A MAN and a WOMAN in an expensive car. He is driving. She wears sunglasses.
WOMAN Turn here.
MAN All right … So, there were, what, two of them?
WOMAN Yes.
MAN You’re sure, just two.
WOMAN I think two, maybe three. No, it was two. Definitely two.
MAN Definitely?
WOMAN Pretty definitely.
MAN Pretty or completely?
WOMAN Pretty completely definitely. Yes. Two.
MAN Two?
WOMAN Two. Watch the road, please.
MAN Two guys?
WOMAN What?
MAN I’m saying, it was two guys, or like a … ?
WOMAN Yes, men. They were all men …
MAN All?
WOMAN Yes. Of course.
MAN No, not of course. It didn’t have to be just men. It could’ve been a mix, a combo of some kind. A boy and a man. Or two women, for that matter. Hell, I don’t know. I wasn’t there …
WOMAN I know, I know. But it wasn’t. They were men, I’m sure. Mostly.
MAN “Mostly”? See, no, that sounds like a bunch of different people.
WOMAN No, it doesn’t. I meant “mostly sure.” I’m mostly sure they were men.
MAN Oh, okay …
WOMAN All of them. Grown men.
MAN Wait a minute, you just said “all” again. Before it was “two.”
Why’s it suddenly “all” now? What’s that supposed to mean? Is it two or not?
WOMAN Yes, it’s two. Two men. I think.
MAN Come on!
WOMAN Well, it’s hard to remember … I’m a little tired.
MAN “Two” is what you said, distinctly. A second ago. You said that, and now suddenly it’s a group, it’s this “all,” which could be like forty or whatever.
WOMAN No, I didn’t mean that. I meant “all” like in “two of them.” That’s “all,” isn’t it? I mean, if there’s only two of them, then two is all.
MAN Yeah, but you don’t usually use that word, not “all,” if it’s only two. Like in “two” of something.
WOMAN You don’t?
MAN No, I wouldn’t.
WOMAN Oh. Are you taking the freeway?
MAN Nah, it’s jammed.
WOMAN All right.
MAN I mean … if you had two dogs, what would you say?
WOMAN What?
MAN You get two animals, okay, two puppies for Christmas, you’d say …
WOMAN My dogs …
MAN But if you were counting them, then what?
WOMAN I have two dogs … right?
MAN Exactly!
WOMAN But I could say, “all my dogs,” I mean, if I wanted to.
MAN Yeah, but …
WOMAN I’m just saying, I might. I do, sometimes. With different things.
MAN Really?
WOMAN Sure. It’s a choice.
MAN Then … take two hamburgers. Say you went to a place, Burger King or wherever, you buy two Whopper Jrs., that type of deal, you’d say what?
WOMAN I don’t follow …
MAN I’m saying, you’ve got two sandwiches in front of you, you polish them off, and a person comes by, he asks you …
WOMAN Who comes by?
MAN I don’t know, some guy, just this guy …
WOMAN Yeah, but who?
MAN I dunno, he works there! An employee.
WOMAN I think they call them “team members.”
MAN Whatever! So this guy, this “team member” breezes past, he’s cleaning tables and whatnot, and just casually, out of courtesy, he asks, “Hey, how was your lunch?” And you’d say … ?
WOMAN “Good.” I mean, depending … I like Burger King usually.
MAN Right, okay, yes, and then … he asks where your food went. What then?
WOMAN Oh. Well, I ate it.
MAN Ate what?
WOMAN My food. All my burgers …
MAN Why “all”? It was just two … why not just say, “I ate both of them.”
WOMAN I could.
MAN You would, right?
WOMAN Maybe. Or all. I might say “all” of them.
MAN That is truly bizarre …
WOMAN No.
MAN It is. Absolutely. I’ve never seen a person in my life use “all” where you could just use “two” or “both.” Never.
WOMAN I do. I mean, sometimes …
MAN Yeah, well, I’ve never heard you.
WOMAN Anyway, I’m sure it was just the two of them.
MAN These men?
WOMAN Yes, the two men.
MAN Not more, like a bunch of guys?
WOMAN No, two.
MAN Okay. Two’s fine. Two I can handle.
WOMAN I mean, I guess they were men … boys, men. What’s the age cutoff on that? Eighteen, nineteen, or what?
MAN Yeah. Same as getting drafted, or voting. Right around there.
WOMAN Okay, so I’d say “men,” then.
