tabitha had sent her.
Quiet, Daniel traced the rim of his coffee cup with a finger. Then his face pulled back in a painful wince.
They were hunched at a table near the Tim Hortons kiosk in the hospital’s Goldbloom Pavilion. The place was quiet, not many there at this hour.
“So,” Audra said. “I’m going to have a chat with this Margi Tanner.”
Daniel looked across the table at her. “Think that’s wise?”
“I have to do something.”
“As a cop or Mama Bear?”
Audra shrugged. “Just going to set things straight with her. That’s all.”
Daniel frowned. “I’ve seen your temper, babe. You can fly off the handle pretty quick. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to tear a strip off this girl myself. But I think we should go to the school. Report this. I can’t believe the staff never saw any of this going on. Don’t they have hall monitors anymore?”
“They can’t be everywhere. And it’s not like these kids are going to carry on in front of them.”
Daniel leaned back in the chair, locked his hands behind his neck, and stared up at the ceiling.
“I’ll stop by the school first thing in the morning,” he said. “Talk to the principal there.”
“We,” Audra corrected. “Don’t think for a second you’re going there without me.”
Daniel became very still. He gazed down the length of his nose at her, and Audra could see the wariness in his eyes.
“Right,” he said. “We.”
They finished their coffees then rode an elevator up to the third floor. The doors slid open to a scene of doctors and nurses rushing past. They were surrounding a rolling pediatric bed, and in it lay a poor little boy aged three, maybe four. He looked unconscious, and his face was swollen and blotchy.
Audra heard a doctor say, “Hib,” to one of the nurses as they whisked the little boy through the double swing doors of the PICU and disappeared inside.
Daniel paused a moment, shook his head. “I hate this place.”
“I know,” Audra said. “So do I.”
Daphne’s condition hadn’t changed at all. Thirty-three hours had passed, and she remained trapped somewhere in that twilight between unconsciousness and oblivion. Occasionally, one of her arms or legs would give a spastic movement. But the nurses were quick to tamp out any hope by telling them the movements were reflexive, completely normal. It wasn’t a sign Daphne was recovering.
One nurse said the breathing tube down Daphne’s throat would be removed in a few days. Doctors would insert a tracheotomy tube into her windpipe through an incision in the front of her neck. They wanted to spare damage to her vocal cords.
Audra and Daniel sat on opposite sides of her, both taking a hand into their own.
“We’re back, kiddo,” Daniel said. “Told ya we wouldn’t be gone long.”
They sat there for a while, talking about the family fun they’d had at the Kingsmill Resort in Virginia two summers ago. About the summer before that when they’d rented the chalet at Cabot Shores and Daphne had seen that bull moose trudging through the bushes only yards away. She’d managed to get a picture with her camera before it vanished.
Audra wondered if Daphne could really hear them. Whether or not it made her happy, or caused her terrible pain. If she could, would she tell them to just be quiet?
At nine o’clock, Daniel decided to call it a night. He kissed Daphne on the forehead, gave her arm a gentle squeeze.
“Going home now, kiddo,” he said. “Mommy’s going to stay with you tonight. Okay? I love you.”
He stood over her for a minute, looking down into her face with ravaged eyes. His lips trembled, and his throat twitched. He drew a breath and turned to leave. Audra walked him to the door.
“Don’t forget,” she whispered so Daphne might not hear. “I’m going with you in the morning.”
With equal quiet, Daniel said, “I know.” He put his arms around her, kissed the top of her head. “Try to get some sleep, will you? I don’t need something happening to you too.”
“I’ll try.”
They hugged, and Daniel left.
Audra went back to Daphne’s bedside again. She picked up her daughter’s hand and held it against her face, closed her eyes. For a time, she sat there like that, not moving, not saying a word, but still letting Daphne know she was there.
Audra opened her eyes at the sound of rain scrabbling across the window. She looked over and saw water streaming down the glass, the sky beyond it alive with electricity. She turned back to Daphne.