MAN You’re not sure?
WOMAN It was dark.
MAN Dark.
WOMAN Yes … darkish.
MAN It was dark when they came in the room?
WOMAN Uh-huh. I think Twenty-third would be faster … fewer lights.
MAN But you’d seen them earlier, correct? You told me that in the airport.
WOMAN I did, right. Downstairs in the lobby. I saw all of them near the lounge …
MAN Again with the “all” thing! How many were there? Huh?! You make it sound like a platoon or something, for chrissakes!
WOMAN Don’t yell at me …
MAN I’m not yelling …
WOMAN Yes, you are. You are and you know it.
MAN All right, sorry.
WOMAN You said you wouldn’t do that, if I just told you about it. That’s what you said.
MAN I know, I know …
WOMAN So, I’m telling you. I didn’t want to, we’ve been through this kinda thing before, where something happens and you get all excitable, and I knew how you’d be, so I was just gonna … but
you’re, like, “No, no, come on, no, I can tell something’s up, please, please, please, you have to tell me, I won’t say a word, I just have to know.” And now you’re yelling …
MAN Okay, fine. Tell me. I’m silent.
WOMAN It was dark in the room, and then they came in. The “two” of them. They “both” came in. There, is that better?
MAN Yes, thank you.
WOMAN They came in and I don’t honestly remember much else. I sort of blacked out not long after that.
MAN You blacked out?
WOMAN I did, yeah.
MAN “Blacked out,” like passed out or like someone hit you, something like that? Don’t tell me somebody smacked you …
WOMAN No, I don’t think so, no.
MAN You just “blacked out”?
WOMAN Yes.
MAN In a darkened room, with all these guys in there?
WOMAN That’s right … Oops, see, you did it now.
MAN What?
WOMAN You said it, too … “all these guys in there.” You said “all” when you meant two.
MAN No, I didn’t.
WOMAN Yes, uh-huh, you did. I heard you.
MAN No, I wasn’t meaning “two,” I said “all” because …
WOMAN Why?
MAN … because I was trying to trick you, probably.
WOMAN What do you mean?
MAN To see if you stumbled, if you weren’t telling the truth and you’d trip up by telling me there were more than two. More guys than just the two.
WOMAN Why?
MAN I dunno. Maybe I don’t totally believe this …
WOMAN Why would I do that? Lie to you?
MAN Maybe because you don’t want me to be scared or angry … or because you’re scared, or whatever. Hell, I don’t know!
WOMAN Don’t yell!
MAN I’m not!! I mean, I am, but I’m not trying to … you’re frustrating me.
WOMAN I’m just trying to tell you what happened. You don’t have to fool me.
MAN I just … Okay, so you blacked out. You blacked out, fine, I can buy that.
WOMAN Thank you. I did.
MAN All right …
WOMAN And I don’t really recall much else. Turn up there, it’s oneway.
MAN You blacked out … but the room was already dark. Right? Didn’t you say that?
WOMAN Yes …
MAN So, how do you know you fainted, then, if the place was already pitch-black?
WOMAN I didn’t say “pitch.”
MAN Dark, then … you said “dark.”
WOMAN It was. Darkish.
MAN But how can you tell?
WOMAN You … you’re just trying to confuse me now.
MAN No, I’m not, I promise I’m not. I just wanna understand. That’s all.
WOMAN Well, it felt like blacking out. Okay? The room was dark, like I said, it was quite dim, anyway, no lamps on or anything. I’d only been back in it myself for a few moments, and the door swings open and they’re in the entryway. Silhouetted in the light from the hallway and their features in deep shadow. Murk. I turn and see
them, both or the two or all of them … whatever … and then I feel like I passed out. Like it all just went black.
MAN I see.
WOMAN You wanted to hear it and so there it is. How it happened.
MAN So you fainted, then?
WOMAN Probably. Most likely.
MAN You fainted. Fine. You were scared and so that makes sense. And then …
WOMAN What?
MAN That’s what I’m saying, “What?” You woke up …
WOMAN Yes, obviously I woke up. I flew home, didn’t I? I’m here in the car with you, of course I woke up.
MAN No, I’m retracing the events, the steps. Just after.
WOMAN Oh.
MAN I’m saying you saw them, these …
WOMAN Men.
MAN Right, these “men,” and you saw them, the image of them there, and then you dropped off. I got that. But after, what happened after? What were the steps after you woke up?