With a pensive smile, she said, “I never told you about the day you were born, did I? I remember it like it was yesterday. You made this soft little cry. It was the most beautiful sound I ever heard.
“The doctors only let me hold you for a minute. You were so small. Only four pounds, twelve ounces. You came six weeks early, like you couldn’t wait to enter this world.
“They kept you in the NICU for two weeks. This same hospital.” Audra inhaled a deep breath. “That was a scary time for your dad and I. It was so hard to leave you every night. I couldn’t stay with you like I’m doing now.
“When we finally brought you home, God, your father’s eyes were so full of excitement. We had your nursery ready months before you got here. It was painted sky blue. We had a tree branch mural on the wall by your crib with butterflies and dragonflies. A bunch of stuffed animals everywhere.”
Audra winced and touched her eyes with her free hand.
“I saw your video today, honey,” she said. “It broke my heart to see you in such despair. You should’ve come to me. That’s what I’m here for. But I understand why you didn’t. I never told my parents either.
“I was bullied too. My parents used to move around a lot. It seemed like I went to a different school every year or two. When I was twelve we moved to Dryden, Ontario, and once again, I had to go to this new school there. It’s always hard being the new kid. I didn’t know anyone. No one knew me.
“I tried to fit in, to make friends, but none of the kids wanted anything to do with me. I never felt so alone in my life. I kept to myself most of the time.
“It wasn’t long before this group of girls singled me out. They started taunting me. Calling me names. Stupid. Ugly. Loser. They said I belonged in the special-ed class.
“It hurt. Everyday I came home, I cried up in my room. I never wanted to go back there. My life was hell.
“One day after school, those same girls beat me up. I came home with a black eye. My mother was so upset. I told her I got hit in the face with a ball while playing soccer in gym class. I don’t think she believed me.
“Even now, thirty years later, it bothers me to talk about it. It never leaves you. That pain. That humiliation.
“I know, honey, what it feels like to be alone. To be scared. To be targeted. It works on you. Destroys your self-esteem.
“I dealt with that for two years before my parents moved from Dryden to Fredericton. When I first went to the new school there, I was afraid it would be like the other one. But it wasn’t. The kids were more receptive. I made some good friends.
“Not once during all that abuse did I think of...” Audra stopped, considering her words. “You have the whole world in front of you, honey. You’re smart enough to be whatever you want in life.”
With sad eyes, Audra stared at Daphne’s relaxed face, at the tubes and wires surrounding her body, at the noisy machines flashing with different colored lights.
Audra shook her head. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not like this at all.
Daphne was supposed to finish school in two weeks. Enjoy the leisure of summer and the sun. Go to Cavendish this August with her parents to spend a week at the beach.
Audra tucked her legs underneath her, leaned over, and laid her head on the bed sheets beside Daphne. She closed her eyes. And soon the beeps coming from the machines and that hiss, thump, thump from the ventilator faded away, died.
She dreamed of Daphne, a little girl of three years old, coming up to her bedside one night. She wore her Hello Kitty jammies and hugged her teddy bear. Her eyes were like dark wells of terror.
“Mommy.”
Audra lifted her head off the pillow. “Honey, what is it? Did you have a bad dream?”
“Yes. Can I sleep with you?”
Audra smiled at the request. “Sure, you can. C’mon.”
Daphne slid beneath the covers and turned on her side, pressing her back and legs against Audra’s body. Audra laid her cheek against Daphne’s head and put an arm around her waist.
“I love you, honey.”
“I love you, Mommy.”
Audra felt her heart swell as she breathed in the fresh, clean smell of her daughter’s hair. Daphne reached down and placed her little hand around her mother’s fingers and squeezed. Released. Squeezed again, harder.
Slowly, Audra opened her eyes. In a gradual rise, the hospital machines got louder around her, and the thick gauze of the dream began to lift from her mind.
Her gaze wandered across the white bed sheets to Daphne’s fingers curled lightly around her hand.