WOMAN Ummm …
MAN They were gone.
WOMAN Yes, they were all gone.
MAN I wish you wouldn’t do that.
WOMAN Fine … both. They were “both” gone.
MAN Thank you.
WOMAN And I’m on the floor, but …
MAN But what? What?
WOMAN … I’m undressed now.
MAN Jesus.
WOMAN Yes, I’m naked when I wake up, I’m sure of that. Nude. And I sort of wake slowly, in stages. Almost …
MAN What?
WOMAN … I don’t know. Leisurely.
MAN You woke “leisurely”? After two guys break into your … ?
WOMAN I didn’t say “break.” I never said that.
MAN Well, of course they …
WOMAN No, I didn’t say that. Not “break.”
MAN Yeah, but … they had to break in. Right? … didn’t they?
WOMAN I’m not sure. Maybe they did. I dunno.
MAN Wai, wai, wait. You’re not sure or you know? Did they or didn’t they?
WOMAN Ahhhh …
MAN Tell me they broke in. You weren’t stupid enough to open the door for them, were you? Dammit, honey, how many times have I … ?
WOMAN No, I didn’t, but I might’ve … you know …
MAN What?
WOMAN Left the door ajar. Or something. Careful, it’s a yellow …
MAN Oh God … how does this thing end?! For heaven’s sake, you’re in a Howard Johnson’s, not some Taj Mahal! You gotta lock the door!!
WOMAN You said no shouting! Stop!!
MAN Fine, hell, fine … I’m not shouting. See, I’m calm. I-am-completely-calm.
WOMAN Better.
MAN Good …
WOMAN That’s better.
MAN So, whatever, you forget the chain thingie, it doesn’t catch, you leave the damn latch wide open like you’re Old MacDonald, fine. The guys arrive, you drop to the carpet. Hours pass. Hours?
WOMAN It was light out.
MAN When you woke?
WOMAN Yes.
MAN So, morning, then …
WOMAN Un-huh. Maybe closer to noon …
MAN You woke up at noon?
WOMAN Something like that. Maybe eleven-thirty. I was exhausted …
MAN Okay, right, I understand … but what’s the “leisurely” bit? I don’t get that.
WOMAN What’s not to get?
MAN How “leisurely” are you?
WOMAN I woke up, stood there a minute, stretched, wandered around a bit … like that.
MAN I see.
WOMAN Almost like it never happened. Like some dream …
MAN But you’re naked, correct? Without clothes. On the carpet when you wake. Is this not odd to you?
WOMAN Yes, it is … different, anyway.
MAN Then I’m asking, What’s next? The steps you follow. Do you throw something on, a house robe, and call the concierge, the police, what?
WOMAN Ummm …
MAN It was dark, so you’ve got no description of the two guys, but …
WOMAN I think I ordered up some coffee.
MAN No, I mean before that. Right when you regained consciousness.
WOMAN Oh. I, ahh … lemme see, I … Yeah, I ordered the coffee.
MAN Coffee.
WOMAN Sanka.
MAN Oh. Okay. Sanka.
WOMAN Then I called you …
MAN Got it.
WOMAN You can just pass the Cadillac … they’re looking at houses.
MAN Fine. I gotta tell ya, I’m totally lost here.
WOMAN We’re running parallel with Broadhurst.
MAN I don’t mean driving! Sorry, I’m not yelling, I just … You’re at this convention, right, you get jumped by two guys in your own room, you black out for, like, twelve hours … and you come back to life in the morning, order up some room service, and then give me a jingle? Is that about right?
WOMAN Something like that …
MAN I see.
WOMAN I maybe had a bran muffin sent up, too.
MAN Got it. Right. One muffin.
WOMAN You’re angry, aren’t you?
MAN Me? No …
WOMAN You said I should just tell you, so I’m saying it …
MAN No, I wanna hear it, but it just doesn’t even …
WOMAN It’s the events as I best remember them.
MAN Then good.
WOMAN This is Williams, at the next stop.
MAN I know, I know … So, did they take anything, rob you, or were you injured in any way, can you at least tell me that? Did you find any marks, or feel any sort of … you know …
WOMAN I’m a little sore.
MAN Sore. You’re sore?
WOMAN Yeah. That was Williams, right there.
MAN We’ll go to Miller, then double back.
WOMAN Whatever you want. Williams is quicker.
MAN So … you mean, like, sore back, or legs … they bruised you in some way? What does that mean, “sore”?
WOMAN No … sore down there.
MAN “There”?
WOMAN You know …
MAN Not “there.”
WOMAN Yes.
MAN Oh God …
WOMAN Yes.
MAN Which means …
WOMAN I dunno. I don’t know. I’m sore, that’s all.
MAN Like you’ve been …
WOMAN Yeah. Like I’ve been … doing that.
MAN And? And … have you been doing that? I mean, did they …?
WOMAN What, force me?
MAN Jesus … yes, I guess.
WOMAN No.
MAN Thank you, God. You’re sure?
WOMAN Not one hundred percent, but yeah, I think so, no.
MAN Wai, wait … they didn’t touch you or not?
WOMAN Touch, maybe.
MAN They …
WOMAN I said “maybe.” I was blacked out, remember? They might’ve touched me a little when I was down or something—my clothes were definitely off—but I’m almost fully certain they didn’t do the other.
MAN “Almost” isn’t, like, the most reassuring word right now.
WOMAN Well, they didn’t. I don’t think.
MAN You think.
WOMAN No, I don’t think … It might just be sore from walking around Exposition Hall, everything’s so far there, you know … or when I fell, maybe. Something. But not that.
MAN All right.
WOMAN We can scoot up Barker, if you want. Do we have milk?
MAN Yes, I … this is unbelievable!
WOMAN You don’t believe me now?
MAN No, I’m saying “it,” the episode itself, that’s unbelievable. Not you.
WOMAN Oh, I thought you meant me.
MAN No. You want me to stop at the 7-Eleven?
WOMAN Not if we have milk.
MAN We do.
WOMAN All right then. Fine. Look, I had to tell you … I did.
MAN No, it’s …
WOMAN I mean, once we started I just wanted to get it all out. The whole thing. Purge myself of it, you know?
MAN Right.
WOMAN Put it behind us.
MAN Okay.
WOMAN So there … it’s out and we can move on.
MAN Yep. At least until they call us.
WOMAN Who?
MAN The authorities. If they find out anything, you know, leads or whatever …
WOMAN Oh, them. I see. I thought you meant …
MAN What?
WOMAN Nothing. The men … I thought you were saying if they called us.
MAN You mean the two … ?
WOMAN Yes, I misunderstood. I thought you were implying that all of them might call or something.
MAN There’s that “all” thing again.
WOMAN Forgive me. I mean “two.” If the “two” of them were to call.
MAN Why would they do that?
WOMAN No, they wouldn’t, I just …
MAN Who in hell would be stupid enough to …
WOMAN No one. This is a four-way stop. They’re waiting for you …
MAN Sorry. I’m not … Did they take your purse or something, your ID? How would they contact us?
WOMAN They wouldn’t. I don’t imagine …
MAN You didn’t … did you give them a card downstairs? In the lobby, I’m saying. One of your …
WOMAN I … may have. Yes.
MAN Oh God …
WOMAN It’s possible … I should never drink.
MAN Drink? What do you mean, “drink”? You didn’t … no …
WOMAN And it may not technically have been the lobby … I mean, per se.
MAN No?
WOMAN I guess it might be seen as more of a lobby-slash-lounge.
MAN Oh. “Lounge,” huh? You went into the …
WOMAN I suppose “bar” would be more … correct … than “lounge.” It was their bar.
MAN The bar. A hotel bar.
WOMAN I just shouldn’t drink. That’s the thing …
MAN I know that. I’ve told you that.
WOMAN Really, I shouldn’t. Wine cooler, anything, just makes me …
MAN But you did. After everything we’ve been through, you did … didn’t you?
WOMAN What, drink? Umm … yeah, yes, I did. Have one. Drink.
MAN You drank …
WOMAN Yes. You know, it’s not easy with those long seminars, you don’t know anyone …
MAN Honey …
WOMAN … you’re tired, you try to blow off a little steam, just have one beer, and then …
MAN Just tell me …
WOMAN … you say “hi there” to someone, it’s only “hi,” a face
you’ve seen in a brainstorming session, no big deal, you think, they’re from Kentucky or someplace, a JIM or TIM written in below HELLO! You get to feeling familiar, and out comes the old business card. You know? It’s a reflex, that’s all.
MAN Sweetheart …
WOMAN It’s not a come-on, it’s not. You don’t even find them interesting, not really. Because they all have the same story in the end. Wife, three kids, want a divorce—they’re almost separated, really, living in town during the week but waiting it out until the children are old enough to—you just listen to see if you can pick out the little flourishes they’ve added to the story, like a joke they heard somewhere and embellished a bit.
MAN So … the police aren’t really looking for anybody, then? Is that what you’re trying to tell me here? Honey?
WOMAN Ummm … I don’t think so, no.
MAN Since you’d have to call them first, right? And you didn’t do that, did you?
WOMAN Not specifically … no.
MAN I see. And that would be because …
WOMAN Their faces, in the hallway there, with the light behind them … it was dark.
MAN … that would be because you invited them upstairs. Maybe. You got drunk and you were talking to some guys—both or two or all—and you asked them up to your room. Up there to be with you …
WOMAN I did black out …
MAN Oh.
WOMAN I mean, at some point during …
MAN When they first came in, like you said, or … ?
WOMAN I don’t know. Just at some point along the way.
MAN Huh.
WOMAN You know I shouldn’t have liquor …
MAN Yes. I do know, yes.
WOMAN Right?
MAN Since college I’ve known that, yeah.
WOMAN We can jump on the freeway right up here. We’re probably past the clog now.
MAN All right.
WOMAN If not, we can get back off at Meyer and cut across town.
MAN Fine. And so … I’m sorry, and so the soreness is from … from you …
WOMAN Yes. From that.
MAN I see.
WOMAN It’s quite sore, actually.
MAN Hmm.
WOMAN Sorry. I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t. But when you looked at me …
MAN I was just picking up your bag and I saw something. Sorry.
WOMAN I felt like I couldn’t hide it.
MAN Something in your eyes there, even with the tinted lenses on, I caught a thing in your eyes as I scooped up the Samsonite. So I asked you.
WOMAN You did.
MAN I was scared, the way you looked at me … I said I wouldn’t yell if you’d just tell me. Tell me about it.
WOMAN And I have.
MAN And now you have … yes. You have.
WOMAN Well … I’m glad we had this little talk, actually.
MAN Yeah?
WOMAN I am, yes. You can never hide a thing like that away, I mean, not really.
MAN No.
WOMAN Better to just … I thought the story of them breaking in or whatever might be easier, ease you into it or something, but in the end, it’s better to just … you know.
MAN Right. Sure.
WOMAN So now it’s out there. We can deal with it, right?
MAN Absolutely.
WOMAN Good. And we can start fresh …
MAN Uh-huh.
WOMAN I mean, start again, from here. Clean the slate and … This lane ends in, like, a block or so.
MAN Honey?
WOMAN Careful.
MAN Honey … I know you probably don’t want to … you might not like to …
WOMAN I’m a little tired, actually.
MAN … but I just need to know … this “all” thing, the way you kept flirting with that word and then jumping back to “both” or “two” …
WOMAN Yes.
MAN Was it two? Or, like, more?
WOMAN I’m really pooped. Can we … ?
MAN I just need to … It was just two guys, right? You got blitzed and these two guys followed you up to your … it wasn’t like, you know, some kind of, I mean, not like that Navy thing or whatever, Tailhook. Right? It wasn’t that, right?
WOMAN It was really dark.
MAN Right, but I’m saying, you didn’t …
WOMAN Darkish, anyway.
MAN I can deal with this, I can. I just need some … You don’t really mean “all” like in the actual “all,” do you? Like more than two?
WOMAN I’m just gonna lay my head down for a minute, okay?
MAN Sweetie, just stick with me for a … I understand it was hard to tell me and all, and I kept pushing you, I know that, but … it was just those two, correct? Both of them, these Kentucky guys, right? You didn’t invite up … no. You weren’t up there with a bunch of, not like a whole group of … just tell me that. That’s all I wanna hear. That you didn’t have some line running out your door there, that’s what I need to … Honey? Tell me. Tell me that and we can be … Sweetheart, please, I need to … You didn’t, did you? No, you didn’t. I know you wouldn’t do that again. Right? You would not … Honey? Angel?
WOMAN This lane ends. You’ll need to merge.
MAN Angel? Tell me. Just tell me that. Please.
WOMAN … you gotta merge …
MAN Please. I need to … please …
WOMAN … merge …
The MAN drives on in silence, stealing glances over at the WOMAN. Her head rolls to one side; asleep.